A/N: Unbeta'd oneshot full of angst and mild slash. I don't own Merlin, the BBC does. Enjoy.
After life
I held his hand in mine. For the last time I had a chance to be near him, to tell him everything I would've wanted to tell him since the day we met. I just never said anything.
It didn't matter anymore what people thought. The surrounding world was a blur; all I could see was him. I took a creased letter out of my pocket, unfolded it and read it out loud:
"Arthur,
I've known you for many years and I know you better than anyone. Also, there is no one that knows me better than you do. Maybe it's because of that bond, that I feel like I should let you know a few things.
I'm not talking to you as a servant anymore; I'm talking to you as a friend. In time I've come to realise that you're a great king and you deserve anything that makes you happy, even if it means finding the love of your life and crowning her as the queen. I've watched how happy Gwen makes you and how you rule the kingdom with such wisdom and justice. There are no words to describe how much I admire you.
But there's something more. You are the reason I have a destiny. I was meant to protect you through all these years, to make sure you fulfill your own destiny and become the greatest king Camelot has ever seen. Though it was hard at times, I can now say I've succeeded. To see Camelot today is the best reward I could ever get.
There is but one thing I never told you. I have never loved anyone as much as you. Throughout these years I've kept it as a secret but that's how I feel. I knew it could never happen, not between you and me, but still I let myself dream. It must be hard to understand but I would've never done anything to harm your relationship with Gwen. I care for you too much to do that.
I probably won't ever let you read this letter. If something happens, you must remember this; you mean more to me than I could ever tell.
-Merlin"
I let the tears fall. Then I folded the paper and put it on his hand. The fingers couldn't grasp anything anymore, but I liked to think they could. My life had shattered to million pieces, almost like his life had, the only difference being that I was trapped in a body when my soul wanted to be with him. There was no purpose for me anymore, no destiny. My every dream had died with him.
I rose from the ground and tried to calm down. Everything will be better now, I thought. I raised a hand to my heart and said the word I had never meant more in my whole life:
"Forbærnan."