"Come on Vi! I know for a fact that dress looks hot on you so don't give me any excuses!" Steph called out towards the bedroom where I was attempting to come up with a reason not to wear the dress.

Nothing was particularly wrong with it, the dress was quite beautiful and dangerous sexy to be honest, it's just how I looked in it. I didn't recognize myself. The woman in the mirror looked strikingly sexy and confident, both things I didn't feel at the moment.

"God Vi, you look smoking!" A gorgeous Staph, clad in a golden mini dress, gasped from the doorway.

"You don't think it's too much or too short Steph?" I asked unsure, still not taking my eyes off of the mirror in front of me.

"Violet don't be ridiculous! Your 18 not 60! Show some skin, your single now so lets have fun, drink and met some really cute rebound guys" Steph replied quite mischievously following a wink and a wicked gleam in her eye.

I definitely knew then that there would be no way I could convince Steph to let me stay home in my sweats watching gossip girl reruns with a giant tub of ben and Jerry's, like I have been spending my nights for the last month.

As I think about why I remember the way his face fell when he knew I couldn't be with him. Not when I have these feelings for Lincoln. Admittedly not as strong as the ones I felt for 'him' but feelings no less.

I couldn't be that girl, the one who says she loves her boyfriend, yet loves another as well. So the last month has been my time to figure out said feelings and come to terms with them and seeing where they lead. Though not much of that has been done, just a lot of ice cream and crying over Blair and chuck's relationship problems and comparing them to my own. That's when the tears and heart-wrenching sobs start again and each night it gets harder to stop them.

'Alright', I said to myself 'Enough with the pity party'

As if Steph could read my mind she came up beside me and wrap her arms around me "its okay honey, time heals all wounds. And vodka, lots of vodka" we giggled.

"Your right Steph lets go party!"

We strolled, or more like catwalked into Hades knowing every eye was on us. We walked right up to the bar and both onyx and dapper came to greet us.

"Damn, what's the occasion girls?" Dapper said glazing his eyes over our outfits with a proud gleam in his eye, whilst onyx wolf whistled going from staring at my body to Steph's.

"I finally got Violet out of her cave, that's reason enough!" Steph joked.

I scowled at all three of them, which only made them chuckled harder. "Can I just have a vodka raspberry please, if you all are finished laughing at me?

That comment alone made onyx and Steph chuckle more whilst Dapper went to fetch my drink.

I glanced around the club taking in my surroundings, nodding my head in a respectful greeting to the few people I knew. Dapper handed me my drink and he, Steph and onyx were chatting about something I wasn't paying much attention to.

I wondered if he'd come tonight. I wondered a lot of things about him lately. How was he? Is his happy? Is he still single? God that would kill me, not just seeing him but also seeing him with another girl pressed up against him. My heart hurt just thinking about it.

Right on cue, as if he knew I was thinking about him, I felt him in the club. No matter that I couldn't see him yet, I always felt his presence.

His eyes met mine.

A mixture of shock, love, lust, sadness and uncertainty flashed in his eyes and our gazes locked.

We must have been staring for a while because Steph nudged me and followed my gaze.

"Oh honey, I didn't know he'd be here tonight. Did you want to go?"

"No it's fine, lets dance!" I said to steph who threw a sympathetic look towards me and a glare in his direction.

She lead me to the dance floor placing us in the middle, consciously avoiding him, yet making sure we had his attention.

And boy did we ever, I felt his eye burn holes into my body which made we squirm.

We danced for quite a while, with each other and sometimes others, only leaving the dance floor for refills and toilet breaks. The whole time his gaze not leaving me.

Just as I was getting my 6th or 7th refill off Dapper, I felt him move behind me.

I stiffened as I waited for him to say something, not daring to look into his eyes. His hand travelled down from my elbow to my hand, entwining our fingers. "Dance with me." He said quietly in my ear. Not waiting for an answer he tugged on my hand. Knowing I didn't have a choice I downed my drink and followed him willing to the dance floor.

As if the universe wanted to torture me, a slow song came on. Everyone surrounding us coupled up while I stared at my knotted fingers waiting and wondering what was going to happen next, not knowing if I could stand to be that close with him.

As if he could sense how I was feeling he grabbed my waist and pulled me into his arms and against his chest.

Finally looking up into his eyes I whispered his name

"Phoenix…"

"Shh, just dance." He said resting his face in the crook of my neck and shoulder.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, unconsciously twisting the dark midnight hair through my fingers, letting myself relax and felt somewhat contempt for the first time in a month.

The lyrics of the song stuck out for me,

"I can't make you love me if you don't, you can't make your heart feel something it wont. Here in the dark, in these final hours, I will lay down my heart and ill feel the power but you don't. No you don't…"

It was as if the words were coming straight from phoenix. I tightened my arms around him, holding him closer if possible. While my heart screamed out 'I DO! I DO LOVE YOU PHOENIX!'

But for some reason my mouth just couldn't form the words.

"I'll close my eyes, then I wont see the love you don't feel when your holding.. Morning will come and ill do what's right, just give me till then to give up this fight, and I will give up this fight cause I make you love me if you don't.. "

A sob passed my lips and I knew from then I couldn't stop them this time. But Phoenix wasn't letting go of me, if anything he held my tighter, with love and tenderness he only has towards me.

I nuzzled my face into him, feeling comfort he was offering me. And I knew I had to tell him, I was ready to tell him.

I loved him. I loved him so much it consumes me and makes me whole. I loved him.

I love phoenix.

I pulled back from the embrace slightly and looked up into his eyes, my breath caught from the intense look. I was trying to figure out how to tell him in a romantic way like in TV shows, when I blurted out..

"I love you."