As EE has prefered to give us a blackhole instead of the badly needed details of Chryed finding their way back together, I've decided to give it a go…
For the lovely folks on WFCTGIO xxx
I can feel his hand touching mine but I don't quite trust my tactile sense. I look down and see him entwining his fingers around mine, I look into his eyes and there's this caring, sensitive glance –the one I've missed so much. Could this mean...? My mind starts thinking fast. Amira has just made clear that she's not going anywhere and of course she doesn't want him anywhere near Yasmin. Those things have not changed, and he's aware of it. Is it possible he wants us to start again despite all that? And despite his behavior throughout these last few days?
"Are you coming home with me? I think we should talk." he asks, a shy smile on his beautiful face. "Yes, of course", I say as my grip of his hand tightens. We go back to the flat retaining our fragile connection and I can sense he's as nervous as I am.
We sit on the sofa my leg gently touching his as he starts: "I'm sorry Sy - about earlier. That was totally uncalled for. "
"It's okay…"
"No, it's not" he interrupts determinedly, "of course it's not. I know I've hurt you with my behavior over the last few days and to be honest hurting you was the whole point of it. I'm feeling terrible about it, I really do."
'You always hurt the one you love' –I can't conceal a smile as the thought crosses my mind.
"Nice to see my consciousness of guilt is amusing you" he says, bafflement but also a hint of insecurity in his voice.
"No,no, it's not", I hasten to say, "it's just… it's okay Christian. It really is. I'm the one who should apologize, I've hurt you, by shutting you out, by letting Amira use Yasmin to tear us apart. I thought I was doing the right thing, I honestly thought if I was playing by her rules she would eventually accept BOTH of us in Yasmin's life. That's what I've always wanted."
"I should have talked to you earlier" he sighs, "instead of –you know- leaving all of a sudden. I felt so alone, I felt us drifting apart and then this whole thing with Ben happened and it was just getting too much..."
"I never doubted you, not for one second", I say decisively. I wish I would have been clearer about this back then. He needed my support and I wasn't there for him, not the way I should have been.
"I know that, Sy. But for just one moment it felt like you did – and that was when I knew I needed to get away from here to gain some distance, clear my mind. When I've decided to come back I was hoping for us to start again, I wanted to talk to you about it but then I've heard about Pakistan, I've seen you wearing your wedding ring and it was like my worst nightmare coming true. I was convinced you were going back two years in time, back to a sham life with your sham wife. Those there my worst fears and I saw it happening. It hurt so much Sy. It still does."
"But it's not true, Christian. I never wanted to go back to this kind of life. Not for a second! I know, it looked like that, and now I also know it's what Amira wanted but I've never even considered it. How could I, after the life I've experienced with you?"
He gives me an ambiguous look. Does he believe me? I'm not sure. We just sit there for a moment, quiet and lost in our thoughts. Then I can feel his touch again, his hand brushing a strand of hair out of my face –such a familiar gesture, yet it makes my heart skip a beat. Part of me wants to hold him, touch him, kiss him, the urge to do so is almost overwhelming me. But I hold back. Instead I look at him. He smiles a sad smile and I'm scared.
"We've really messed things up" he says. "Yes, we have... It's not too late though, is it?" I ask, my tentative question being merely a fearful whisper.
"I hope it's not" is all he answers and I can sense his insecurity, his fear and anxiety. The last couple of months must have been so hard for him, when Amira arrived with my baby his world started to crumble, all his fears were gradually proven true. I never wanted to –but I've hurt him so much, it's all my fault.
"Maybe I should go now?", I suggest and it's more a question than a statement.
He looks at me bewildered: "Do you seriously believe l let you go to your parent's house now, with Amira sleeping next door to you?" he asks and this is certainly more a statement than a question!
He looks at me with an intensity that makes the world around me fade away. Our touches are gentle and cautious, our kisses long and sensual. We are reconnecting in the most compelling way. Every cell of my body yearns for his touch and he satisfies my need with breathtaking accuracy. God, I've missed him so much. I've missed feeling how my body pressed against his makes his heart beat faster. I've missed testifying his breathing quicken when his desire grows bolder. "Sy", he whispers over and over in between heavy pants and for a second I can feel this sense of exasperation which always surrounded our love-making back then, when all of this was nothing more than a temporary abscondence from reality. I hold his face in my hands and look at him solicitously. "It's okay, Christian, I'm here. You won't lose me again, I promise." He smiles at me and at this very moment I just know that everything will be all right. I dare to believe he feels the same as his movements regain their usual confidence. And then I just enjoy. Enjoy our desire, enjoy the feeling of his body against my own, enjoy watching him as he loses control and enjoy giving in to the ecstatic feeling only he can create. We are back, back where we belong –in each other's arms.
Reviews would be great xx