Hey guys, it's me, Flippzy, once again working on a beautiful masterpiece (laughter in the background) *glares* as I was SAYING; I've decided to go with a different approach, seeing as how I've lost all my interest in finishing I Me Mine…I mean, let's face it…It was going nowhere, FAST! Anyway, my sister agrees, so that's why I'm here…in…Portal world, as I like to call it. Hahaha, that kinda sounds like an amusement park, doesn't it? ANYWAY! OFF SUBJECT! This is my new masterpiece, and for those of you who've never seen my works before, as said in the game "God Help You!" Haha, just kidding : ). SO! HERE WE GO WITH:
It'll Never Happen!
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Portal 2, nor do I own the guest characters about to appear, but I can safely say I own the Monkey! :D
In the deep vastness of space, in the Milky Way, where the moon (MOON!) is, as well as the Earth (but that's not as important at the moment), there are two little robot cores orbiting and floating across the starry sky. To the normal bystander, one would believe them to be satellites, but upon closer (and I mean like all up in your face closer inspection) that person would realize these were not satellites orbiting Earth, but rather, Personality Cores doomed to forever roam the unsettled territory of…
"SPPAAAACCCEE!" cried the orange core for the 1,232,543,555,587th time since he and the formerly corrupted (and slightly irritated) core, Wheatley, became exiled there (not that Wheatley was really counting, there was an interior mechanism that did that automatically for him).
"Look, for the last time, I KNOW you are, mate. I know you're in space, because, HEY! GUESS WHAT? I TOO, am in space! And not by choice, either! Then again, it's more than I deserve after the horrible way I treated Chell….she was my only friend, you kno-" Wheatley's constant babbling was once again interrupted with:
"Ooo! Space Rocks! They must be alive! Take me to your leader! I wonder what the space leader looks like? Ba-Ba-ba-ba…." Space Core continued. It was enough to make his blue companion want to rub his non-existent temples with his non-existent hands.
"Look, mate, not that this hasn't been fun, but I would REALLY appreciate it if you would kindly shut u-"
"Space Monkey."
Wheatley turned at gave Space Core a strange expression as if to say "and I'm the moron?" Great! Now he not only had to hear about space rocks, and space cops, and stars, etc. etc. SPACE MONKEY was to be added to the list. "Really mate, a SPACE MONKEY…you don't say." Wheatley said in a sarcastic tone, as if to play along.
"Space monkey in a space ship…with a bald monkey next to him. Must follow space monkey, must steal his space bananas!"
Now Wheatley was becoming genuinely worried. It was one thing to say these things on the ground, where Space Core's imagination could run wild. It was another thing to say these things in the real place where none of that could actually-
HOLY POTATO BATTERIES!
(That's right, I went with it, SUE ME! XD)
There actually was a spaceship coming towards them! And if THAT wasn't strange enough, there WAS in fact a monkey in the cockpit, hitting a green button that Wheatley could manage out the word "Left" which produced after effectively pressed, a bright yellow banana for the furry navigator, and right next to the monkey, was a not-nearly-as-hairy-but-still-distinguishable monkey, with a completely dead look in his eyes as he beheld the wonder of space.
Surely this was Wheatley's ticket out of here! "Oi oi! Can you hear me? Help! I'm forever stuck with this insane SPACE enthusiast, and I want out!"
The furry one ignored his plea, but the bald one looked at him for a split second before saying, "Well….you don't see that everyday, do ye?"
"Karl! That story was TOTALLY untrue, and was ABSOLUTE SHIT! The probability of that ever happening is…what the fuck am I talking about? There's no FUCKING PROBABILITY that THAT could ever happen, ESPECIALLY in Space! For starters, how the fuck can anything talk in space? There's no sound barrier, so the only way they could speak or much less have you HEAR them would be for them to be ON the ship WITH you AND the monkey!" Ricky Gervais said with an amused frown on his face, threatening to pull back into a smile.
"Could I just add into this conversation…um…WHY does the core have MY voice, specifically? If it's such a moron, wouldn't it have yours?" said the ever tall and lanky Stephan Merchant. He really didn't take well to being called a moron, ESPECIALLY by a moron.
Karl Pilkington looked at his fellow pod cast members and simply shrugged his shoulders. "You never know, it COULD 'appen. And the part with the talkin' could easily be like…you know…the robot…you know, talkin' with a lil' radio tha' could transfer to mine and the monkey's 'eadphones….so the monkey would…you know, know to press the button to save the lil' fella, ey?"
At this point, Ricky's laughter could not be withheld, and it rang through the studio walls, barely muffled out when he covered his face with the crook of his arms on the table. He began to pound on the table, trying to regain some composure, and tried to take deep breaths, all the while saying "Ohhh God…Oh, Karl…you're an idiot…" Stephan chuckled quietly in the background, still slightly miffed at being called a moron. Karl, as usual, waited patiently for his friends to stop their laughter, with a dull, emotionless look in his eyes.
After Ricky and Stephan were able to calm down, Ricky announced to his pod cast audience the following:
"And for the record, fellow viewers, this will PROBABLY never happen, not even in the future, but if it DOES happen, God Help Us All, when Karl becomes the last hope of the world, only to ruin it by pushing the wrong button and crash landing on the moon, with the help of tiny robots and a monkey!"
Before they closed the program Stephan piped up with
"And for the record, just so we're clear, I am NOT a Moron!"
The end!
AN: Okay, so that was a short lil' one shot that has been stewing in my head for the past few hours. I knew I had to write it now before I completely decided to brush it off!
And for those of you who don't understand the last part of the story, Stephan Merchant was the voice of Wheatley for Portal 2. He's the co-director and producer for "The Office" with Ricky Gervais, and helps perform a pod cast with Ricky Gervais and the not-so-wise Karl Pilkington.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this could really be something that Karl would say…in the event that Portal and Portal 2 had never existed (a world of utter doom and chaos, that is). So, I hope you guys liked it, and I hope this met the standards to all you Portal fans. I'm still kinda new to it and trying to get used to it, but I can effectively say I'm hooked and plan on beating this game (If my PC will allow it!) Till then, please leave a review!
It's very simple, just PRESS THE BUTTON!