Things to remember when raising a Weasley.
Dear Harry,
I am presently writing you a list that should really help since you're raising a child with Weasley blood. If you have any more questions, please don't refrain from writing back. I know what it's like to raise a Weasley: I raised 7 of them.
1.) Don't ever, ever ask for their opinion on what to eat.
2.) Weasley Wives don't appreciate their child being fed ice cream and biscuits for dinner.
3.) Never forget how old your child actually is.
4.) Never leave them alone in a room with an older/younger sibling. Something will happen to one of them.
5.) Never believe anything they say, children lie.
6.) No matter how good puppy dog eyes they do.
7.) Even if they are smeared with chocolate.
8.) Especially if they are smeared with chocolate.
9.) Never fall asleep on the sofa. Young children don't understand the concept of tired. The older ones will cover you in makeup and take a photo.
10.) When they ask where they came from, don't tell them that they came from the zoo. This will mean that the house will be full of animal noises and naked children pretending to be a particular animal. No matter how amusing it is.
These are ten rules that works for all children. I have created separated lists for girls and boys. And a list on how to tell them off, without laughing. Wives don't appreciation-trouble children being laughed at.
Boys
1.) Never leave them alone with a toddler sister. It will end up with your son being dressed in pink dresses and glitter.
2.) Don't let them play sports in the house. At all. Never.
3.) Always pay attention when talking to them, they might try and get you to agree to something you don't want to.
4.) Never let them host sleepovers.
5.) Similarly, never let a daughter host a sleepover when a son is in the house.
6.) Don't ever let Ron babysit him. He will undoubtedly come back with stores and ideas on how to be annoying.
7.) Or George for that matter.
8.) Or any Weasley sibling.
9.) Always leave Ginny to bath time duties. Screaming, naked, covered in mud children aren't fun to bathe.
10.) Don't ever suggest playing naked charades. No matter how funny it is to watch them be dragged off for a bath screaming "But I'm a flamingo!"
11.) Be careful when teaching them card games. They will challenge you to everything.
12.) Similarly, don't teach them to play poker. Or Pontoon. Or Gin Rummy.
No matter how agile they are on a broomstick, don't let them challenge you to a diving competition. Especially when Ginny is around.
13.) Don't ever call them normal. They aren't.
Boys are fairly easy to control. Girls on the other hand…
Girls
1.) Don't ever let them make puppy eyes to you.
2.) Telling them that the toilets are haunted as a joke results in the house smelling of pee.
3.) Don't tell them any lies about anything. They will go to great lengths to prove you wrong.
4.) Balancing jelly on their nose doesn't count as a balanced meal. No matter how truthful it is.
5.) Don't ever leave muggle wood polish out. They will polish the floor, resulting in you slipping over.
6.) Don't leave your wand lying around.
7.) Don't try and reverse anything she does with it. Even if you toothbrush is spitting rainbows, you'll be laughing so hard, you only make it worse.
8.) Don't ever agree to take her shopping.
9.) Nor to any of her relatives houses when Ginny's not coming.
10.) Don't ever take her to Georges shop.
11.) Don't tell her she's your princess. She will then make everyone call her 'milady' for a few days.
12.) Don't ever play the 'But Why' game. Offer her chocolate Otherwise you'll waste an hour of life.
13.) Don't ever agree to play princesses with her. Pink won't suit you.
14.) SHE WON'T BE NORMAL!
I am really excited for you and Ginny. Can't wait until the baby is born. Hopefully my advice will help, anyone with a drop of Weasley blood is offically a nightmare as a child. If you ever need to escape, I offer you three things: my garage, the bathroom and your office at work. Take my word for it I raised 7 and lived to tell the tale.
Good Luck (trust me you'll need it)
Arthur.