Jac walked into Fletch's office letting the door swing closed behind her. She was confused and afraid and had lashed out. She was a good enough clinical lead to recognise the impacts that her actions were having on her patients and following Frieda's advice had decided to make an apology or to give a lifeline. She just had to try and put it into words.
"After everything I've been through, after everything I've become, you're still here. You don't see my flaws and my scars but instead see the person you want me to be; a person who could be the mother to your children and the partner that you deserve. You've given me so much but that's not me. I'll break you and hurt you." She paused to let out a son. Brushing her fringe out of her face, she continued. "Joseph... I loved him and I let myself lower my defences, but I couldn't give him everything that he wanted so he left. I shut myself off after that and let my reputation be rebuilt. Until Jonny. Jonny broke through again but he wasn't him. He wasn't Joseph but Joseph was getting married, Joseph had left and Jonny was the one remaining. I broke him though too. I liked the affection, the idea that I was worth something more than my mother thought and I never wanted Emma to feel as alone as I did. I was the love of his life but Joseph was the love of mine and that was why it was always going to fall apart. That would be something that you'd have to accept if you ever wanted me. But you're different, so was Jonny, I guess we do our best to avoid reminders of those we love. I trust you and there's this fluttering in my heart that suggests that maybe it's something more. And I don't want to be alone much longer. I can't be. The shooting, the operations, Emma playing up, it all proves that. So it's down to you, do you still want me knowing what I can't give and knowing the inevitable end will tear everything down? Can you risk that? Do you want to?" She gasped as she tried to catch her breath. The tears ceasing but the look of apprehension hung obviously across her face. "I struggle with commitment, I've cheated in my only real relationships, hell I slept with Joseph's dad but I'm... I'm selfish. I want this and I want you even if it doesn't fit. This will end in tears and this will end in animosity with our friendship in flames. I can't change and I won't. If you're willing to take this jump, we will but be aware that this won't be forever. I'm not who you think I am, I do terrible things but we can try, if that's what you still want."
"Shut up"
"I'm trying to explain, I'm trying to be fair-"
A door opened and closed but it went unnoticed by the occupants of the room. Frieda retreated with a smile on her face and her tumultuous feelings quashed for the meantime. Things would be fine for now.
Maybe this was that alternate universe that they'd be absolutely rocking their thing in.