Disclaimer: The characters all belong to Dick Wolf, not me.
I think I'm going to leave this as a oneshot and it's very AU. Olivia is in grade nine and Elliot's in grade twelve. Sorry if it seems a bit out of character but bear with me.
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I wonder if it's called cutting class if you go to the library.
It seems almost ironic that the school could punish you for doing what they've tried to teach you all along. They try to instil in you a love of literature from day one, so wouldn't going to the library be a plus rather than a minus?
I know, I know. There's a time and place for everything and that's not it. And talk about irony – seeing "Badass Benson" in a library just takes the cake! Or so it would appear.
I've always loved libraries. You can go for hours, reading or doing research in peaceful silence. No one notices you. No one jeers at you. No one teases you. And most of all, no one hits you.
Ever since I was little, reading provided me with an escape I could seldom find elsewhere. I would walk to the nearby public library and devour one book after another like a starving wolf. My favourites were always books about big, happy families. I would lose myself in those books and pretend I was part of those families. It occurred to me that such families – such happiness – might exist only in books.
As a child, I would go through piles of picture books that I assumed were meant for mothers to read to their daughters. My mother never read to me, but as I read through Love You Forever for the millionth time, whispering the words aloud as I read, I tried to pretend it was my mother's voice murmuring the sweet words, rather than my own. I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.
* * *
There's an old homeless man who sits outside the library. When I come in at 9:00, skipping first period, he's always there, reading his newspaper on bench of the park outside the library. It doesn't open until 9:30, so I usually go sit with him. Sometimes I give him a dollar if I have one in my pocket.
Today he wags his finger good-naturedly as he always does. "Skipping again, Olivia?"
I give him a self-satisfied smirk and nod.
He laughs and goes back to his paper. He understands that I need a break sometimes. Which would all be fine and dandy if "sometimes" didn't mean three or four times a week. It's so easy to skip class that sometimes I do it just because I can. No one notices the silent girl in the back row, with her false bravado and the smile that doesn't meet her eyes.
* * *
I skip my first two classes but get back to school in time for lunch. Elliot, Fin, and Chester are standing outside the school, smoking a joint. I saunter toward them. "No smoking on school property," I tease.
"What planet are you on, Benson?" asks Fin, shaking his head. "No pot allowed on school property. Who cares if you're smoking it?"
I laugh. Although I know the guys only hang out with me because I'm Elliot's friend and they feel sorry for me, they're good guys. The kids in my class think I'm crazy to hang out with them because they're football players, and seniors at that, but I don't care. They're good to me and that\s all that counts.
"So where were you all morning, Benson?" asks Elliot, taking a puff on his cigarette.
I debate telling him I was at the library. I wonder if he'd believe me if I did.
Instead, I shrug and say, "Around."
He knows enough to let it go. When I start giving him one word answers, that's his cue to shut up.
Elliot's girlfriend, Kathy, ambles over to us. I've never liked her. Maybe it's because she's like a Barbie – a perfect, slender, blonde cheerleader. Maybe it's because I'm jealous. Or maybe it's just because she's nice to me one moment and nasty the next. "Hi, Elliot," she says sweetly, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Are we still on for tonight?"
"Yeah, babe," he says, dropping a kiss on her forehead.
I sigh. This is a chance I'll never have. I love him, and I have for years, but how can he know that?
Maybe someday he'll wake up and realize Kathy's not the girl for him, that the one he should be with has been there all along. Just like in my stories.
I'm not sure whether or not to continue this. Is it better as a oneshot or should I keep going?
Please drop me a review!