Always on your side

A compilation of situations during the Cold war in which Canada tries his best to support his brother but the war will not allow personal sides in a very personal war.

AmericaxCanada – brotherly love

Implied rusame

Warnings: violence… and words…

''Mattie I've done it bad… '' Alfred looked up to his brother eyes from his lap. He rested his head there once again.

''What have you done?'' Mathew looked down sadly, he knew of the Russian and American tensions, he knew every detail of it even if not saying a thing about it.

''I think I just started a war…'' Mathew was aback, he though that could be avoid but now he was not so sure.

''Tell me..'' his voice was barely audible as he placed his fingers on the other's hair smoothing it.

''No one cares about you… every one is or afraid or sick of you… *smirk* they even say that the world is better without you…'' the Russian only glared back, deep purple eyes burning like the strongest Hell flames with smile in place ''and what do you think dear Amerika?'' he said voice dangerously low ''I think you can not be loved… they are right… now I see the world is better without you'' he walked away just in time of barely missing a hand grabbing his neck.

''That was mean… you know he will get revenge…'' Matthew was disappointed he knew better than believe in this 'hate' for the other, they were friends once and he was hurt because the other did not share his ideals and even fight against them, they were both selfish bastards… selfish greedy countries… so selfish that always turn a political and economic war into a personal side mixing it in a so dangerous mix it only can bring pain.

Matthew just could supporting his brother even not wanting to be in the middle of this… he was, not as a country but as brother ''Alfred… when did he stopped calling you by your name?''

Alfred stared away eyes fogging loosing focus trying to remember it.

''I will say that we did not say each other names since the Russian Revolution on the beginning of the century.. he cracked hard if you remember…'' Matt gave a knowing nod, inside fights are always the worst but he kept sliding his fingers on the other's hair and listen to him. ''I believe he changed… he started wanting to fight… I ignore it.. well… I could not see this coming nuh-uh.. I just thought it was temporary.. '' Alfred was now frowning, he could have helped, he could be the Hero and save him but he still his too young to understand some things… then he reminded that a few years ago they made a truce and drank together.. Actually he was the one inviting the other that was not hard to convince since he had already drank his share.

''Dude I don't get it..'' Alfred looked down to his drink not wanting to upset the rejected man.

''What?'' Ivan now looked at him with a confused expression on his face before taking another sip of his vodka glass.

''He is always rejecting you… you should have known better… you are a smart guy…'' Alfred stated taking his glass of beer and drinking it, Ivan placed his face on the table refusing to meet the other disappointed face, he had really tried his best to please Yao, they were even sharing the same political views he could not act in a better time

''But I did everything right this time...'' he whined again hiding his face on the scarf.

Alfred as the Hero he was when he found out that the Russian was again rejected by the Chinese man called him for a drinking night and try to cheer him up but somehow he ended a bit depressed himself not knowing how to help the other. The wars had not helped one bit and both were a bit suspicious of each other but still tried to focus on their human sides and not nation beings.

''What have you done?'' he raised one eyebrow, normally the other attempts of being 'nice' weren't that good, and well they were weird as shit… once he tried to give his heart, literally…

''As I told you, I went there as you said and was direct… I even dressed nicely and gave him flowers as Francis told me, then I complimented his hair and then I talked to him but he said he's sorry and closed the door on my face.. I think I should have used my panda costume… he seems to like it…'' Ivan started to wonder if that would be helpful…

''No dude! Don't do that… that's stupid… and you already done that…. Why do you want him by the way?'' not that Alfred was jealous or something, he was just curious, the Russian seems to have a obsession with the Chinese and it is more than 'business'.

''He's near, he's pretty like a woman and he's wise and warm… and we could have the world just for us… and he would never leave me~~.'' He said smiling fondly even Alfred had to force himself away from that childish but handsome and hopeful smile.

The next day they had a reunion with their bosses and America found that Russia wanted him to join him, of course… he should have known better… Russia always has a reason behind his actions… He was taken from his thoughts by a concerned Canadian frowning above him.

''Al… is just political and economical issues right?'' he just wanted the other to admit… he was not sure what he wanted him to admit but he wanted more that 'that commie bastard wants to take the world' even if that was also truth…

''I.. I don't know… Matt… he betrayed me.. '' he stared deeply to his brother that could only think 'you betrayed him too' but decided to nod and avoid it…

''We were really good friends when he was not acting all commie and crazy… we shared the space bug Mattie… fuck.. now who will look at the stars and name them with me!''' Alfred was now wining, deep down the rage and whines he could see the sadness, he remember when Alfred first found that Ivan liked the stars as much as himself and didn't shut up with that, he even slept on the backyard, with the other on his side, many times just to see the stars and name them, they were annoying, well maybe more Alfred than Ivan because of his obnoxious and loud voice.

''Alfred… I want to reach the stars..'' Ivan stared deeply to the sky with a calm look that only few were aloud to see.

''.. I want the moon…'' Alfred also looked up, he didn't even knew in a few years that same sky would be baring so many pollution and street lights that he would not be able to watch the same stars he sees now.

Without much though but blushing, he held the Russian hand enlacing their fingers together, the other's gloved hand did the same squeezing it softly.

The Russian looked to him raising one eyebrow and a slight smirk on his face '' I will conquer the space Alfred…'' Alfred could not let him take the space to himself, the space would belong to both… Ivan was the only one that believed the blond American would be able of that and he needed no more to know he would do it. Smirking he locked eyes with the other ''not without me...''

''Al.. I can do it with you… you have me…'' Matthew smiled but the American frowned.

''You think I need pity don't you!'' he stood up on the sofa and glared daggers to him ''I am not that commie! I am not all alone! I need no pity! I am just fine!'' He said in an uncharacteristic deep voice and Matthew knew this was only the beginning, the war was announced a few minutes later and his brother wanted to be in the front fighting with his man. Matthew was afraid.

XOOOOX

''Hey Mattieeeeeeee I missed you!'' he ran and almost crushed him in a tight hug, it had been months since that day, was also the day he last saw his brother, except the meetings of course. He looked to him and saw him slightly thinner, blue eyes were now wearing a slight shadow of gray and his skin was paler. He also had noticed the Russian was not in his best on the last meeting but tried to ignore his thoughts.

''I also missed you too Al.. Want to come to my house?'' He gave the most reassuring smile he could provide but the other started looking around them and whispered' I think I am being followed by the commie so no… is better leave it to another day…. '' then his normal voice was back ''We could eat burgers! Come it will be fun!'' he dragged him through the street not caring to look if the other was even on his feet and suddenly Matthew was glad his brother was still himself while everyone knew the Russian had lost his mind.

The Russian just sat as usual, ever-present scarf around his neck hiding his everlasting smile. He was stronger than ever but his purple eyes were no longer purple but a dark shade of purple slightly foggy in some moments and Matthew watched slightly afraid the Russian staring at his brother that never refused a staring contest and glared back to him. Tension was thick and no one dared to comment that fact. The most wise would sit and watch waiting for one of them to move, to talk, to breath or to even blink, no such luck though, every meeting was now a personal fight, not allies against allies, not many countries against many others just Unites States of America against Soviet Union and no one could bring himself to choose a side.

Words powerful countries and then it all begins again.

''That is a silly idea America'' Russia lifts his face enough to show his empty smile.

''Shut Up Commie! No one asked you!'' America replied furiously glaring daggers.

''I do believe they ask both opinions but as usual your tiny head can not understand such hard concepts…'' his grin could almost be visible if his dark glow was not around him.

''At least I am not all alone drinking my problems.. or injecting Heroin ah! Commie… is not a secret any more!'' Alfred tried to grin widely with the newest information he received and received just the answer he wanted to confirm, the Russian chanting soft kol's but never stepping back replying smugly and only the kol's and glow perturbing his calm look ''I do believe you should be watching for your own Cocaine problem dear Amerika…'' ''Don't call me dear you fucker! And you know nothing!'' he stood up, enraged and wanting to kill the other that was threatening him placing his pipe on the table. He took his gun and pointed to him shooting once, the bullet sliding through the air and dangerously near the other's calm smug face. Some countries backed down and the other remained on his places staring at the new information's in fear. Matthew placed a hand on his brother shoulder feeling him shiver with rage and hate and took him outside taking a hold on Alfred when the other said cheerfully ''Bye dear Amerika.. see you later!''

Words could not describe that meeting, he was never so afraid of the both countries, they were never so deeply attached to a war, they had never use personal information to get into the flesh of the other. Now the war was personal and Matthew was afraid of leaving his brother.

''Hey Al… you think you … will win this?'' his words were careful and shy the other was eating his burgers in front of him and chewing it grinning '''' he swallowed and kept talking ''If I was not sure I would not be here at the first place and I have been thinking…. '' he took another bit and had the decency of swallowing ''You could go to my house… I know the commie can't attack or spy it…. I made sure of it!''

When they got to his house things were different, much different, the usual disorganized house was surprisingly clean and filled with a shiny paper that Matthew had the suspicion to be metal or some sort, his living room was filled with experimental things and papers, some saying 'nuclear waste' 'nuclear test1' 'nuclear bomb' and Matthew tried his best to avoid knowing what was his brother doing with that on his own house. Of course he took precautions to have recent technology and nuclear knowledge but no sane person or country would have those confidential things on his house.

''Al… I think you need to rest a bit eh?'' He tries reason once more receiving a laugh and an over heard sentence ''I can not do it or the commie will win and I am just this close to make him fall..'' he made a space with his fingers to make a point and Matthew tried to support him, again.

Latter on that night his brother he hears his brother talking on his sleep, he only did that when in much stress and overwhelming days.

''NO! DIE! DIE! STUPID COMIE! LEAVE MY COUNTRY! YOU CAN NOT TAKE MY FREEDOM!''

The words were almost the same safe from some moments, even not wanting to hear they were clean, even the murmurs were loud enough to be heard on the bed next to his. ''Ivan.. don't do this man… you could be so good….'' '' I TRUSTED YOU BASTARD!'' ''you are so cute when you blush… ahahah I should show you more places here! We have great sunflower fields bigger than this Ivan!'' ''ARE YOU SPYING ON ME! '' I hate you… I hate you.. '' ''hung~~~ please I need you… don't ~~~'' ''NO! DON'T SHOOT HIM!''

In the middle of the night Matthew was still awake too worried to sleep and too curious to even try, he looked to the watch and were 4:56am and Alfred was crying on his sleep casually sniffing and moving ''I can save you… I can save you.. let me save you… a~~~ please~~'' he shuddered and Matthew knew that now he should stop listen again. ''oh.. Iva~~aan~ ngn~~ …stop teasing~~~''

xxx

He spent 3 days in his home now, Alfred admitted that he remembers the war dreams and his blush gave away something more the next thing he did not admitted or even realised he was also starting to lose his mind and Matthew didn't have the heart to go away, the most recent new was the Soviets had Missiles in Cuba but was just a rumour yet, he was afraid of the truth.. His boss pleaded him to go back to Canada and leave his brother, he is not in this war, he meant to end it with the European countries but nothing is working and every idea is becoming desperate.

''I suggest we lock them in a room and wait to see.. maybe they come to a agreement..'' Germany thoughtfully says ''But they wont!'' the British gentleman replies angered and loud ''mon cher… he is only trying to give one idea'' the French says in a velvet voice ''don't mon cher me frog! They are going to kill us all… we are doomed!''

They were taking a much-needed break, a real one, no Soviet talks, no outside talks only games like the blond American enjoyed.

They were playing when Alfred looked to Matthew in shock, completely breaking shock dropping his controller on the ground and gasping trying to speak managing to spit ''Your eyes'' between gasps of horror, utterly horror.

Matthew just looked to him confused placing softly his controller on the sofa.

''You have those filthy burning eyes!'' his voice was filled with venom and rage slowly saying each word and Matthew could only manage to say a bit taken back ''What are you talking Al?'' while the blond grabbed his hair and brought his face near his own causing Matthew to shiver in fear he growled '' eyes of that communist bastard! I want to rip those eyes away from me!'' then he shoved him back ripping some hair and leaving the Canadian with a burning sensation on his scalp loosing his glasses on the way.

The American stood up and towered him enraged ready to kick him but only pointed an accusatory finger and whispered '' you have those sinful eyes burning with Hell's fire ready to invade my soul! '' With that he kicked him once, twice '' He's watching me through those eyes!'' and his low voice became deeper as he brought his hands to the Canadian face and scratched his eyes leaving trails of blood on his checks and eyelids.

''Alfred… Al.. I am not him!'' he placed his hands on his face and cried trying hide his face from his brother receiving more kicks and rips on his hair ''I will kill you! I will Kill HIM! I WILL KILL ANYONE WITH THOSE EYES!''

''Stop Al.. is me Matt.. stop BROTHER!'' he yelled the last word and sobbed noticing that everything was silent around him and he was no longer getting kicked and bruised.

He slowly took his hands from his face and looked around facing a sobbing Alfred hugging his hair in despair and sobbing ''It's his fault Matt.. those eyes are everywhere!'' growling again he bent hiding his face on his legs tighter.

The Canadian placed a hand on his back crying silently hearing the muffed pleads of his brother ''Go away Matt… I don't want to hurt you more…'' he closed his eyes still caressing his back but soon he moved away. He could not be here anymore, he didn't want but he had to leave him but he was not help anymore. He whispered 'sorry' and grabbed his glasses, and heard Alfred saying ''He was right… now I am all alone… like him'' making his heart falling a bit more but slowly he got out the door afraid he was only making it worse with his eyes.

XOOX

He still saw his brother on the meetings and he carefully avoids the guilt look Alfred gave him every time, still his brother was always nice to him even if in hurry and avoiding most nations. The meetings become even more strangely violent and thick tension surrounded every single one.

Both countries giggled to each other in a threatening way and both glared without saying a word. Now the fights did not have words or empty threats, every word said was calculated and every threat real.

''Ukraine.. Thank you for waiting.. I.. uh… '' He stared at her seeing tears falling on her face ''oh please do not cry… I just wanted to know how everything is….'' He tried to make her comfortable placing a hand on her harm.

''He doesn't sleep in weeks afraid of seeing Amerika in his dreams, he his more violent and crazy every day but please… oh please do not tell any one… I am so afraid for him… he even forgets us focussing on Amerika…. He prefers to be all alone than stay with us… he.. he smashed sunflowers saying Amerika was there watching him'' She cries even more and when she saw Soviet Union coming she hurried to him making an apologetic look.

Was on that moment he decided to do one of the boldest things he ran to Soviet Union and called. The Russian just looked around only when he called again he received a wide smile that never reached purple eyes ''Matvey! You decided to join me ~~?''

''Uh… no… I …'' he tried to speak but couldn't make a coherent word with the glare he was receiving, purple eyes were foggy and they were sending cold shivers to his spine ''You need something da?'' the Russian hushed Matthew.

''Eh… I just need to know if you will keep this much more …'' he almost whispered the last words he didn't even mean to speak those words aloud but were the ones that wanted to be spoken the most

''Do not worry little one… this wont long much more '' he looked around and bended, something that he never did and Matthew almost saw fear and pain on his eyes but soon was replaced with a Siberian cold look that burned ''Only one will win Canada.. and I will make sure it will be me!.'' With that he waved and was gone leaving an open-mouthed Canadian holding himself with the help of the wall. This was going to end soon but is brother was in danger and he could not do anything. Tears fell from his eyes.

He could only wait. His brother didn't want help and he could not even stay on his side.

xxx

A week later he received a letter from Alfred he quickly opened, maybe it would bring good news? His brother only wrote when needed or good news came but soon his hopes shattered like glass.

Mattie!

HEY COMMIE BASTARD I KNOW YOU WILL READ THIS BUT JUST FOR YOU TO KNOW FUCK YOU! IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT YOU KNOW THIS AHAHAH YOU WILL BE DEATH SOON SO ENJOY YOUR LAST DAYS!

Mattie.. like I was writing

( sorry about that the commie bastard is probably reading my letters so I decided to leave him a note )

well you see the bastard has Missiles on Cuba but he is fucked because my missiles are also ready and Now I will use them!

You should see them! They are huge and awesome and very destructive I bet the commie only has little ones! So… yeah… I wanted to tell you I will save you from the commie and I will nuke him!

Soon we will be together and in peace again bro…

Freedom will prevail! Commie!

See you soon bro

Your brother

Alfred

Ps: Hey commie stop reading my letters! You are creeping my brother now! Stop! He's MY BROTHER! You have nothing to creep him out!

He almost heard the insane giggles underwritten on the letter; he almost could see his eyes filled with hate and insane pain. They are both putting the world in risk because their stupid war… He felt worthless and hopeless… The next day he showed the letter to the European countries, France cried and England fumed in silence the other one's just panicked.

Soon enough real threats were sent, the world was in tension afraid of the huge countries. But finally there was a truce, a paper was sign and the could not fight any more.

Finally the Cold war was over and Soviet Union fell, America finally regain his posture and mind Russia was showing nothing, now he was visible slimmer but no one was able to know how he was but the sorrow was visible on his slight clean purple eyes. Both have not spoken to each other as person only as nations.

XOOOOOOX

''Al…'' Matthew smiled to his brother filling his mouth with burgers that he found somewhere on his kitchen ''munhuyunh?'' how have he done that?

''Now you are fine right?'' His solemn tone gave his fears and insecurities away, he knew his brother changed from the wars, especially this cold war, but he needed to be sure. His brother swallowed and smiled to him sadly ''I am sorry for what I did to you bro… but yes… I am normal now…'' He sipped his cola watching Matthew letting his breath come slowly.

Matthew did want to ask about Russia but he was not able, somehow his brother knew what he meant just by watching him ''I talked to Russia Matt… we are …. Okay… I guess…'' he looked thoughtful and in doubt but the conversation ended there.

As a 'unnoticed' nation Canada was aware of many things the other nations didn't want each other to know, such as the way France looked to England with longing when the other was not looking, the way Germany still struggled to be fair and Belarus resented Russia… He also noticed how his brother looked to Russia with hurt and hope together in a dangerous mix; he knew his brother would never forget but no one could. Then he looked to Russia, broken Russia only the sadness on his eyes gave away his true self, surely he kept glaring to everyone making them go away from him and smiled that empty smile but when he stared to America his eyes grew soft and hurt, there was no revenge or regret only need. Matthew never uses this information's but surely makes him feel better know that maybe his brother won't hurt and be hurt again.

On that night they slept on the same room as a heeling process and his brother keeps talking on his sleep. He looked to his side his brother was spread on the bed in a slight peaceful sleep only sometimes he murmured, on that night he could hear the words ''I will save you.. Just see me Ivan….'' Matthew watches him a bit more and yawns ''I will be only on your side Al…. no matter what..'' with that turns around and falls asleep hoping that these times would pass soon.

Hum… I wanted to write some things that I have not.. but.. *shrugs*

I hope you guys liked… I had fun writing it even if is depressing….

*nods* yes.. I do enjoy the cold war…. *blush* thanks for reading

Review please ^o^