Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Star Trek

Warnings: I'd prefer not to spoil, but it's going to start off light and fluffy but end up somewhere darker.

Rain thudded down on the roof of the building; a dull constant rhythm that encouraged lethargy and staying indoors. The buildings environmental controls insulated her from the rain and kept the room hot and dry. From the bed, she could enjoy the drum of the rain without being cold and damp. The icy sharp stinging the previous day had been an unpleasant surprise. She had kept her face neutral but he had known of her discomfort and hurried her under cover of the hotel room where she could dry off. He had spared no effort ensuring her comfort. Dry clothes of soft, delicate fabric, soft music, hand feeding of indulgent foods, conversation which avoided controversial topics lulled her into a compliant mood so he could seduce her.

None of it had been necessary, of course. She had come here for one reason and they both knew what it was. He had still done everything for her as was her right. She had saved his life every seven years since they were bonded and she was entitled to his respect.

She lay on the silken sheets, her limbs intertwined with his. Their harsh breathing filled the air and the heat of their passion still warmed them. No longer two, they were one. T'Sil felt content as she never did in his absence, and seldom in his presence. She cherished this sensation of peace. She kept her eyes closed enjoying it while it lasted.

He laughed and ruined it, he always did. Why did he insist on this deviant behaviour? "Miss me, this time, beloved?" said Sybok his deep voice. She pushed herself upright, facing away from him. She hated looking at him. Even though hate was an emotion, she admitted she felt it. He ran his hands over her back and she relaxed a little, perhaps she could initiate further intimacy?

He was sated and talkative. "I didn't expect you for another two years. It was an agreeable surprise." She hated talking, or more precisely, she hated listening to him talk. Once she had loved it. Back when he had been the foremost student on Vulcan, intelligent and destined for great things, not this shabby imitation of the life he could have had. Now his voice, once emotionless and precise overflowed with emotion, a smug certainty she would share his way of thinking. The desire to prove him wrong grew within her and she stifled it.

He could feel some part of her emotions, though and dropped his hands from her and cooled the tone of his voice. "Ashamed of how you still feel for me?" He never could resist making digs at her. She rose and gathered her clothing, scattered across the floor, and dressed, still without speaking. She would leave now, she decided. There was no point in staying further. She had tried, years before, tried to make him see logic, to appeal to the Council against the banishment. There would be penance, of course, years of it, and would never regain the trust he had lost, but they could have had a life together. Their children could have had the life they should have had. He had refused her, refused to change his behaviour.

"This was the last time." She had said it before, to him and to herself, but it never had been. This time it was. "I will leave now." Despair surged through her. He was hers and she was his. Nothing would ever change that. Not the Council, not her fellow Reldai, not the female followers he was intimate with in her absence. Jealousy rose up at the thought and her emotions overwhelmed her. She pushed the emotion down and only succeeded in bringing forth tears.

His hands closed over her arms and he turned her, tilting her chin up and brushing away the errant tear from her closed eye. She braced herself for his triumphant comment but it did not come "You never leave me. Part of you is always here with me," he said, his voice gentle and seductive. "Why not stay? We could be together as we should be" She shook her head slowly, wordlessly. "I will give up the others," he promised. "They mean nothing. It was an experiment in physical desire I never shared my mind with them."

"Will you give up your blasphemy?" she said, knowing he wouldn't. He stared at her, without answering. He had been K'torr Skann since he was twenty and had been a blasphemer for years before. It was the way T'Rea had raised him. He would not change at this late date. She hesitated once she reached the door. It was harder than she had thought.

He laughed behind her, amused. "Having trouble?"

She turned. She had not wanted to, she wanted her last memory of him to be pleasant, but perhaps it was better this way. He stood naked in the centre of the room, tall, handsome and arrogant, his posture proud. Desire pooled deep inside her. She pushed aside the animal passion, and regarded him. The slender youth she had known was gone and in his place was an overweight, hairy, smiling man. He had no self-control and indulged his senses and it showed in his body and his face. It showed in the over decorated room surrounding them, the silken sheets and sumptuous wall hangings and carpets. Hatred welled within her, duller than usual. Perhaps she was approaching indifference after all, if at a slower pace than she desired.

"This was the last time," she said again and this time, she believed it. It must have shown in her demeanour because he showed alarm and strode towards her grabbing her wrist. "How are you going to stop yourself?" he demanded. "Has T'Sai convinced you to give yourself to another? Is that why you came? Has your ambition become so great? Are your feeling for me so different when we are apart?" She wrested her wrist free, he was weaker than he had been. He lacked discipline regarding his training and the low gravity worlds he had been living on. She trained often, as the oldest novice of Gol she had the lightest duties, which left time for meditation and training. Sleep came easier at night if she was exhausted.

She turned to leave and he grabbed her again. "Tell me," he insisted. "Is there to be another?" His jealousy soothed her raw emotions. It was not just she who had suffered from their separation. His jealousy was not unfounded. She could not progress from an acolyte until she had assisted someone through his Time. It was logical, there were equal numbers of male and female Reldai and the burden should fall upon them all, not just a few. Becoming a Reldai was one of the few reasons a Vulcan could sever a marriage bond and it was important fearful young women not choose the life of an acolyte to avoid marriage. Reldai would sometimes assist a man who had no bond mate through pon farr but there was a price. They kept the child of the union, and raised it in the Temple, unregistered in the Clan records.

"No," she replied. "There will be no other for me while you live."

Reassured by her sincerity, he drew her close and embraced her. "I am yours and you are mine. Parted from me and never parted. You will be here in two years, I do not doubt it." He kissed her, and she could not prevent herself from responding. She yearned to stay. He had only months left, could she not spend them with him? Concerned, she ran through the lowest level of meditation, mastering her emotions. It was an error. It dulled the marital bond and his mind pressed against hers, in the way she had seen him control his followers.

The bond both bound and protected her. He could not use his power against her as he could everyone else. It was how she had ended up in this half way state. She had been unable to say no when he asked her, all those years ago, to engage in intercourse with him before their marriage. Their bond had bloomed into full strength and she had been unable to act against him ever since. She would have given anything to take back that moment. Anything but undo the bond.

Now, his mind pressed against her secret pain, encouraging her to release it. The bond should have protected her, but working against her control was the fact she longed to say it. Her control lapsed and she tore her mouth away from his, her breathing heavy. "I hate you," she whispered into his ear. "I hate the way you make me feel. I hate that I cannot ignore you. I wish you were dead so I could be free of you." She was horrified by her lapse but once started she could not stop talking. It felt so good, unburdening herself to the person who should be her confidant. "I wish I had never been bonded to you. Most of all, I wish I had told you no. I don't stay an acolyte so I can stay loyal to you. I stay an acolyte because I am unworthy of proceeding. I am unable to master my hatred." He slapped her, hard, and she stopped, shocked.

He had never been violent before. Her own hand rose up, of its own volition and she stared at it. The desire to strike him back was sudden and fierce, almost overwhelming and her heart thrummed with excitement. She looked at his face triumph was writ there. It was more shocking than the slap had been. She lowered her hand, turned on her heel and left. He called after her, but she ignored it. He moved closer and she broke into a run. His mocking laughter followed her. She ran the entire way back to the space port. She scanned the crowd while she waited for her flight.

He did not come after her. Though she tried, she could not stop disappointment filling her. She had changed her booking to an earlier flight so he would not stop her, but she was still disappointed.