"There Was a Feeling of Déjà Vu and a Feeling I Could Not Shake"

As I was lost in my thoughts, I barely noticed that there was someone now sitting in my passenger seat. After catching a glimpse of the intruder in the corner of my eye, I reached for my chrome plated Colt 1911mm that I keep in the driver side door of my '67 Fathom Blue Pontiac GTO.

I turned my head and screamed, "Holy shit Castiel!"

I then took a deep breath, replaced my gun in its hiding place and continued saying, "Geez… are you trying to kill me?"

"No, Adelaide. I do not wish you any harm," Castiel responded in an unnervingly even tone. "I especially do not want to be the cause of your death. Dean says that I have a 'knack' for startling people upon my arrival. Please accept my sincerest apologies. Unfortunately I couldn't wait as I have something urgent to discuss with you in regards to Tobias."

"What? About Toby?" I asked as my heart jumped into my throat. I started to feel what I thought was a panic attack coming on. "Is he hurt? Did something happen to him? Cas! Answer me dammit!"

Castiel tilted his head while regarding my reaction with a face of confusion. "No harm has come to Tobias. Are you alright?"

I took a few deep breaths to calm myself.

"Okay Castiel, tact. Remind me to tell the boys that you are severely lacking some tact and they should teach you some soon. I swear!"

"Again, my apologies."

I heaved a heavy sigh. "No worries. So… if Toblerone is fine, what do you urgently need to discuss about him?"

"Toblerone? No, I did not want to talk about chocolate," he said with a truly befuddled tone.

I couldn't help but laugh a little bit out loud. "No Castiel, it's just a pet name for him. You know, kind of like how Sam and Dean call you 'Cas'?"

"Oh," he answered still sounding as if the concept of a nickname eluded him. However, he did not allow this minor setback to discourage his quest to interrogate me about the young boy. "Why didn't you tell the Winchesters the truth about young Tobias?"

"What?" I said while trying to laugh it off. "Why would I be dumb enough to do that? Hardly anyone outside of Kidder knows about him."

"It may be true that his existence is not well known, but you should tell Sam and Dean that he is your son."

My phone mercifully rand and I had a brief interlude from my conversation with the angel while Sam and I made arrangements to meet for dinner. After putting the phone down, I became even more determined to put the awkward conversation I was having with Castiel to an end.

"So, Mr. Angel, why is it so frigging important that I tell the Winchesters that Toby is my son?"

"It is important, Adelaide, because he makes you vulnerable," he responded with a flat tone. "It is only fair that Sam and Dean be properly prepared to deal with this weakness if you are going to help them with this threat in your hometown."

"Vulnerable? Look pal, I don't know who you think you are, but I can control my emotions! I've made it this far without blabbing to everyone that I have a kid at home waiting me…"

"No, Adelaide, you cannot always control your emotions, especially when it comes to Tobias," Castiel interrupted while maintaining his neutral tone. "Your reaction to my question about him is proof of that."

Dammit! He might right! Did he just give me the 'I told you so' stare? I thought to myself not realizing that the angel could read my thoughts.

Castiel had one eyebrow cocked as he nodded with a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

Finally admitting my defeat, I heaved a sigh before I said, "Fine. But…" I grabbed his left hand with my right." There's no way I can do it on my own. Will you be there when I tell them? I might need back up, you know?"

"Yes, of course I will stand beside you Adelaide."

I followed the black Impala into the parking lot of a local diner and said a silent prayer asking God to help me get through this conversation that I had avoided with most everyone at all costs.

"Adelaide, you CAN get through this," Castiel said has he gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. "You will feel better after you have told them."

"Still sucks ass though," I mumbled as we made our way to meet the brothers.

Once we were all comfortable in the booth and our meals were ordered, I swallowed hard.

"Look guys, we need to talk," I quietly started as I watched our waitress make her way to the kitchen with our orders. I looked to Castiel for encouragement and he gave me a supportive nod. "There's something you need to know about Toby…"

"Your 'family member'?" Dean snapped, still annoyed at how vague I had been earlier when discussing him. "What about him?"

"Well…" Our drinks arrived and Dean took a long swig of his beer.

"Well… he is family. In fact he's the only living blood relation that I have."

"He's your brother?" Sam naively asked.

"Umm… no Sam… Uhh… Well when I was younger, I kind of had a mishap… and… ummm… well after one thing led to another… well, one thing led to another…" I struggled to explain.

"Toby's your son?" Sam mercifully interrupted in shock.

"Here you go boys," our waitress proclaimed as she placed a meal in front of each of the Winchesters. "Are you sure I can't get you something other than a shake there, Honey?"

I shook my head and said, "No, thank you."

The boys both said, "Thanks" simultaneously.

"You had a kid?" Dean asked as he scrunched his nose at his burger, staring at it as if it had turned rancid and sprouted maggots right before his eyes.

"Yes," I whispered. "But I've tried to keep him hidden. You know our job. If anyone or anything found out about him, he could instantly be used as bait. I haven't really told anyone about him… not even Bobby." I continued with a slight tone of desperation.

"How can you be away from him so often?" Sam asked cautiously.

"My Auntie Maureen and Uncle Bill care for him when I'm out of town. They're the closest thing to Grandparents that he's known. Since they were never able to have children of their own, they've helped me with him from the beginning."

I held Dean's hand under the table and to my surprise he didn't pull away.

"I'm sorry I wasn't completely honest before," I apologized more so to him than Sam.

"You had a baby," he said absentmindedly while still not looking at me.

"Yeah, I did Dean. Umm… you know, it's kind of one of those things that can happen when you have sex."

After my colossal comedic failure, Dean snatched his hand back and shoved Sam while saying through a growl, "Move!"

Sam immediately complied and Dean was out the door in a flash.

"Sorry about him," Sam offered with a beautifully apologetic tone.

I chuckled sorrowfully and said, "Please don't apologize Sam. I should have known that it would be fine for him to sleep around and that he'd pissed if I ever brought up having sex with another guy. Fuck! I'm not a freaking nun for God's sake!"

"Slept with ANOTHER guy? You mean you… and Dean?" He asked as he gestured from myself to the door then he ran his right hand through his shaggy brown hair, completely dumbfounded.

Shit! I thought Sam knew! My cheeks burned hot with embarrassment from my accidental confession.

I swallowed hard and asked, "He didn't tell you?"

"No. But he must have really cared about you. Dean only seems to brag about the bimbos."

Before I knew it, Sam had slid deeper into the booth, wrapping me into a huge bear hug. His compassionate gesture overwhelmed me so much that I allowed all of the anger and frustration that I had suppressed for so many years come out in the form of tears of relief on his shoulder.

It was out there… I had a baby boy waiting for me to return home.

As we continued on our way to Kidder, I realized it might be best to stop at the Connors for some supplies because I hadn't actually spent much time at home since Lucifer had escaped from Hell. There was no doubt in my mind that Aunt Maureen would be able to spare some supplies until I was able to go to the grocery store in the morning.

"Hey Sam, I was hoping to stop at my Auntie Mo and Uncle Bill's place on the way, you know to check-in. It's just up the street. Umm… that's if you both are up for it." I asked as I called the younger Winchester on the phone.

"Yeah, no problem. Dean slept most of the way, so I think he's calmed down," Sam whispered the latter bit, most likely trying to keep from waking Dean.

"I'm fine!" Dean said with a snarl annoyed that Sam and I dared to talk about him behind his back.

"Okay, just turn right at the next driveway."

Before we got out of our vehicles, I said another silent prayer that everything would go smoothly. Once I got out, I met the brothers at the hood of their vehicle.

"So are we all ready?" I asked with a nervous smile, biting the right corner of my bottom lip. They nodded and we turned to make our way to the rear door of the beautiful blue three story picturesque farmhouse with grey trim. Just before we reached the stairs, the screen door flew open. Suddenly a pre-teen with black spiked hair came flying down the stairs nearly knocking me over in a bear hug while he exclaimed, "MUUUUUUMMMMM!"

"Oomph… hey Toby," I struggled to greet him since he almost completely knocked the wind out of me. "What are you still doing up Buddy?"

"I heard you drive up and wanted to say hi. I thought you wouldn't be home until tomorrow! Did you kill those nasty vampires? You'll be at my game tomorrow, right? Who are those guys? Am I still spending the night here? Are they staying with us? Are you staying home for a while?" Toby asked rapidly without taking a breath.

"Tobias… give the girl a chance to breathe," Maureen called warmly from the top of the stairs.

I hugged him tightly then kissed his cheek before responding, "Tobs, once my brain has caught up I'll answer all of your questions. First, yes, these are the friends I told you about last night. The tall one here is Sam." Sam quickly shook his hand with a warm smile on his face. "And this is his brother, Dean." Dean extended a hand, still utterly amazed that he was looking in the eyes of my child "And yes, I think it would be best if you spent the night here. I didn't expect you to be awake, so you sleep here tonight and I'll take you to your game tomorrow, ok Buddy?"

He nodded with a small smile on his face. Then his eyes lit up.

"Oh my goodness! I almost forgot!" He grabbed my right hand and pulled me towards the house. "I have something I have to show you Mum! It's so awesome!"

Toby swiftly pulled me up the stairs to head into the house, completely ignoring the other two. I briefly hugged Maureen with the full knowledge that there was no stopping Toby until he showed me whatever it was that had him so excited.

"Hey Mo," I said as I smiled apologetically.

"Hi Sweetheart. It's okay; go ahead before he pulls our arm out of the socket."

"Yeah, he's gotten so strong lately he just might be able to!" I chuckled before I disappeared into the house behind my son.

Maureen then turned to the other two hunters while laughing softly. "Sorry about Tobias. He just hates it when his mother is away and she has had to extend her absences on more than one occasion over the past year. I've made a fresh pot of coffee, why don't you two come on in?" She invited them warmly.

They both nodded and made their way up the stairs. Sam introduced himself then Maureen admonished Dean for not having visited us all sooner. I was standing at the counter pouring myself a cup of coffee as the boys make themselves comfortable at the table. Maureen came over to where I was standing and quickly took over hostess duties, so I found a seat beside Dean as she poured their drinks. My preference would have been to sit beside Sam, but his large frame didn't allow for a second person to sit on his side of the bench.

Maureen then placed the filled mugs in front of each brother before Sam asked, "So what did he have to show you?"

"I really don't know. He told me to wait here and he hasn't made it back yet."

"Mum! Mum! Check it out!" Toby exclaimed from the door.

He was proudly wearing a white baseball jersey with red piping along the seams with large stylized matching red letters saying "Red Birds" across his chest.

"Wow! Looks great Buddy!" I whistled and praised. "Now come here so I can see the most important part…" I turned him around so I could get a good look at his back. "What's this?" I said with mock horror. "Number 2?" I scrunched my nose pretending to be appalled by this revelation. "What? Did someone already number 24? Or are you just trying to break your old mother's heart?"

"Muuummm!" He whined. "I already told you! I wanna be like Derek Jeter, not that old fart you like."

"Old Fart? Why I never!" I pulled him into my lap and started to tickle him. "If you're going to play first base, you should be trying to be like Tino Martinez, not Derek Cheater!"

"Mum! Mum! Please! Stop!" He said between gasps of laughter and I released him from my grasp.

"Ok you two. Someone has school tomorrow," Maureen asserted calmly.

"But Nana, she just got home!" Toby objected.

"No Buddy, Maureen's right," I said in an authoritative motherly tone. "It's way passed your bedtime. I'll drive you to your game after school and then you can tell me all about everything that I've missed, okay?"

"Okay. Fine," he agreed through a huff as he hugged me.

"Sweet dreams baby. I love you more than you know," I replied as I hugged him back.

"Love you too mum. I'm so glad you're finally home. I missed you so much," he commented before kissing my cheek. "G'night Sam. G'night Dean. Thanks for helping get mum home safe," he finished almost sadly. He didn't want to miss out on the fun he was sure that we were going to have without him.

The three of us finished drinking our coffee while catching up with Maureen. She had mixed emotions about the reason that had brought us home to Kidder so quickly, but she appeared to be overjoyed at the prospect of me staying in town for a while. She then informed me that she had restocked my house as soon as Toby told her that I was on my way home and then we left to go to my place for the night.

I retired to my room while Sam and Dean made themselves comfortable down the hall in the master bedroom. At first, they both looked at me like I was crazy because they thought that I was asking them to share a bed. I explained to them, through some laughter, that I had remodeled the room a couple of years before when we had a lot of hunters staying with us during the breaking of the 66 Seals, so they would actually have a choice of four beds in the large room instead of sharing one.

During the night, Dean woke me up from a nightmare and we were able to clear the air between us to such an extent that he spent the rest of the night in my bed. Being wrapped in his protective arms seemed to ease my mind because it was the first night in five years that I didn't wake up every hour on the hour from a nightmare. Instead I dreamt about the first time that he and I made love and was reminded of the adoration we once shared.

The three of us then had a relaxing morning and we passed our free time during the day by watching a 'Die Hard' marathon on TV. When I got up for a short intermission, I was once again visited by the Winchesters' angel. Castiel was more than adamant that the secrets I had shared with Dean the night before may not be enough to keep me from being a liability to the brothers and that I should delve deeper into my past to share everything with him.

While I was contemplating what Castiel had brought up, Dean caught me during a daydream about the day that Toby was conceived in our pool outside.

"What?" He asked after I had absentmindedly blurted some information as he found a seat at the table.

I grabbed his hands and looked into his eyes while stating, "Toby was born in November 1998. Almost exactly nine months after our… you know… our rendezvous in the pool."

Awaiting his inevitable blow up, I looked down at the table and pulled my hands away, hugging my knees close to my body. Dean, however, got up, pulled his chair beside mine and cupped my chin in his hands, forcing me to look at him.

"Addy? Is that your way of telling me that Toby… that he's mine?"

My bottom lip quivered, tears streamed down my cheeks and I just nodded in response.

"Why didn't you tell me Lay? Oh my God! Why would you take that all on by yourself?" He exclaimed with pure concern in his tone as he held my hands.

"You never came back. I figured you didn't really care and that you'd moved on to your next conquest."

"I didn't come back because your dad threatened to kill me. I figured he found out that I was your first and was pissed about that but now considering…"

I finally looked up at him and straightened my face the best I could. "That's what you tried to tell me when I hung up on you all those times. I'm so sorry Dean. I should have let you explain…" I continued as I maintained my hold around my legs. I was unsure if I could touch him as he stared intently at his hands in his lap.

"No… No, I should have come back. I should have known something was wrong."

He grabbed my shoulders and my feet fell to the floor as he hugged me tight.

"Lay, I think we both messed this up big time."

"Agreed," I said before Dean kissed my lips lightly.

I woke up curled in the fetal position on the king sized bed in the master bedroom of my home. I sobbed quietly at the memory that my dream wasn't even close to being a reality. Yes, Dean did know that Toby was his son. Dean and Sam had been instrumental in rescuing the young boy when he had been kidnapped by a vampire and his demon girlfriends just a few months ago. Toby, however, was still unaware of the true identity of his biological parents. If Toby did know the truth, then maybe I would still have one person I loved still talking to me.

I wiped my face on the bottom of the grey men's t-shirt I had conveniently forgotten to put back in Dean's duffle bag during his last visit and pushed the comforter off my legs. Like it or not, I had to get out of bed and face the day.