Okay, hi. I've been writing this one for a while. It's Matt/Santana and I've kind of grown to love them. I miss Matt. His background moments where the best... I really, really like this piece so reviews would be pretty awesome.
So, please don't favorite without reviewing, okay? Thanks!
She's known him for a long time. Longer than she even remember, probably. Forever it seems.
He lives down in Lima Heights, in a tiny apartment with his dad and his little sister, Shania. She's down there a lot, at her mom's place. She hates it there, with all the police sirens and loud crashes and gunshots. Her dad's house is much nicer and safer, projecting that air of upper-middle-class suburbia.
But Matt's always there. He's always been there.
Usually, she's just moving way to fast to even notice him.
They grow up together, in a way. They both go to school together, and they're in the same classes a lot. He's quiet. Matt barely ever talks. But sometimes something funny will happen and she'll just look a him, giggling, and he'll smile back.
Matt's smart, smarter than he lets on. She should know, she cheated off his papers in the fifth grade. He hangs out with Finn and Puck and all those football jock guys. But he's never been an asshole or a pig like them. Matt and Mike just kind of fly just under the radar. They never bully anyone, but they never stop it at the same time. And sometimes she'll hear Matt humming under in breath and doodling pictures in the margins of his papers.
That's how she knows he's not like them.
They're each others' first everything.
When they're thirteen, she lets him kiss her for the first time. It's kind of awkward and inexperienced at first, because they've never done this before. But it's nice. A warm tingle of something that can't be love runs through her and nearly makes her melt.
He tastes sweet, like innocence, and she already knows she doesn't taste the same way.
And she kind of loves the way his hands just stay firmly on her waist, not trying anything, like all the other guys would.
She goes farther with other guys, because she needs a reputation and if being a whore gets her one, she'll do it. But they all treat her like a toy, an object. Matt treats her like Santana.
He's her first time, too. He has her virginity, she has his. And she's glad it is him. She doesn't think she trusts anyone else with that part of her.
"Cigar?" She asks, exhaling smoke like the demon everyone thinks she is. She's only sixteen, but she smokes the cigar with ease, like she has been puffing on the nasty thing since she was a kid/
"Sure," Well, he's not going to be shown up by Santana Lopez.
She hands him her cigar, a red lipstick stain on it. He takes, and inhales. In a few seconds, he stops, hacking and coughing up a storm.
"You have no idea what you're doing, do you?" She laughs, but it doesn't sound as bitchy as it really should. It sounds sweet.
"No, I don't." He admits, their legs overlapping.
"Keep it that way, Matt." She whispers, her head nestling her head on his shoulder.
"You wanna go out, San?" He asks, and she's caught off guard. She's sitting on his bed, likes she owns it or something. Like she owns him. She thinks she's got his heart in her hands, she could crush it if she wants to. (But she won't, she never will.) It kind of terrifies her and it kind of gives her the wings to soar at the same time.
"Like a date?" She nearly stutters and stumbles over her words, but she's Santana Lopez, and she's doesn't do that.
"Yeah, like a date." He may not be the most eloquent, but oh well. "I'll pick you up at seven?"
"Uh, yeah, okay." She smiles.
Maybe he's got her heart in his hands, too.
"Wow, you look amazing."
She's wearing a black dress, with a tight bodice and loose skirt. Alluring and suggestive, but not full out slutty. Her black stilettos almost bring her up to Matt's height. Her long dark hair is in loose curls and her make it natural.
"Yeah, I know." That's just the way she talks. All bravado and swagger and I'm-so-much-better-than-you.
He offers his hand to her, because he's a perfect gentleman like that. It hits her - he's perfect. He's too good for her.
"Thanks, Matt." She beams, and takes his hand. "So.. where are we going?"
"Somewhere." He shrugs with that oh-so studied carelessness he's learned from watching her all these years.
"Fine. Be like that." She mutters, but she's feeling far too sky-high happy to be pissed.
They end up going to a semi-fancy restaurant and get kicked out because they asked for champagne, and apparently it's legal to drink underage. So, naturally, she tries to steal a bottle of champagne from a nearby table and ends up spilling it all over herself. She and Matt run out of the restaurant, away from the furious manager.
They eventually stop under a street lamp, laughing and hiccuping. She pulls him down to her by his black tie and kisses him, champagne bubbles on her lips.
The pair eat at McDonald's in their fancy clothes and he buys her a McFlurry and she knows chivalry isn't dead, after all.
Their second date is better. They go to a see a horror movie. She screams and holds his arms the whole time.
When he walks her home, they kiss in the rain. They're like a romantic comedy or something.
(She not going to lie. It's kind of really amazing.)
Their third date is magical, and no less. He throws his letter men jacket over a puddle. She teases him, but still grins as she struts over it. They dance and she laughs more than she has in years, since her brother moved out and her parents got divorced.
There's more dates. Too many to count. They just turn into a wonderful blur of happy memories.
And she wouldn't give them up for the entire world.
She's not going to lie. She's pissed off.
He said would be here. He should be walk through the doors So, she's caught between worrying Tanka killed and wanting to murder him herself.
Although she won't admit it aloud, she growing attached to the Glee Club. It is nice to escape the tension of her households and the stress of school. It's fun, to just sing, for no reason. Just because she can.
And she's starting kind-of-sort-of-maybe love Matt. Not like seriously or anything. Absolutely not at all.
The whole Glee Club is weighed down by a sad silence. They haven't even made it to the first competition and everything's already falling apart.
They're a long way away from loving each other, but she tries to never slushy the Gleeks. Well, with the exception of Rachel. Mercedes is actually pretty cool. Artie's in a wheel chair, and she's not that heartless. Kurt is funny and snarky, and he'd probably murder her if she ruined his clothes with a slushy. Tina's cool, too, in a Asian-Vampire-Goth-Princess way.
She guesses you could say she's growing rather fond of them.
But she surprises herself at the grin the spreads across her face when Matt and Mike slouch into the room. Out of the corner of her eyes, she sees Brittany giving Mike an excited hug. But, really, all she can see is him. She practically jumps on him, clutching his neck. He spins her around like some cheesy old movies, but she secretly kind of loves it.
"Miss me?" He teases, his breath hot on her neck.
"I love you," She whispers. It wasn't planned. It just popped out. She just said it. He didn't have to say it back; she wasn't needy. She just wanted him to know that he made her so happy.
He just smiles back and kisses her cheek.
Not every guy in Glee shows. It's Finn, that little shit, who bails. She guesses she should be the one leading the search party to hunt him down, but she doesn't care.
She can't stop smiling.
"You and Matt?" Puck asks, skeptically.
"Yeah, me and Matt." She rolls her eyes. It's true. Matt Rutherford and Santana Lopez are in a relationship. They're Facebook official and everything.
"Wow. Never saw that one coming..." He says, making it obvious he doesn't think they'll last long.
Anger boiling up in her, she smacks him. Hard. What does Puck and his stupid Mohawk know?
She sneers, "Betcha never saw that on coming either, huh?"
"Ow!" Puck howls, "What the hell?"
"Don't think I'm using him for anything, Puckerman. I used you and all those other guys, yeah. But Matt... he's different. So, let me make this clear: whatever little thing we had, it's over. Matt and I are exclusive." She folds her arms, sternly.
Puck chuckles, "Never thought I'd see the day, Santana Lopez is tied down!"
"Not tied down," She corrects him, "Just not leaving because I'm... happy."
"Good for you, San." His grin is infectious, making her remember before they dated, or slept together, or did whatever they did. Back when they were just friends. Just bros. She kind of misses that.
"You can be happy, too." She smiles a little, nudging him in the shoulder a bit. "Maybe Q and I can have a little chat..."
They're perfect. So, so perfect.
But not Finn-and-Quinn-our-names-rhyme perfect.
They're Matt-and-Santana-we're-kind-of-head-over-heels perfect.
He leaves red roses in her locker, and tells her she's gorgeous. They always drive home from school together, he serenades her with love songs from the radio. They sneak in through each other's fire escapes just because they miss each other. He dances with her in Glee club and kisses her forehead when everyone's watching. He walks her to all her class, their fingers intertwined.
Bliss. That's what this.
They lose Regionals, and she's upset because she loves to win.
"We were so much better than they where!" She fumes, thinking about stupid Vocal Adrenaline and stupid Jesse St. Douche-bag.
Matt just smiles, "I know we were. But it doesn't really matter. We have a whole group of people who will be there for us forever, people we didn't have before Glee. That's what matters, right?"
She get over it pretty fast. Matt's right.
Summer is good to them. They hang out with Mike and Brittany until the two disappear off to dance intensives. They're comfortable with each other, it's like they've been like this for ever. Going wherever the breeze takes them and doing whatever feels right at the moment.
Summer is good to them... at least until the very end.
"I'm leaving," He says, like the words are getting stuck in his throat.
It's a Wednesday, and she can feel her world falling apart, piece by piece.
"San, please, say something."
"When?" She gulps down air, trying to breathe, but it's too heavy. "When are you leaving?"
"In a week." He pauses, "It's just Columbus. It's still in state. I can visit, I promise."
"Screw you," She whispers, feeling the tears she knew were coming prickling her eyes.
"God, I'm so sorry, San. I don't want leave you, you know that, don't you?" He grabs her hands, but she just shakes him off.
"It's okay. Really!" She sneers, "Have fun in Columbus, Matt!"
"Don't do this, Santana!"
"You already have." She turns away. She ignores the pain and the heartache.
It's not like she loved him or anything.
She sneaks onto his fire escape, perches herself by the window, taps one the window desperately.
"M-M-Matt?"
He slides open the window, and she leaps inside, out of the frigid air. She's only wearing a loose t-shirt that leaves her shoulders bare and shorts.
For a minute she just stands there, unsure if she's lost the right to be here.
"San, baby?"
And just like that she's in his arms, sobbing. He just holds her.
"D-don't leave me. Please." Her voice sounds ragged. She's begging. "I-I need you."
"I don't want to, baby, I don't." He kisses her forehead and lets her cry herself to sleep.
She wakes up in his arms, in his hoodie, her dark hair splayed every which way.
It's her tears that are staining his sheets.
She is the only one who came to say goodbye. It's sad and bittersweet. She knows Mike came to say goodbye, but right now it makes it seem like no one cares the most important person in her world, her everything, is leaving.
Maybe she cares too much. They were, are - why is she using past tense? - only high school sweethearts. In the the grand scheme of things, how much do even they matter?
But, he's the only one to make her even feel anything at all. He's so wonderful. She loves him so much it hurts.
Words can't quite justify the ugly feeling boiling up in her chest. She feels so helpless and angry and hurt.
"I-I've gotta go, San." He says, his eyes dark.
She doesn't speak. Just wraps her arms around him, her head in his chest so she can hear his steady heart-beat. She can't let go.
"We're not over, okay? I mean it. We can visit..." He trails off, not knowing the words to fix this.
"I know," But they won't visit. Maybe at first, but distance will break them apart while her heart silently bleeds for him.
His dad impatiently honks the car horn.
She kisses him hard, trying to convey just how much she fucking loves him in one single kiss.
"Don't forget me, Matt..." She whispers. Summer's in the air and this seems like the wrong time to say goodbye.
"You're Santana Lopez," He grins, "No one ever forgets you."
She bites he lip, disbelieving. Her hands grip his shoulder with too much urgency.
"I love you, Santana." Matt promises, "Forever, baby."
Forever doesn't seem long enough.
He gets in the car, and his dad drives off, ripping apart her heart. He waves out of the passenger seat window until they turn away. She wants to chase down his car and beg him to stay, but her feet are rooted to the ground.
"I love you!" She screams, "I love you so much, Matt!"
Her raspy voice echoes down the road, full of longing and desperation.
She feels lost.
And she doesn't know what to do, because he was everything she knew.