Jess watched Carol as she scrolled through another file on her tablet, trying to fill in more gaps in her memory. She watched her face scrunch up in surprise as she read, which turned to a bemused cocksure Carol grin that slowly spread over her face.
"You're country of birth is Wundagore," Carol said to Jess as she looked up. "That cannot be a real thing."
"You said you were reading Wolverine's file," Jess said as she scowled slightly. Carol had come back from space, and she should have just told her. Hell, she should have told her in the hospital, when Carol first lost her memories. But she wouldn't have understood.
"I finished," Carol said dismissively, bringing Jess back to the reality that it was really Carol sitting there.
"Yeah right," Jess said. "It's like eight times as long as everyone else's, and I saw you doing a lot of very fast scrolling."
"Maybe I'm a fast reader, Ms. PI," Carol said. "Besides, I like this one better."
"Carol, you already read my file," Jess said as she felt an edge creep into her voice before she cut herself off. "Maybe you should read a file that's useful?"
"I swear that there's something in this that's missing," Carol said.
"But only a Jedi could have erased those files," Jess said, rolling her eyes.
"Har de har har," Carol said. "You're the worst. You're lucky I got to the important cultural references first."
"Watching Star Wars was not important. Anyways, you seem pretty sure of yourself for someone who's lost all of her memories," Jess said. An awkward pause settled over the two of them.
"Jess, I'm sorry," said Carol.
"What?" said Jess.
"For losing my memories. I know I did the right thing, but I wish that there was another way," Carol said in a weary voice.
"There was," Jess said icily. "Or did you forget that too?"
Carol looked like she had been slapped. "I'm sorry I care about New York getting destroyed."
"I'm sorry you didn't care about me," Jess said.
"Listen, Jessica, I did what I thought was best. You think this is hard for you? I don't remember anything. Nothing. I'm flying blind, and now the woman who was supposed to be my best friend is mad at me and I only have the faintest idea why," Carol said.
"You left me, Carol, because you couldn't stand not being in the limelight, and I wasn't good enough," Jess said, hands balling into fists. "And then you ran away to space. Why the hell wouldn't I be mad?"
"I needed to find myself! You of all people should understand that," Carol said as anger seeped into her. She liked the way it felt. She hated that, but feeling again felt good, like stretching unused muscles.
"Me of all people? Yes, I certainly understand being abandoned pretty damn well," Jess said, raising her voice.
"Jess, I didn't run away," Carol said, starting to glow slightly. "In case you didn't notice, I came back. I came back because I thought that maybe, just maybe, you wanted me to come back, and maybe I owed it to you. I don't need this."
"Carol, you never need this, and that's the problem," Jess said.
"I don't even know what this is, why would I need this?" Carol spat.
"Because I don't want to lose you like I lost…" Jess's voice became hoarse and quiet. "Well, take your pick."
"Jess. Jessica," Carol said, touching Jess on the arm. "I am not going to leave you. I'm pretty sure I already care about you too much already."
"I…" Jess said, feeling herself get lost in Carol's eyes again before being reminded for the millionth time that Carol didn't know her. Or did she catch a flicker in her eye… no. How could she? How could the most screwed over woman on earth really get that lucky twice?
"Jess, I just don't understand," Carol said. "I get being mad. But I left because I had to. I came back. Why are you acting like I took another girl to prom?"
"Because you kind of did," Jess heard herself saying. Why did she say that? She tried desperately to shut up before…
"Jess, what do you mean?" Carol said, edging a bit closer.
Jess's phone rang loudly.
"I need to take this," Jessica said. "Can we talk about this later?"
"Yeah," Carol said, crossing her arms and flicking her wrist in annoyance. "Yeah, sure. I'll be flying around the tower. If you need me, come and get me."
Jess nodded and took the call.
Jess looked at her caller id briefly before she closed her eyes and said, "Hey Lindsay."
"Hi, Jess," Lindsay said. "Sorry for just calling you out of the blue like this."
"Yeah," Jess said, feeling her chest tighten after hearing the voice over the phone. "What do you want, Lindsay?"
"Nice to hear from you, too," Lindsay said.
"Sorry, Lindsay," Jess said. "I'm not in the best mood right now, so I'd rather you just tell me what you want."
"I don't want anything other than to warn you that I'm hearing rumors about something big happening," she said. "There's chatter about a weapon floating around the black market that's immensely powerful."
"Any verification?" Jess asked.
"No," she said. "But it seemed like an Avengery type problem."
Jess sighed.
"Lindsay, that is possibly the most ridiculous excuse to call me," Jess said.
"It wasn't just an excuse," Lindsay said, sounding deflated. "The chatter is real. But I did want to talk, too."
"What's there to talk about Lindsay?" Jess said. "You didn't want the commitment, I did. What more do you want?"
"Jess, I didn't just want to use you," Lindsay said. "I fell out of a building for you."
"And somehow marriage seemed like too much effort," Jess said. "I mean, we lived together for years… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start again."
"I didn't want there to be hard feelings. Guess I'm a little late on that," Lindsay said. "Next time I'll just leave a message with Jarvis."
Jess hung up the phone. She pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger as she tried to reason out what to do about Lindsay. She shook her head. If Carol wasn't being so brooding and obstinate, she wouldn't have a problem. She could just hang up and leave Lindsay McCabe in San Francisco along with her metabolic pills and her wig.
But Carol wasn't there, and Jess needed to forget, even for a little. She sighed.
She walked over to one of the many launching points from the tower, her gaze drawn into the night sky. She heard a faint rustle of wind behind her and turned to see a reflection of herself in the mirrored glass of Stark Tower. To her horror, she saw Veranke's face again, for the thousandth time. She shuddered and felt weak at the knees, and barely controlled her urge to vomit in disgust.
"No!" Jess shrilly screamed at the reflection. Veranke laughed at her while she watched the flesh on her face slowly melt off, leaving the bloody skull exposed. The teeth clacked as the skull kept laughing.
"Did you forget? This is who you are, Jessica! You can't kill me without killing yourself. Why would she love you?" the skull cackled before it exploded into a thousand shards of light. Jessica closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, she was staring back at her normal red and yellow reflection.
She sat down for a minute to calm her nerves. Months after the skrull invasion, and she still got these visions. Jessica Drew looked down at her arm and half expected to see marionette strings, but none materialized. She wondered if this was some sort of after effect of the skrulls or just her own morbid imagination. She wondered which was worse.
She felt the familiar feeling of powerlessness boiling over, and she realized she needed to do something about it.
Several deep breaths later, and Jess jumped off the side of the building.
Gliding with her gossamer wings in the strong updrafts felt far more natural to Jessica than using the flight that the skrulls had given her. She always felt far calmer on a current, gently floating through the air.
Flying made her feel good, but gliding was what Jessica Drew did.
She saw Carol streaking in angry patterns over the tower, flying in an intricate series of high G turns. She let off a bright low yield venom blast to signal to Carol that she wanted to talk. However, a pair of bright red eyes also saw the green burst of light from their place hidden in the shadows.
"Hi," Carol said tersely as she came to a stop on the ledge next to where Jess was sitting. "Who were you on the phone with?"
"Just an old girlfriend," Jess said.
"You like girls?" Carol asked, eyebrow raised.
"Um, yeah," Jess said, taken slightly aback. "I like to be low key about it, so it's not in the file, but yeah. Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."
Carol's eyebrows collided in uncertainty as she gave Jessica Drew a once over.
"Wait, did we…" asked Carol after a pause.
"Yeah," Jess said. She felt like trash for telling her. Now Carol was probably going to try to be with her because she felt obligated.
"When did we…?" Carol said.
"It was after Madripoor," Jess said, taking a deep breath. "After we killed Kaviti Kali. We were on the quinjet, and you told me that I was acting like an idiot for running off and not trusting you. And I told you that I couldn't trust myself, so how could I ask you to trust me? And then you asked why I couldn't trust myself, and I told you that I couldn't be honest with you, and that when I almost died I realized that I didn't actually want to for the first time in forever and that I might never tell you what I felt and..."
Jess finally ran out of breath as she felt her throat constrict and a little shudder wrack her head. She was stuck there shuddering and trying to fucking breath and oh god did Carol just put her arm around her? Jess wanted to move away, knew that it was the right thing to do. But she couldn't make herself move away from the comfort.
"What happened next?" Carol asked softly.
"You kissed me," Jess said in hoarse whisper and turned her head away.
"I did?" Carol asked.
"Yeah," said Jess. "You just leaned over in your seat and... Afterwards we started having lunch together. A lot."
"That explains a lot," Carol said. "Like why I haven't been able to keep my eyes off of your yellow triangle."
"On my forehead?"
"Sure."
"Oh," Jess said as she turned a shade that complimented the scarlet of her costume. "You're not… mad?"
"Well," said Carol. "Was it good?"
"Y-yeah. It was good," Jess said, feeling relieved, like the old Carol might me back. Maybe.
"The triangle has a purpose, you know."
"You are literally the most adorable," said Carol.
"It's spider coloration!" said Jess, crossing her arms.
"Spiders do need to make their boobs look magnificent," Carol said with a smile.
"You are the worst," Jess said, smiling in spite of herself. She squeezed herself a little closer to Carol, because it just felt really good and maybe Carol was ok with it now.
"So um… did you want to try again?" Carol asked.
"I… yeah," Jess said. "I just want to be back with you. Screw being right about the whole memory thing."
"You're cute when you're wrong," said Carol.
"Let's not get carried away here," said Jess. "You're still wrong too."
"I'm less wrong than you. Do you know why?" said Carol, Cheshire grin spreading across her face.
"I can't guess," said Jess, grinning back.
"Because I'm the best," they said in unison. Carol looked over, slightly befuddled.
"I've said that before, haven't I," she said.
"Once or twice," said Jess, smirking slightly.
"We're ok then?" Carol said.
"As long as you don't do stupid things, yes," Jess said, smiling. "Well, really stupid things."
"Since being the best is my catchphrase, it makes sense I have the best girlfriend," Carol said, eyes twinkling as Jess was suddenly at a loss for words. Jess felt Carol put her arm around her, and Jess finally cuddled all the way into Carol's warm body.
Jess felt Carol's steady breathing as she leaned her head against her shoulder. Jess, for the first time in months, really smiled. She put her hand on Carol's lap, and Carol held it. Jess forgot how warm Carol's hands were. She could feel the heat through her gloves, warming her hand against the chill of the night.
"Hey Carol, do you remember how to kiss?" Jess asked.
"I think I can manage," Carol said with a smile.
Jess leaned forward slowly and placed a delicate kiss on Carol's lips, hoping the moment wouldn't break.
"That was a peck, Ms. Drew," Carol said as she slid her fingers through the hair on the back of Jess's neck. "This is a kiss."
Carol pressed her lips deeply into Jessica's, and for breathless moments Jess forgot everything except for Carol. She felt her body heat up, and not just from Carol's warmth, even though she felt like magma under her, and she actually let out a little whimper, which is so not what an avenger should do.
"So I still got the hang of it," Carol said with that crooked Carol grin, and Jess felt the shuddering come back. She felt the sobs start deep in her lungs, and they built until she couldn't hold them back anymore. Carol slid an arm around her waist and held her head to her chest as Jessica Drew cried into her suit.
After a few minutes, Jessica hugged Carol as hard as she could, which probably wasn't that hard because it was Carol, but it made her feel better. She finally looked up into Carol's kind eyes, so painfully kind that she knew she didn't deserve them. But she needed them, and they were there, and Jessica Drew could be selfish maybe just this once.
Jess finally let herself get completely lost in Carol's baby blues. It wasn't exactly like before. But she had Carol back and that was enough. Everything else would sort itself out.
Then the world fell away from underneath her in an explosion of mortar and light.