Hi, everyone. Well, I decided to jump back into the writing pool after a few hectic and stressful months. This is rather short, I'm afraid, but I'm just getting back into the swing of this. So forgive the length. This takes place during Seasons 7 and 8 as that is what has been showing in the late-night hours on TV. I decided to see what poor Bobby's thought process was during this time. Since it has been quiet, I hope people see and read this. Enjoy. Or not. Just remember to be kind is all I continue to ask. Any and all mistakes are mine. If you spy any, feel free to let me know!
The moment he had the suspicion that Mark Ford Brady was connected to him through some sick fate, Bobby Goren felt fear and revulsion. Intermixed was a swift sense of clarity: Why his mother preferred Frank, why his father - well, the man he thought to be his father - could never love him. In that moment, Bobby stopped loving himself.
In the moment that Rodgers told Ross his secret, told him of the favor Bobby had asked of her, to help him find answers to his past, Bobby felt anger and a sense of futility. He could see just how everyone saw him: Crazy, a whackjob, maybe worse. He could feel the rage build and had begun to wonder just how deep it could go and how far it could spill over. He was both intrigued and ashamed to wonder if he was his father's son, after all. In that moment, Bobby felt lost.
In the moment he went to confront the captain and found Eames there in Ross' office, Bobby felt sick, hurt, and betrayed. In his frustration and rage, he lashed out at Ross, reveled in the awful truth of what Ross thought he was. He tasted the disappointment and despair that the one person he counted upon the most could side with Ross, think him a killer. In the back of his tortured thoughts was maybe this was payback for the undercover job and let that rage fester. In that moment, Bobby felt hopeless and more alone than he ever had in his miserable life.
In the moment when Eames took Bobby out of Rodgers' morgue after he erupted at her, Bobby felt bitter. But once he actually listened after Eames insisted that she was trying to clear him, that someone was gaslighting him, Bobby felt a bit of remorse and gratitude. In that moment, he realized Eames didn't abandon him. In that moment came stark relief.
After everything settled in the dust, after Declan's admission of trying to free Bobby and give him a fresh start, Bobby felt adrift. From the ashes, he discovered he had family and had decided to meet them, see just who he was after so many moments of uncertainty. Eames had encouraged his quest. Guiltily, Bobby wondered if she was almost desperate for a break, desperate to free herself of his emotional landmines. Still, he did go away and met a niece that quickly found a spot in his lonely, battered heart. In that moment, Bobby had begun to feel a glimmer of purpose in his existence again. But the loneliness persisted and he still mused at feeling like a stranger within his own body, his own life. In that moment, Bobby needed familiarity.
When a surprised but clearly happy Eames met him at Staten Island and remarked at his early return, Bobby felt a bit shy at her compliment of his "looking good", even as he felt otherwise. Still, her obvious delight and smile suddenly warmed him and with that came sharp focus as to why he didn't, couldn't stay away.
And in that moment, Bobby Goren felt like he had come home and remembered where he belonged.
THE END