At some point in her life, Alex Eames learned to shut down. She suspected she developed the skill during one of the rough points in her parents' marriage, when angry voices and shattered dishes drifted up late in the night to the room she shared with her sister. She refined the ability as she entered a male world and ignored the frequent harassments and innuendos. And the skill became an absolute blessing as she moved through the NYPD, allowing her to view gruesome crime scenes, deal with victims and their families, and shield her own emotions. It allowed her to survive Joe's murder, to get through her kidnapping, to deal with Bobby Goren. It kept her from leaping across the desk and wrapping her hands around that smug warden's face. It prevented her from rushing to Bobby's side and insisting that she ride with him in the ambulance to the hospital near the Major Case Squad. It enabled her to sit calmly next to Captain Danny Ross as they followed the ambulance back to Manhattan.
"Would you like my gun and shield now or later?" Alex asked and stared down the road.
Ross sighed. "I suspect the Chief of Detectives will want them eventually," he said. "Mine as well…and I suspect at least some others in Major Case…"
"I'm sorry you were caught in this, Captain," Alex said quietly. She focused on the ambulance in front of them. "But I'm not going to tell you if anyone else was involved." Alex was fairly certain that Ross wouldn't want to know that this conspiracy extended beyond Major Case; she knew the Chief of Detectives wouldn't.
"For God's sake, Eames," Ross cried in exasperation. "What were you thinking?"
"I was thinking," Alex replied evenly. "That we were saving an innocent man from torture and murder…and probably several other innocent men."
Several miles passed in silence.
"Do you think I should send my letter of resignation?" Alex asked. "Or will we get a fair hearing?"
Ross glanced at her. "You'll get a fair hearing," he said quietly. "I don't think there's a need to resign."
"Look," Alex said quietly. "Just know that if Bobby is fired, I'm gone…"
"Eames, don't throw everything away because your partner…"
"My partner," Alex said severely. "Has a name…I agree that he deserves a suspension…I agree that he shouldn't be allowed back to work without a psych exam…But if this Department can't see his worth after all this time and all he's done, I don't want to be part of it."
Ross sighed again. "You think you're right…And nothing I say will change your mind…"
"Yea," Alex said, and for the first time since she'd stepped in the car she looked at her Captain. "We don't think we're above the regulations…Bobby and I talked about that…And it isn't that it doesn't matter…But helping the prisoners seemed more important…" She fought against the emotions she'd shut down as they threatened to claim her. "Bobby had an idea of the cost…I'm not sure he knew just how high it would be…"
She kept her emotions shut down through the hour like minutes that passed while Bobby was examined. A doctor finally emerged to inform Alex and Ross that Bobby suffered from dehydration, a lack of food, several nasty bruises, and the after effects of the drugs he'd been given.
"We'll keep him for a couple of days until the drugs are out of his system," the doctor said quietly. "And I'm going to recommend he seek psychiatric help…It's harder for the mind to heal from this sort of thing than the body."
The hospital allowed Alex to stay with Bobby—his doctor even encouraged it. "A familiar face will help him," he said as he led Alex and Ross to Bobby's room.
Ross looked in and saw Bobby, staring blankly into space, lying in bed. The captain's cell phone buzzed softly and insistently. "Damn," Ross said as he checked the number. "Eames…I'm sorry…but…"
Alex gently brushed away his apology. "It's ok…I'll be with him…I am sorry…I know he is, too…That you have to deal with this…"
Ross paused. "Tell him," he said, nodding his head at Bobby. "That I understand why he did it…I'll do what I can to protect both of you."
"Thank you, Sir," Alex said.
He heard the soft voices in the distance. They were calm and kind, much like the voices of the people in the ambulance. The people in the ambulance had been kind. They explained everything they did to him and gave him water—cool, blessed water—to drink. He watched them warily but didn't fight them, and one of them eventually released him from the restraints that they told him were only a precaution. Bobby didn't believe that the restraints were only to protect him, but they were soft and giving in comparison to the leather straps that held him for so many hours. All he really knew was that he was getting away from that awful place and anywhere he was going to couldn't be worse. There were moments in the emergency room when he thought it might be worse. The lights were terribly bright there, just like the lights in that horrible room, and the people surrounding him carried syringes and poked and prodded him. But whatever they stuck in him didn't make him sick and question his sanity, and the water they gave him soothed his throat and the quick sponge bath removed at least part of the grimy film of dirt that covered him. He didn't fight them, and they didn't restrain him. They finally moved him to a wonderfully quiet and dark room, and Bobby felt that he might be able to sleep. But those voices were vaguely familiar, and he knew he had to apologize to someone if he could only remember who that someone was. He struggled to sit up and to speak.
"Hey…take it easy." Alex's calm and gentle voice broke through the fog in his head, and his eyes found and focused on her face. A strange glow softened her features, and Bobby briefly wondered if it was his exhaustion, the lighting, or the drugs still in his system that created it. Her hands gently pushed him back on the pillows, and he didn't resist her.
"I…I'm sorry," he murmured. His throat hurt terribly when he spoke.
"Here," Alex said and raised a cup to him.
He sipped the water slowly, savoring the soothing coolness. "You...You're real?"
Alex blinked. "Yea...Yea, I am."
"Where am I?" His throat and mouth felt nearly normal, and the fog began to clear from his mind. But a small, dull hammer hit on the back of his eyes, and equally persistent and distant pains came from his wrists, ankles and waist. He vaguely sensed that all of this pain could be much worse. And he was so tired. Although he thought he might have just slept for hours he also believed he could easily sleep for several more.
"You're at St. Clare's in the city...not far from Major Case," Alex explained. She desperately hoped that Bobby wouldn't recognize that he was in the hospital's psych ward.
Bobby blinked at her. He seemed to be trying to catch his thoughts. He finally surrounded one. "Donny?" he asked.
"He had...or at least said he had...bad stomach pains," Alex said. "The prison doctor sent him to the hospital, and he escaped." She touched Bobby's arm tentatively. "There's some suspicion that someone on the prison or hospital staff might have helped him. We...We don't know where he is," she said apologetically.
A wave of relief swept over Bobby, quickly followed by a crashing disappointment. He stared at his hands and shivered at the sight of the bruises and scrapes on his wrists. Alex gently squeezed his arm.
"There's...there's no sign of him?" Bobby whispered.
"No." Alex shook her head. "And the state and county aren't terribly eager to find him...We were right about the charges against him...They were dubious, and the local judge is already talking about resigning. If Danny had a halfway decent lawyer." Alex smiled bitterly. "Hell, if he'd just had a lawyer...He probably would've gotten probation, if that."
"Or if he knew he had an uncle who was a NYPD detective," Bobby murmured with equal bitterness. He glanced quickly up at Alex. "How...how bad are things?"
Alex sighed. She'd had some hopes Bobby wouldn't bring up the subject of the ramifications of their actions until he was stronger.
"The good news," she said carefully. "Is that you've started a major investigation of Tate. The warden has resigned, and several guards are being charged with mistreatment of the prisoners."
Her words barely registered with Bobby. "And the bad news?"
"Well, neither of us have badges or guns right now," Alex revealed reluctantly. "As far as I can tell, you at least will face a hearing...I don't know about me...or Ross."
Bobby stared again at his hands. "I...I'm sorry...about Ross...and you..."
"Hey." She gently touched his cheek. "You and I talked about this...We knew there would be consequences...We expected them..." She studied him. "You were right about Ross. He did the right thing when I told him you were in trouble. He didn't hesitate."
Guilt filled Bobby, and he wished for the fog to return and blot out his feelings.
"Bobby," Alex said. "We did everything we could to protect Ross. We can still just by telling the truth. Ross didn't know anything because we didn't tell him anything."
"But you," Bobby whispered.
She smiled wearily at him. "We settled that," she said firmly. "If we have to, we'll open E & G Investigations...or join Deakins in that firm he's with..." Alex's face darkened. "It could've been a lot worse...I...I was so worried bout you..."
She bit her lip. Alex wasn't nearly exhausted as Bobby, but the worry and stress of the past hours had left her emotions raw and near bleeding. Her brief glimpse of Bobby as he was bundled into the ambulance at the prison shook her to her bones. The sight of a gaunt, wild-eyed Bobby strapped to a stretcher was too close to too many of her nightmares. She studied Bobby again and tenderly squeezed his arm. She didn't dare to touch his raw and bruised hands.
"Bobby," she said cautiously. "I know...We talked about...What might happen...but...You knew it wasn't going to be easy...but...but you haven't said anything about how it was..."
Bobby looked away from her and straightened the blankets. He winced at the resulting pain in his hands.
"Bobby," Alex asked in alarm. "Are you all right?"
He flinched and pulled away from her. "It...It's just..." He stared out the room's small window as the terrible memory of Alex's bandaged wrists and her fragile body lying in a hospital bed after Jo Gage's attack flooded his mind. He swallowed, and, closing his eyes, fell back on the pillows.
"I...I'm sorry, Eames...I...I'm so tired...I...I..." The fog was thicker in his head now, and the pain from his body was also stronger.
Alex watched in sorrow as Bobby retreated behind hid defenses. "Do you want me to say?" she asked cautiously.
Bobby blinked and stared out the window. "You...You don't have to...I...I'll be ok." His voice was faint and hesitant, and Alex thought that, while his words told her she could leave, his body and eyes begged her to stay.
"Actually," Alex said deliberately. "Staying here would keep me from having to deal with Ross and the Brass..."
"You...You're welcome to stay," Bobby said.
"I think I will," Alex said calmly as she settled in the chair.
Exhausted, Bobby closed his eyes. He shivered and felt Alex pull the covers up and over him. After several moments, he opened his eyes to tiny slits to look at Alex.
"I've dragged her down," he thought. "I've ruined everything...I didn't really save Donny...And the prison...It was worse...So much worse than I...Was that what I condemned my Mom to? Was that what it was like for her? Am I insane? Only an insane man..." He fell into a state of exhausted oblivion.
END