Captain Billy Joe Sebastian Mercutio Cullen de Chagny wore size nine sneakers. He knew because he carefully measured his feet every night before he went to bed. He was always worried he was going to outgrow his shoes.
You see, the shoes of Captain Billy Joe Sebastian Mercutio Cullen de Chagny weren't just any old pair of Reeboks or Nikes, although either one of those would have been a luxury in nineteenth century France. No, Captain Billy Joe Sebastian Mercutio Cullen de Chagny's shoes were special. They were lime-green hi-top Converse™!
These had been given to Captain Billy Joe Sebastian Mercutio Cullen de Chagny by his supervisor, Inspector Javert (or "Snookums" as his friends called him) after Captain Billy Joe Sebastian Mercutio Cullen de Chagny had been with the Montreuil Police Force (We Enforce the Lawr with a Smile™!) for five years, and Captain Billy Joe Sebastian Mercutio Cullen de Chagny loved them so much his heart just about burst to look at them.
"Captain Billy Joe Sebastian Mercutio Cullen de Chagny," Javert had said seriously, yet with a friendly twinkle in his eye, "I wouldn't be giving you these shoes if you hadn't earned them. The Montreuil Police Force (We Enforce the Lawr with a Smile™!) wants to thank you for all your hard work. One of the people you arrested was actually guilty! That's the best track record anyone on the Montreuil Police Force (We Enforce the Lawr with a Smile™!) has had in years! So take these lime-green hi-top Converse™ and wear them proudly."
Captain Billy Joe Sebastian Mercutio Cullen de Chagny took Javert's words to heart. He color-coded his outfits so they wouldn't clash with his lime-green hi-top Converse™. He wore them when he ate, when he slept, when he showered. The other officers stared jealously at them when he walked by. It was hard to catch Captain Billy Joe Sebastian Mercutio Cullen de Chagny without his lime-green hi-top Converse™.
That was why, when the crazy blonde lady came up to him after he had innocently wandered onto the docks, and started singing while crying, Captain Billy Joe Sebastian Mercutio Cullen de Chagny didn't worry. Because as long as he could wear his shoes, he was golden.
THE END