Magnus Chase And Norse Mythology

by Ellahlin

Find out who the Destiny's Child of Norse mythology is, why it's Loki's fault we have to kiss under the mistletoe and how Odin is a complete pain in the butt for Thor, and pretty much everyone else. Explore Norse mythology with Magnus Chase as he shades all beings in the nine worlds, and is probably going to get in trouble for this.

1. A Moo Of Ice And Fire

(IMPORTANT NOTE: I'M NOT NATIVE ENGLISH SO I AM SO SORRY FOR THE GRAMMAR SO PLEASE DON'T BE TOO HARD ON ME)

Hello, Magnus here!

So, now when you know how this norse god shit screwed up my life, I decided to teach you a thing or two about norse mythology since I myself is reading up on it for future references (actually Sam is forcing me to study it so I decided that if I go down then I'm taking everybody with me). So sit back and listen (or read or whatever) as I teach you about things, most of that you will wish you never learned.

Chapter 1: The Creation Part 1 - A Moo Of Ice And Fire

Let's start from the beginning. Before the dawn of life, light and falafel there was a place called Niflheim. It was so cold and dark that not even my heart would be comfortable there. Kidding, but no seriously that was not a place you wanted to visit. It is the darkest and coldest place in the world, consisting only of ice, fog and of course darkness. Niflheim was in the northern region of Ginnunap… Ginnungapa…. Ginnungapap... Ginnungagap which was a primordial void. In the southern region of Ginnungap… the primordial void was Muspelheim. On contrary to Niflheim, Muspelheim was burning hot, hotter than the Hemsworth brothers and Beyoncé and Obama's roasting and you name it. The land was covered in barely lava and soot, and not something you'll find in a travel magazines top-ten "world's hottest travel spots!". Trust me, I accidently took the elevator there. Muspelheim is the home of the fire giants, and its ruler and satan's personal fashion consult, Surt, is destined to burn down Asgard during Ragnarök. Yeah he's a real pain in the butt.

Anyway, between these realms only the void of Ginn… only void existed there. But in Niflheim there was a wellspring called Hverg… Hvergerglii…. HVERG,EKFD. Hvergelmir where the eleven rivers come from and the spring is said to be the origin of all life and where all living will go back. Elivagar, the "ice waves". They flow through the mountains of Niflheim to the primordial void, where they solidified and formed an icy layer.

But from Muspelheim lava floated (You: NO! Lava? Me: Yes, I was just as shocked. What a plot twist.) down into the great void. When the lava from Muspelheim met the icy land from Niflheim, it melted the ice and from the drops the first Jotun was born, Ymir. Yeah I don't think the vikings exactly got A on their chemistry tests.

"What happens when you put fire on this ice cube?" "It begins to melt!" "Exactly!" "And then form a giant!" "...what".

From the drops formed also… wait for it… a cow. Yes, in your face scientists, trying to force belief onto our children of the so called "evolution". If evolution existed, the explain THIS cow! Okay seriously I really hope all of this is like metaphorical or something because finding out gods, giants, elves and nine world exist is one thing, but that the first living creatures was a giant and a cow is really messing up the last bit of trust I have of my understanding.

Okay back to the Jotun and the…. Cow… Her name was Audhumla and she lived on a OBOSI diet (only block of salty ice). Ymir, the giant, lived on the milk of Audhumla. Now warning for sensitive readers and especially those who are eating, because the next chapter is going to get really disturbing.