Hey, how you doing?

Well, I'm publishing a fanfic for the first time, because some people asked for it. I really hope you like, this is only chapter one, I believe I'll post another in some days, I'm already writing it. But I'm back to college today. I'm trying my best here for you.

I just write to help with my obsession with this TV show. This is my POV on how season 4 will/should be.

I don't own Castle.

Obs: I'm sorry for any mistakes.

~x~

Chapter 1

Castle's head was aching, the images just wouldn't go, he looked death at a very close angle in her eyes. Oh, her eyes, they looked scared for the first time since he met her. He could see everything. He could see her life fading away and he couldn't do anything but beg Kate to stay alive. That was everything in his mind now, he couldn't think, he could barely breathe while rushing through hospital doors, following Lanie that was doing everything to keep her friend, her sister alive. She was also begging Kate to stay. When the nurse came for Kate, she just couldn't let her go, Kate is her friend, and she was not ready to let her go, no one was.

For a moment she was there with them, in the other were just Castle and Lanie standing in a hospital hallway watching her fading way, with the paramedics and the nurse. They didn't know what to do, so they kept there, looking to nowhere, they're crying, torn, both feeling like a great part of them was missing, the best part of them.

Someone lead them to the waiting room, and no longer after Esposito appeared and went towards Lanie, and hugged her strong "Don't worry, she will be ok. Beckett is strong", his voice was low, he had tears in his eyes. Javier Esposito was not the kind of person who showed how he was feeling, even if he was torn apart, but today he was not able to hold the tears. He could only hold Lanie close to him. Ryan entered the room too, he was crying, he was never afraid of his feelings, never afraid to let them out.

Martha, Alexis and Jim Beckett were the last ones to appear, Martha was holding Alexis who looked very scared. And Jim looked exhausted. They were there, waiting for something to happen, for some kind of miracle that would bring Kate back to them.

Rick was sitting in the corner of the room; he was crying again, the images just wouldn't go away. He was feeling so empty; he was feeling like he was the one dying. Nothing ever hurt like this before, nothing. He had two wives before he met Kate, many different women, and none of them could compare to Kate and how it could hurt sometimes being around her, and this need of being around her always. He needed her in his life, he realized that now. But maybe it was too late, maybe he was not going to see her face again, to look deep in her emerald and mysterious eyes, maybe he would never see her smiling face looking back at him. And these thoughts made Castle cry like a young child again, he could not stop the tears that were running down his face.

Then, he saw a familiar face entering in the room.

"What happened?" Josh came in the room the tone in his voice was hard and loud. "What happened?" he asked again going towards Rick who got up from his chair going to Josh's direction.

"Kate was shot" Rick answered.

"I know she was shot, imagine what I felt when I saw that my girlfriend was my patient. I could not operate on her. What I'm asking here, is what you've done, Castle" The tone of his voice was louder

"I did nothing" Castle's voice was becoming loud too.

"Really? Because you are the only one with her blood in the hands" Josh got closer to Rick, they were yelling at each other's face. At this moment Ryan and Esposito got up and went towards them.

"Guys, calm down" Ryan said. "This is a hospital you cannot do this in here" this time Esposito was talking.

Castle looked at his hands, and only now he realized that her blood was still in his hands. He was getting more nervous.

"You did it to her, you were there and you didn't save her" Josh was yelling. "I told her you were no good for her."

"What?" Rick replied; his voice now was very loud. "At least I was there for her, and you, where you've been? Everywhere but by her side, where she needed you. She couldn't count on you, she wanted to, but she knew she couldn't. Tell me, Josh, tell me what you know about her mother, her father? Tell me what you really know about her?" Castle was screaming

"Rick, calm down" Matha said getting up from her seat.

"No" Rick replied. "He comes in here and tell me it's my fault"

"It is your fault, man. You are just a writer, she can't protect herself because she keeps protecting you" Josh passed by Ryan and Esposito and pushed Castle behind. Rick backed some steps and then got towards Josh madly giving him a punch. Ryan and Esposito were trying to hold the fight.

"Enough with this" said Jim Beckett. "Enough, I'm sure Katie…" his voice failed when he said her name "I'm sure she would hate this, you two are not teenagers anymore for being fighting in this way for a girl. You two are adults, act like, please."

Rick felt terrible, Jim's daughter was in the other room fighting for her life and he was there being childish. Rick was a father and he knew how terrified he gets in just thinking about something happening to Alexis. "I'm sorry, Mr. Beckett, for everything. I couldn't talk her out of this, I told her this would get her kil… " He wasn't able to finish the sentence.

Jim put one hand in Castle's shoulder and said "Thank you, for being there for her, I know it meant the world for her". Those words hit Rick like a warm hug. And Josh like another punch. Richard Castle knew his girlfriend father and this was the first time he was seeing him, he backed down and went to sit in the other corner of the waiting room.

"Rick, go home…" Jim barely finished the sentence and Castle already replied "No, sir, I'm not leaving" "Your daughter looks exhausted, go, I'll call you if something happens."

"Mom, please, take Alexis home, this is no place for her, but I'll be staying here" He went to Alexis and hugged her strong. "I love you, sweet pea, go home and rest" saying this he placed a soft kiss in her front head.

"Right, dad. But please, at least wash your hands" after saying this she left with Martha.

Castle went to the restroom in order to wash his hands, he just couldn't to; he stared at his hands with Kate's dry blood and started to sob again. He look at himself at the mirror, he was exhausted. He washed his hands, and then his face. After some minutes he was back to the waiting room.

"You should have gone too" Said Josh "There's nothing you can do here"

"Josh, please" Said Lanie. "Stop"

"Yes, there is" Castle replied. "I can be here, for her like always. Now more than ever she needs everyone in this room. Even if the only thing I can do right now is to wait for her, is to pray for her, that's exactly what I'll be doing, because she… because I…" He swallowed his crying "She needs to survive, I need her to survive". He sat and crossed his arms and closed his eyes, in order to rest for a while.

~x~

"Kate, stay with me. Please. I Love you. I love you. I love you" saying this, Castle had Beckett in his arms, he was holding her close and strong. And suddenly she wasn't there anymore he was embracing nothing but the air. The shinny sunny day from Montgomery's funeral was replaced by a dark rainy day. Everyone was there, Martha, Alexis, Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, Jim Beckett. They were all in black. Rick could not see their faces, he was on his knees and in front of him there was a tomb stone. He could see a form that he recognized well beside it.

"Rick." Said the form walking closer to him.

"Kate, you are ok. Thank God. I was so afraid of losing you" He got up and hugged her she was cold, he look at her face she was pale.

"Rick…" She said in a cold and low voice, holding his face with her cold hands "… You lost me" and she gave him a soft cold kiss on his lips and suddenly she disappeared. He heard her voice smiling he looked back and saw her holding hands with Josh and this image disappeared too. He heard her voice again this time she was crying he looked for her again and saw her with Montgomery besides her with his hands in her shoulders, she was bleeding, she had blood all over her shirt, and Montgomery's face was full of blood too, their image began to fade away.

"Kate!" Castle screamed and started to run towards her. "Kate. Kate. No, stay with me" but it doesn't matter how much he was running she didn't seem to become closer. He got his arm up trying to reach her. She did the same. He was still running and he tripped in something; it was a tomb stone, he looked at it and saw the words "Katherine Beckett Beloved daughter" written in it. There was another word written in smaller letters the word was "Always". He started to hear Kate's voice saying "Always" in a whispered voice. "Always. Always. Always. Always. Always. Always. Always. Always." The sound became louder and louder, he could not see her just hear. "You said always, Richard." She was crying. "You said always!" Now she was screaming.

"Kate, I meant it. Where are you? I can't see you. I meant it. Always. I want you, I need you. Kate. Kate…"

Castle suddenly woke up, he had slept in that chair. "News, is there any news from her?"

In this exact moment a doctor entered in the room. "Who's with Kate Beckett?"

"Yes" answered Jim Beckett "How is she?"

"But something kept me standing by that hospital bed,
I should have quit but instead I took care of you.
You made me sleep and uneven, and I didn't believe them
When they told me that there was no saving you."