A/N: This is for Rydd Rider, who asked for more.
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.
Our story begins over a year after the accident. Despite all that time, he – the angsting protagonist of this story – is, quite simply, still not himself. He has been comforted, confronted, threatened, and even told at one point, "Look, I know it's hard for you. But you've already cried the river, so build a bridge and get over it!" But he can't. It's not for lack of trying, oh no. It is simply for lack of will to try.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
He opened his eyes to yet another sunny day. He sighed and wished, once again, that it would rain instead of being so blasted cheerful all the time. If he had his way, everyone would taste his misery, though because of rain rather than a broken heart.
He got out of bed, sighing once more. He really should leave, he thought. He had been there since the accident. He simply couldn't bring himself to do it, though. Oftentimes he felt as though her ghost remained bound to the castle, and he couldn't bring himself to leave that – leave her. Sometimes, late at night, when he was on the border between wakefulness and sleep, he heard her voice call to him, begging him for something, anything, to ease the pain, to help her.
But he never could.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that
Time cannot erase
Fifteen months today, he thought as he shuffled to his wardrobe. He felt as though a knife pierced his side as he thought the words, right in the hole where his heart used to be. Fresh tears – not the last for the day, he knew – rolled down his cheeks. He didn't even try to wipe them away, knowing that it was useless. Knowing that there would just be more, then more, and still more. He closed his eyes, returning to happier times – times when his love was still alive.
When you cried, I'd wipe away
All of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away
All of your fears
And I held your hand through
All of these years
But you still have
All of me
He couldn't count how many times he had comforted her, be it after a fall, a fight, or just a bad day. He recalled a particular time when he was just a shoulder to cry on, but he had never minded. When she woke up screaming in the night, he was right there by her side as fast as he could move. He hated it beyond words when he could do nothing more than say, over and over, "It's okay. It's alright." If ever she needed a friend to look to, she knew she could turn to him. She knew she could trust him to do everything in his power to make everything better.
But now she was gone, and he had done nothing.
You used to captivate me by
Your resonating light
Now I'm bound by
The life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
Time and time again, he would wake in the middle of night thinking he had heard her speak, or caught her laugh as it faded away. Instead, he found nothing but darkness and silence. Not even a remnant of the sparkle she always seemed to posses was visible anymore, because she was buried deep beneath the earth. He thought he was going crazy, hearing voices in the middle of the night.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that
Time cannot erase
He leaned his forehead against the closed wardrobe door, tears still flowing freely, face twisted in a grimace of pain. He had once thought he knew heartbreak, but he realized now that what he had felt then was a mere shadow of a truly broken heart. Before, it had a crack, easily repaired; now, he felt as though his heart had been broken into a million tiny pieces, which had then been taken out like so much garbage.
"Fifteen months," he whispered hoarsely. Even when his brother had died, Halt had not mourned for fifteen months – or if he had, he never showed it. But Ferris had never been much of a brother, he reasoned. His mentor had not loved Ferris as he would have loved a true brother. And, he thought, no one had ever loved anyone the same way he had loved her – the same way he still loved her.
When you cried, I'd wipe away
All of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away
All of your fears
And I held your hand through
All of these years
But you still have
All of me
Finally, the flow of tears lessened, then stopped. He wiped his eyes and carelessly tossed his clothes on. He strode to the door and put his hand on the knob, but didn't turn it. He was hungry, but he didn't want to eat. He sighed heavily. Jenny would probably have something sent up later if he didn't come down – and she would know if he didn't eat with everyone else – but he didn't want any company except that of the one person he would never see again.
I've tried so hard to tell myself
That you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
He had told her goodbye on the day of her funeral, but had rushed back that very evening to say that he had never meant it. She would always live inside him, he vowed. Always, and forever.
He knew he was being irrational by refusing company. He even told himself as much as he slipped off his boots and collapsed into a chair by the fire. She was gone, and there wasn't an earthly power that could bring her back. There wasn't an earthly power that could have prevented her passing, either. It was a simple mistake, and an honest one, but one that he – in his current state of mind – should have seen coming. As he stared into the dancing flames, he thought he felt the touch of a hand on his shoulder. It felt like...it felt like her hand. He slowly turned, afraid to break the spell, but the space behind him was empty. He sighed again – he was doing that a lot lately.
There wasn't much else to do when you were alone.
When you cried, I'd wipe away
All of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away
All of your fears
And I held your hand through
All of these years
But you still have
All of me
Me
Me
"I love you, Alyss Mainwaring, and I always will," Will Treaty whispered to the fire.
"Always, and forever."
A/N: *is sobbing* I'm sorry, it's just...it's just...*dissolves into wordless wails*
On a side note: Evanescence! How's that for angsty? Not usually my style (I'm a sunny-side-up kind of girl), but I think this song was perfect for some good angsting. :D The title was a play on both the name of the song ("My Immortal") and the fact that Will promises Alyss that he'll love her forever - that his love will be immortal.
Review, please!
Okay, it seems that I wasn't as clear as I thought I was. Alyss died, Pauline did not. The whole thing, except the beginning, was written from Will's point of view. Okay? :) If you review and ask "Did Pauline die?" or some such question I just answered, I'm just going to refer you to this.