Prehistoric Pride & Prejudice and other peculiar takes on the timeless classic
Short little bits of Pride and Prejudice lifted from the book, crushed in an orange juice factory, stuffed in the washing machine at 50º, put through a mangle, digested by my cat, run over by an HGV, cremated and stuck onto my computer.
They probably won't be lengthy bits of text, but I hope you enjoy the small offerings I have to give.
Prehistoric Pride and Prejudice (Based on chapter one)
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a caveman in possession of a big cave must be in want of a mate...
"Be," said his mate to him, one day whilst they were sitting around the fire, "new man in cave up by field."
Be grunted in acknowledgment. This did not necessarily mean he wished for his mate to continue chatting aimlessly to him about the new man in the big cave, merely that he knew she would persist regardless.
"He have big cave, Be," She informed him, "he have no mate."
"And?" Be grunted again.
"You know I want find mate for daughters, Be," she scolded him, "you know I want find them man with big cave."
Her only response was yet another non-committal grunt.
"New man has big cave."
At this point Be finally chose to refrain from grunting and voiced his opinions.
"Which daughter you mate to man?"
"Ja look nicest."
"I think Li best."
"Li not best – Ja look better. Ma play better. Ly and Ki..."
"They silly girls, mate, I think Li best. She mate man with big cave."
"You bad to girls, Be. You mean,"
"You annoy Be, mate," Be moaned, "you quiet now,"
"You find mate for girls," she demanded
And thus, the fate of the daughters was sealed, little did they know it.
Next time: Elizabeth Bennet, the militant suffragette...