IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN READING MY STORY 'LOVE ME NOW' THIS CHAPTER WILL MAKE NO SENSE TO YOU. Lol. Just a warning.Here is the full chapter that was posted in the regular section, only extended with the M stuff. Okay. Enjoy. Will update the regular story asap! Possible other M chapters later down the road that will be added here. Thanks all!
Luke woke up in his tent with a pounding headache. He cringed and sat up, immediately he rubbed the spot between his eyes. He groaned and realized this was a not so subtle reminder to himself that today was the day he had to tell her.
He remembered what happened last night very clearly.
"Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Maybe you don't feel the same way but I just...I have to know if there is a possibility of you ever forgiving me Luke." She whispered, "I need to know what this is. What we are...because I have missed you so much and I never, ever stepped loving you." She blushed and looked down, "What...what do you think?"
It was right there on the tip of his tongue but she was so beautiful i this moment. So perfect and it all felt like a dream to be back beside her. "I never stopped loving you either."
She let out a little breath she had been holding and launched herself at him, "Luke."
He felt her pressed against him and it felt like the broken pieces of his life were being put back together. He wanted to stay like this. Holding her forever.
But he had to tell her.
"Lorelai…" He whispered softly trying to push her back.
She pulled away and shook her head, "No. Don't say anything else...please?"
He frowned, "But-"
She shook her head, "Can we just...can we have this moment? Let it be what it is? Figure out the rest later? We're in this beautiful place...and we seem to be on the same page. I just...I want to have this. Just for tonight."
He shivered remembering her words. How she had professed her love to him after all this time. He wished he could say that it was enough to fix everything but he knew better. Afterwards they had talked, agreeing to take things slow. There was still much to be talked about, more than even Lorelai knew about.
They had stayed up late and awkwardly said goodnight, unsure of what to do next. But they slipped into separate tense nonetheless. He groaned again and pushed himself off the ground and slipped out of the tent, squinting as the sun was beginning to rise in the East.
"Hey." He heard her whisper from his left.
He turned quickly, surprised that she would be awake before him, "H-hey...you're up early."
She shrugged, "I couldn't really sleep." She turned and looked out at the rising sun, "Plus I really wanted to see what the sunrise looked like."
Luke walked over to her and stretched, "Yeah...you aren't used to seeing many of those."
She smiled and shook her head, "No. I'm definitely not."
Luke gritted his teeth, trying to urge the pain in his head away. It was consuming him. He could feel the pounding thud against his skull as if it was screaming at him to tell her. She seemed to notice his far off expression and pained manner. "Luke?"
He turned to her slowly, cringing as he did, "Hm?"
"Are you okay?" She asked softly feeling a tremor of worry pass over her, what if he was already regretting his words last night?
He took a deep breath, willing the oxygen to calm his aching head, "M' fine." He awkwardly mumbled.
She frowned and turned to him, "Are you sure?"
He turned away from her, unable to bare seeing the worry mirrored back at him, "Mhm."
She continued to stare at him as he looked away from her, "Luke…" He didn't respond and she looked down at the ground, "Are you uh...are you regretting what you said last night?"
His head whipped around and he gasped as he felt as if his brain was being sloshed from side to side, "Ow."
She watched him double over and press a hand to his forehead, "Luke?"
"Shit." He said breathing in deeply, trying to will himself not to be sick as nausea took over, "Shit. Shit."
She rubbed his back slowly, "Hey...hey what is it? You're scaring me…"
Luke swallowed the lump in his throat and pushed down the bile that was slowly rising, "Headache." He was able to muster.
She continued to watched him carefully, "Headache? You never get headaches…"
He sighed, "Yeah well…"
She stood up quickly, "I have some tylenol. I know you don't like to take medicine but...but if it's that bad maybe you shou-"
"I don't think it will help." He said softly as he slowly stood back up, eyes closed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "Nothing does."
She stared at him, worry written all over her face, "Luke?"
He sighed and shook his head, "It will pass. I think I'm just overtired."
She frowned, "But-"
He lifted his chin to look directly at her, needing to make sure she heard him correctly, "I do not for a second regret anything I said last night. Okay?"
She let out a little breath she hadn't realized she was holding, "Okay…"
Luke nodded, "Okay." He looked up and suddenly saw dark clouds drifting over heard, "Looks like it might be stormy today."
Lorelai followed his gaze, "Huh…"
He sighed and rubbed his back, "Lorelai I'm really tired...would it be okay if we get a hotel and just rest a little?"
She narrowed her eyes at him, "Luke?"
He knew she was worried, he could sense it, feel it, see it written all over her face, "I'm just tired…really tired."
Tilting her head to the side she wondered what really was going on in that head of his. But she also knew that sometimes he just needed a little time to process. Though that processing time usually killed her in the long run. Not wanting to screw this up so quickly, she decided to let this play out at his own pace.
She nodded once, "Sure. I'll start packing up."
He watched as she turned, "Lorelai-" She turned back to him hopefully, "Thank you for camping with me."
She smiled at him, "It was my pleasure Luke." She shrugged, "Maybe we can do it again sometime?"
He felt his heart jump in his chest, "I'd like that."
She let herself relax a little, hoping that, that was a signal that there was still a future for them beyond this trip. She suddenly imagined camping with him and their children. Rory and April, Paul Anka and maybe even another little one...she beamed with happiness as she stepped back into her tent trying to not let herself get to crazy in her thinking.
One step at a time…
Outside the tent, Luke squeezed the bridge of his nose and inhaled sharply as the pain began to worsen again, "I have to tell her today." He mumbled. "Today. Today. Today."
He sighed and opened his eyes again, hoping that she believed in them enough to not leave him again. He needed her more than ever now...he just hoped he hadn't screwed things up past the point of no return.
An hour and a half later, they pulled up to the first hotel they had spotted. Luke had reluctantly agreed to let Lorelai drive, but only because his head was pounding so damn hard. When they pulled into the parking lot, she tried to ease the tension.
"See...we're both still alive. I got us here safe and sound." She teased.
He glanced over at her and nodded once, "Yeah."
She sighed and opened the truck door, "Just want your duffel?"
Luke nodded and got out of the truck, "I've got it." He cringed again and she gasped, "I'm fine."
She gripped the back of the truck, "Luke, do you think you need to see a doctor?"
He sighed and shook his head, "No. No...I'll be fine after I get some more rest. We were up late last night."
She blushed, "We were…"
He grabbed his bag, "Lorelai." She took the hint and looked back at him, "I don't regret it. Not for one second."
She swallowed the lump in her throat, "Yeah?"
He nodded, "I promise."
Somehow those words brought back terrible memories of promises broken. But she wanted to believe that this time around things were going to be different. She had to give him the benefit of the doubt. So she nodded, gave him a gentle smile and grabbed her own bag from the back of the truck.
Together, they walked into the foyer just as the rain really began to settle in. Walking up to the front desk, Luke rubbed the spot between his eyes as he took out his wallet. "Uh hi." He said to the man standing there, "We'd like two rooms."
The man frowned, "I'm afraid we only have one room left as of right now."
Luke looked up, "One room?"
The man nodded, "Lots of people traveling right now. We may have more once people check out later...but it's early. There's only one room left."
Luke turned to Lorelai, "Uh…"
Lorelai shook her head, "Um, that's no problem." She tried to smile, "We'll take it. Two beds or one?"
The man looked at the computer, "One." He saw the nervous expression wash over them, "I could arrange for them to bring you a cot or-"
"No." Lorelai said with a smile, "No that won't be necessary. We can check back in later to see if there are any more available rooms."
The man nodded, "Alright. Let's get you checked in then. Can I have a credit card please?"
Luke slid his card over to the man and then turned to Lorelai, "Lorelai-"
She shook her head, "I think that you should get some rest Luke. I may venture out a little for awhile if that's alright with you."
He frowned, "Alone?"
She smiled at his obvious concern, "I was thinking of doing some shopping. I figured you could avoid that. I had to promise Michel I'd get him something fabulous since I was taking off with such short notice."
Luke smiled, "Yeah I can imagine he didn't take that very well."
She shook her head, "He's taking three weeks off around Christmas in New Years to go to Switzerland." She rolled her eyes but smiled, "But I think it was worth it."
He smiled softly, "I hope so."
She smiled, reached out and gave his hand a squeeze and waited for them to be shown to their room. Once inside, Lorelai placed her bags down in the corner of the room and turned to see Luke standing awkwardly by the bed.
She saw the slow rise and fall of his shoulders and sighed, "You alright?"
He turned to her, "Tired…"
She nodded once and stepped back over to him, "You should get some rest. I'll be back in a few hours."
He frowned, "I don't like you going out by yourself."
She smiled, "I'll be safe. Just some shopping." Tentatively, she lifted her hand and touched his cheek, "I won't do anything fun and exciting without you. I promise."
He let out a little breath, closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, "Lorelai…"
She pulled her hand back, fighting the urge to kiss him, "You should get your rest."
He wanted to pull her close again, but he needed to talk to her before he let himself cross that line with her. But before that, he needed some rest to dull this ache. The room was spinning again, "You'll call?" He asked.
She smiled and nodded her head, "If I need you, yes." She squeezed his arm, "Same goes for you, right?"
He smiled gently and sighed, "I always need you Lorelai…"
She blushed, "Do you need me to stay?" She cocked her head to the side, "I just...I didn't want to distract you while you rest."
He sighed and shook his head, "No. No you should go. No sense in you wasting your day away with me."
She beamed up at him, "It wouldn't be a waste if I was with you."
He smiled and stepped back, "You should go before I change my mind."
She giggled a little, "Luke-"
"I'm good." He said softly, "Just need a little nap. All those years of waking up before the sunrise must have caught up with me."
She smirked at him, "I told you it was bad for you."
He laughed and shook his head, "Go ahead and shop crazy lady."
She laughed and stepped back, "You sure you're okay?"
He nodded, "I'm good...I'm really good Lorelai."
And somehow she really believed he meant that. She smiled, slipped her purse over her shoulder and grabbed the umbrella she had brought in with her too. Stepping out of the room she sighed and leaned against the door, willing her heart to stop doing somersaults in her chest. He had a way of making that happen...it had been a while but it was still there. The feeling was still there. She smiled and pushed herself to move forward, ready to see what the day ahead held for her.
Inside, Luke dimmed the lights, stripped out of his clothes and climbed into the shower. The water beat down on him and he braced his hands on the cool tile walls. He groaned and grimaced as the pain escalated again. Once he realized that this wasn't going to help, he climbed out and slipped on a pair of clean boxers.
Practically collapsing in bed, he closed his eyes wishing that things were different. But they weren't. This was his reality. And today when she came back...he had to tell her.
He sighed and let his eyes open up a crack staring up at the dark ceiling. He thought of a night when she had interrupted him in his sleep and wished he had done things differently.
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER - UPSTAIRS.
[Lorelai approaches Luke's apartment door. No light shines from within, as she knocks. After a long pause, she bends closer to peer through the frosted glass. After another pause, the door opens. A groggy-looking Luke stands there in a t-shirt and sweat pants]
LUKE: Hey.
LORELAI: Grabbed us a little victory champagne, and I thought - you were asleep.
LUKE: Oh, no, no. I was just, uh, doing some bills and things.
LORELAI: Doing bills?
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: In the dark?
LUKE: Trying to - conserve.
LORELAI: So, when you went up earlier, you were going to bed. [Luke smiles sleepily] You go to bed early, which makes sense, because you get up early. And, ugh - now I got it.
LUKE: Hey, it's no big deal. Just come on in, we'll, uh...
LORELAI: [leans over and kisses him tenderly] No, I can hold on to this till later.
LUKE: Yeah?
LORELAI: Yeah. Good night. [mutters to self] "Goes to bed early," I gotta remember that.
[Luke leans against the door frame shifting his weight]
LUKE: Only on some nights.
LORELAI: Hey, don't you also hate champagne? [holds up glasses]
LUKE: Kind of.
LORELAI: Yeah. [ Sighs ] I'm learning, I'm learning.
[She gives him another kiss before exiting, leaving him standing alone in his doorway. Sleepily, he turns and stumbles back inside.]
Moments after she had left he had regretted his decision. He wished he had dragged her inside and pulled her flush against his body. He almost wished he had done that today. But it wouldn't be right. He had to open up to her first. Had to tell her the truth.
He owed her that.
He had regretted letting her go that night and had more than made up for it the following night. Today he regretted keeping so many damn secrets from her. They seemed to be mounting by the day. He sighed and put his arm over his face, willing the pain to subside so he could think clearly and decide how to finally tell her the truth…
Lorelai hummed softly to herself as she walked up and down the quiet street of the town they were visiting. It was sprinkling out, more substantial rain seemed to be eminent but for now she was content. She held the umbrella over her head and sipped on the coffee she had purchased with the other. Peeking into store windows, she felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she sighed happily.
As she stared into a vintage book store, her phone rang in her pocket. Assuming it was either Luke or Rory, she didn't bother to check the ID before answering, "Hello?" She practically sang into the phone.
"Lorelai Gilmore!" A voice barked into the phone "Where on Earth are you?"
Lorelai cringed, she knew she had forgotten something before leaving town, "Uh...hi Mom."
"Hi Mom? Hi Mom? Dozens of unanswered calls and a missed Friday Night Dinner which you suggested and all I get is hi Mom?" She scoffed.
Lorelai tilted her head back and sighed, "Mom I'm sorr-"
"I made your Father break into your home last night. Your Jeep was there and when you didn't answer I went into full panic mode. If it wasn't for that short little neighbor of yours running after us I would have called the damn national guard!" She shrieked.
"Mom I am so sorry I didn't tell you where I was going. It was all so sudden...it slipped my mind. I really wasn't trying to worry you on purpose." She tried to explain.
"Why is it that I must hear about these big life moments from strangers Lorelai? You've gone cross country with Luke Danes? The Luke Danes? The very man that shattered your heart into a million pieces?" She yelled.
"I know it sounds crazy. And it is...it is crazy. But he came and asked me to go with him and after some careful consideration-" She started.
"Careful consideration and refusal to tell your parents." Emily mumbled back.
She frowned, "Yes...after careful consideration and refusal to tell my parents I decided that this was something I needed to do. I'm sorry if I scared you. It wasn't my intention."
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few brief moments before Emily whispered, "Lorelai...what are you doing with him?"
The sudden burst of happiness she had felt the night before with Luke's admission seemed to dwindle quickly, "Mom…"
"In all the years I've known you...I've never seen you as devastated as you were after he hurt you. You were a shell of the woman that I know." Lorelai swore she heard a sniffle on the other end of the phone, "To run across country with him? What are you thinking?"
The rain suddenly began to pick up again, "Mom can you hang on a minute? I need to step into a shop. It's starting to rain here." She heard Emily sigh but took that as a yes as she settled into another little cafe, shook of the rain and settled into a corner booth, "Look I know that it sounds crazy. And it is crazy. I thought he was crazy or even suggesting it in the first place...in fact I almost didn't even come."
"And yet you did decide to go. You're there now." She paused, "Actually where are you now?"
"We just left Devil's Tower in South Dakota. Heading off to Yellowstone soon I believe. All part of the big plan." She said with a sigh.
"Big plan?" Emily questioned, "Lorelai please don't tell me you're planning on marrying the man on this little trip of yours? After everything he put you through?"
"I put him through a lot too Mother." She said rather defensively, "But no...no that's not what I meant. That's not part of the plan."
"Well then what plan are you referring to Lorelai? Do I at least get to know that?" Emily quipped.
Lorelai sighed and rubbed her hands against the cool wooden table, "Luke's Mother had always wanted to take the family on a cross country trip. But she got sick and passed away before they could do it. Years later when Luke's Dad was diagnosed, Luke and his father wanted to give it a try. They mapped out a route and everything. But when they were supposed to leave...William collapsed. He never came home after that and they never got to go on the trip."
She heard her Mother inhale slowly, "My...that's…" She paused, "That's awful."
"I know. And when we were together...he mentioned it to me once. I told him I'd love to go with him if it was still something he wanted to do. Honestly, I forgot about it after all this time. But after I had dropped off Rory at the airport, Luke showed up at the house with the map. He had come across it in his apartment and decided he wanted to go. And he asked me to go with him…" Lorelai explained.
"Didn't he realize that was quite a tall order after everything that has happened between you two?" She asked.
"Yes. He knew it was a lot to ask. He told me to take my time and think about it. And if I wanted to go...to meet him in a few days. So I thought about it...dwelled on it. Consulted Rory. And I realized despite how scared I was...I'd rather take the jump than always wonder what could have happened if I went." She explained.
Emily paused again before whispering, "You have always been quite fearless."
Lorelai smirked, "You used to call it reckless. Not fearless."
Emily chuckled slightly, "Yes well maybe it's a bit of both."
Lorelai sighed, "I know it sounds crazy...I still have a hard time believe I am here some days. But I am. And...and I don't regret it. I feel like I've learned a lot about myself and Luke. Both as individuals and as a couple."
"So are you a couple again?" Emily inquired, "Is that what this is all about?"
"I'm not sure…" Lorelai whispered as she poked at the table, "I mean...we've told each other how we feel."
"You still love him." Emily whispered into the phone, almost startling her daughter.
Lorelai licked her suddenly dry lips, "How-how did you-"
"Despite our differences Lorelai...I am your Mother. And I know you better than you realize. I've known it for a long time. It became even more evident when you threw yourself into your marriage with Christopher. You were trying to force yourself to get over him. But I could see it in your face. Your heart was still with Luke." She said with a sigh.
Lorelai lowered her head, "I know I've screwed up in more ways than I can count. And I know this is probably really hard for you to understand. But...I do love him Mom. I've always loved him."
Emily thought carefully for a moment, "He planned that party for Rory."
Lorelai fidgeted in her seat, "Yes...he did. But-"
"He showed up when your Father had a heart attack. Let me bark orders at him. Brought you fish sticks." She said with a laugh, "All these years despite all the hurt he's been there for you when you needed him most."
Lorelai swallowed the growing lump in her throat, "Yes he has."
"Because he loves you too." Emily answered matter-o-factly, "All these years he's loved you. I knew that the moment I saw him at Rory's 16th Birthday party. When he was looking at you like…" She paused, "What did I describe it as?"
Lorelai giggled and wiped at her tears, "A porterhouse steak. Though I must admit that Luke isn't much of a red meat guy. I'd say he looked at me like a salmon filet."
Emily laughed back, "Yes well...however he looked at you...it was a look of love. That was plain to see."
Lorelai was quiet for a moment, "You didn't want us to be together."
Emily fidgeted nervously, "Well sometimes even I can be wrong."
Lorelai sat up a little straighter, "Are you saying I should be with Luke?"
"I'm saying that if you feel that this is what's right...then I'll support it. However…" She trailed off.
Lorelai swallowed hard, "However?"
"However...I will not stand aside and let him hurt you the way he did before Lorelai. If you two are going to be together you need to be careful. Make sure you're on the same page this time. He hid a lot of things from you. Make him talk to you Lorelai. Really talk to you. It's the only way." She paused, "It killed me to see you hurting so badly…"
"I know." Lorelai whispered, "We both caused a lot of hurt."
"Sometimes the one's we love know how to hurt us the most. I think that's the case here. But...I also think that at some point you two made each other happy. Am I right about that?" Emily asked.
Lorelai nodded, "Very much so. When it was good...it was so good Mom."
"Well then if you think that this is right...then I'll support you. As long as he treats you right. Things will have to change. He'll have to let you into his daughter's life. No more secrets." She whispered.
Lorelai was transported to another time, another memory with Luke. A moment that seemed so hypocritical to her now.
(CUT to Luke's apartment, same night. Luke is sitting on his armchair drinking a beer, and we hear a knock on the door)
LUKE: Come in. (Lorelai enters holding a plate and approaches him)
LORELAI: OK, see...Once we're married, you're not going to be able to run away to your clubhouse anymore. You're going to have to join a rotisserie baseball league with the rest of the men.
LUKE: When we're married, huh? Gee, when's that going to be?
LORELAI: I brought you something to eat. You're going to need sustenance if we're going to go another 10 rounds.
LUKE: I'm never going to be okay with Christopher being in your life.
LORELAI: I'm always going to have Christopher in my life.
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: (sits on the coffee table opposite Luke and puts the plate down) He is... Rory's father. I can't change that. Today was the first day I heard Christopher's voice in a year, and I would have told you.
LUKE: We can't hide things from each other.
LORELAI: I know.
LUKE: I'm not going to like it when Christopher calls, but we have to tell each other everything.
LORELAI: Agreed.
LUKE: That's the only way this is going to work.
LORELAI: I know.
LUKE: You really hate the bedroom set?
LORELAI: Oh, I really hate the bedroom set. But I'm sorry I told you like that.
LUKE: Yeah, well... (takes a deep breath) So, how are Sookie and Jackson doing?
LORELAI: I think they enjoyed watching a show for once that didn't have la-la playing the guitar.
LUKE: Come here.
LORELAI: (sliding over to sit on Luke's lap) I want a barbie and a pony and roller skates and roller skates for the barbie and for the pony. (they kiss)
LUKE: No secrets?
LORELAI: Cross my heart and hope to die.
LUKE: Oh, I hate that saying.
LORELAI: No secrets. (they kiss again) Luke.
LUKE: (gives her peck on the lips) Yeah?
LORELAI: When I was in fifth grade, I told everybody Erik Estrada was my boyfriend and that we used to make out on his motorcycle.
LUKE: Shh. (they kiss again)
"Lorelai?" A voice stirred Lorelai from her memory, "Lorelai are you even listening to me?"
Lorelai shook her head, "Sorry Mom. I'm here. I was just...thinking."
"I know you don't always agree with me. But...I am just trying to look out for you. I do think that this trip was a bit rash but I can understand why it felt right. At least in some respect. But...please, please make sure the two of you are on the same page." Emily pleaded with her daughter.
Lorelai smiled, for the first time in a long time she could truly feel the concern in her Mother's voice. It wasn't about not approving of Luke. It was about wanting what was best for her daughter. Wanting to make sure she was happy and safe. And that felt good…
"I hear you. And I know you're right. We're taking it slow." Lorelai answered, "We agreed there was a lot to discuss."
"Well good...that's smart." Emily agreed, "I just wish you would have told me you were leaving. It really did frighten me Lorelai."
"I'm sorry Mom. I really didn't mean to keep you in the dark. I truly did just jump into this. It was never intentional." She tried to explain.
"Well alright...I'll believe you." She said with a sigh, "Only if you keep me updated from now on."
Lorelai smiled, "I will. I'll call you regularly. I promise."
"Well good." She paused for a moment, "Tell Luke your Father and I said hello."
Lorelai smiled, "Okay. I will. Tell Dad thanks for attempting to break into my house to look for me."
Emily sighed, "Yes well...someone has to look out for you."
Lorelai know that that was her Mother's way of saying that she loved her daughter, "I'll call you soon, okay?"
"Very well. Travel safely Lorelai. We'll talk soon." She hung up the phone.
Lorelai closed her phone and placed it down on the counter. She spun it around on the table and thought carefully. Luke had hid so much from her. Despite his no secrets pledge, he had kept a huge secret from her for nearly two months. She had to admit that that still hurt.
Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair and hoped that they could fix this. They had too. She wouldn't be here if she didn't believe that she could. Another memory washed over her, the first time she felt that he had kept something from her. Only then...it was something quite positive.
(CUT to Luke's apartment, same night. Lorelai & Luke are lying in bed. Lorelai is about ready to fall asleep. Luke is sitting up, looking a bit anxious)
LORELAI: Was this mattress always this comfortable?
LUKE: I think so.
LORELAI: It feels so much more comfortable. We should drink Zima and have sex every single night.
LUKE: OK.
LORELAI: OK. Goodnight.
LUKE: Night. (Luke waits a beat and starts in full rant mode) So I said "What about the kids?", I didn't mean "What about our kids?". I mean yes obviously "What about *OUR* kids?". But I didn't mean we had to have any kids, cause we don't, but we can, I just didn't want you to think that I was laying down some kind of a mandate, I mean kids it's plural so it sounds like a lot, but we can just have one kid, one's fine, or more if you want more, or we don't have to have any kids. We could just get a plant.
LORELAI: (sleepy) What?
LUKE: Nothing.
LORELAI: OK.
LUKE: I bought a house, Twickham House. I bought it for us, I don't have it any more, I could probably get it back, but I just thought you should know that I bought it. For the kids that we don't have to have. It's a big house and we don't have to fill it up with kids, we could get furniture, you know, go shopping for a couch or get some end tables. I hate shopping for furniture. For me kids are easier.
LORELAI: (still sleepy) I love shopping.
LUKE: Go to sleep.
LORELAI: OK.
LUKE: Is this really happening?
LORELAI: Yes it's really happening. (Luke starts to lie down. Lorelai suddenly is awake) You bought a house without telling me?
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: A house? I mean a house is huge!
LUKE: Yeah, I know that's why I told you.
LORELAI: A house full of kids?
LUKE: And a plant! Don't forget the plant.
LORELAI: Please don't do that, OK? I mean any other address or life changing decisions, please include me in.
LUKE: I will! I am! I'm sorry! I won't! I will.
LORELAI: OK.
(they settle back in bed not facing each other)
LUKE: Sorry.
LORELAI: Kids would be good.
(they both smile)
Kids. Kids with Luke. A home with Luke.
Despite everything terrible that they had put each other through, she wanted that future. She really did. She wanted to be his wife. She wanted to be the Mother of his children. A Step-Mother to April. Him a Step-Father to Rory. She wanted that future. But was it possible after everything that they had put each other through?
God she hoped so.
Standing up, she decided to resume her shopping until it was time to go back and meet Luke at the hotel. She was hoping that by the time she got back he would be feeling better...they had a lot to talk about.
Little did she know that there was more to discuss than she was prepared for.
A few hours later, Luke woke up in the dim room just as the door to the hotel room quietly creaked open. She hadn't woken him up. He had woken up on his own...as if he sensed her. He took a deep breath and noticed that the pain had dulled at least slightly. Sitting up, he saw her smile nervously as she stepped into the room, only carrying one bag.
"Sorry...did I wake you up?" She asked softly placing it down on the ground beside her.
Luke shook his head and yawned, "No. No...you didn't."
She stood by the end of the bed, "They uh...they don't have another free room. I just checked."
Luke yawned, "Oh...well I can get a cot or-"
She walked over to him, "Luke?"
He lifted his head to look at him, "Hm?"
"How's your head?" She asked, nervously sitting on the side of the bed, "Did the nap help?"
Luke sighed and tentatively reached for her hand, "A little…"
She squeezed his hand in hers, "My Mother called...she wasn't so happy that I was half way across the country and hadn't bothered to let her know."
Luke cringed, "You didn't tell them?"
She sighed and shook her head, "It all happened so fast...It didn't even occur to me. I feel bad."
He sighed and looked up at her, "I bet she isn't happy you're with me."
She smiled gently, "She took it better than I would have expected. She just...wanted to make sure that I had thought this all through. She...she saw how hurt I was by what happened."
"Oh." He whispered softly, rubbing her hand in his, "I can understand that. She's your Mom."
She took a deep breath, "Yes she is. She wants what's best for me." She paused for a moment then whispered, "Luke? Are we on the same page?"
He looked at her anxiously, feeling his heart pound in his chest, "Lorelai…"
"I just...I keep thinking about that night you made me promise we would have no more secrets." Tears welled up in her eyes and she looked down at their joined hands, "I just...I can't shake the feeling that that was so hypocritical. I have to know...I have to know that we're on the same page here. That we understand each other. That if we try this...if we both want to try this then things will be different."
He swallowed hard, it was now or never, "You're right. It was hypocritical of me. I was wrong and I am sorry for that. And...I want us on the same page. Which is why I need to tell you this now."
Her heart flip flopped and something told her that what she was about to hear was not good, "Umm...okay? Wh-What is it?"
He sighed and lifted his hand to rub the space between his eyes, "I haven't been totally honest with you about the reason for this trip. Or well part of the reason anyway…"
She licked her lips, "I don't understand…"
He looked up at her, "My headache today...there was a reason for it."
She squeezed his hand, "Luke I-"
"They have been pretty persistent over the last few months." He sighed and looked down again, "I assumed it had to do with stress...about how I was feeling about you and me. But...but the day Rory left I was so dizzy. I thought I'd faint...so I went to see a doctor."
Suddenly she knew what he was going to say before he could get the chance to say it, "No."
He felt her slipping away and he squeezed her hand, "They found a-"
"No." She said pulling her hand away from his and jumping off the bed, "No!"
He sighed and pushed the sheet off of him, "Lorelai please just listen-"
"No. You're fine." She said shaking her head back and forth, "You're fine. They found nothing. You are the healthiest damn person I know."
He sighed and took a gentle step towards her, "Lorelai they found a tumor in my brain."
She whimpered and turned her back on him, placing a hand over her mouth, "No. No. No. No."
He felt his lip tremble as he stepped towards her, "Hey…"
She felt nauseous, "You're lying. You're lying!"
"I'm not." He said sadly, "God I wish I was. I so wish I was. But it's true. I don't know...if it's cancerous or not yet. I left...that was the day that I came to get you. I just panicked. I still have to have more tests. But the headaches are still here and-"
She spun around towards him, "How could you do this?"
He swallowed hard, here it was, he deserved it but it wasn't going to make it any easier, "Lorelai-"
"You've known this whole fucking time." She said as she began to cry freely, "You knew about this and kept it from me?"
His hands fell to his sides, "I know. I know it was wrong. I didn't...I didn't intend to wait but it was so hard."
"You didn't intend to wait? Just like you didn't intend to wait to tell me about April?" She spat at him, "Mr. No secrets seems to have a hell of a lot of secrets bottled up inside of him doesn't he?"
He hung his head, "You're right. I'm in the wrong. But this...this was so hard Lorelai. I'm terrified and-"
"And you thought you'd string me along like this? Let me think we had a future again only to have the rug ripped out from under me?" She screamed, "How could you?"
The pain in her voice made him begin to shake, "I just...I tried. I was going to but then I felt us getting closer and I got scared. And I didn't want to hurt you and-"
"Didn't want to hurt me?" She said with a little laugh, "You kept something from me Luke. Something huge. Again. You're killing me right now!"
He cringed and stepped towards her, "I wish I could take it all back. I should have told you that day when I showed up at your house but I was so scared. None of it made sense. They told me the news and all I wanted was to see you. And then everything happened so fast-"
"You had plenty of opportunities to tell me." She said with a sniffle, "Last night being one of them when I bared my soul to you." She hung her head and laughed bitterly, "God I'm such an idiot."
"No." He whispered walking over to her again, he tried to reach for her hand but she yanked it away, "No you aren't. I meant what I said last night. I never stopped loving you. I want to make this work. I-"
"If you never stopped loving me," She started lifting her head to glare at him, "You would never be able to hurt me this way again."
He stepped back, "Lorelai I am so sorry."
She shook her head, "I have to go."
Her words hung between them and they both shivered thinking about the last time she had said them and what had happened afterwards…
LORELAI: Why not, Luke? Don't you love me?
LUKE: You know I do.
LORELAI: But I love you, Luke. I love you. But I have waited, and I have stayed away, and I have let you run this thing, and no more. I asked you to marry me, and you said yes.
LUKE: Yeah, I'm just trying to think here.
LORELAI: We fixed up the house, right? We have a bigger closet, and I didn't get the purple wallpaper because you didn't want the purple wallpaper. And if it's between you and the purple wallpaper, I pick you!
LUKE: I didn't tell you not to get the purple wallpaper.
LORELAI: Oh my God you didn't like it.
LUKE: I don't care about wallpaper!
LORELAI: Do you care about me?
LUKE: Yes!
LORELAI: Because I'm going crazy here. I made a commitment to you, and I need to make it happen.
LUKE: It will, it will happen, okay? I just have April to consider.
LORELAI: But once we're married, everything with April will be fine. Anna said so.
LUKE: Anna said so, what does that mean?
LORELAI: When I talked to Anna…
LUKE: When did you talk to Anna?
LORELAI: After the party…
LUKE: I didn't know you talked to Anna, you weren't supposed to talk to Anna.
LORELAI: I know. I'm sor… God, no! I'm not gonna defend myself! For months now, I've been skulking around not saying anything, not having an opinion, like I'm Clarence Thomas or something, and I… I'm done with that. I-I've been waiting for a long time, and I don't want to wait anymore.
LUKE: I have to think this through.
LORELAI: No!
LUKE: I have April!
LORELAI: You're gonna have to figure out how April fits into our lives, not the other way around.
LUKE: I'm trying.
LORELAI: Well, try married!
LUKE: Just wait!
LORELAI: No! I'm not waiting! It's now or never!
LUKE: I don't like ultimatums!
LORELAI: I don't like Mondays, but unfortunately they come around eventually.
LUKE: I can't just jump like this.
LORELAI: Well, I'm sorry to hear that. [Sniffles] And I have to go.
She turned to walk away. To leave the room. Unable to look at him in the moment. But unlike before, he seemed to find his voice. He knew what the consequences could be and this time he was ready to fight.
"Don't go." He said in a stronger voice than he expected.
She faltered for a moment, her outstretched hand shook as it tried to reach for the door to run. She wanted to hate him. She wanted to hurt him the way he was hurting her. But it was all so screwed up in her head.
"Don't go." He said again, "Please don't go."
She whimpered softly, hand against her lips, "Luke-"
"I let you walk away once before. That was the worst mistake of my life. If this is it for me...if this is-" He started.
She shook her head, "God stop!"
"I can't live with anymore regrets. And I am standing here right now begging you not to go." His voice cracked as he spoke.
She reached for the doorknob again, "Luke I have too-"
"Please don't leave me." He begged, "Please Lorelai. Please." She didn't move and he took it as a hopeful sign, "I meant what I said that day when I finally got it together. My life isn't real unless you're in it and I'm sharing it with you. I just...I need you. Okay? I've always needed you. I know what I've done is terrible...I should have been honest from the beginning but I was scared. I'm still scared...I'm terrified and I'm telling you I need you."
She bit her lip, "Luke please…"
"If this is...If I'm…" He let out a shaky breath, "If I don't have you beside me I'm not sure I can fight it."
She turned to look at him, eyes wide, "Luke I-"
"Please." He begged again, "Please don't leave me. Please Lorelai."
She stared at him then, never remembering him looking as vulnerable as he did in front of her. He stood before her in just his boxers, a sight she had seen before. And yet he looked so different. So fragile. So unsure. So frightened and alone. The shell of the man she had fallen in love with him.
It occurred to her that in this time apart he too had ached for her. Felt the bitterness and agony of losing his best friend. She had tried to tell herself that with April he was fine without her. Yet here he stood, begging her to stay with him. Was it just about the potential tumor? The one he had been hiding from her?
She cringed and looked at the door again, but she heard him whisper her name one last time. A final plea of desperation. And in that moment...something in her snapped. Some piece of the woman she used to be. The woman he had loved. The woman he still loved. And as angry as she was. As frightened of the unknown as she felt…she couldn't leave him now.
She took a deep breath, took three strides up to him and instantly wrapped her arms around him. He looked startled, eyes wide, breath heavy on her face as he waited patiently for a way to understand, "You aren't allowed to die." She said.
Her words hit him like a ton of bricks and he was only able to nod, "Okay?"
She held his face firmly in hers, "Do you hear me? You aren't allowed to die Luke Danes."
He took a deep breath, "Okay."
She felt the tears coming and she nodded once before whispering, "Okay."
After that she crushed her lips to his and was lost in all that he was…
Luke's fear suddenly turned from confusion to elation, to pure joy when he felt her pressed against him. To kiss her after so long was like coming home. Her hands glided along his back, pushing at his boxers, he stumbled back and hit the bed behind them.
He stared up at her, "Lorelai?"
She shook her head and made quick work of her own shirt, pulling it up over her head, "Promise me."
He licked his lips and sat up, she pushed his back again, "Lorelai…"
"Promise me Luke." She said yanking at her jeans which were slightly damp and clung to her body, "Say the words. I need more than okay. Promise me."
She was trembling as she tried to take her clothes off and bare herself to him. He sat up just as she kicked off her jeans and reached for the waistband of her panties. He grabbed her frantic hands and she gasped, glancing up at him, "Stop."
She whimpered and stared down at him, "Don't leave me." She whispered in a broken, terrified voice. "Please Luke. Don't leave me."
Her words echoed his from just moments before and all his resolve broke. He leaned forward and pressed gentle kisses to her abdomen. He felt in her inhale sharply, her hands grabbed the back of his head as he smoothed his way across her rib cage, noticing that she was thinner than he remembered. A sign of heartache maybe...or just a lack of cheeseburgers from him.
He pushed the thought out of his mind and lifted his hands up to unclasp her bra, "Lorelai." He mumbled as his lips found the silky smooth curve of her breast, "Lorelai. Lorelai."
She threw her head back, pulling him even closer, "Oh God Luke promise me. Say it."
She pulled at his hair, forcing him to look at her, "Lorelai."
"Say it." She implored again, leaning down to press her lips to his, "Say it."
He breathed her in, his eyes fluttered shut as she prepped kisses along his jaw, "Lorelai." She tugged at his hair and he hissed slightly, "Look at me." He whispered.
Standing up again she stepped back, suddenly feeling exposed as her bra slipped from her arms. She went to cover herself and he quickly grabbed her hands. She trembled as he brought them both to his lips and kissed each palm one by one. He lifted her hands again and pressed them against his chest, "I will do everything in my power not to leave you. Okay?" She shook her head, tears welling there again, "Hey…"
She shook her head again, "It wasn't supposed to be this way."
"I know." He said in a hoarse voice, "It wasn't. None of this was...it's all been so wrong."
She took her hands from his chest and ran them through his hair again, she carefully leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the spot between his eyes, "Does it hurt now?"
He felt his eyes flutter shut, "A little. But not as much as…"
She pulled back and gave him a questioning look, "Not as much as what?"
He lifted her hands again and pressed them to his chest, "Not as much as it hurts knowing I've hurt you. I'm so, so sorry but I'm…" His voice cracked and he didn't bother to hide the tears this time, "I'm so afraid Lorelai. I'm so damn afraid and I need you. I need you now more than ever."
She saw him so raw sitting here, finally opening up to her. Finally letting her all the way in. Letting her see the part of him he hid from the rest of the world. The vulnerable Luke. The Luke that still ached for the loss of his parents all those years ago. The one who had been so alone, so afraid for so long.
Here he was, offering himself to her and all she had to do was reach out and take it. As long as she had waited for this moment...to finally break down those walls of his...she hated that this was the reason. But she also knew that she couldn't leave him now. Not now...not ever again.
She stepped back and he looked scared she had changed her mind. She shook her head once and nervously stepped out of her underwear, leaving herself bare to him for the first time in over a year. He gasped, taking in all her beauty, wondering how the hell he had survived without her this last year.
She walked back up to him and braced both hands on his shoulders. He gave her a questioning look and she never broke eye contact. Leaning forward she kissed him again before lifting one leg and moving to straddle him. He seemed to sense what she was doing then and he scooted back on the bed, never letting her go. One hand fell to her hip, and the other began to stroke her gently.
She whimpered and tossed her head back, "Luke…"
Despite the pain, his body had reacted to hers as it always had. She was perfect. She was everything. And she was here. Letting him back in. He had promised her he wouldn't leave. But he also had to promise he'd never let her go again.
He watched as she lifted her hips up and rubbed herself along the length of him, he groaned and rested his forehead against her shoulder, "Lorelai...oh God."
With one hand she lifted his chin and held his face firmly before whispering, "Promise me Luke."
He swallowed hard and felt his eyelashes batt, fighting the urge to push up into her, "Lorelai."
She tugged at his hair again, "Please promise me. No more secrets. No more leaving. You and me. No matter what happens...we do this together."
"Together." He whispered, the realization that she would be by his side was enough to make him cry, but instead he lifted his head and nodded, "I promise Lorelai. I promise."
Without another word, she sunk down on him and took a deep breath, feeling that connection she had craved for so long. He pulled her all the way against him as she started rocking her hips against his. Wrapping her legs around his waist, her hands pooled in his unruly curls and she crashed her hips against his.
His fingers practically dug into her hips and backside as he ground her into him. He heard her whimper and he swallowed hard as he felt her ride him. All feelings of pain in his head quickly subsiding. "Lorelai…"
She pressed against him, arching her chest into his, "Mine…" She mumbled.
He nodded, pressing kisses along her shoulder and across her collarbone, "Yours. All yours. No one but you."
She cried out, tossing her head back when she felt one of his hands reach between them to rub her gently, "Oh God. Oh God."
"I've got you." He whispered into her ear, "I've got you."
She opened her eyes, they shimmered with tears as she stared down at him, "And I've got you."
He lost control then, turning quickly causing her to gasp as he laid her down below him. He crawled up on the bed and entered her with one quick thrust. She refused to look away from him as he moved, and he was perfectly content looking right back at her. She gripped the sheets on either side of her, feeling the overwhelming tension take over her body.
He grunted as he continued to thrust, bending down he sucked at the sensitive spot behind her left ear, "Lorelai I love you."
She arched into him, feeling it surge from her toes to the top of her head, "Luke!"
As her walls clenched around him, he squeezed his eyes shut and said a silent prayer to anyone that was listening to help him find a way through this. Now that he had her by his side again, he couldn't bare to leave her again, "Promise me Luke." He heard her whisper again.
He lifted his head and stared down at her as he continued to thrust gently, "Lorelai…"
"Please." She whispered, tears streaming out of the corner of her eyes, "I need you. I need you Luke. Don't go."
"I promise." He said without hesitation, "I promise."
Reaching her hands up, she pulled his face down to hers and pressed his lips to his, "Let go." She mumbled against him.
Luke moaned softly, biting his lip as he dipped his head into the crook of her neck. With just a few more thrusts, he exploded inside of her, causing her to shiver. He felt his heart pounding away, and suddenly the tired feeling was back.
He fell to her her side, careful to not crush her but immediately gathered her back in his arms. Unwilling to let her go too far…
They lay there, trying to catch their breath, wrapped in each other's arms in post coital bliss and also the fear of the unknown, "Luke?"
He slowly turned his head towards her, "Yeah?"
She bit her lower lip and nudged closer to him, tossing her leg over his, "I'm scared. And I'm...I'm hurt. I'm really hurt that you kept this from me."
He sighed and reached a hand up to brush back her damp hair, "I know."
She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his in a gentle kiss, "But I love you."
He sighed and let his eyes flutter open to stare at her, "Even now?"
She took his hand and pressed it against her beating heart, "Always Luke. Always."
He pulled her against him and neither of them tried to hide the tears that were falling freely now. There was no point in hiding them. They were both terrified and they had reason to be. It wasn't over...there were many more hills to climb, more battles to be won. Things that still needed to be discussed, hurt that needed to be addressed.
But right now all that mattered was the rain pattering against the window pain as they held each other and whispered words of love and reassurance. The rest could wait...right now they just needed each other. Pure and simple...they needed each other always.
Okay so there you have it - the extension. Hope it was worth it. I will update as soon as I can! Thanks all! This isn't the end of the discussion for them. Just the beginning.