She'd talked about it often enough.
Suicide.
So often, it was practically normal. She'd even tried to make me join her.
"We can do it together, you are my best friend, right?" She said we could rid ourselves of all the pain in our lives, all the pain of living. It would be easy. Maybe slow, but easy.
Each time she would bring it up I would deny her request. 'Cause sure, let's face it, life does suck at times. It can even feel like a burden. But what would life be if it didn't?
I told her it was a coward's way out. Way too easy.
"Then how come you're so afraid?" It was true. I was scared. Still am. I know my face showed it, I know I looked tense. I exhaled and looked out at the sun. I watched my breath swirl in a cloud in front of my face. The question was left to hang in the chilly air, unanswered.
Chk,chk.
I looked down at my hand, a warm, stinging sensation pulsing at my fingertips. A smile.
"You know," she pulled the lighter away from my hand," it's not easy explaining all the burns." I dangled my legs over the edge of the tower. She hummed cheerfully.
Chk,chk,chk.
Her thumb was grazing over the flint wheel. A small flame sparked then ignited. My nicotine craving gnawed at me. I pulled a cigarette out of the pack in my jacket. Marlborolights.My favorite type of death stick. I pushed it between my lips, hoping to calm my craving. She lit it up without hesitation. I could feel all the tense muscles in my body start to relax immediately.
"Calm down, I won't make you," she giggled cutely. As if this were a laughing matter. I just leaned back and shifted all of my upper body weight to my hands.
Three cancer sticks later, the sun sank below the horizon. I pushed my current, third, cigarette into the ground or ceiling or whatever. She stood first, always, because she knew about my paranoia of falling off the Twilight Tower. Ever since that boy almost fell, got news coverage too.
But she never mentioned it and I was thankful.
Home wasn't too far. We never went farther than the outskirts of the city we'd come to know so well. (Considering it's so small, that isn't saying much.) I stared at the stairs that led down the Twilight Tower, back to the ground.
We walked out into the station plaza and down Market Street into Station Heights. I pulled my hood on and stared at my feet, the brick pavement, as we walked. I could hear the click, click, of Kairi's Lollipopas she tapped away at its keyboard.
I loved that cellphone. I'd always told Kairi she reminded me of a Japanese hipster from Japan. She did still keep up with the trends of our old country so it came as no surprise to her. Two charms dangled off the cellphone, one was a Paopu, the other, a Wayfinder I had given her.
I had the sudden urge to look up and see her face at that exact moment. She was smiling at the lit screen. I knew immediately who it was. We took the back alley to the Usual spot, a place where us teens could hang out without condescending adults hanging around, to grab our backpacks.
"Kairi and Sora sitting in a tree..." I skipped in while singing lightly. She looked up at me, snapped her cell shut, and smirked.
"Yes Nami, I know." Sora was her sun-kissed beauty from Destiny Islands. It was a totally safe thing, I went with her to the islet while we were on vacation and we ran into the love of her life there. The rest, as they say, was history. Only a year older than her too. What luck huh? I couldn't help the goofy lopsided grin that spread across my face. Kairi playfully smacked me with her backpack. We walked out laughing and walked through the Underground Concourse. We ended up back at the station plaza in minutes.
I bought the tickets for the train ride and looked over at Kairi. She stopped typing mid-sentence and glanced up at me.
"What?" she inquired. I just smiled. Her eyebrow quirked up and before she could question me any further the train blew its whistle. Signal for departure. We stepped into the train and took our seats. The train pulled out of the station and I looked out the window as it chugged down the track. Kairi was humming next to me.
When the train arrived at Sunset station, (it's only a ten minute ride, not far at all) we walked down the "haunted steps" (Pence and his gang came asking about them along with the six other "wonders" of Twilight Town) into Sunset Terrace. Our neighborhood.
"Mom, Dad, home," I called into the house when we'd arrived. Kairi, having the keener eyes, saw the note first. She plucked it off the bar and handed it to me with a lack of interest.
Bebackat10
Love,
Mom and Dad
It was written in Mom's loopy cursive hand.
"Looks like its just us," I said while crumpling the paper.
I hit the light switch to my room and Kairi flopped down on my bed. She pulled her lighter out of her jacket pocket. I tossed the Parentals' note to her. I watched the flame lick at the paper, the flame turning blue. After a pregnant pause, I laid down next to her. I stifled a yawn.
"I like that one most," I said, pointing to a row of framed photographs. The one on the bottom was a picture I took of Kairi during our trip to the islands. She was cheesing a really pretty smile actually, and holding up the peace sign. Kairi laughed.
"You would." I pulled her cell out of her pocket and flipped it open. The wallpaper secretly another one of my favorites. A picture of Sora holding Kairi, his arms wrapped around her waist. The ocean was sparkling in the background. Their smiles seemed brighter than the sun. Two teens so full of life and light. Their brightness rivaled that of the sun.
Maybe that's why I get so sad when my sister talks about suicide.
I snapped the phone shut. A terrible ache swelled in my chest and I wanted to cry out. I know Kairi knew what I was thinking.
"It's so sad to see you this way Nami...that could be so easily rid of," she whispered. I let out a sharp breath.
"I need a cigarette," I threw her cell next to her and got up.
"Those things'll kill you." I grimaced.
"Not if you kill yourself first," I whispered to myself, and walked out.
XxXxXxXxX
A/N: New story based off of teenage angst and sister bonds. Good, bad? Like? Should I continue? All reviews welcome! Thanks for reading!