Rodney knew that Sheppard was weird.
The day he made that fact the base of all his impressions of the major was the day he figured the man out. Well, kind of. At least he was pretty sure that he got behind the public persona of the major.
Rodney could deal with weird. Rodney dealt with weird on a daily basis. Rodney knew weird.
But, weirdly, the man still surprised him. Oh, he knew that there was more to Sheppard than his 'Why, yes, I'm lazy - Ambition is for losers' attitude. Knew that under that there was a very keen and watchful eye which always checked its surrounding, made sure that it was save, made sure that it was save for the ones it watched over.
And he knew that though his IQ was extraordinary high - in fact the number came uncomfortably close to his own - Sheppard liked to be considered a dumb, shallow flyboy.
It all came together as a kind of scheme. Sheppard's way to deal with life. Sheppard's defensive shield.
He got that. Defensive shield, yeah, been there, wore that.
But this was in fact not what surprised him about Sheppard, those little quirks fell well under the category 'Weird'. And weird was normal for Sheppard. His Status Quo.
What surprised him was that he could not figure John out. In fact it unnerved him far more than he was willing to admit.
He knew that he got to see more of John than most others here in Atlantis. His steady bitching with Sheppard made John come out and comment on the topic at hand pretty often. Those threw him. Those surprised him.
These comments made him think about John. He seemed to miss an important piece in the puzzle named John.
John knew that McKay's themed geek t-shirts were not in any particular way sexy garments. John knew McKay's 'I'm leaving my body to Science Fiction' shirt turned him on like nobody's business.
"Tell me, McKay!"
God, Sheppard could be so annoying! Rodney wished for his gun to be able to either shoot Sheppard or put himself ... nah, he valued himself quite a lot, far too much to ever commit suicide.
Sheppard had to go then. Sadly he did not have his gun.
He really, really'd like to have it. This had to stop!
Rodney opened his eyes and blinked two times to clear his eyes of the water. He weighted the standard sized bottle of shampoo with his left hand - he could throw better with his left - but was disappointed to find that it was almost empty and nearly weightless. No good as a surrogate rock.
His right eyebrow twitched. He seemed to make some sort of disgruntled noise for Zelenka's worried looking face appeared over the left wall of his shower cubicle. He looked at him and took in the now raised eyebrow that seemed to say 'Do you know that you are growling lika a lunatic?' and 'Do make Sheppard shut up already!'. He would have made a answering sort of mimic but Zelenka's face was already gone a second later, he must have had balanced on his toes to be able to glance over the edge.
Rodney spent a second to really hate Som, the elderly chief of today's planet tribe. Had that stupid, superstitious man not... ah well it happened, there's no use crying over spilt milk. Still, that man was the reason Sheppard now knew about the existance of the classified missions and operations he had worked on when he was on the payroll of the CIA. Oh, neither Som nor Sheppard knew anything precise about them. And that seemed to really bug the latter.
In any case the problem at hand was Sheppard. Who was the most stubborn ass he ever met!
"Oh come on, man! Tell me!"
"The hell I will! It's classified! And for good reason!"
"I could order you to tell me."
"Hah, you wish!"
"Tellmetellmetellmetellmetellmetellmetellmetell-" He threw the shampoo anyway. Thonk, thud. "Oi!"
Rodney took a deep breath. He felt almost reasonable now. Plain violence could be amazingly therapeutic. Especially when dealing with Air Force majors who behaved like 8 year-old brats. He put his head back under the showerhead and let the water wash the shampoo out of his hair.
Radek Zelenka was not amused. He had the mother of a headache after some forty hours of working in McKay's and his lab without the former to deal with all the pseudo-urgent questions or pleas of their colleagues. And he was damned tired.
So he just began to silently gather his stuff when he heard the major ask Rodney if he had to kiss him to get his answer, when otherwise he would probably stay and watch the latest episode of the infamous Atlantean soap opera known as The McKay and Sheppard Daily Snark Show.
"Kiss me? Hah! Kiss my ass!"
Rodney turned away from the major and slapped his right buttock sharply for good measurement.
Radek was certain that he did nothing wrong or remotely naughty today. So he did not know why he was being punished. He just had to notice the major's intense leering at Rodney's arse, hadn't he?
With a heartfelt sigh Dr. Radek Zelenka turned around and left the public showers for his bed, and really, what had ridden him to think about using them in the first place?
John knew McKay. John knew that McKay was completely oblivious to his lusting, to his crush. John knew that McKay was a genius. He did not know just how brilliant McKay was.
Kiss his ass, indeed.
Rodney did not know that Sheppard was weird. Rodney did not know a lot of things right now. There were a few things though, that he knew. Fact, John's tongue was the best thing in the universe. Fact, John's hands did amazing things to his balls. Fact, his cock spilt copious amounts of semen onto the sheets. Fact, John' tongue in his ass was the best thing in the universe.
John knew that Rodney's idea for him to kiss his ass was brilliant. John knew that his idea to take him literally was brilliant. John knew that the forceful spasms Rodney's sphincter made around his tongue were going to make him come sooner or later. John knew that it'll be sooner.
John knew a lot more about Rodney's CIA history than he did about 30 minutes ago. John knew Rodney could not shut up to save his life and apparently an aroused Rodney could not stop to babble about anything he was asked to reveal. Even if that meant gasping for breath so he could keep on talking.
Rodney knew that Sheppard was weird.
The day he made that fact the base of all his impressions of the major was the day he figured the man out.
Rodney could deal with weird. Rodney dealt with weird on a daily basis. Rodney knew weird.
Rodney knew that John was weird.
The night he made that fact the base of all his impressions of John, was the night he finished his puzzle.
Apparently the missing piece was a bit bent.
Rodney could deal with weird. Rodney knew weird. Rodney loved weird.
The end