Sooner or Later

She could feel the cold, hard pressed autopsy table radiating chills up her spine. As she sat there on the table at 11pm, she folded her arms together to try and keep in heat. Ducky went back and forth from a table of needles and blood to a table of plasters and bandages.

All that could be heard was the air conditioning. It sounded like a constant breeze. It didn't reassure her fears though. If anything, it reminded her of the hospital. The fear she would experience sitting in the waiting room… with the only thing to comfort you was the sound of rushing gurneys and trashy magazines. The sound of muffled tears and the tightness in your stomach.

Something was wrong with her… that was for sure. The shakes… the trembles. The sudden flinches. The loss of balance and vertigo. She turned her head away as the medical examiner took one of her arms and inserted another long needle into her vein. Drawing more of her scarlet blood into a small vial.

The needle felt like fire. It hurt. She hurt. Physically. Emotionally. If she didn't get a diagnosis soon… she would lose her mind. At least she could trust Ducky. A true friend whom she could share anything medically concerning her with. She couldn't trust any other doctor in the state. The director of NCIS at a doctor? Headlines would be up all over the place. Not to mention her security detail would mention something to Cynthia who would most likely tell Gibbs… She just couldn't risk it.

Ducky removed the needle and placed pressure on the site of entry. With his other hand he took a small plaster off the table and place it over the wound. He observed her weakened state. She looked pale… fragile. And he noticed she had lost tons of weight.

He patted her thigh gently for her comfort and she looked up slowly into his warm ocean eyes. Looks of concern and serious worry etched into his face, but also reassurance and hope.

"What's wrong with me?" She asked hoarsely. The shivering in her voice evident. The doctor pulled the tables with blood away from her and he place the 6 vials he had taken into the freezer. He walked back over to her and sat opposite on the other autopsy table.

"I'll find out… I promise Jennifer." She nodded and gulped. The fragile woman lifted a hand to her forehead. She felt exhausted… trying to avoid Jethro and deal with her mystery illness was proving quite a challenge. She didn't want him to see her all weak and feeble. She didn't want him to fuss and stare into her soul like he always did. She didn't have the strength.

"Don't tell Gibbs…" She begged almost silent. The medical examiner tilted his head and eyed her curiously. He knew that there was a history between her and Jethro. A history that caused both of their hearts to be broken. He also knew that they both still had feelings for each other, whether they realised it or not he didn't know.

"Why?" He asked quietly. She turned her head away from him and exhaled deeply. Ducky watched her as a single tear rolled down her pale cheek. Maybe it was fear. The fear of telling Jethro she may not get better. The fear that she would fall back in love with him again. Maybe it was pain. The pain of having to face him and watch him watch her suffering.

Ducky got off the table and dug into his drawer in his desk. He found two glasses. He placed them on his desk and went into the back room and managed to find a bourbon. He knew how much Jenny loved bourbon. As Ducky went into the back room, Jenny was left with her thoughts.

She'd have to tell Jethro one day… she supposed. If her illness got any worse. But she didn't want to. She didn't want to admit it, but she still loved him… had strong urges and feelings around him, but all she knew was that if he found out he would watch her like a hawk. And she didn't want that.

Ducky returned holding the 2 glasses and a bottle of bourbon. She managed to muster a small smile as he poured her a small glass. He placed it into her cold hand and she stared at it coldly. "I think you need it…" He stated as he poured some into his own glass. As he took a sip of his drink, he looked at her… she was still staring at her glass. "What is bothering you Jennifer? How can I help you?"

Another tear rolled down her cheek and she shook her head. "I'm beyond help Ducky…" She said hoarsely. He stared at her in disbelief. The director of NCIS heartbroken and 'beyond help'. He put down his glass and sat up next to her. She didn't flinch. He slowly patted her back. Trying his best to comfort her. He'd never seen Jenny like this. The closest he had seen her vulnerable was when she was shot in Europe, but even then, she was strong and confident. She wouldn't let a bullet destroy her career. So why was she letting an unknown disease destroy her?

"No, you're not." He said seriously. "You are the director of a federal agency… you can survive this…" She wiped her cheek with her hand. "But only if you let somebody help you." Jenny looked up to the ceiling. Thank god it was late at night and everybody had left. Thank god Jethro wouldn't see her in this state.

"What can I do Ducky!" She cried in desperation. "What can I do to hide the fact that I'm sick?" Tears were falling like waterfalls now. "I'm so tired of living like this!" She buried her face in her hands and very audibly sobbed. Ducky kept rubbing circles on her back and his heart broke at her pain. At least she was venting to somebody who could understand.

"Sometimes… you have to look at the reality in front of you. And accept it." He told her calmly. The loud sobbing stopped, and she looked at him… the tears creating rivers on her cheeks.

"What if I can't get better?" She asked him timidly. She had Goosebumps lining her exposed arms and she was visibly shaking. "I don't want to die…" She whispered. Ducky bit his lip and sighed. There was really nothing he could do to ease her pain. He could only think of one thing though…

"You NEED to tell Jethro…" She shook her head, the tears falling again. She leaned into his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her like a grandfather would. "He deserves to know…"

"I can't tell him Ducky… He can't see me like this… He can't… its too much to bear." She begged Ducky. She would be going away for the next week, she wouldn't have to face Jethro for that amount of time.

"He will find out sooner or later Jenny… Just make sure your prepared…" The tears stopped flowing and she took a deep breath to try and calm herself. Ducky was right… he would find out, but she wasn't prepared for it and that's what scared her.