Wallow In Pain

by HellFire Kitten

The unsaid thoughts of Inoue Orihime as she lives in isolation up to the moment where she clutches to her bosom the cooling body of Kurosaki Ichigo. Similar to Will You Miss Me When I Am Dead if you haven't read it do so...it's really good.

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The way you look at her

Oh God,

I would do anything to have your eyes hold that look for me

I would give my soul to Satan

I would sacrifice my body to pain

I would gouge out my own heart if only you asked of me

You speak as if you don't care for her

But I see beneath as you lie,

Your true feelings that you hide

I smile and I cry and there's some days I wish I died,

Right when I think of you and honestly I don't know what to do

I left in order to protect you,

But I never knew it wouldn't matter to you

If I could have you look at me like that

I wouldn't need to fake this smile

I wouldn't need to act this way

I wouldn't need to pretend that everything is going my way

I wouldn't need to pretend to be brave

If only you cared perhaps,

I may have been saved

But alas look at me

Me, oh Arrancar me

Whose memories haunts my dreams

This love kills me

This love maims me

I whisper as I cry, as I smile

As I whisper to the night with only my ears to hear

Whose love was unrequited...my dear darling goodbye

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It's night again and I toss and I turn

But still I cannot sleep

It's your face I see in my dreams

I feel like you've enslaved me

I feel as if your're the one to set me free

My heart knows as my brain says this is false

Because if ever you were to choose between me and her

I would be the one swallowed by the shadows

By the fear..I would be the only one left in the dark here

I feel the tears falling again

I hadn't known I was crying and it seems that's all I do

I wish I truly died

I wish I saw you one last

When I close my eyes it's your blood that soaks the ground

Your flesh to clump the dirt

Your corpse to haunt me and drain away every good thing from me

I won't watch you as you die

It was ignorance that made me leave you behind

I want you to stay away from me

I love you more than anything

But If I have to watch you die

I'm not going to lie

I'll be sad and I'll be glad

Because if your out of my reach..your out of hers to

And If I can't save you..I don't want anyone else to

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The sun is setting

My heart clenches in fear

The anticipation of all my pain resides right here

Oh sweet Jesus give me strength to run away from here

My eyes are watering as I watch the colors darken

I don't want to see your lifeless face

I don't want your death repeating in my head

I don't want the memories to whisper sweet nothings in my ear

When I want to give up

When I want to die

I hear faintly hope whispering

Give it one more try

The day of reckoning finally comes

Your corpse as cold as a midsummer dawn

I'm screaming because I don't know what to say

I'm crying because I failed in keeping you away

I'm clawing at my arms to remind me I'm still awake

And then it all comes back to me

This world in which I live

There's one more thing I'd like to say

Please excuse me for the pain.

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This story came out of my subconscious as I listened to Dave Matthews song "Gravedigger" repeatedly. It's basically all the things Orihime never says, all the years she loved Ichigo, all the years he never once acknowledged that love. It's from her point of view and some of these things are what she thinks about her current predicament up to Ichigo's death.

A/N Just for a little F.Y.I I haven't written chapter five for A Thousand Words yet and I'm planning on adding more to chapter four. Also the stories with my own character are that way because I couldn't think of actual characters that would do these things.

Thank you.