Dear Greg
Before leaving the CSI team, Riley Adams tries to explain her actions in a letter to Greg.
I do not own CSI
Greg Sanders returned to the lab and headed for the locker room. He loved his job, but dumpster diving was not something he enjoyed. As he passed Catherine's office, he saw his supervisor looking frustrated.
"You all right?" he asked, poking his head in the door.
Catherine looked up. "Oh, hey Greg. Everything go okay?"
"Yeah, I just dropped off some Trace with Hodges." Catherine nodded. "So, what's up?"
Catherine sighed heavily. "Riley's gone."
Greg's eyes widened. "What? What do you mean?"
"She left. Ecklie said she just gave her exit interview. The paperwork will be here shortly."
Greg blew out a breath and blinked in surprise. "Oh," was all he could think of to say.
Catherine's gaze softened toward her young colleague. "I'm sorry. I know you two were close."
Greg shrugged. "We were friends. Or I thought we were. Why would she just..."
"I don't know," Catherine interrupted. "You'd have to ask her."
Greg nodded and walked away. Once in the locker room, he sighed heavily and was about to sit down when he noticed a piece of paper stuffed halfway in his locker. Greg took it out and read it.
Dear Greg,
I'm so sorry to do this. I know you're probably angry and hurt. That's the last thing I wanted.
I really do love my work. I've come to care about everyone here. You and Nick have become like my big brothers, and Doc and Super Dave are two of the best friends I've ever had. But I cannot help feeling that I am not an assett to the team. I knew coming into the team that you and everyone had lost a team member so horribly, and for that, I am sorry. But I couldn't just stop and mourn. I know that sounds mean, but I didn't know Warrick Brown. All I knew of him were stories Nick and Catherine and you would tell. But I wanted to move on, not live in the past. Then that whole...thing with Grissom leaving and Ray Langston coming on happened. Grissom and I had our disagreements, but I always respected him. I just, I don't know, felt he lived in the past. And when Ray came on board, I guess I just felt underappreciated or something.
As I guess you know, I don't do the whole "talk about my feelings" thing. And I don't like to talk about myself. Maybe that's why, with everything I had heard about Grissom, I thought this team would be a good fit for me. But with everything that's happened, I can't help feeling that there is no team unity. Yes, you and Nick and Catherine are like family. But I don't feel like I belong. Maybe if I had known Warrick Brown or if I had joined the team earlier or something, I'd feel different. But I can't help but feel like I'm moving forward in a team that is stagnant.
I know you and most, if not all, the team will be hurt. For that, I am sorry. You are one of the kindest, strongest people I have ever known. But I need to move on. I am really sorry, but I need to. Please give my best to Nick, Doc Robbins, Super Dave, and everyone. I hope that you know that, in the short time I was in Vegas, you helped make it feel like home. I guess I'm trying to say I love you. I hope you understand why I am leaving. If you don't, I hope someday you can forgive me.
Riley.
Greg sighed heavily as he dropped his hands into his lap. Riley was gone. He, and the rest of the team, had probably taken for granted that she was joining their team after tragic circumstances. But he had always cared about her. He thought she was doing well. Yes, Riley could be brash and unwilling to back down when she butt heads with someone on the job. But she was a good CSI. Greg was going to miss her. He had come to admire her as a colleague, and maybe even was growing to care about her as more than a friend.
Greg searched in his locker for a pad of paper and a pen. After rereading the letter, he sat down and composed one of his own.
Dear Riley,
I am sorry you felt you had no other choice but to leave. I guess we all took you for granted, or took for granted that we were still recovering from losing Warrick. I wish you could have known him. He was one of the coolest people I have ever known. Warrick and Nick were like brothers, maybe even closer. He was a very special person to all of us, and letting him go has been very hard. I'm sorry you felt like this team was fractured. But I thought we were pulling together. It still hurts to think that Warrick couldn't come to me or to any of us with the information that ultimately got him killed. Maybe if we knew...he'd be alive now.
Maybe if you had known Warrick, you would understand why all of us remember him with love and admiration. I'm sorry if we...if I made you feel alienated. But we are moving on and, believe it or not, we are a team-no, we're a family.
I am hurt that you couldn't talk to me about what you felt. It doesn't seem like that long ago I was the low man here. But I kept working. I really love what I do, and I love this team. Now I'm a CSI 3 and part of a team that has seen so much hurt, but has come back together hopefully stronger than ever. You said I was one of the strongest people you ever knew. If that's true, part of that credit is to this team. They've seen me through hell and back. We've all been there for each other. I am sorry you feel like you were not part of the team, but they've been there for me and I had hoped we could be there for you.
If we...if I hurt you, I'm sorry. I hope you can move on and be part of a team where you feel important. Maybe someday you can understand that we are a family here. I wondered why, on that case with the senator's murdered girlfriend a few months ago, you shut down whenever I tried to talk to you about why you were so angry. I wish you could have known you can talk to me about anything. Believe it or not, we...Nick, Catherine and I...do care about you. I wish you could have felt that you belonged here. Maybe you'll find a team where you do feel valued and maybe understand what I mean when I say this team is my family.
Greg.
Greg sighed and tore the paper from the pad. He was hurt that Riley didn't come to him, or talk to anyone about what was bothering her, for that matter. Looking down at the letter he had just composed, Greg wondered if he'd ever send it to her. He'd keep in touch with Riley, sure, but he couldn't help feeling hurt and a little angry at her for just up and leaving.
Greg thought about the past year with the team. He truly did love them all. As hurt as he was with Riley, they were his family.
Catherine's knock at the door brought Greg out of his thoughts.
"You ok?" she asked.
Folding the letter and putting it in his duffle bag, Greg smiled and nodded. "Yeah," he replied softly.
Catherine smiled. "Good, because you've got another 419 off Flamingo. And take a shower before you go."
Greg chuckled. "See you in 10 minutes." Catherine smiled and walked back to her office. Greg tossed his duffle bag in his locker. He would miss Riley, but he and the team...his family...would be ok.
The End.