This was inspired by The Talk I had with my eleven year old on Sunday. Lord help me!
Thanks to Rach for her beta work!
Sally
The Talk
What the hell? Who is calling me at this ungodly hour? It's 5:00 in the friggin morning. I fumbled around for the phone, but by the time I picked it up there was no one there. Bastards. I had just crawled back under the covers when my cell phone started ringing again. It was Batman. I grabbed the phone from the nightstand and brought it under the covers with me. "Whaddawant?" I'm so not a morning person.
"Babe, I need your help." Ranger sounded desperate.
I sat bolt upright in bed, now fully awake. "Are you okay? Is someone hurt?"
I could hear the tension in his voice. "No one is hurt. But I have a situation. You're the only one who can do this. I need you, please." Damn, he said please. Like I was going to say no otherwise? Ranger was always there for me; if he needed my help, I was going. But why did it have to happen so early in the morning?
"Of course Ranger. When and where? And what do I need to bring?"
"Just you. My place ASAP." And then he was gone.
I struggled out of bed and grabbed a pair of jeans off the floor and a t-shirt that wasn't too wrinkly. I threw my hair in a ponytail and headed out the door.
On my drive over my mind raced with possibilities. Why would he need my help? I mean my skills were pretty limited, especially compared to Ranger and his Merry Men. Other than luring a skip out of a bar, I couldn't think of one single thing.
Maybe it wasn't that kind of problem. He didn't ever say problem, he said situation. He said I was the only one who could help. No he couldn't. He wouldn't. Was this a booty call? Was I going to show up to find Ranger naked and chained to the shower rod? I lost control of the car a little with the hot flash that image sent through my body. If this was a booty call I was not prepared. I didn't do my hair or have any make up on. Oh God, I didn't take time to brush my teeth, I still had morning breath! I grabbed my phone and hit speed dial #1.
"Yo" His voice was strained.
"Is this a booty call? This had better not be a booty call. I didn't have time to shower and do all that girly stuff." I was sounding a little panicky.
"Babe." I took that to mean, this is not a booty call. I was going to apologize for the accusation, but he was already gone.
In minutes I was on Haywood. I pulled into the garage and hurried to the elevator, fobbing my way up to the penthouse.
Ranger was waiting for me as the doors opened. As soon as I stepped off the elevator he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in hair. He was on edge. He was so tense that he didn't realize he was squeezing me too tight. "Ranger, can't breathe," was all I could choke out. He released me and I took big gulps of air to refill my lungs.
"Ranger, you are freaking me out. What the hell is going on?"
He looked a little pale, "It's Julie."
My voice rose, "Omigod, is she okay. Did something happen to her?"
Ranger shook his head, "She's here. She came to stay for the weekend."
"And?" I made the motion to go on.
He hesitated briefly, "She got her period for the first time and I don't know what to do. You need to talk to her." I wanted to laugh, but he probably wouldn't take it very well.
"Well, let's go get Ella." I didn't think I was exactly qualified for this.
He pleaded, "Babe, please. Ella is gone for the weekend."
"What about her mom?" I so did not want to do this.
Negative, "Rachel and Ron went on a second honeymoon which is why Julie is here and I can't reach them."
I was running out of suggestions, "Why don't you talk to her?" I just got a look for that one.
"What do you want me to say, welcome to the world of cramps and PMS?"
"Babe."
I agreed, "Alright fine. What am I supposed to do, just comfort her? Is she just freaked out because it's her first time or what?"
"No, it turns out Rachel never got around to having the talk with her. Jesus, she's only twelve. She has no idea what's going on." He looked so lost; he couldn't believe his little girl was growing up.
"Don't they teach sex ed in school anymore? I remember learning all about the journey into womanhood from Mrs. Cole, the school nurse in sixth grade." They took the girls into a separate room and showed us a movie and gave us a box of pads. When we went back to the classroom Carl Costanza said, We got toothbrushes, what'd you get? I told him we got toothbrushes too.
He shook his head, "She goes to a strict Catholic school. No sex ed."
My eyes went wide, "So she knows nothing?" He just shook his head again. Crap.
I sighed, "Okay, so what am I supposed to cover? Her period, puberty in general, what? Shit I don't have to go into the birds and the bees do I?"
He tried to calm me down, "Can you just answer her questions? I sent Bobby to pick up supplies for her and he found a book. His sister said it was good; she used it with his niece. I gave her the book to read and told her we could talk after she read and she could ask questions."
I narrowed my eyes at him, "And by we you mean me, right?"
"Please." He was getting to me with those big brown eyes.
"Fine. I need coffee, and doughnuts. Send one of the guys to the Tasty Pastry for a dozen Boston crèmes." Then I thought of Julie's first case of PMS cravings. "Better make it two." I headed for the door when I found myself in another crushing Ranger hug.
He held me tightly, rocking back and forth, he whispered, "Oh god Babe, thank you. I don't know what I would do without you." When I started to wheeze from lack of air he released me. He opened the door and ushered me into the apartment. He went to the kitchen and poured me a cup of coffee, even adding milk and sugar. Wow. I sucked down about half of it.
"Where is she?"
"She's in the office on the pull out couch." I went down the hall and knocked softly on the door.
"Julie, it's Steph, can I come in?"
The door flew open and Julie wrapped her arms around me. "Steph, I'm so glad to see you." She had grown taller since I had last seen her. She was still a beautiful girl blessed with her father's features. She didn't have that awkward look some girls get around age twelve. I had been one of those girls. We made our way over to the hide a bed and made ourselves comfy. I could see the book lying on the bed. She picked it up and hugged it to her chest. "Did Ranger call you?" She looked embarrassed.
"Yeah sweetie, he thought you needed a girlfriend to talk to. Is that okay?" I didn't want to overwhelm her.
She looked relieved, "So you mean I get to ask you the questions? I don't have to talk to Ranger about this stuff?"
I nodded, "If you want to, if it's okay with you I mean."
She threw her arms around my neck, "Oh God Steph, thank you, thank you, thank you." I guess she didn't want to talk to Ranger about it anymore than he wanted to talk to her about it. So began my career as a Sex Ed teacher.
"No problem Julie, you know I'd do anything for you." She hugged me tighter and I knew we were sharing the memory of her shooting Scrog in my apartment to save our lives as well as Ranger's. I squeezed her tighter. There was a knock at the door. I found Ranger on the other side of the door with a box from the Tasty Pastry and two cups from Starbucks, a mocha latte for me and hot chocolate for Julie.
"How's it going? He whispered.
I grabbed the treats and whispered, "You owe me. Big."
"Anything," was his answer. Anything? Really? Like how about you rethink your no relationships rule. I gave him a mischievous smile and shut the door.
"Doughnuts? You got him to let you have doughnuts in here? Wow, he really didn't want to talk about this either."
I shrugged, "He's a guy, what can you do?"
We dug into our treats. "Can I see your book?" She handed it over. The Care and Keeping of You by the American Girl Company. I knew they made dolls, but they made books about puberty? Who knew? I flipped through it. It was pretty good. It covered everything from pimples and body odor to bras and tampons.
I took a deep breath, "Okay Julie, what questions do you have?"
"Why?" was all she asked around the remainder of her doughnut.
I was confused, "Why what Jules?"
"Why do I have to get my period? It seems like a big pain in the butt. It says it's all about becoming a woman, but why? And why haven't they developed a cure for it?" Jesus kid, nothing like starting out with an easy one.
I gave myself a pep talk. You can do this, you can do this. "Well Julie, you get your period because it is your body's way of getting you ready so that sometime when you are older you can have a baby. Much, much older. And after you're married." I emphasized. I thought Ranger would want me to say that.
"Do you get your period?" she asked.
I nodded, "Yup, every 28 days."
"Then why don't you have a baby?" Because I can barely take care of a hamster didn't seem like an appropriate response.
"Well Jules, it doesn't just happen like that." Please don't make me give you the sex talk. Please, please, please. I still have nightmares from my mother explaining how the man places his penis in the woman's vagina to make a baby. When I realized that in order to have me and Valerie my parents had done that twice I was horrified. Why would anyone want to do that? They must have really wanted a baby I decided.
Luckily she switched gears. "So what's a tampon? I get the pad thing, it's kind of like a diaper, but what am I supposed to do with this?" She pulled a tampon out of a shopping bag. It was then I noticed the huge number of shopping bags that filled one half of the room. I got up to peek inside. There were pads and tampons in every size and absorbency, brand, scented, travel size, you name it.
"Did they buy out the whole aisle or what?" I supposed they had no idea what she would need and as Merry Men like to be prepared, they bought it all. I had to stifle a giggle of Bobby and whoever else got roped into helping him, two bad asses in black buying $500 in feminine supplies. I dug through the bags and grabbed a variety I thought would work for her. I explained panty liners, pads, night time pads, wings and what to look for on the box for absorbency. I was just thinking, this isn't so bad, I'm doing great. In the midst of patting myself on the back, Julie interrupted with another question.
She was holding a tampon, "Where am I supposed to put this? I don't get it." Shit, I thought we could avoid that one. I thought maybe she could wait and ask her mom about that, but then I remembered the horror stories Mary Lou told about her grandma who insisted you weren't a virgin anymore if you wore a tampon. She also told Mary Lou's mom that she didn't understand how she could pee with one in. Hello. Different holes lady. Sheesh and she had 6 children! I didn't want Julie to have any misinformation.
"Um, well, you know down there…ah um…" How did I explain this without opening the door for more questions about sex? Shit.
She held the book out to me, "Do you want to look in the book? I think they tell you what to say." She offered, trying to help me out.
I gave her a nervous smile, "No thanks Julie. There are a few different openings down there. There is one not where you pee, but lower. You put it in there." That was pretty good if I do say so myself.
Her eyes got big, "Inside? Like inside of me, my body? It won't fit!" She held up a slender tampon. Oh honey, this is just the beginning. For a brief moment my mind wandered to the one night Ranger and I had been together and I remember thinking the same thing. It won't fit. But it did and boy am I glad. Crap, focus Steph.
I tried to reassure her, "Honey, it'll fit. Your body can expand to let it in. It's the same place a baby comes out when it's born, so a little tampon should be no problem."
Disbelief was written all over her face. "Nu uh. No way, a baby, through there? Are you kidding? Doesn't that hurt?"
I nodded, "I was there when my best friend Mary Lou had her last baby. Her husband was sick and they wouldn't let him be with her, so I went. I saw it with my own eyes. And by the way she was screaming, yes it hurts." I had a flashback that gave me chills. Then I noticed Julie's look of fear and remembered I was supposed to be calming her fears. I quickly backpedaled and assured her, "But they can give you medicine so it doesn't hurt so much. Mary Lou said as soon as it's over and you're holding your baby you forget all about the pain." I tried to sound encouraging, but the idea still freaked me out.
"So why use a tampon if you can wear a pad? Isn't it uncomfortable? Can't you feel it?" She was grimacing.
I grabbed another doughnut for strength. "Some people don't like to wear pads, when they get wet it can be uncomfortable. Plus if you are going swimming or exercising, like your gymnastics, you would want to wear one. A pad would show under your leotard and you can't get it wet, so you couldn't swim."
"Okay. The tampon thing kind of freaks me out. I can't ever imagine wanting to put anything inside me." She made a face. I tried not to smile. I also tried hard not to remember begging her father to put something inside me, demanding really.
"Well you can just stick with the pads for now. If you need to use the tampons later we can talk again or you can ask your mom." Please ask your mom, I prayed.
"Is it okay if when I go home I call you if I need to? My mom is kind of weird about this stuff. She isn't cool like you are." I think my heart swelled to three times its normal size.
"As long as it's okay with your mom. You can try to talk to her about it too, though." I didn't want to go against Ranger or Rachel's wishes.
She hugged me again and bounced off the bed. "Great, can we go shopping now? It says in the book that when I want to I can start to wear a bra. I don't know if I want to, but I want to get some just in case.
Who am I to pass up a trip to the mall, for lingerie no less? "Let me go ask your dad. I mean Ranger."
She smiled. "It's okay, he's my dad too. I think I want to start calling him that. Do you think he would be okay with that?"
I got choked up, "Yeah sweetie, I think he would love that."
"Thanks Steph. You're the best. You're like a mom, but much cooler. My dad is lucky to have you." Gulp. I forgot how honest kids were and how simple things looked in their eyes.
"You're welcome Jules. Why don't you get ready and I'll go talk to your dad." She nodded and started pawing through her suitcase before heading to the bathroom to shower. I grabbed the box of doughnuts and my coffee and set out to find Ranger. He was pacing a hole in the carpet in front of the fireplace. His head snapped up as soon as I entered the room. He pulled me to the couch and into his lap, hugging me tightly. I never would have taken the Manosos for huggers.
"How did it go? What did she say? What did you say? Is she okay?" He fired questions at me rapidly.
I leaned in and kissed his cheek, he seemed to relax his hold a bit. "It went well. She had a few questions about whys and hows. I answered her questions, gave her as much information as she was ready for. And she's just fine, I love that kid." Ranger's eyes were locked on mine as I answered. When I was finished, something flashed in his eyes and he pulled me to him for a kiss. It was tender and full of emotion.
"She loves you too, Babe," he whispered against my lips.
I smiled, "She said you were lucky to have me."
He was kissing my neck, "She's a smart kid," his lips against my skin.
"She wants to go bra shopping so you need to take us to the mall today." I knew he hated the mall, but I also knew he wouldn't tell Julie no.
He didn't even object, "Anything. I'll buy out all of Victoria's Secret for you as a thank you." He was still kissing my neck. He moaned when he found that I hadn't taken time to put on a bra in my rush this morning.
It was now or never Steph, "About that, I think you could buy me all the lingerie you want on one condition." He stopped kissing me and looked into my eyes waiting for me to continue. "As long as I get to model it for you tonight. And tomorrow night. And the night after that…" I didn't get any further in my timeline. He captured my lips again, this time the kiss was passionate and needy.
"That sounds promising," he whispered against my lips, his eyes on mine. He smiled. "I think can do that," he said, kissing me again. Things started to escalate, but then we heard Julie coming. I stood up and tried to straighten my clothes.
Julie came over and gave me another hug then turned to Ranger, "Can we go to the mall Dad?" She smiled at him. I saw Ranger's eyes widen slightly when she called him dad.
He swallowed hard, "Sure Carina, we can go to the mall. Let's have some breakfast first."
"While you two eat, I'm shower. Do you mind Ranger?" He shook his head and I padded down the hall to the bedroom. I found some jeans and a t-shirt of mine I had left here when dressing for a distraction. They were even clean and folded. God I love Ella. I headed to the bathroom. I found a piece of pink stationery with hearts all over it taped to the bottom of the mirror. Julie had taken the book to heart and made herself a checklist.
Julie's Morning Routine
Shower
Wash hair
Wash face
Moisturize
Brush teeth
Deodorant
In case of period use pad or tampon.
A girl with a plan, yup, definitely Ranger's kid.