Disclaimer: Community wishes! Okay, maybe I wish.
A/N - This is from a prompt on M/M from Ficcy Friday. I probably won't update this very often, because school's starting up again next week (ugh!), also season 2 starts in September (yay!) which means I'll also be writing for Everything You Do... more often than this one. But I'll try update this as often as possible, and I hope you'll be patient.
Anyway, enjoy! And review's would be lovely.
XXX
CHAPTER ONE
Day One
Jeff Winger's morning routine went like this:
1) Get awoken by the most annoying alarm clock in the history of alarm clocks.
2) Shower.
3) Get dressed.
4) Style hair so that it is absolutely perfect. Anything less is unacceptable.
5) Ignore mother's phone call.
6) Make and drink Coffee.
His mornings had gone like that since his first day as a lawyer, and were one of the only things that hadn't changed since he'd gone to Greendale. So, they were the first six things he did on May 26th 2011. And the way he saw it, that day didn't start any differently than any other day in his life. His drive to Greendale wasn't any different than it had ever been. His morning classes were equally as boring now as they'd been when he first started taking them, the only difference was that Summer was on it's way, and instead of having to spend his days at this stupid school, Jeff could soon spend his days doing things he actually liked with actual sane people. And if he was really honest, he was sure that he probably wouldn't be sane if it wasn't for the six lovable misfits he had Anthropology with.
And yeah, Jeff was pretty excited for Summer. He was excited at the thought of going somewhere sunny, where he could work on his flawless tan and hit on hot girls in bars. And beaches. And anywhere else he went. He had a plan for this Summer, he'd had it since the Halloween party that the dean had organized for students that year. The one where he sent pamphlets on what costumes were deemed acceptable, and would definitely not offend anyone, were sent out. Needless to say, it was a short list, and none of the costumes allowed women to be particularly slutty (to Pierce's dismay and Britta's delight). This had led Jeff to plan his Summer around slutty women with barely any clothes on, which led to Spain. And that's what Jeff was going to do once classes were over. And there was more than just one reason why he wanted to go.
First, was the women, he really needed to meet some women. Plural. Let's just say, it'd been a while for him. Not that it was his fault or anything, please, if anyone could get laid, it was Jeff Winger. He just hadn't really been trying very hard lately. And it wasn't because he was gay like some people (namely Pierce) may have suggested. (Okay, just Pierce). The point was, Jeff was planning on getting laid that Summer.
Second, it wasn't like he'd had the easiest sophomore year at Greendale. It was Greendale after all. It started pretty awful, considering there was the whole Tranny Dance debacle, and Jeff hadn't spoken to any of the three women who had thrown themselves at him all Summer. Not even the one who he threw himself back at. And all hell had broken loose that first day back. Shirley had hit him with her giant purse, Britta had yelled at him, and Annie had avoided him like the plague. They did eventually sort everything out. Shirley apologized. Britta admitted that she didn't love him, (and any feelings she may have had for him, vanished when she found out about Annie), and he and Annie agreed to continue being friends, (her decision, not his). And he wasn't gonna lie, it totally sucked watching her date other guys all year. She went through an entire list of douche-bags. Jeff had been right about Vaughn, he was definitely the gateway douche. She dated all sorts of creeps. There was the creep from her World Histories class. The creep from Abed's film class. The creep with a mohawk from the Glee club. The foreign exchange creep that everyone liked up until it they found out he was making fun of them in Vietnamese, (of course the more shocking discovery that week was that Troy knew how to speak Vietnamese, which is how they found out what the creep was saying in the first place). The point was, Annie dated a lot of creeps. And Jeff had to sit back and silently watch her date creeps because she wanted to be friends. And it wasn't like he was gonna tell her he wanted otherwise just to get rejected. Also he really didn't want Shirley to hit him again, she carried a lot of junk in her giant purse.
XXX
The one morning class Jeff did enjoy on Thursday's was pottery. He'd taken it because it was still an easy A, and what better way to blow off steam than to sit around doing nothing while people made pots out of clay. And yeah, maybe the fact that Rich was in a mental institution after going crazy and drunk driving into a fountain around the corner claiming that his mom told him to do it, added to pottery's appeal. But he did pottery because it gave him a break from his hectic Greendale life. Abed was in his class too, when Jeff had asked why he did pottery he said he was taking any classes that seemed promising for character development, that's why he'd taken Feminist Studies with Britta. But to Abed's disappointment, Jeff didn't do anything in the class, therefore no character development.
That day at pottery, they had a sub. A hot female sub. Red hair, green eyes, amazing ass. And she had these sexy teacher glasses that brought back memories of Jeff's Geography teacher in high school, the first woman he'd ever had a crush on. Also, the woman to start his thing for teachers.
"Professor Snape, yes like the Harry Potter character, although I'm warning you now. Any Harry Potter jokes and I'll tell Professor Holly you were ghosting." She was badass too. Jeff liked this sub. Although he really pitied her for the name. And the job. Of all the subject to sub for, she subbed pottery. Talk about wasted potential. And that was why he'd never gotten a real degree, so he wouldn't have to waste his time taking unnecessary law exams, only to end up with crappy cases. How was he supposed to know he would actually be that good at it? Or that he'd get caught?
"Why aren't you making anything?" Snape had asked him when she noticed him sitting motionless beside Abed.
"Jeff doesn't like to do more than the necessary amount of work. And in this class he gets an A for just showing up" Abed had answered for him. Then he muttered something about waste of character potential.
"Well, could you at least do something for this class?" Snape had asked him.
"That depends, what would you have me do?" Jeff replied flirtatiously. She raised one eyebrow at him, (and so did Abed but he ignored that), and then she smirked a little, and they had this moment. Jeff began to picture her in a skimpy bikini on a beach in Barcelona, before she cleared her throat and snapped him out of it.
"You may do, whatever you like" She said. Her eyes had a mischievous glint in them, and her glasses slid halfway down her nose, and all of Jeff's naughty teacher high school fantasies came back to him in that moment. She walked away, and Jeff watched the beautiful view of her backside while Abed stared at him wide-eyed.
He'd made something for the first time since he'd started that class.
XXX
"You know it's about time, Jeff" Abed said, as they walked to study group.
"About time for what?"
"For some character development from you. I thought you were reverting back to how you were when the show began, but now I think you still have a chance. Your actions haven't been affected by a female in a while, this is the perfect development for you."
Jeff knit his brows together. "Okay first of all, show, Abed? Second, I don't think Snape will bring the development you're looking for" Jeff said as they entered Group Study Room F. Shirley, Annie and Pierce were already in their seats.
"Of course she will, dating her will help you find your emotion again. You've been more of a jerk lately, but a woman's touch is just what you need."
"Who are you talking about?" Shirley asked them.
"Professor Snape, the substitute for our pottery class" Abed said.
"Snape?" Annie asked. No one elaborated for her.
"I don't plan on dating her, Abed. Just sleeping with her" Jeff said instead. It earned him two disgusted faces from the women in the room, a grin from the racist, and a head shake from Abed.
"Your character's going backwards Jeff. That's not a good thing, the fans hate that."
"We're not in a TV show."
"He's right though, Jeffrey. It has been a while since you dated anyone" Shirley said.
"Oh, would you two leave the man alone. It's not like we don't know why" Pierce muttered.
"He's not gay Pierce" Annie defended.
"You'd know" Pierce shot back at her. This made Annie blush a little. And Jeff smirked, although no one noticed. "Speaking of gays" Pierce muttered as Troy and Britta arrived from their dance class. They both glared at him as they took their seats.
"How was dance class?" Annie asked them, still red from Pierce's earlier comment.
"Not good. It's fine until we get to the step, heel turn, step, reverse turn, heel pull, grapevine" Troy said resting his head in his hand, looking extremely frustrated.
"That's because it's step, reverse turn, heel pull, grapevine, step, heel turn" Britta said, frowning. Clearly this hadn't been the first time Troy had gotten the steps wrong.
"Ladies, that's all fine and dandy but you should listen to me now because I've got very important news" Pierce said. He had a manner of faux-importance about him. They all went silent and waited to hear whatever it was he had to say.
"My stepson Christopher is getting married tomorrow night, and he invited me" He announced.
"Good for you Pierce" Annie said, beaming with happiness for him. Only she would be this happy about something that didn't involve her in any way whatsoever. Typical Annie. What's worse was she was completely adorable when she grinned like that.
"That's not the important news" Pierce said. "The important part is that he said I could bring anyone I want, and I've chosen to bring one of you. So which of you lucky people want to come to my stepson's wedding with me?" Pierce asked. There was an incredibly awkward silence while the group forced smiles, and tried to think of reasons why they couldn't go.
"Well, that's nice Pierce, but I just don't think I can get a babysitter for tomorrow" Shirley said in the sweetest voice she had. Even then, everyone knew she could easily find a babysitter.
"Yeah, and Abed and I have to work on our project, for our Feminist Studies" Britta said. Abed nodded quickly. Pierce rolled his eyes at the mention of the class. He'd made it perfectly clear many times before, how pointless he thought that class was.
"Yeah dude, and I have this really important thing that I can't not do or else bad stuff will happen" Troy said. Jeff frowned at his weak excuse, but Pierce bought it. He turned to face Annie expectantly.
"Oh, I have a date" Annie said, in an apologetic voice. Jeff felt the urge to spit out a 'who is it this time?' but managed to contain himself.
"Jeffrey?" Their was a glint of hope in Pierce's eyes, and as much as Jeff didn't want to be a jerk, he also really didn't want to spend his Friday night at a wedding, with Pierce.
"You know, I'd love to Pierce, but I'm gay and all, you don't want your stepson to get the wrong idea about you" he said. Britta rolled her eyes in disapproval.
"Oh come on Jeffrey, you know I'm just kidding around about that" Pierce said. This time Britta looked surprised, so did the rest of the group, in fact. Pierce had never admitted he was just kidding, about Jeff's gayness, (or Britta's lesbianess for that matter). He must have been really desperate.
"Sorry Pierce, but I can't."
"Why not?"
"I have a previous engagement."
"What is it?" Oh sure when Troy has an important thing he can't not do, nobody bats a eyelash, but when Jeff has plans, everybody wants to know what he's up to, down to the last specific detail.
"It's personal."
"What's so personal that you can't tell us?" Well played Hawthorne. There was no way Jeff could get out of this, he'd have to either go with Pierce, or be a complete jackass. Being a jackass didn't sound too appealing, but he really, really didn't want to go to that wedding with Pierce.
"I don't know yet, but I can't go to that wedding with you."
And then there was an awkward silence while everybody disapproved of Jeff. Annie was giving Jeff that 'how could you be such a jerk?' look. And Jeff felt his stomach flip and the guilt start to rise up. Of course she'd make him feel guilty about it. Typical Annie, feeling bad for people who were upset over things that had nothing to do with her. Why did she have to be his conscious all the time, he never asked her to make him want to be a good person. Stupid Annie.
"Alright then, I see how it is" Pierce said. Nobody spoke. They all waited for Jeff to apologize or something. He wasn't going to, why should he? It's not like they were any better, they just happened to have all the good excuses. But of course in their eyes, they were the good guys who were great friends to Pierce, while Jeff was the douche-bag who wouldn't do a favour for his friend.
"Look, let's just study some Anthropology okay?" Jeff said. This way they'd forget about it, get distracted with something new halfway through studying, and everything would be back to normal.
And indeed that was what happened. They spent a good twenty minutes actually studying, (which, in all fairness, was almost the longest they'd gone without a distraction), before they got into a fight over whether Starburns was better looking when his sideburns were indistinguishable (which they were now, due to recent problems with his razor). Troy, Britta and Pierce were pro Hairyburns, while the others preferred Starburns. It was a rather heated argument for something as trivial as Starburns's hair, and it kept them off track for longer than they'd expected. But, like Jeff had thought, by the time they were done none of them even remembered what a jerk he was being, and he got off scott free. Well, almost. Annie, (of course), didn't forget.
Jeff's next class was some psychology class with a fancy name that Jeff forgot, taught by Ian Duncan. He'd only taken it 'cos Duncan agreed to give him As in everything if he helped wingman him. But throughout the semester Jeff had begun to actually do the work for that class. And maybe it had something to do with the fact that Duncan was a good professor, (although Jeff would rather shave his perfect head of hair than actually admit that), but Jeff was sure it was mostly because Annie was also in that class. He didn't bother doing the work at first, no matter how much she nagged him to, but then they paired up for a project together, and Jeff found that every time he actually did the work she would give him this gigantic smile, and her entire face would light up, and as much of an idiot as he felt because of it, he really liked it when she did that face. Especially if it was because of him. In the end, she did end up doing most of the project for him, but Jeff never forgot the reward that came from doing work himself. So he did the work in the hopes of one day seeing that smile again.
"Why won't you go with Pierce to his stepson's wedding?" Annie asked him as they walked together to their class.
"For the same reason none of you are going. I don't want to" Jeff said.
"We'd go if we could, we're just busy. You're not."
"Oh please, like Troy's thing he can't not do is legitimate" Jeff said.
"But you should do it anyway, be better than Troy. And Pierce is your friend."
"Annie, do you remember what happened last time you got me to help Pierce with family issues?" Jeff said. "Besides, you're no better than the rest of them, with your fake date." He added. He couldn't help himself.
"It's not fake" She said. He already knew that. He just wanted a reason to talk about her date. He wanted to know who she was going with now, and what on Earth drove her to assume this guy was a good person. The sad thing was, if Annie hadn't dated half of these guys, Jeff could probably see himself being friends with some of them. But instead, he hated all of them.
"So, who's the lucky guy?" Jeff asked, smiling to guarantee her that this entire conversation was in the friend zone, and had no hidden meaning behind it. (Of course it was all a load of crap, he just wanted to know who his new least favourite guy was, but it wasn't like he could tell her that).
"Oh, just this guy from one of my classes. I don't think you know him" She said awkwardly. That was the worst answer she could have given him. Now he would hate every guy he saw her talking to until he knew who the right guy was.
They walked in silence for the next few minutes. It was neither, comfortable, nor uncomfortable. It was more of a 'nothing left to say so we'll just leave it there' silence. The type you'd have with a cousin you didn't know that well, or with a friend who lived out of town. But the silence didn't last long. It was interrupted by the honking sound of horn. Jeff noticed the sound getting closer. It was the sound of a moped horn, (and screaming of innocent bystanders). Jeff turned his head slightly to see Chang driving full speed with his moped towards them.
"Out of the way, Winger!" He shouted as he got closer. On an impulse, Jeff pulled Annie in towards him, saving her from getting trampled by Chang. He drove on a little further eventually hitting some poor blonde girl, before turning and crashing them both into the nearest tree.
"Oh my God" Annie said, still wrapped in Jeff's protective arms. There was a millisecond where they realized they were closer to each other than any friend should be, and she felt his breath inches away from her skin, and this kind of electric rush went down Jeff's spine. Then, Annie pulled out of his grip, and power walked towards Chang, the blonde girl, and the tree. Jeff followed behind her quickly.
There was already a small crowd around the scene. The front of the moped was completely broken. Chang still sat on the seat, leaning backwards with his helmet on and his mouth hanging open like a zombie. The blonde girl was in a very uncomfortable looking position in the bush beside him, with a large bruise quickly forming on her forehead, and various twigs and leaves in her hair. After, a second Chang began to blink awake.
"What the hell were you doing?" Jeff asked, once the former Spanish teacher was conscious. Chang sat up slowly, and took his helmet off.
"I was in a race with Leonard" He said.
"Leonard's not here" Jeff pointed out.
"And he didn't just run over some poor girl" Annie added.
"Hey, that wasn't my fault. Leonard cut me off and I went off track, and started to lose control. That old man almost killed me. I'm lucky to be alive right now!" He said as he climbed off the moped.
"You almost killed this poor girl!" Annie exclaimed pointing at the still knocked out blonde.
"Yeah, about that, shouldn't some one call a paramedic or something?" Jeff said, looking at the crowd around them, hoping somebody would take the hint.
"Hey, if you can't get out of the way fast enough you get what's coming to you. You were lucky enough Winger decided to play hero here" Chang shot at Annie. He pushed through the crowd and walked away without a second glance. Annie blushed a little at the mention of Jeff's heroic move. Jeff, however, didn't notice, as he was checking to see if the blonde was okay, from the first aid that he could remember from high school.
XXX
"Do you wanna just go to the cafeteria?" Jeff asked, after campus security and a campus nurse arrived.
"But what about class?" Annie asked.
"Well, we're already pretty late, I don't think there's any point in showing up now" Jeff said.
"But Jeff, that's skipping class. We can't skip Applied Behaviour Analysis." (Right, that's what the class was called). Annie looked at him with her big blue eyes, as if he'd asked her to drive with him down to Mexico and sell drugs to less fortunate children.
"It's psychology taught by a crazy British man with a drinking problem, I think we'll live" Jeff said. He held his elbow out to her. "Milady?"
She looked unsure of what to do, but after a second or two of hesitation, she took his arm and smiled. "Milord" She said, trying to make it sound like she was okay with this. Jeff knew she wasn't. For the rest of the day she'd be thinking about how she skipped class. Knowing Annie she was probably currently having a mini freakout in her head. He wouldn't be surprised if she went and told dean Pelton she'd skipped class in some over dramatic way, and asked for a harsh, and completely pointless punishment.
Jeff bought himself a coffee at the cafeteria, while Annie bought herself a blueberry muffin. They sat across from each other, Jeff siping his coffee slowly and watching her picking at the berries out of her muffin.
"Why are you picking the blueberries out?" He asked.
"I hate blueberries" She said, not looking up from her food.
"And you bought a blueberry muffin because?"
"I wanted a regular muffin but they didn't have any, so I figured I could just pick the blueberries out of this one" She said still not looking up.
"I don't know, they look like they're very deep in there." Jeff's mental Pierce added a 'that's what she said'.
"I do what I have to do to get the right muffin." Ridiculous determination was etched across her face. Jeff thought it was kind of cute.
He chuckled lightly. "Only you, Edison." Annie finally looked up and smiled at him.
"I think you underestimate how disgusting blueberries are" She said. He didn't say anything. They just kind of sat there in silence, staring at each other with faint smiles on their faces. Then, Annie suddenly became very aware of herself.
"So what are you doing this Summer?" She chirped out, like it was one giant word that sounded like swaryudothismer.
"I wasted all my money on a ticket to Spain" Jeff said. Annie's eyes lit up.
"Spain? That sounds fun. What are you gonna do there?"
"Mostly sightseeing." (What? It wasn't like it was a complete lie. He just wasn't doing the type of sightseeing she thought he was). "What about you?"
"I haven't really thought about it yet. I don't want to plan too far ahead in case something happens, like I fail my exams and end up having to take Summer classes, or something like that" She said, eating a blueberry-less crumb of muffin.
"Oh yeah, like you're gonna fail" Jeff scoffed. He snuck his hand on her plate and took the nearest blueberry.
"You never know. I mean, I was sure I was gonna pass all my SATs and get into Yale, but then I had too many pills and...you know the story" Annie said, with a self-conscious shrug.
"Yeah, but then you'd never have met me, and your life would be an empty Jeff Winger-less shell" He said, smirking at her.
"Well I wouldn't want that" She said, smiling. And there was a certain sincerity about it, that made Jeff's heart speed up momentarily. It didn't last long, because they were interrupted.
"Hey Annie" Said a guy that Jeff recognized from one of Annie's classes. His name was something ridiculous that didn't even sound like a name, like Lobb or Heff.
"Hi Biff" Annie said, sitting up a little straighter in her seat. Of course, Biff, how could he forget.
"So I just came to check about our date tomorrow." Jeff choked on his coffee, earning him a worried glance from Annie. Biff still didn't acknowledge his presence. But that's not what Jeff was thinking about. Annie was going on a date with Biff. This was the douche-bag she was going on a date with. He wasn't even attractive. He had a pointy nose, and unnaturally pointy hair. He was just pointy all over. And he had a stupid name. What, were his hobbies traveling in time after Marty McFly? He was so obviously a huge douche. A huge, stupid, pointy faced douche. And those damn biceps were not real. No human man could have biceps that big. He probably used some sort of crazy illegal steroids. Annie shouldn't be around a guy like that!
Annie scratched the side of her head self-consciously and looked at the table like there were bugs dancing on it for her. "Uh..yeah...of course" She said avoiding eye contact with both men around her.
Biff smiled a stupid smile, and Jeff thought his teeth were way too white to be real. He was probably some old toothless man in disguise, no wonder he was named Biff. He was a pointy, steroid-taking, time-traveling, old man, douche-bag. Jeff couldn't possibly let that guy go on a date with Annie.
"Great" Biff said. He nodded to Jeff as if they were supposed to understand each other or something, and then walked away. Jeff had a very strong urge to punch that guy in the face. Instead he focused on the still blushing brunette nibbling at muffin crumbs.
"So...Biff?"
Annie shrugged. "He's in Media Studies with me" She said innocently. "We sat beside each other all year, and a few days ago he asked me out."
"Well good for you" Jeff said, and with the amount of enthusiasm he used, Annie had to know it was forced. If she did, she didn't acknowledge it.
"Yeah" She said. Things got awkward after that. Jeff squeezed his paper cup slightly, watching the coffee rise and fall. Annie picked at the bluberry-less parts of her muffin. Neither of them looked the other in the eye. It was more of Annie stared at Jeff. Jeff looked up and Annie looked away and pretended she was staring at something else across the room. Jeff went back to squeezing his coffee, and Annie resumed her staring. This lasted five minutes, until Jeff pointed out that Anthropology would start soon and they should probably get going.
XXX
They were the first one's there. Them and that ginger kid who was obsessed with The Chronicles of Narnia, and couldn't seem to grasp that fauns weren't real. Sitting in their seats awkwardly waiting for some one else from the group to show up, was possibly the most nerve wracking thing Jeff ever had to sit through. After the longest minute of his life, Jeff gave up with the whole 'we're-just-friends-so-Annie's-dates-don't-bother-me' act he had going on.
"So, why are you going out with Biff?" The sane part of Jeff's brain started berating him for asking. The jealous part waited impatiently for an answer.
"He asked me" Annie answered, not turning around to face Jeff.
"So you'll just date whoever asks you?" Jeff said. The ginger kid sat up in his seat looking hopeful. Jeff glared at him.
"No. Biff's nice too, and smart, and.." Oh god, please don't say he's good looking. "..he has a very fortunate face."
"He has a pointy face."
"You have a pointy face."
"At least my pointy face looks good."
"Why are you being so childish?"
"Who said I was being childish? Do I sound like a child to you?"
"Yes." The ginger kid nodded in agreement.
"Well, sorry for trying to start up a conversation."
"We don't have to talk about Biff."
"Why not? What's wrong with talking about Biff, we've talked about all the other guys you've dated." Okay, now he was starting to sound like a jerk. He couldn't help it. It was stupid Biff's fault. And stupid Annie's fault. It was both their faults for going on a stupid date tomorrow. They were both just stupid.
"Why do you want to talk about Biff?"
"I don't want to talk about Biff. It was just polite conversation making."
"Well, then make a polite conversation about something else."
"Fine."
"Fine."
They sat in an angry silence while Jeff tried to think of something to say so he wouldn't lose this. Annie was still angrily facing the other way. "So, does Biff work for the McFly family or.."
"Jeff!"
"What? It's a stupid name."
"So?"
"So, he's obviously a douche."
"Because he has a stupid name?"
"Duh, all guys with stupid names are douche-bags. Everyone knows that Annie" Jeff scoffed. Annie finally turned around and gave him a half-furious half-insulted look. Jeff kept his brave face on, and tried to act like it didn't bother him that she looked like she wanted to murder him. Why did he have to open his mouth? What possible part of him thought it would be a good idea to talk about Biff?
"Really?" Annie raised a challenging eyebrow at Jeff and turned to the ginger kid who had been watching them like they were a movie. "What's your name?" She asked.
"Bubba."
"That's a pretty stupid name Bubba. Are you a douche-bag?" Annie asked. Bubba looked kind of frightened by her anger.
"I don't think so" He said.
"Case and point" Annie said to Jeff, then turned back around. Jeff glared at Bubba.
"You don't by any chance own a shrimp boat company with Forrest Gump?" He asked Bubba sarcastically. What was it with all the stupid movie names in this school anyway?
Thanks to stupid Biff and stupid Annie, (yes it was their faults, Jeff was being perfectly reasonable and certainly not a jerk), Jeff was in an angry mood for the entire class. When the professor popped in and announced that they were a little behind on the course and had to catch up, Jeff was angry. When Britta and Abed arrived late claiming that they got kept back in class even though Jeff was positive they didn't have Feminist Studies on Thursdays, he was angry. When Troy answered a question correctly because he remembered something similar happening in Bones, Jeff was angry. And when class was finally over and everyone was piling out, and Annie ran out quickly before anyone had a chance to say a word to her, Jeff was very angry.
"You seem angry" Abed noted as the group, (sans Annie), walked to the study room.
"I'm not angry" Jeff said...angrily.
"Really 'cos that vein that always pops out when you're angry is popping out" Troy pointed out.
"I don't have a vein that pops out."
"Say that in a less angry voice and we might believe you" Shirley said.
"I'm not angry" Jeff exclaimed. He tried to walk faster so that he didn't have to listen to them, but once he'd gotten far enough he was stopped by Pavel, the Polish guy from Abed's dorm.
"Hello Jeff" Pavel said with his usual smile. How was he so optimistic all the time? He was like an even more satisfied version of Abed.
"Hi Pavel" Jeff said. He tried to sidestep away from the Polish boy, but Pavel moved with him so he was still in Jeff's way. Jeff got even angrier, as well as growing and urge to violently push Pavel out of his way.
"Jeff, I have a question to ask of you" Pavel said. The group caught up to Jeff, who mentally cursed Pavel.
"Hey Pavel" Abed said. Pavel waved.
"I'm throwing a fun party tonight, I am wondering if you would like to come to it" Pavel said, still smiling. It was getting kind of creepy.
"Sorry Pavel, I can't" Jeff said, trying to step away again. Pavel stepped in front of him.
"But it is very fun party. Everybody is invited" Pavel said. His smile faltered just a little, and if Jeff wasn't so angry he probably would have felt a bit guilty.
"If they're not coming to my son's wedding, what makes you think they'd go to your lame party" Pierce said. Shirley hit him with her disapproving mom face. "What? It's not like you're going."
Pavel looked at Shirley expectantly. Shirley just shook her head with an apologetic expression. This was a painful exchange to watch. Pavel was like a newborn puppy watching his mother getting run over repeatedly by a monster truck. Jeff would even have said yes to the party if he wasn't so angry, or you know, if he didn't not want to go. It wasn't even that he didn't like Pavel, but come on, it was Pavel. How many people did he expect to show up?
"Any of you others want to come?" Pavel asked. Ever the optimist.
"You know Pavel, we'll think about it" Britta said in a friendly voice. Probably to make up for the huge lie she just told the poor boy. Pavel nodded and walked away. Jeff heard Pavel asking some one else to his party while he resumed his 'not angry' storming away.
Annie was already in the study room, (obviously), when the rest of the group got there. She was writing something in her notebook, and didn't even seem to notice when everyone else entered.
"How did you get here so fast?" Britta asked as they all took their seats.
"Just walked" Annie said with an innocent smile and a clueless shrug, as if she hadn't run out of Anthropology like she was being chased by a serial killer.
"Lucky. You didn't have to watch all of us reject Pavel. Now, I feel really guilty and sad" Shirley said, with a sad pout.
"Yeah, I felt like I just shot Bambi's mom" Troy said.
"Spoilers" Pierce called out bringing his hands up to his ears. Troy's eyebrows knit together.
"You haven't seen Bambi?"
"Bambi?" Pierce took his hands away, "I thought you were talking about another movie."
"What movie?"
"Well, it's like Bambi, but it's a different genre" Pierce said.
"What genre?" Abed asked.
"I don't think you've watched it Abed, although Britta probably has. You should ask her about it" Britta frowned in confusion.
"He's talking about porn" Abed explained. Britta's frown turned into a glare. The rest of the group just looked disgusted.
"I think this is an appropriate time to change the subject" Jeff said. The group nodded.
"I suppose now you probably want to talk about how every guy with a stupid name is a douche-bag" Annie spat. Jeff's earlier anger started to bubble up again. If she didn't want to talk about it, why bother bringing it up? She knew he was just going to act like a jerk about the whole thing. Did she just want to annoy him on purpose? Still, Jeff wasn't giving up. Biff was a douche and he wouldn't rest until Annie realized it.
"Yeah, especially names that sound like Biff" Jeff snapped back at her.
"Jeff sounds kinda like Biff" Troy pointed out, earning him a scowl from Jeff.
"Who's Biff?" Pierce asked.
"Annie's flavour of the week" Jeff said bitterly.
"Who you don't even know, yet seem to think is a huge jerk" Annie said with anger.
"I don't need to know the guy to know he's a jerk. It's obvious."
"How is it obvious?"
"Please, when he talks he's practically slapping you in the face with his jerkyness."
"Sounds like some one I know" Britta said. She winked at Jeff as if it was some huge secret that he could be a jerk.
"That doesn't even make sense."
"You only think that because you're going on a date with him!" Jeff exclaimed.
"So what, I'm suddenly not allowed to date jerks?"
"Sorry, I assumed you'd like to know in advance rather than going on another pointless date, that would just end in tears and us comforting you over some guy who wasn't even worth your time in the first place!"
"Well I'm sorry for trying to be happy!"
"If you want to be happy, quit dating creeps!"
"Why do you even care who I date?"
Jeff was taken aback. "I...don't...I...you're my friend, and it sucks watching you go on these crappy dates."
"Well in her defense, it's not like there's any good guys out there for her to date" Britta said.
"Sure there are" Jeff tried.
"Well, whoever they are, they're not single" Shirley muttered.
"Why are you guys encouraging this?" Jeff asked angrily.
"Because Annie can date whoever she wants, we don't care. You care" Abed said matter-of-factly
"I don't care" Jeff scoffed.
"Than why are you being such a jerk about Biff?" Annie asked.
"I'm not!"
"You kind of are" Troy said.
"I'm just looking out for my friend."
"No, it's more than that" Abed said.
"I think he wants to get in her pants again" Pierce said. Abed nodded in agreement.
"I don't want to get in her pants! I've never even been in her pants!"
"Yet" Pierce added. Jeff took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. This is what he got for trying to help people, all of them assuming he wanted to sleep with Annie. Just great.
"I'm not going to get in Annie's pants, nor am I trying to. I'm just trying to tell her what a douche Biff is except none of you are listening to me."
"I think he's jealous because Biff is practically a younger, hotter version of him. Their names are even similar" Abed said.
"That's true!" Troy exclaimed like it was some great discovery.
"Biff is not a younger Jeff!" Annie defended nervously.
"Nor is he hotter" Added Jeff. Annie rolled her eyes at him.
"You know, he kind of is" Britta said.
"He's certainly got bigger muscles than you" Shirley stated.
"You take that back."
"Who cares? Why are we even talking about this?" Pierce asked, clearly annoyed by the entire conversation.
"Jeff cares" Abed answered.
"No I don't!" Jeff yelled.
"Well you're the only one bothered about it!" Annie yelled back.
"Ugh, this is the last time I try to help you with anything!" Jeff stood up from his seat and took his books.
"I didn't ask for you help!"
"Where are you going?" Shirley asked.
"Good, 'cos you're never getting it again!" Jeff shouted, ignoring Shirley. He turned and stomped out of the room. He heard Annie calling out something about how childish he was being, and she never should have skipped class with him. He knew he was being childish, and he was very aware that he was also being a jerk. He couldn't help it. He'd sat through a year of Annie's crappy dates and to say it was getting on his nerves would be an understatement. Sure, he started out with good intentions, but Annie just kept defending Biff, and Jeff accidentally ended up roaming into childish jerk territory. And it wasn't like he could just stop being a childish jerk halfway, that would make him seem like even more of a childish jerk. One way or another, she'd get mad at him, and Biff would go on a date he didn't even deserve. Stupid Biff.
As Jeff stomped away from the library like a four year old, he noticed Professor Snape reading the campus map. Perfect. No better way to forget about stupid Biff and stupid Annie than busying himself with a hot teacher.
"If you're looking for some hidden escape route, I already checked. There are none" Jeff said with a smirk. Snape smiled at him.
"And why would I want to escape?"
"It must be your first day. Get out while you still can." Snape laughed.
"It can't be that bad" She said, naively.
"You haven't met that dean yet, have you?"
"No, actually I'm looking for his office" She said pointing to the map beside them.
"That explains a lot" Jeff said.
"You really don't like this school, do you?" She asked. Jeff shook his head.
"No teachers worth a damn. Although, their subs aren't bad at all" He said with a flirtatious smirk.
"Really?" She said, mirroring his smirk back at him.
"Oh yeah, I got this really hot one for Pottery."
"You know, I don't know this campus at all, maybe you can bring me to the dean's office." She leaned in closer, to whisper in his ear. "You can show me a few storage closets on the way." She pulled back and winked at him, and Jeff felt like he was in one of his teenage fantasies. If he could go back in time and high five fifteen year old Jeff, he would.
"It would be my pleasure" He said with a charming Winger smile.
XXX
When they were done doing the dirty deed, Snape left pretty quickly. Jeff ran after her asking her why. Her reply was "Come on Winger, we both know this was a one time thing. I just got out of a crappy relationship and you don't look like a relationship guy. What else did you expect?" And Jeff wasn't exactly disappointed by it. She was right, he wasn't expecting anything, just sex. But there was still some incomplete feeling inside his chest that he couldn't really place. Almost like what he did was wrong. He wasn't sure whether it felt wrong because he did it with Snape, or just because he did it in the first place. It just did. He took a drink from the nearest water fountain, hoping that maybe the feeling would go away. It didn't. It just got worse as he walked back to the study room.
Only Britta and Abed were there when he got there. Abed was showing her a movie he'd made on his laptop, and between them was a small bunch of flowers in a glass of water.
"Where'd you get the flowers?" Jeff asked taking his seat.
"Some one sent them to Britta" Abed said typing some keys on his laptop.
"Secret admirer?" Jeff asked.
Britta shrugged. "No card."
Silence fell amongst them and Jeff started tapping his fingers against the table.
"So what's up with you and Annie" Britta asked, turning to face Jeff for a conversation. Abed continued staring at his screen.
"Nothing. Nothing's going on" Jeff said. He honestly tried to make it sound like he was telling the truth, but Britta had this thing where she believed what she wanted to believe, because she was Britta. Jeff thought it was really annoying.
"Really, 'cos you're little argument today begs to differ" She said with a smug look, like she knew everything that was going on in Jeff's head, and was proud of it.
"We're just friends" Jeff stated, more seriously this time.
"Like Harry and Sally" Abed said, still fixated on the laptop.
Jeff's brows met. "Abed, I think that movie was about how they couldn't be friends because they had feelings for each other."
"Exactly."
"Wrong. Not exactly, because Annie and I are just friends" Jeff tried. Abed finally looked at him and gave him a skeptical look.
"That's what Harry said about Sally."
"But boy was he wrong" Britta teased.
"No, you're wrong. Because Annie and I are just friends and that's it" Jeff insisted, as Troy strutted into the room.
"Yeah right" He said, throwing himself into his seat violently, causing the table to shake and Britta's flowers to land on the floor.
"Troy!" Britta exclaimed sadly. She started picking up the flowers, Abed watched with his head cocked to right and a frown on his face.
"What?" Troy said, oblivious to the damage he had done.
"Those flowers were from Britta's secret admirer" Jeff explained.
"Ooh" Troy said like he was still in middle school. Britta rolled her eyes at him. "Do you know who he is?"
"Or she" Jeff added.
"It's a secret admirer" Abed stated.
"Yeah, and I'm asking who he or she is" Troy said, as if the fact that it was a secret made no difference.
"I don't" Britta said, throwing the flowers back on the table with irritation.
"Bummer" said Troy.
"Abed what are you watching?" Jeff asked, since the secret admirer conversation had just hit it's dead end.
"Just a movie I made. I'm thinking about submitting it into a contest, but it's not that good" He said.
"Your movies are always good" Troy said, like the true best friend that he was.
"Yeah, you should definitely submit it Abed" Britta encouraged. Abed turned to Jeff for his oppinion. Jeff shrugged.
"Haven't seen it but I'm sure it's great."
"Thanks Jeff, and don't worry about you and Annie. Biff is a douche, she'll end up with you eventually."
Jeff frowned. "If you think Biff is a jerk than why didn't you back me up earlier?"
"That wasn't the point of the conversation."
"Yes it was!" Jeff exclaimed angrily.
"I thought it was about Jeff's feelings for Annie" Troy said in confusion.
"It was" Britta said.
"It wasn't!" Jeff whined.
"You're not that subtle Jeff" Britta said with a smirk. Jeff stood up to leave again.
"You know, you leaving every time we bring this up isn't helping your 'I don't like her' argument" Abed said as Jeff walked away. Jeff tried to ignore him, but his words rung in his head. Most of what the group had said was very true, but Annie didn't want to be with him. She wouldn't date everyone on the Greendale campus but him, if she wanted to be with him. She wouldn't defend Biff, if she wanted to be with him. She wouldn't have said that they should just stay friends all those months ago, if she wanted to be with him. She didn't want to be with him and that was it. Nothing more to think about. And Jeff didn't want to keep thinking about the things that could have been. He was fine with screwing hot subs in closets. It didn't make him feel empty inside. He didn't need Annie to be happy. He was Jeff Winger. He was just fine.
XXX
Whatever higher power did or didn't exist, really liked to make Jeff look like a moron. It wasn't that this uncertain higher power did horrible things to Jeff, like give his mom cancer, or make him so poor that he had to starve, or give him crappy hair. No, this uncertain higher power was just a little trigger on top of all the crappy things to happen to Jeff in one day. If Jeff went through a crappy day that ended with Annie being pissed at him, and him feeling upset over the fact that there was nothing between him and Annie, the uncertain higher power would plant bird poop on his Lexus, just to add to his misery. It was basically saying "Hey you're day sucked, here's some real crap for you to clean!"
There was also the fact that Chang was sitting on a bench in front of Jeff's Lexus, laughing at his misery. Jeff wondered briefly if Chang had somehow lured a bird and forced him to do a number two on Jeff's car, just so he could laugh at him. Honestly, he wouldn't have been surprised if Chang had done that.
"Even the birds think you're useless" Chang said. Jeff glowered.
"What do you want Chang?"
"Well, you're aware of my little accident earlier" Chang began.
"You mean the one where you nearly murdered a girl. I don't know, it's kind of fuzzy" Jeff said sarcastically.
"Cut the crap Winger. My moped's bust and I need a ride home."
"And you're asking me?" Jeff asked. He was a little thankful for this moment. Nothing would cheer him up more than getting to laugh in Chang's face.
"Not asking, offering. I'm going to meet up with some friends, go to a bar. I bet there'll be some pretty hot chicks" Chang said.
"So I go drinking with you and your buddies in exchange for a ride home?" Chang nodded. "That doesn't sound like a good trade."
"It's a great trade. Now come on throw me your keys" Chang said, getting up from the bench and walking over to the driver's seat door.
"I haven't said yes yet" Jeff pointed out. "Plus, nobody drives the Lexus but me."
"Oh come on Winger!" Chang whined. Jeff shook his head.
"I'll pay for all your drinks."
"Yes, because that's what's kept me from saying yes."
"I'll clean the bird crap from your car." Well, Chang may not have put it on there, but if he was gonna take it off than why waste the oppotunity.
"Fine, but I'm driving, and we sit at different ends of the bar."
XXX
Turns out Chang's buddies were actually two middle-aged balding men that looked like they were permanently depressed. Jeff wasn't surprised, it's not like many people would enjoy going drinking with Chang. Jeff was alone on the opposite side of the room and even he wasn't enjoying it. He stared at his gin and tonic hoping that it would somehow teleport him to his apartment. Suddenly Chang cleaning the bird crap from his car wasn't worth playing chauffeur all night for the little Asian man.
"What's with the brooding stare Winger?" Chang's voice asked from beside him. Jeff turned to see him sipping a martini beside him. His hairless buddies were no longer around.
"Were your friends ever here or should I call my doctor?"
"Their wives gave them curfews" Chang explained.
"Those men have wives?" Jeff asked in confusion.
"So you didn't answer about the brooding stare" Chang said ignoring him.
"I don't have a brooding stare."
"Really, 'cos you've been staring at that G and T like it's dying."
Jeff sighed. "Do you ever wish you could relive a day again, but you know...differently." It's not even that he wanted to live the day differently, he just didn't want to feel like some half jerk, half loser who had nothing better to do than getting drinks with his ex-Spanish teacher.
He waited for Chang to answer for a moment. Some crazy part of Jeff's brain even thought he might end up having a somewhat deep conversation with Chang. Boy was he wrong.
"Pfft, no" Chang scoffed. "My life is awesome!"
Jeff rolled his eyes. "Don't you have a curfew?"
"Divorced" Chang said eating the olive from his drink.
"Right" Jeff said. "Well, I'm not staying any longer than I have to" He picked up his keys from the tabletop and stood up.
"What no, I haven't even hooked up with anyone yet."
Jeff made a disgusted face. "Let's consider that a good thing." He turned and headed for the door.
"Way to be a party pooper, Winger" Chang whined as they walked back to the Lexus.
"Way to be a ten year old, Chang."
"Ugh, whatever's got you brooding is making you really suck today."
"I'm not brooding!" Jeff exclaimed as they entered the car.
"Dude, you so are."
"Don't call me dude."
"Is it Edison?"
"No it's not Edison, why would it be Edison?" Jeff said in an overly-exaggerated calm voice.
"Duh, because you two were fighting in the library today about her new boyfriend."
"He's not her boyfriend" Jeff said angrily. "And how do you even know about that?"
"You were louder than the big bang" Chang said.
"I'm not brooding because of Annie" Jeff insisted. His defeated sigh after he spoke begged to differ. Ugh, stupid Chang! Why'd he even care? It's not like they'd have some deep heart to heart just because they were talking about Annie. And Jeff wasn't brooding, why would he be brooding? He'd have to be sad to be brooding, and Jeff wasn't sad. He'd gotten laid by a hot substitute teacher. He didn't have to clean the bird poop from his car. This was a great day. There was no reason to brood. And he wasn't brooding, so there was no reason to convince himself that there was no reason to brood. Because he wasn't brooding. At all. So Chang should just shut up.
"Shut up!"
"I didn't say anything" Chang said, looking at Jeff like he was a crazy person.
"Right, sorry."
The rest of the drive was in complete silence. They were silent as they drove to Chang's crappy apartment complex. They were silent as Chang wiped the crap from Jeff's windshield, and Jeff waited in the car. And the silence became even more silent once Chang was gone. And normally Jeff loved silence seeing as it was a rare treat at Greendale, but today it sucked. Everything about this day from start to finish just somehow sucked. Even the hot supply closet sex sucked. (Okay, it didn't suck. But the feeling that came after it did).
Jeff's nightly routine wasn't as repetitive as his morning one. For one thing, he didn't actually have a nightly routine. It was usually just watch whatever lame show was on TV, or eat whatever processed food was in his fridge, then go to bed when he was tired. It felt oddly high school of him, but those few hours before he went to bed, were the only time of day when Jeff was truly relaxed. No worrying about how he looked, or what hi-jinks he'd have to suffer through at Greendale, or how he was going to pay all those bills that he was behind on due to him not being a lawyer anymore. (And the fact that he'd wasted his money on Spain). Night time, was Jeff's favourite time, because it was just him. And he could be the most unguarded version of himself, without being judged by anyone. He kind of loved that.
That Thursday night, Jeff's night was rather insignificant. He stayed up and watched Grey's Anatomy, (there was nothing else on, okay), and eating potato chips. It wasn't even a good episode, (not that Jeff had seen any good episodes...because he didn't watch Grey's Anatomy), the one with the hair pissed somebody off, and the one who slept around had sex with some one. It was what usually happened, (Jeff assumed, because, again, he didn't watch Grey's Anatomy). So after Grey's Anatomy, (and Private Practise), Jeff went to bed. And he didn't stay up thinking about his insignificant night, or his lame day. He just went to sleep thanking the higher power that may or may not exist, that it was Friday tomorrow.