~ Author's Note ~
Okay, so today official marks the 2 year anniversary of "A Girl Named Panic" and so I wrote this little short to celebrate it. Sorry it's so short, but I wanted to do something special for the two years after the series started. As for the fifth, it will come, I started my first semester of college and I've been dabbling in other universes of fanfiction and Panic's kind of on a back burner, I need to get my lazy ass on it though. Until then though, enjoy this special! This story takes place a few months after the last chapter in "Pandora's Panic Box" if you all wanted to know where this chapter falls in the Panic Universe...
Baby Toby was asleep, had been asleep since I came by, and has continued his peaceful slumber the entire time I've been sitting here beside his crib. My head is pounding from a massive hangover, my eyes are blurring in and out of focus from exhaustion, and my body feels numb. My limps are like jello and my thoughts are cloudy and unfocused. All signs of sleep deprivation, well, I think so.
Look there's more important things for me to do than search around google to the 10-sure-signs-of-sleep-deprivation. This is so stupid, I know it is and that still doesn't help me move any. We're safe, Toby and I, and even if I held so resentment towards him before all this shit hit the fan, after what happened there, at that base with that woman who... I shake my head.
The desire for sleep is overwhelming, my eyes droopy with every effort I put against it. My head is braced against the bars of the crib to keep my head upright, if the crib wasn't beside me I'd probably topple over myself. Make an embarrassment of myself and wake Toby in the process and no one wants to deal with a wailing baby this early in the morning. The clock on the small blue in-table beside the babies crib reading three in the morning.
Sighing, I run a hand through my hair that's tied back in a low ponytail. Images of that woman's lifeless face flashing like a strobe light in between reality like photo snippets or something. The sound of a gentle yawn, draws me from my tired, motionless placement. Rising to my feet, I watch as Toby opens his chocolate brown eyes, sleepily blinking a couple times at me.
His tiny fingers clench and clench at me in desperation. It takes a few seconds for my tired mind to process what he wants, then it clicks. He wants me to pick him up, I watch as his goofy grin darkens into a pout. He's going to start wailing if I don't, isn't he? Just as his face starts getting red, I bend over the rail of the crib and gently reach a hand under his shoulder and by his neck to support his head, and the other around his lower body.
I nestle him in my arms and rock him back and forth as slowly as I can. His meaty little fingers grab a stray strand of my long hair and he tugs at it like it's some kind of plaything. After deciding that it wasn't dangerous, he promptly stuck my hair in his mouth, getting his saliva in my hair. That is so disgusting, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a tad cute.
As he was slowly sucking on my hair, his eyes started falling from the soothing motion of my rocking. He was going to fall back asleep. I was still a bit jealous and insecure about my place with Toby being born, but there was something else growing in my heart. A small section that I've started to nurture, I don't know what it's called, but I suppose it could only be a sense of sibling-love...
Laying Toby back down in the crib, I carefully pull my baby saliva covered hair from his toothless mouth. I watched him for a minute longer, thinking about how my life has changed, about my feelings toward the infant below me.
"Listen here you little brat..." I scowl, only to drop the harsher tone and smile. "I'll admit that you being here has made me uncomfortable and I'm not sure how to be a big sister, I was an only child for my whole life. Let's get one thing clear though, I'm your big sis and nothing else matters, I'm going to protect you with my life because I don't need the guilt of your life on my soul, and besides, I might just grow to miss you... So give me so time kid, I'll make it work and everything'll be okay."
Sitting back down on the ground, I leaned my head back against the bars of his crib. I'm not perfect, and I have a problem and I'll have to face it. My jealously is still here, duller but still alive and that's something else I'll need to deal with. That doesn't mean that now's the right time though. All I know though is that I'd rather fie than allow that baby to die.
I'd suffer a thousand horrible deaths before I'll let that happen, and that's a promise.
Aw, protective Big Sis Panic, what do you all think of this sweet little fic? I know it's short, but I didn't have time to write a large chapter like I did last year, but 2 years since Panic's story started, I still can't believe it! Be sure to comment below!