Author's Note

Sorry. I really don't exist much anymore. Got this idea, might continue it and I might just abandon it. If anyone is following the JoJo/Madoka fic, I will continue that… at some point. I've been on a bit of a Terraria kick (and saw Kerubii's Calamity mod art) and have been reading quite a few FoZ fics so heck it I'm writing this. Just felt like it. Might be pure crack, and certainly OP Louise/Devourer of Gods. Kind of a given. Also writing at literally 1-2am, so if I goof something I'm sorry.

With that out of the way, let's continue.

Chapter 1 - A Slightly Awkward Summoning

Louise was tired and done with basically everything. She had spent the last few weeks preparing for this day - a very important day. The Springtime Familiar Summoning. It was morning, and she was tired. The servants had already cleaned everything the day prior, and she was fully prepared for the morning. That didn't mean she had to like anything about today. For Brimir's sake, she had even boasted about the familiar she would summon to her classmates! Louise proceeded to lament the fact that she had verbally dug her own grave. After all, what was a zero like her going to summon? In fact, what had the Founder ever given her? She felt like a cosmic joke. Every single box in the road to success was checked, aside from natural talent - which she felt she had none after the relentless bullying from her fellow nobles. There was no way that Louise the Zero - her - would ever live up to their family name - at least in the other student's eyes. She was determined as hell to prove them wrong, magic or no magic she would tear the world in two to prove that she wasn't a zero.

Ah. It was almost time for the summoning. She had to get ready for it. Mornings suck, but you deal with what life gives you. Whatever. She finished waking up completely, prepared for the morning, and walked to the summoning grounds. Everyone else had finished their chants, and she was being called up to summon her familiar. This was it. She even had a personalized chant and everything. There was no way she would ever fail this. The amount of buildup to this moment was crazy. Her life hinged on this summoning. All of the steps were carried through perfectly. However, her mental state was currently cursing the Founder for her misfortune. Instead of bringing Saito Hiraga, the summon that occurs in most timelines, she brought the Scourge of The Universe, the Devourer of Gods into this world. The reactions to such a large, seemingly steel worm filling out almost the entire summoning grounds going hundreds and hundreds of feet up, supposedly summoned by Louise, were to be expected upon viewing such a thing.

"Pardon me, but what in the Founder Brimir's name is that?!"

The students were astonished. Louise was simply surprised that she had actually succeeded, and summoned such a large beast too. She would gladly take this as her familiar! She finished the summoning ritual, and the runes burned into the menacing mechanical mountain without any reaction. Professor Colbert really had nothing to say at this point. He just observed and made sure the abomination was not a threat to his students, despite how wrong the thing felt. However the next surprise came after a remark from Louise raised an issue.

"Wait a minute. How will this fit… anywhere, really? It's far too large."

No one was prepared for what happened next. In a blaze of purple light, the machine was gone, and in it's place was an odd-looking girl with long, purple hair in an outfit similar to the Academy's.

"Well, is this better?"

"Actually, yes."

No one was expecting a response, especially from Louise. Everybody finished up their days and headed back to their rooms with their familiars and reflected on the day. If Louise could summon that, what else could she do? With Louise, however, it was immensely awkward. She had not prepared for a human - or at least human shaped - familiar, and had nowhere prepared for them to sleep. She only realized this as she walked in.

"Well, where am I supposed to sleep? I don't suppose that you think I'll sleep in the haystack over there."

"I wasn't expecting to summon something like you. I was expecting a more normal animal, something that would actually sleep in there. Sorry about that. I'll see what I can do about lodging, but right now… I can't really prepare anything for you, so…"

"So we sleep in the same bed for now. No issue. Also, what were those runes that you tried to put on me earlier? They were easy enough to remove, but they seemed kind of strange."

At this point, Louise short circuited. Sharing a bed with her seemingly-human familiar was one thing, removing the familiar runes was another. She was reduced to simply reciting from her textbooks, and explained the whole concept of the familiar summoning and the runes.

"Oh, okay. Thanks for the explanation. I'm sorry about removing those, then. On the other hand, I could have left at any point, but you kind of… get lonely, over the centuries. People only really ever call me to try to kill me, so this is a nice difference. Can we… be friends, instead of familiar and master?"

Louise was still recovering, and failed to register what was just said aside from the last part. Seeing her "familiar" so sad, and asking in such a dejected tone just sealed it. It was obvious that they had suffered as she had, a form of isolation, and she agreed to be their friend. Their was only one more issue.

"What should I call you?"

"Good question. I haven't had an actual name in ages, but I think that Apoth sounds nice enough."

"Thanks, then, Apoth. For being the only one willing to be my friend here."

"Thank you too, for being my first real friend… at least in memory. Now, seeing as you seemed really dejected about your magic earlier, I might have a way to help with that. Can we head out to the courtyard or a training area at this time?"

"There's no rule against it. Curfew isn't being enforced yet."

"Alright! Let's head down to the courtyard."

They walked down to the courtyard. Apoth proceeded to open their own portal to a pocket dimension, because they had the power and it was convenient. They could afford the energy use, they just wanted the space to open a proper portal. Inside of the pocket dimension was a testing ground with tons of dummies and such.

"What is this and how and why are we here?"

"This is a pocket dimension. Don't ask how. As for why… well, I have a few things to show you."

She then proceeded to bring out a sword, strange ball on a string, a staff, some sort of disc-like throwing weapon, a bow and a flail.

"These are all weapons handcrafted by me. I generally give these to those who impress me, but I want my only friend to be able to defend themselves. Give them all a shot, they have different effects and you should choose the most natural. The flail is the most powerful, so it's yours either way, but you should choose another weapon. Ask and I'll give you some details on whatever you inquire about. The dummies are about as durable as a normal person but regenerate extremely fast after being hit."

"Okay, but how will I use these physical weapons? They're obviously too heavy."

"Try them. Trust me on this."

"Okay…"

Louise looked at her selection. All of them looked magnificent, like they held a piece of the cosmos. She'd try them in order, so she picked up the sword first. It was surprisingly light, as she managed to carry it in one hand. She walked up to the practice dummies and gave the blade a swing. She was only expecting to slice the dummy in half, not to fire off a projectile which cut through all of them like butter, which then split into lasers which eviscerated the nearby ones.

"What is this? How does a sword fire a spell without being a swordwand and with no input from the user?"

"That is Excelsus, a sword with a powerful enchantment created by me. It will feel almost weightless, and it fires off a projection of itself which causes freezing flames and the lazers that you saw. It is also highly powerful. To put it into numbers, the average person here, including mages, would generally have around 250 life. With no armor, this blade would take about 700 off of that on the initial swing, with another 700 and however much the flames and lasers do on the projectile."

"Wow. Are all of them like this?"

"Yeah. Every one should be like this, with that kind of destructive power. It's a matter of personal choice, which is why I have laid them all out. The only one I didn't allows the wielder to summon a part of me, but honestly I'm going to stick by your side as much as possible so you shouldn't need that."

"I… thank you. These are amazing."

It was at this moment that Louise 100% accepted that being a heretic and going against the religion she had been raised with was working very well for her, and decided that Brimir did not deserve her faith and worship. If ignoring Brimir got her a friend that was also seemingly godlike in power, she would completely ignore him. Heck him. She didn't care.

Louise proceeded to test all of the weapons. She learned that the strange ball on a string was called a yo-yo and it was insanely fast and caused a little too much carnage in closed spaces, the staff was a unique staff called the Deathhail Staff, which brought down a barrage of prismatic lasers very quickly. It did place a small drain on her willpower, but not enough to actually matter. The discus-like throwing weapon was apparently a style of boomerang, called the Eradicator. It duplicated itself when thrown so that it was always in Louise's hand, and fired off more lasers at nearby dummies. The bow, menacingly called Deathwind, turned arrows fired into four to five lasers. The last weapon, the flail, known as Cosmic Discharge acted less like a classic flail and more like a spear. It would extend as far as it's chain, with the chain branching to hit nearby dummies, which caused glacial explosions. While holding it and standing still, Louise felt invincible, filled with vitality, and the dummies around her froze completely. It took a while, and despite wanting to use magic so much, the staff wasn't right. The Eradicator was completely natural to use, alongside the Cosmic Discharge.

"I'll take these two, if that's okay with you…?"

"Of course it is! You need a better way to defend yourself, so go ahead!"

"Thanks. It's probably around time for curfew, so let's head back to my room."

"Of course."

Apoth closed the pocket dimension and both walked back to their room. Tired yet excited, neither of them noticed Professor Colbert keeping an eye on the supposed "familiar" of the Valliere. Nothing had happened yet, aside from the odd weapons that the pinkette had emerged with. It would be best to note that down and keep an eye on it.

In the meantime, as Louise fell asleep, Apoth lay down beside her and "fell asleep." In reality, she had expanded her conscience to search for any that meant Louise harm. She was hers, and she would be damned if Louise got hurt due to negligence.

Viscount Wardes felt a chill down his spine that night.

Tomorrow would be great.

Author's Note 2

Again, if you got to the end of this likely dumpsterfire, thank you. This plotbunny wouldn't leave me alone. We might get Yandere Apoth (For anyone who somehow didn't notice or just hasn't played the mod, Apoth is the human form of the Devourer of Gods from the Calamity mod.) Either way, there will likely be major plot derailment. Thank you for supporting me and my late-night ramblings.

Chapter 1 - The End