Coming to Terms.
Part 1
Yuri Katsuki here! We've just arrived at Victor's home in Russia. He said it would be easier if I stayed with him while we continue to train, and of course Russia has superior ice skating facilities. I'm excited, but also nervous. I'm going to be living with Victor!
"Here we are! Home sweet home! What do you think? Do you like it? I'll give you a tour!"
A short bark sounded as Makkachin wove between our legs to get through the door, tail wagging uncontrollably.
"Someone's excited to be home!" I glanced at Victor, he must have missed this place too.
I took a look around, it was an impressive apartment, high up with amazing views over the sea and city. Yet I couldn't help feeling it seemed a little cold, and empty. I wondered if Victor ever got lonely in this place. At Yu-topia there was always noise and laughter, and my family was always there to welcome me home. Who besides Makka welcomed Victor?
It came to me that I really didn't know much about Victor's family, or even much about him at all. We've been so focused on my competitions the past year we didn't get to talk much about other things. I feel a little ashamed that I didn't make time for him. What if he thinks I was just selfishly using him to improve my skating? My stomach lurched at the thought.
Victor turned to me. "So. Bathroom is through there, spare room is that way and my room is this door here. I'll show you it!"
"This place is amazing Victor."
"I'm so glad you like it. It's very different to your home though."
"Yeah, but I never thought I'd be staying in your house one day! I'm really happy."
Victor turned a little pink. "This place will be much brighter with you in it."
...I wish my heart would stop acting so strange.
He opened the door to his bedroom. It seemed so mature. Along the wall a case with medal upon medal glinted obnoxiously.
"Wow. Do you ever get tired of winning?"
"Of course not! But it can get lonely at the top," he replied, letting out a dramatic sigh.
I shook my head. "Then I'll just have to become as good as you so we can stand at the top, together."
"Sorry Yuri, that's a nice thought and all but I still plan on beating you. Though having you just under me sounds perfect."
"You don't think I can win? Remember that world record you no longer hold?" Wait, was that about being under him?
"Consistency wins Yuri, and that's something you don't have, though we can fix that. I'm excited to skate both with and against you again."
I wasn't sure how this was going to go, with him being both my coach and my competitor. But I sure wanted to find out. And wipe that arrogant look off his face when I win.
"I guess I'll go put my stuff in the spare room. That is where I'm sleeping right?" I didn't really know how Victor had planned things.
He pulled me into a spin hug. "You can always sleep with me!"
"Whoa ah, no no it's fine, I'm fine," I stammered. "That would be far too distracting."
"Oh? Why's that?"
Right into a trap. "Um well, you snore. Loudly," I said, grasping at any excuse. "I wouldn't get any sleep."
"Well we don't have to sleep if you don't want to..."
"Victor!"
"Ok ok! Let's get the spare room set up."
I sneaked a peek at him just to see if he seemed disappointed at all, but he was smiling.
"You're adorable when you're flustered."
Stupid Victor.
As I placed my things down, I tried to think of the best way to get to know more about Victor.
"Hey, Victor?"
"Hmm? Changed your mind about the sleeping arrangements?"
"That's not it! Um... Let's have a slumber party."
"Yes!" Victor grabbed my hand. "I thought you'd never ask! You unpack, I'll go to the store. You can try some of my favourite Russian snacks!"
I grinned as he swiped his wallet and Makka's lead, barrelling out the door. I wasn't expecting him to be so excited. As I was finally able to be in his presence without combusting, I figured it was time to take our relationship to the next level. My face turned red. Wait, next level? What am I thinking, what did I mean by that? I just want to know more about him, and have him know me too! Even with all my faults. That's all.
I started folding my clothes into the set of drawers. It felt kind of strange, adding my things to Victor's home as if they belonged there. Like I was claiming a place here beside him. Well, I guess I was, I couldn't leave Victor if I tried. The thought of being apart from him hurt more than I could have expected.
Victor still hadn't returned by the time I'd finished unpacking, so I wandered around the apartment some more. For someone so flashy, the place was sedate. But beautiful. I supposed it was a place of calm to come back to after the stress of training and competitions.
I stopped in front of his bedroom, kind of feeling like an intruder. No, I didn't think he would mind. I stepped in and noticed he owned the largest closet I had ever seen. Sounds about right. I opened one of the doors and was attacked by a huge and angry cloth monster. It was full to bursting! All the crazy that was Victor was stuffed into this closet for sure. Expensive suits, coats, and clothes in every colour and fabric you could imagine. One black coat caught my eye, it was amazing! Wanting a closer look, I tried to pull it out, only the rest of the closet came with it. I fell backwards into a heap, clothes everywhere. 'Oh crap, oh crap! I have to hang everything back up before he gets back or I'm going to look like a complete pervert!' I thought, horrified.
I heard keys in the lock and a bark from Makka. 'You have got to be kidding me, I'm done for. Please God let me die!' Frantically I pair items with hangers and try in vain to stuff them back into the closet.
"Yuri, I'm home! Are you done unpacking? Where are you?"
Makka came speeding into the bedroom to greet me, tail wagging. I still had an armful of clothes, breathing heavily and red from exertion. This isn't looking good. I see Victor's head poke around the doorway, blinking as he takes in the scene.
"...Yuri, what on earth are you doing? Why do you need to hug my clothes when I'm right here? You can just embrace me!"
"No that isn't... This isn't..." I sighed in defeat. "I'm sorry I just... Why is your closet so damn full!? I was really just looking."
"It's fine, if you wanted to see me in any of those clothes, you just had to ask! I'll model anything for you! Or nothing at all if you prefer."
"I'm going to die."
"Don't be so dramatic. Let's go eat some dinner."
My face was still far too red. I glanced at Victor as he headed to the kitchen. Why the hell was he blushing!?
"I'm cooking for you tonight Yuri! Authentic Russian cuisine for your first night in Russia."
"I didn't know you cooked!"
"I don't usually have time, but I like to occasionally. Cooking reminds me of home and family. In Russia, everyone helps out so I did a lot of cooking when I was a kid." He went quiet for a bit. "I've been wanting to cook for you for a while now. This feels... Really nice."
Victor is always cheerful and laughing, but here, just while cooking at home, he seemed truly happy. Did I have anything to do with that?
I set the table as Victor finished up. Watching him in the kitchen was like watching a stage show. He did everything with such flair.
"Alright, it's ready!"
"Wow, thank you. It looks great!"
"It's not katsudon, but I hope you like it."
I went to take the first bite as he watched. It was actually really good.
"It's amazing! Why do you have to be good at everything?"
"Not everything, but almost." He flashed a winning smile.
"I think you're being too modest. You really are amazing, Victor."
He choked a bit on his mouthful and coughed.
"Anyone can cook Yuri," he said, not looking at me.
At least I wasn't the only one getting flustered around here.
"Well then it's my turn to cook for you tomorrow. You don't grow up in hospitality without learning a few things. Let me surprise you!" I've never wanted to cook for anyone before. He's done so much for me, maybe I just want to do some things for him too.
"Really? Wonderful! I'm looking forward to it! Taking turns cooking, like a couple!"
A couple. Is that what I want with Victor? He's my coach, my idol, my friend, and I love him so much. Do I really need any more from him? For now, all I know is that I'm happy just being with him. Too much thinking confuses things. So what does Victor want? It's so hard to tell sometimes when he's joking and when he's serious. He keeps making statements like we're engaged and getting married. It was needy, but I got the rings I guess as a subconscious attempt to bind him to me, because I was afraid of him leaving after the finals. I selfishly didn't think about what it would mean to Victor.
"Are you finished? Let's clean up and get ready for our slumber party! Bring your pillow and blankets, we can go to my room!"
"Actually... Let's use my room. Yours holds traumatic memories for me."
"You mean the closet incident? Yuri." He pulled me to him, looking into my face, serious all of a sudden. "I never want you to be afraid of my bedroom. I'm going to want you in it a lot."
Um... Does he mean what I think he means? I felt weak. It's going to be dangerous living here.
We both stood in the doorway of my bedroom, critically surveying our handiwork.
"I think it's my best one yet," Victor said, nodding in approval.
"Well, I can't say I've ever made one before, but it's certainly impressive. So, do you build pillow forts often?"
"It's been a long time, but it used to be one of my favourite things to do. A safe, private place is invaluable for a kid, and this is how I made that space." Victor laughed. "Come on, let's go in!"
We were much to old for this, but as we crawled through the narrow opening, I realised I was having fun. How did Victor manage to act like a mature, god-like human being and a little kid all at once?
Just as expected, it was cramped, forcing us much too close together. Good thing we're flexible. With a lot of accidental elbowing we finally got into comfortable positions, me sitting cross-legged and Victor half lying on his side, facing me.
"Good thing it's a cold night, or it would be far too hot in here!" He said, looking up at me. "As it is I already want to take my clothes of!"
"We haven't even started drinking yet! You usually only start that when your drunk."
"You're right! You know me well. Speaking of," He pulled a bottle of champagne out of the nook that served as the pillow fort's bar and snack dispensary. "You get so cute when you drink!"
He poured us both a generous glass and handed me mine. "Here's to a long future together," He paused for a few seconds, as though deciding on something, then continued. "Both on and off the ice."
I watched as he drained the glass, cheeks flushed. I did the same, wondering why he wanted to be with me of all people. I've done nothing but be a complete emotional mess, expecting him to pick up the pieces and put me back together. What could I offer?
"Hey Victor?"
"What is it Dearest?" he asked, refilling our glasses.
"Um... Would you tell me about your previous, you know... Lovers?"
He was absolutely delighted with the question.
"Really? Could it be you're jealous? Sussing out any competition? Trying to glean what I look for in a lover?"
"Victor! I'm just curious. I want to know everything about you, that includes your love-life too I guess."
Victor smiled. "Ok, where do you want me to start? The very very first?"
"How many are there!?"
"You don't need to be worried, they're in the past. You are my future."
"Were you ever in love?" I wasn't sure how I would react to the answer.
He thought for a moment. "I suppose I thought I was a couple of times, but up until recently I realised I barely knew what the word love even meant. So now I can tell you no, I was never truly in love."
For some reason relief flooded through me. "Well I guess that evens out our playing field in that respect at least. Though you're still way more experienced than I am."
"I find your innocence endearing. It just makes me want to be the one you share all your firsts with."
I downed another glass of champagne, embarrassed. I did not want to think of that right now. "Your very very first then. What were they like?"
"She wasn't really a lover, but I'm going to tell you about her anyway because she was the first person I asked on a date and she had a big part in shaping who I am today."
His words surprised me. I had a vision of a beautiful temptress seducing Victor. Damn women!
"Also, I was 12."
"What? We're going back that far? You really did start young!"
"I did say she was important! And it wasn't like that. We were 12 years old and she lived in my neighbourhood. The only times I saw her were at the ice rink where I used to practice. I noticed her right away, you couldn't not. She was the loveliest creature I had ever seen in my young life. She glided over the ice with such grace and ease, yet I never saw her with a coach or her parents. She was always alone.
"So naturally young Victor's interest and curiosity were aroused, and I had to know more about her. People seemed to give her a wide berth, especially the other kids. It only took me a few days of watching her to realise why. She never smiled. Not once. She took Ice Queen to new levels. It was like she was on a whole other plane of existence, and everything around her was insubstantial and inconsequential.
"You know me, I love a lost cause. And so I made it my mission. I was going to befriend her, and I was going to make her smile."
This was starting to sound like a fairy tale, and I had to admit I was intrigued. But he was right, it did sound just like him to find the sad and lonely person and attempt to make them happy. A scary thought crossed my mind. Was I just a project to Victor? A mission just like that girl? What happens when he's satisfied in it's completion? Will he get bored an move on?
Victor didn't seem to notice my worried expression, and continued on.
"I tried everything a young boy could think of, and got nowhere. The first time I spoke to her I had to follow her around the rink. It was hard to keep up, she was fast! She clearly wasn't about to stop for me, so I talked while skating. I introduced myself. She told me her name was Anastasia, but reluctantly as if I was an intruder breaking into her little world.
"Small victories like getting her name emboldened me. Over the next few months I left her flowers, notes, little gifts. I talked to her every time I saw her, always while skating, though it was a bit like talking to a brick wall. I got very little in the way of response, but I was undeterred. She knew me very well by then, but I still knew next to nothing about her." Victor trailed off, as though thinking. I leaned forward.
"Well? Did you get her to smile?" I really wanted to know how this ended now.
Victor grinned. A master storyteller and he knew it.
"Nothing I was doing was working, so I figured I needed to take things next level. I asked her out. For the first time ever, she stopped skating. She didn't smile of course, just asked me why I wanted to go out with her. I said I wanted to go somewhere with her that didn't involve ice, because skating and talking was hard. I saw the corners of her mouth twitch, I swear I did! She started skating again, and again I trailed after her, waiting for her response."
"So what did she say?" No-one turns down Victor, there's no way the girl could say no. I waited for him to go on.
"She told me her and her family were moving away. Very soon."
"What? She was leaving? That's so unfair!" I imagined a crestfallen young victor. It really tugged on the heartstrings.
"Yeah, it was quite a shock. It hurt that she never told me. I had forgotten then that my goal had only been to make her smile, at that moment I just didn't want to lose her. She had become something more to me before I had even realised. I couldn't help it, I started to cry. She was completely surprised, as if she didn't know that I cared about her. She held my hand, said she was sorry, and then she started to cry too.
"I only saw her once more, I told her I'd become a famous skater so she would always know where to find me. And then she was gone."
"Wow that's tough. So she never smiled after all."
Victor was thoughtful. "No, but she cried for me. And that means I still managed to reach her. She felt something for me, and I was content with that. It wasn't a smile I wanted from her after all. It was a connection.
"I guess I'm still like that now. I want to connect with people, and I can do that through skating. I can get through to them, get them to feel. And Yuri, you do the same for me. You make me feel all kinds of different things. You're special."
Lots of champagne and many stories of Victor's saucy past later, we were both rolling around giggling like schoolboys. I wasn't as jealous hearing the stories as I thought I would be. I was the one with Victor now, he chose me, and I did not plan on letting him go.
It was very surprising to hear that Victor's first time was in a high school bathroom after hours with an upper-classman! I definitely made fun of him for that. Classy as always.
He tried to loosen his shirt, fumbling a bit. It was getting quite warm. Suddenly I remembered the feeling of his lips on mine, so briefly that one time. I didn't know why but I really wanted to do it again. However it's one thing to be surprise kissed in the heat of the moment and quite another to lean forward, and purposefully, terrifyingly place your lips on someone else's. But I did, I kissed Victor.
His eyes widened in surprise but it didn't last long. His arms came up, holding me tightly, lips parting so he could taste me. If I was in any doubt before about the nature of the feelings I had for Victor, they were shut down in an instant. Heat rushed through my body, the ache almost more than I could bear. He didn't seem willing to stop at all. I struggled with the need to push him away and breathe, and the desire to pull him closer and drown.
I was spared any painful decision making when Victor finally broke away, his breath catching. He rested his head on my shoulder.
"Jesus Yuri, my heart feels like it's going to burst. Give a guy some warning next time."
"I'm sorry! It just happened. I guess I thought that if you had no warning you couldn't..."
"Reject you?" Yuri what the hell, why would I do that? I know we've never said it properly, but I love you. I love you Yuri. How haven't you figured that out yet?"
I looked down. Why couldn't I accept it? "Because I could never figure out why you did. And I guess I was struggling with my own feelings too. I knew I loved you, I just needed to come to terms with what that entailed. I've never been in love before. But now I know Victor, I love you, and I want to stay by your side forever. Please don't ever leave."
"I couldn't even if I wanted to." He held both my hands, instantly sober, and glanced down at our matching rings. "I don't know exactly what you meant by giving me this ring, but in case there's still any doubts in your mind as to my feelings for you, I'm going to make it clear. Yuri, will you marry me?"
I didn't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't a proposal. Inside a pillow fort no less, but as soon as I heard those words, I couldn't still my now out of control heartbeat. Could I really be with Victor always? I thought back to when I first saw him on TV, and tried to imagine telling my young past self 'He's going to be your future husband.' It just seemed so surreal.
Victor was watching me, a hopeful, slightly worried, but warm expression on his face.
"I will Victor, of course!" Those words sealed the deal. He was mine.
"Yes!" He bowled me over, so we were lying next to each other. I looked into his face, he seemed so happy. Even though in reality we haven't known each other that long, things finally seemed right. He clearly wanted another kiss. I obliged.
End of part 1