I never meant for this to happen. I never asked for it, nor did I want it; but now that it's started I can't say that I want it to stop. I'm addicted. It' worse than any drug I've ever let enter my veins, worse than any sin I've ever committed, worse than any wrong I have ever done. But I fear that if I cut myself off from this source of bittersweet happiness, I might not like who I become without it.

Many month's earlier:

"So we will go then, Beasty?" Terra asked for the millionth time in her annoyingly over the top teenage voice.

"Yes, babe, I promise, K?" Garfield responded in his deep smooth voice.

I rolled my eyes mentally as I knew now that they were probably in one of their make out sessions while I was only ten feet away, drawing on the coach. I turned and sure enough they were swabbing spit. I got up and left and entered my room, the only place I felt that never would change, that would always be my own escape when the outside was much to cruel. I sat at my desk and continued sketching and shading, I was working on a portrait of my mother, and although I did not like to brag and thought that modesty was the best policy, this one looked like a black and white photograph.

I heard Garfield and Terra approaching, giggling. Probably heading off to his room to go fuck around. I tried to remember the days when Terra was gone from our lives, living like any normal teenager would but one day a few months back she decided to "visit" us. No one really talked to her like we used to, although she took back what she had done for some reason the trust was forever gone, expect Beastboy of course. They had picked up like old friends and soon enough they had become an item, leaving me forgotten. I shook my head, I had to forget that before Terra had come back Garfield and I had become the closest of friends. It didn't matter anymore. Ironically it was my doing that had freed Terra, when I had undone the end of the world it had also freed her.

I heard a lamp burst, I scolded myself for letting my emotion of anger display itself in such a manner. What did it matter to me that they were going out and that it was actually I who had freed her? Or that sometimes they were so loud in his room, I felt like my heart might burst…damn. Why does it hurt so much? My pencil box flew open, I took a deep breath, I had to get a hold of myself. I heard Terra moan exaggeratedly, so I got up and decided that I was in need of some more art supplies. They had only technically been going out for two months, even though she had arrived 6 months ago, and yet they were already engaging in a high number of sexual activities. I shrugged to myself as I entered my sleek red Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren convertible.

I leaned my head back on the head rest and then reached into my suit pocket to retrieve my communicator. I had changed my sostume a couple years back into a much more comfortable one. It was a vinyl cat suit with a corset. My boots also were knee high now and high a comfortable heel. The titans didn't fight as a team anymore, usually by twos, I usually now went alone since I really needed no help. I had long reached the peak of my power and strength, the others were getting there. Robin had reached his and could handle anything on his own but if we had a facedown we both knew who would leave victorious. A fact that left me embarrassed but I never asked to be half demon. Well even though there was no longer the need for team fights, we still needed to know where each other where in case of an emergency. I felt like communicating Garfield, to mess up his rhythm and leave him no chose but to pull out of Terra and check just in case of an emergency, I laughed quietly and made a self note that I would have to meditate soon. I contacted Robin instead. I saw his face pop onto my screen,

"Hey Raven, what's up?"

"Nothing really. Just wanted to let you know I'll be going out somewhere tonight, I know it's not my day off, but Beastboy's home…and…."

"Sure, sure, may I ask where you're going?"

I pondered a little originally I had planned to go to the art store and back but realized that subconsciously I wanted to get far away and that was why I had contacted Robin in the first place, "Gotham."

"Oh, okay…be safe Raven."

'Ha, of course, talk to you laters Robin!" and I shut the communicator closed. I turned the radio on and began to sing softly to myself. I felt my short hair moving softly with the wind, I looked into the mirror and saw the dark circles under my eyes, I was always tired no, no matter how much I slept I just felt tired. Ha, maybe I was depressed. That's how everyone would label me in my teenage years…but people didn't know anything, the one person who I would let in was…forget it. I breathed in slowly, why the heck was I so restless today? I parked in front of Moulin Rouge the only clothing store I actually liked. I climbed out of the car, bag in hand, and felt the cold air hit my face.

I walked into the store and was greeted by the salesgirls. I smiled pleasantly and proceeded to the racks, I decided on four pairs of jeans, two destroyed and two other dark washes. I went to the fitting room and tried them on. Too big. Of course.

"Need another size?" asked a sales girl.

"Yes please."

"Up or down Hun?"

"Down."

"What size are those?"

I sighed, "…double zero…" this was great, I used to fit in these perfectly…

"May I come in to measure your waist honey?"

I opened the door and she took the yellow measuring tape and wrapped it around my hips.

"Well, we just got these new jeans in stock, they're called Zero to a degree, and you're right on for zero to the fourth degree, I can get those for you in the same style and washes."

"Mkay thank you."

She brought them and sure enough, perfect fit. I really should pig out some, or at least eat more solids. I continued looking around the top racks. I saw a dark blue, purple, and silver floral top and picked out the xx small, along with a black long sleeve with a red spiraling dragon, a scarlet red t-shirt with a black rose, and an emerald long sleeve with a deep v-neck. Green, I always seemed to buys something green for some reason. I looked around the fabric counters and decided to make my dress for Starfire's twenty first birthday party that was only months away. I picked a white satin with a blood red, and black lace. This should be fun.

The total reached two grand but money was never a problem and that's why five trillion of my salary went to charity every year. I put my bags in the trunk of my car. What next? The art store sounded nice.

I browsed the isles and decided on the collection of prismacolor colored pencils and blocks. I added a new sketching pad to my basket, along with shaders, a box of pencils of all shaded, sharpeners and erasers. I browsed the painting isle and added watercolor paints, pastels, and oil paints, along with the packet of brushes of all sizes. When I got back to my car I looked at the dashboard, 10:36pm. I decided to just head back home. As I was driving a music store caught my eye and I saw it didn't close until midnight. I walked in and browsed. I needed some sheet paper anyways, to write some more compositions for my piano. I grabbed a huge packet and was about to purchase and leave but a guitar caught my eye. It was so gorgeous, had a nice red shine to it, glossy, I traced my fingers on it, down the strings, on the nut, and lining of the tuners.

"How much for the guitar?" I asked the half asleep clerk, when he saw me his eyes widened, probably barely noticing that I was even in there, he gave me a wry smile, he was actually kinda cut, with his dark black hair tussled around, pale gray eyes, and a killer smile. His face structure was model-like.

"One thousand five hundred for that beauty," he said in a coy voice, his voice deep and husky.

"I'll take it," I smiled, "along with this packet, that case to your left, a tuner, 7 guitar picks, and that capo beside you."

He took my card and asked for my ID, I smiled knowing he was teasing, who in Gotham didn't know who I was?

"Hm, I like the one in person better," he smiled I felt his eyes wander down my body, covered only by a tight suit that might as well be another layer of skin. Usually I would mentally slap them, but for some reason I didn't mind it right now, "How long you been playing?" he asked casually.

"Never," I smiled, "but I'm willing to try."

"I offer lessons, anytime you know."

"Ha, I'll keep that in mind."

I waved and headed to my car. I felt a strange rush, and laughed quietly to myself. When I got home I arranged my new clothes in my closet neatly, noticing how much of my other clothes still had tags on them. I put away my art supplies in my cupboard by size, type, and color. Then put my fabric in my sewing kit. I hole punched the sheet music and put it in my huge binder of creations. Then I showered got out with a black night gown that just covered my crotch area and with a very revealing v-neck. I might have a nonexistent waist by my hips were extremely curvy and I wore a size C cup, so no one could say I was anorexic or bulimic. I floated to the roof, tuned the guitar, making sure my wet hair didn't drip on it. I felt goosebumps rise as the cold air hit my skin. I got acquainted with the string learning all the notes. Before I knew it I played a song I had made for the piano.

"Wow Rae, I didn't know you could play guitar too."

I jumped, startled. I turned to see Garfield there, "Ha, no I can't Beastboy, just goofing around."

"Doesn't sound like that to me," he smiled a she sat right next to me, he was only wearing pajama bottoms, bare chested.

"Sorry, did I wake you? It must be so late…"

"It was 12:36am last time I checked, so how'd you know what to play, Rae?"

Why did I like it so much when he called me "Rae" he was the only one who would, "I don't know, music always seems to come to me, must be some freaky demon thing," I smirked.

"Then why does it sound so angelic?" he asked in a husky voice, I realized then how close our faces were, his head began to tilt towards mine this was…NO!

I stood up abruptly and before he could say anything, "Good night Beastboy!" I cried, I grabbed my guitar and sank through the floor and into my room. What the hell was that all about? I couldn't help myself, and felt myself enter Garfield's mind, "I love her…so much…"

"What in Azar's name…" I shuddered, feeling shaken.

I zipped my guitar in its bag and got under my covers. I closed my eyes just trying to block everything out, keeping myself calm, and breathing in slowly…

I felt the sun hit my eyes and I shifted so my back was towards the window, I checked behind me and realized that this "sun" was just the light from the lighthouse, must have forgotten to close the curtains last night. I looked at the clock and it read 4:17 am. I decided just to get up, I had a rough night anyways and wasn't going to be able to sleep anyways. I got up and stumbled towards my bureau and picked out a sports bra and socks. I slipped off my night gown and pulled on the sports bra and socks. I went to the bottom drawer and grabbed my under armour spandex running shorts. I pulled my hair into a small low pony tail and grabbed a work out towel from my hygiene basket. I went to the workout room and jumped onto the treadmill, and put it on the speed on 7.5 and the incline on 8. I ran eight miles in forty six minutes. I worked on the weights making cycles for a good half hour, I chugged two bottles of water. I zoomed quickly through an obstacle course and then went out onto the roof wiping myself with my towel. I sat with my legs crossed and felt myself levitate and began to meditate,

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinth…"

I found in myself in the realm of my mind okay to get everything under check! I made my way to anger's realm she seemed under control but then again looks could be deceiving. As soon as she saw me, she tackled me to the ground, in a few minutes I was on her back, twisting her arm,

"You bitch, you think you can control me?" she shrieked, "you can't control your anger you never will be able to!" I twisted her arm farther and she shrieked in pain,

"Then why is that you're at my mercy? I get to control everything this is all mine," I told her in a voice so cold that I feared it was hers.

I left my anger in her shackles of acknowledgement and went on to happy's realm, the one I always had the most trouble with. All my other emotions were conquered only anger and happy were left. The problem with anger was that she always wanted control the trouble with happy was that she never realized she was taking control, so I was still trying to get them to keep under check so that I could express them in good moderations, and thoroughly with no consequence. I got her to stop jumping around about last night's incident and that was about all, she was almost under control and for that I was very glad.

I opened my eyes and saw the sun rising, it was so perfect. I looked at my wrist watch and it read 6:47am. I let myself down and sank into my room once more. I headed to my shower and cleaned myself thoroughly. I pulled on a pair of dark wash ripped skinny jeans, and a long sleeve deep v-neck green shirt from last night. I put on some slippers just to wear around the tower. I fixed my room and placed my suit in the dirty laundry basket along with the work out clothed I wore that morning, I walked downstairs.

"Morning Raven!" Cyborg greeted, of course he was up already, it was hi day of duty.

I smiled, "Good morning."

"Want some breakfast I just started a batch of pancakes, and we have blueberries," he smiled.

"Sure Cyborg, thank you." I proceeded to turning on the kettle and prepared my mug for my tea.

Beastboy's POV:

I woke up groggily that morning looking at the clock on the wall, 9:36am. I got up and brushed my teeth, pulled on some jeans and decided against shoes and a t-shirt. I as gonna be inside anyways. I entered the main room and saw Cyborg watching television flipping through the channels and raven was sitting on the island reading a book that looked three times thicker than her, then again what didn't. She was flipping through the pages sipping her mug.

"Hey Rae, whatcha reading?"

"A journal," she answered smoothly.

I felt my jaw drop, "Whose?" I asked, astonished that anyone had enough endurance to write so much for so long.

"My mother's," she said coolly.

"Oh. Did you eat already?"

"Mhm."

I really wished I could read her mind, just to know what was she was going through in her mind. Last night probably frazzled her.

"Could you stop staring, Beastboy? It's unnerving." When was the last time she called me Garfield…

"Oh sorry…I was wondering if you'd like to hang out with me today?"

She didn't look up once from her page,

"Where?"

"Oh, I don't know the park?"

"Concert's today isn't it? Terra would be awfully mad if you ditched that for the par, she's been counting on it for quite some time," she said with a smirk in her voice.

Cybrog stifled a laugh behind us. So maybe Terra had been nagging about it, she had every right to feel exiled.

"Concert's not till 8…"

"Why do you want to hang out now?" she asked in a frigid voice.

I could've answered this a thousand ways, 'because before Terra were the best of friends. Because we use to hangout all the time. Because we used to talk about everything. Because I love you too.' But what I the only thing I could say was,

"Cause I feel like we don't do that anymore."

Her fingers stopped tapping against the marble and her eyes had stopped moving across the pages, she was looking at the text without reading its contents. She looked at me with a pained expression,

"If you really want to…"

"12?"

"Yeah…sure…" her voice trailed off.

I helped myself to some breakfast all the while watching her read and sip occasionally at her tea, I liked how green looked on her.

"Hey team!" Robin called as he and Starfire walked in.

"Hello dear friends! Are you enjoying the morning?" Starfire asked cheerfully.

'Year, Star it's pretty nice out today, a little chilly but winter's coming," Cyborg commented, "Perfect for the park," he smirked.

I glared at him but made no comment, I saw Raven was now looking out the window with an expression that made me want to…cry?

"Oh Raven, I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to the mall today?" Starfire asked her. I looked at her waiting for her to reply yes at 12 to blow me off, I couldn't say I didn't deserveit for I had done the same before to her countless times with Terra…

"Sure Star, around three?"

"Yes that would be perfect, thank you!"

"Not a problem Star, it is out day off."

Starfire smiled brightly and took a seat next to Robin. We were all just waiting for him to pop the question, they had been going out for almost seven years now.

"So, Cyborg wanna do patrol with me today?" Robin asked.

"Sure, pretty boring here anyways."

It is on the surface now, I guess. Living like people who rent together. Becoming the legendary heroes we used to idolize letting a newer generation have its turn. We were in a way normal but nonetheless my skin was still green, Cyborg was still only half human, Starfire's natural hair color was .still pink, Robin could still take down a hundred men, and Raven could still read everyone's minds. But to our degree we were normal and encountered normal conflicts…