All of the King's Horses, All of the King's Men
Light's P.O.V.
I didn't mean to.
No matter what anyone else says, I swear, I didn't mean to hit him that hard. It's not like this is completely my fault or anything. I was provoked!
I guess it really doesn't matter anymore. I just need to figure out a way to get that no good son of a – I mean L, back to normal, and fast. Oh look, here comes the king of oddity himself.
"Greetings, court jester." L nodded pleasantly at me, taking no notice in the steadily slipping paper crown on his head.
I sighed. If I don't supply his highness with a steady stream of jokes, then he gets on my case. "I'm actually not Kira. Oh yeah, and my last name backwards is Imagay. Hardy har har." I halfheartedly flick at one of the overhanging bells on my obscenely unfashionable hat, making it jingle in an annoyingly cheerful way.
"Hahaha!" L laughed obnoxiously. "Glad to see you're not losing your touch." He slapped me on the back and then went on to attend to the other members of his "court." The detective was convinced that Misa was his queen, Matsuda was a knight, Soichiro was a duke, Mogi and Aizawa were servants, and Wedy and Aiber were guards. Watari wisely decided to go into hiding around this time. "Come, my fair lady." L held out his hand to Misa, who reluctantly took it when I shot her a warning glance.
Somehow, L had gotten one of those spinning upright tables that knife throwers use in the center of the room. "Sir Matsuda shall demonstrate his prowess in knife throwing." L explained, gesturing for Duke Soichiro and Queen Misa to take a seat by his side. Matsuda stood nervously by, holding the knife as far away from himself as he possibly could. He squeaked when his helmet fell forward and frantically tried to push the heavy visor back up. "Come, jester, tie yourself down and let us begin." L pointed to the pile of rope next to the slowly spinning upright table thing.
I stared at L like he was crazy or something, which, face it, he sort of was at the time. Actually, he's pretty crazy all of the time, but I digress. "There's no way I'm doing that!" I stalked over to L, ready to punch some more sense back into that little head of his.
Seeing the mutinous gleam in my eye, L quickly shrieked, "Guards! Seize him!" Aiber and Wedy shrugged and started towards me; they weren't about to question their boss's (now turned king) orders.
"Oh please-" I started to retort, but was cut off when Aiber and Wedy began dragging me kicking and screaming all the way down the hall. Soichiro put his face in his hands. Misa was about to spring up to my defense, but soon thought better of it when she saw the angered look on my face. Let's just say I'd rather rot in prison first before having Misa be the one to completely rescue me singlehandedly. The only thing they could really do now was hope L would come to his senses soon.
I was thrown into a fortress of oatmeal boxes. The walls were really flimsy and I could have easily escaped, but I didn't want to knock down the prison that I had worked so hard on building. The oatmeal had been a really great deal and L had instructed us to construct this towering jail with it, so we did. I ripped the cap off my head in frustration and began pacing, trying to come up with a good plan.
Mogi's P.O.V.
"Servants, we are in need of refreshment." L called Aizawa and me over. Aizawa gritted his teeth and stomped off to go get some drinks. I bowed.
"Everything will be ready in just a moment, sire." I could be a very convincing actor when I tried.
L smiled and nodded, satisfied with my performance. "Good man." He then turned to converse with Soichiro. Aizawa soon returned with the drinks, plopping the three tall glasses of lemonade onto the counter with an ungraceful clang.
"There." Aizawa blew the feather on his cap away from his face and crossed his arms, waiting for the king to give the verdict on his lemonade.
L brought the cup to his lips and took a sip, scrunching up his face at the sour taste. "What exactly is this?"
"Lemonade…You know, that drink made out of lemons." Aizawa slowly explained.
"You're serving me squeezed lemons?" L gasped, horrified.
"Hey, calm down. Jeez. I put sugar in it too." Aizawa tried to get the hysterical L to quiet down by snatching the glass from him and taking a sip to prove it wasn't anything life threatening. "See? No big deal."
It was too late, though. "Guards, seize him! He tried to poison your king!" L cried, pointing an accusing finger at the bewildered Aizawa. Aiber and Wedy looked at each other and then shrugged again, stepping forward to drag Aizawa off to the oatmeal prison of doom.
Light's P.O.V. Again
I was busily pacing when I tripped over a person – namely, Aizawa. We both sat up, disgruntled. "You too?" I asked.
"Yep. There's gotta be some way to bring L back…" Aizawa glared at me, believing this whole predicament to be my fault.
I held up my hands in surrender. "I don't know – wait a second." A brilliant idea suddenly came to me. "I got an idea." I smirked, gazing one last time at the perfectly put together wall of oatmeal.
I swung my fish back, and broke that wall.
"L, if you don't get back to normal I'm gonna torch every single one of your sweets! Or punch you again." I marched into the room, holding a lighter dangerously close to one of L's Happy Panda cracker boxes. I admit, the whole thing turned out a lot less menacing than it did in my head, but I managed to get my point across.
"Stop it! Alright, I'll stop. I was faking the whole time. I apologize." L removed his paper crown and hung his head in shame. He didn't seem too down about the whole thing though, because a second later he looked back up to make sure his sweets were all right, breathing a huge sigh of relief when he saw that they were still intact. "What gave me away?" He asked.
"Nothing, actually, I just had a hunch, that's all." I smirked. Everyone turned furious eyes to L, who just sheepishly waved. It took Misa a little while longer to process everything as she still had her mouth open in shock. "Even kings sometimes need a taste of their own medicine." I grinned as another plan formed in my mind.
"How long do I have to stay in here again?" L wiggled his toes impatiently. He stared at the newly reconstructed oatmeal box wall as if he were trying to burn a hole through it with his gaze alone.
"Until you've learned your lesson," Aiber replied, lazily flipping through a magazine.
"I'm hungry," L whined.
"Too bad." Wedy sneered.
"That was horrible," Misa complained.
"At least you weren't a jester," I shot back. Everyone sympathetically nodded in agreement.
"I can't believe you would imprison your king like this." L shook his head sadly, unaware of the shocked stares his statement was receiving.
All the king's horses and all the king's men, couldn't put L Lawliet together again