Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.
Merlin didn't remember him.
Arthur tried to sit still on the throne, to remain emotionless, regal, as the King should.
But it was so hard…so hard…when Merlin was finally back in Camelot.
But it wasn't the same.
Not when he was smiling at her, watching her with the love and affection he'd once given Arthur.
The King clenched his hands as he watched Merlin whisper into her ear, hand at the small of her back, lips tilted in amusement as he told her something that had her laughing.
When Merlin and Morgana had been discovered for what they were years ago, Arthur had been devastated. His lover and the woman he loved as a sister hadn't trusted him enough to tell him about the truth of their powers. He'd felt hurt, betrayed, and by the time he'd finally been able to pull himself out of that depression realization and try think of a way to get them out of the prison cell, they'd already escaped, never to be heard of again.
Until today.
A year after his coronation, six months after he'd lifted the ban on magic.
There'd been a huge celebration, Gwen's marriage to Lancelot, hosted by Arthur himself. The whole of Camelot were celebrating, wondering when the King would follow in their example and find a Queen, when in the middle of everything they'd just appeared.
Morgana was dressed in an enchanting, rich green gown that looked like magic itself, flowers weaved in her hair looking as natural as if they'd grown and bloomed there. Her hair was longer, thicker, darker, her skin paler, her lips redder, her eyes a sharper color.
Merlin had been as lanky as always and yet he seemed to hold himself with a different air that made him not seem like the awkward youth he'd once been. His hair was longer, his skin paler, his eyes with a permanent golden hue to them that seemed to make people unable to stop looking at him. He still had that neckerchief, but it was a darker color, his clothes silken black.
Arthur had been unable to look away from him.
From the man he'd never stopped loving, stopped thinking of, never stopped hoping would return so Arthur could somehow right the wrongs of the past.
And now Merlin was before him.
But he hadn't remembered him.
Morgana had made brief introductions, explaining to Merlin that this was his old master (Arthur flinching at the words) and then explained to Arthur that the magic Merlin had used to save them had been more powerful than his body could take at the time, and it'd taken all of his past memories with him.
Merlin and Morgana had lived amongst the druids after that, happily.
"Thank you so much for coming back." Gwen hugged Morgana and Merlin once more, tightly, tears in her eyes. "We all missed you and were so worried about you!"
Lancelot nodded, clapping Merlin on the back. "'Specially you."
Merlin looked touched and a little shocked that he'd had friends who'd worried this much about him, before turning to share a smile with Morgana, placing an arm around her waist and pulling her carefully to him. "'Gana wanted to make sure that it wasn't a hoax, that the ban really been lifted, before we returned."
"Merlin's been wanting to see the place and people he can't remember." Morgana nodded her agreement, leaning her head against his chest with a smile. "But I waited until the news of other magic users going in and out of Camelot without being hurt before deciding it was time to come back and see how everyone was doing."
Lancelot said something to that.
But Gwen's smile slipped somewhat as she saw how close Morgana and Merlin were, her gaze going worriedly to Arthur.
He ignored her, from where he sat on his throne, watching Merlin.
Never had Arthur experienced such torture before.
For years he'd begged the gods for Merlin to return, and he had---and yet at the same time he hadn't.
And when Merlin sought him out later, that that point was driven across stronger.
"Excuse me, Your Highness?" That wasn't said with a hint of mockery, like Merlin used to whenever using one of Arthur's titles. "May I speak with you a moment?"
"Of course." It was the hardest battle Arthur ever had to deal with, motioning for Merlin to take the seat next to him---to have Merlin so close---and yet so horribly far.
"I want to thank you, for lifting the ban on magic, and for welcoming us back to your kingdom." Merlin spoke with the grace and mannerisms of a courtier, those years with Morgana obviously having rubbed off on him. "It means a lot to Morgana, to be able to return here, to her home."
What about you? Arthur wanted to ask him desperately. Wasn't this your home? Wasn't I your home? Din't you tell me that? Can't you remember?
"I—I can't remember anything of my life before waking up with 'Gana on the Isle of Druids." Merlin admitted sheepishly, almost as if having heard the last question. "But she said that I was your manservant?"
Arthur flinched. "I liked to think that we were—more—than that."
Merlin smiled. "We were friends then. That---that is good to hear."
Arthur wanted to die inside.
"I---I don't think being a manservant is exactly something I can do anymore, but I wish you to know that if there is any way that I can serve you, I will do so willingly and happily." Merlin was smiling at him so openly. "My magic is at your service."
Why hadn't Merlin told him this while they were together?
Why hadn't he trusted Arthur to love him enough to overcome those stupid prejudices?
Arthur wanted to rant that at him.
He wanted to grab Merlin by the arms and shake him and ask him why.
He wanted to shake him then hold him tight and damn being a regal king in front of his subjects. He wanted to cry and tell Merlin to never leave him again!
Maybe…maybe he could…in time…rebuild what he'd had with Merlin. Slowly, but surely, working with him, make him remember how much they'd loved each other, how they'd sworn to never have any other, how they'd pledged their hearts to each other.
How, together, they said they'd make Camelot a better kingdom.
"And I know that Morgana will want the child to be born here in Camelot, where all her loved ones are." Merlin's words tore Arthur from his thoughts.
"Child?" Arthur whispered.
Merlin smiled brightly, his cheeks tinting red as he nodded. "Will be our first. Ever since our marriage some months after arriving with the druids we'd decided to train and such instead of thinking of children, but as soon as you became king 'Gana suddenly decided it was time for us to become parents."
Arthur felt frozen in horror.
"I think she didn't want to come back here until she was carrying." Merlin confided with a laugh. "Probably wanted something to giggle with her friend about."
"Married. Child." Somehow, somehow Arthur couldn't get over the horror of those two words.
"Excuse me, Your Highness, but the Missus is calling me." Merlin stood, oblivious to the agony on the king's expression, his attention on Morgana, who had noticed them talking and had motioned Merlin over.
The sorcerer left the king and went to his wife, who welcomed him back with open arms and smirked over at Arthur from over Merlin's shoulder.
Her thoughts as clear as day.
I won.
Then he rethought everything Merlin had said, and it made chilling sense.
Morgana had known that coming back to Camelot would bring Merlin back into contact with Arthur, and so she'd done her best to make sure that no matter what, Merlin would remain at her side and keep Arthur from trying to win him back.
She'd conceived Merlin's son.
And there was nothing Merlin nor Arthur respected more than family.
Morgana's lips curled into a knowing smile, her eyes glistening with smug victory as she turned to Merlin and reached up to kiss him, flaunting her battle won.
Gwen once more sent Arthur a worried look.
Lancelot joined her this time, sending his king a concerned expression.
But Arthur didn't notice.
He was too busy having his heart broken and stamped on.
Merlin didn't remember him.
Review?