A/N: There is no pairing quite like Matt/Mello. By the way, a really good song for Matt/Mello is The Great Escape by Boys like Girls.
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or Mario Kart, for the matter.
Seven Reasons
(Why do you put up with me, anyways?)
It's a quiet day today. Well, technically it's a quiet day every day but Mello is simply staring at the computer screen, not even bothering to pick up his chocolate and Matt- well, Matt does what he's best at. Technology. Except he's already set everything up and the surveillance cameras show nothing. Matt didn't know the lives of these people where so boring. Day after day, the same offices and the same conversations, not even bothering for a change.
Not like he's one to talk anyways. Madcap missions with Mello aren't exactly a new thing.
(Because you're my best friend)
Mello groans, a deep hopeless sound he usually reserves for things like, well, Matt hasn't actually heard Mello sigh world weary like that before, but whatever, and he clicks around on the computer. Matt looks at him, his glance a pointed what, and Mello just looked up, like the ceiling was supposed to be interesting or something.
(Because you're captivating)
Matt realizes that Mello has basically given up all hope in the world, and he can't say he's not disturbed by this because honestly, when was the last time Mello had acted so lifeless and dead? Even when L was gone Mello still had a goal set in front of him, and now wasn't so different but apparently it was. Matt never quite understood how Mello's train of thought went.
"What's wrong?" Matt asks.
"What's wrong?" Mello scoffs, eyes closed and mouth twisted. "There's a hell of a lot of things wrong, Mattie dear, which one would you like me to point out? The fact that we're getting nowhere? The fact our fucking lives are on the line? I don't know, what's wrong?"
He's always mad or sarcastic when he uses Mattie dear, like Matt isn't actually worth much. He supposed that was true because there are a million hackers out there, a million people proficient in the art of programming and installation and such. But you know, Mello's like acid so Matt guesses that he has to be there like a base to balance out the craziness. Or whatever.
(Because I want you to need me)
"Mello," he says. "You know what I mean."
Mello rubs his temples like he's a middle-aged man stuck in a crappy office job or Roger dealing with a prank some insolent kid's just pulled off and sighs again in that same weary manner. "I think I know what I need to do," he finally mumbles.
"To catch Kira, you mean," Matt confirms. Mello nods.
"I'm going to have to contact Halle to make sure but…" he lets a puff of air through his lips, half sigh half something else, "it involves Takada. She's Kira's spokesperson, and a bitch with lots of security."
"Really," Matt says, not an actually really but more of something to say. There were lots of bitches with security in the world but Takada must be special or something because Mello knows that Matt can basically hack into every security system ever created, plus ones that aren't yet made. Slight exaggeration, but still true. Maybe they were actual guards. Social aspects and persuasion weren't really Matt's specialty, to say the least, and Mello persuaded people with a gun. Or, you know, skin. But Mello doesn't really like killing people. Sometime about religion and whatnot and stuff like that. Matt's not really into God and that kind of thing. Tried it, didn't work out.
(Because you're beautiful)
Actually, Mello's still freaked out about the whole blowing-up-a-building-and-killing-the-people-inside-it thing. Matt thinks that Mello just isn't the killing type of person. He's cold and cruel sometimes, yeah, and he likes making threats and firing guns and blackmail, but actually taking a life away is a different matter. They both grew up too fast and nineteen year-olds just don't have the mindset for killing people. Plus half of Mello's face is scarred forever now and Mello hates it like it's a curse, but Matt thinks it's okay. It makes Mello look badass. The leather kind of helps too but scars are a big plus. Matt doesn't look badass at all and sometimes he wishes he does. What kind of boy doesn't? But instead he has weird pants and a funky vest that gets him called a geek. And then he's ignored.
Hell, where in the world did he even get the vest?
"So what are we going to do with Takada?" Matt asks.
Mello picks up his chocolate and stares at it disinterestedly. "Kidnap her." Matt gives a dry chuckle. "Right. And then what?"
"And then I die. But she dies too and Kira is a giant leap closer to being caught," he says after taking a long breath.
Matt looks at him incredulously. "Die? Hell, Mello, what in the world are you going to do? When you're dead how is Kira going to get caught? By me?"
(Because one of your smiles will make me follow you to the ends of the earth)
Mello has to smile a little at this, but he shakes his head. "Not by you, idiot. Near."
"Near? I thought that this plan was for you to surpass Near, not work alongside him."
Mello takes another of those shuddering breaths. "To defeat Kira, I have to work with Near. And I have to die."
Matt thinks this is possibly the stupidest plan in the history of moronic plans- it probably is, and he turns over the idea in his mind. Mello says it like it's some sort of game where you planned a death but suddenly and miraculously you were brought back to life with a life-generating potion or whatever and you used your death as an advantage. Video games and life are two different things. Maybe not to Mello but to the rest of the world.
Then again, this is another one of those things Matt can't really judge on because honestly sometimes he can't even tell the difference. Not with Mello and Near and Kira and a hundred other people Matt forgets the names of.
"So what do I do? Die too?"
"No." Mello says this firmly, like there are still things like constants and things you can always come back to. "All you have to do is distract them. They shouldn't kill you. They'll need you for information."
"Hm. And what happens then?" Like a story.
"Tell them. I'll be dead, anyway."
There's a tone of finality in Mello's voice and Matt has heard it many times before but never like this, not like Mello had completely resigned himself to the situation and wasn't going to even think about anything else. Mello had already accepted it and it would be cruel to hold out another solution in his face if it wasn't going to work. Matt didn't know what Mello's plan was exactly but if Mello thought that it was hopeless, it probably was. That boy had more determination than anyone else combined.
(Because I feel empty without you)
Truth to be told though, Matt isn't sure what he'd do when Mello dies (if, he reminds himself, and then gives up because what was the point?) because all of his life has been either with Mello or waiting for him and there's simply nothing else he knows.
Maybe he'll get a real job. Maybe he'll find a girlfriend and get married and have two kids and live happily ever after. What an idea. Because Matt's in love with Mello and he pretty much has known that for all of his life. It was just one of those things that defined him- Matt: video gamer, hacker, and that boy who was in love with Mello. But it was a passive kind of love and Matt wasn't ever going to bring it up, just imagine the conversation; 'hey Mello, I've kinda been in love with you for the past ten years. Just thought you should know."
And anyways Matt didn't think Mello could truly love. Hate, yes, scorn, yes, but not love. Someone as self-destructing as him just couldn't. Except for L, but that was more of an infatuation than actual love. Differences, you know.
"So what now?" he murmurs softly. Mello's sitting right next to him and all he would have to do now is turn sideways and lean it, but he doesn't. Partly because he's lazy. Partly because he's scared of what would have happened. And frankly his life with Mello- and possibly his entire life- is too short to mess up now so why risk it?
Mello shrugs, toying with his hair and still clutching the chocolate bar, half melted by now. "Not much to do but wait."
Matt frowns because he expected him to say something Mello-ish like pretending to be twenty-one and buying a store of liquor or you know, stuff like that, but Mello sounds like he's given up completely on life. As if the Kira case is the only thing that matters anymore, so why bother because he's (they're) going to die.
"But-" Matt starts, but he forgets that Mello is a walking time bomb; Mello grabs Matt by the shoulder and presses him up against the couch arm, face looming in Matt's eyes ominously.
"Just forget it! Forget it. I don't want you to die, Matt. You have nothing to do with this. It's my battle. And I don't want to fucking celebrate my death either. Okay?" Mello yells, shaking Matt with every word. But all Matt can think of is how close they are-noses grazing, Mello's hair tickling his face, the sweet aroma of chocolate everywhere. All he has to do is lean out now.
He pushes Mello off instead and grunts. Mello would freak and besides, love is overrated.
"Then let's do something. Just for the heck of it," Matt says.
"If we're going to play one of your lame-ass video games, it has to be cool. Not like that crap you made me play last time."
"Mario Kart is not crap!" Matt protests, and soon they're bantering like always.
"Mello," Matt says later, "I don't want to die."
"You're not going to-"Mello starts saying, but Matt cuts him off.
"I'm not done." He takes a deep breath and looks up at the ceiling. It wasn't very interesting, so he looks back down. "I don't want to die, but it's okay if I do. You know."
Mello looks at Matt and says;"Mattie dear, you do know you are an idiot, right?" but this time Mattie dear is more nostalgic than scornful so Matt smiles.
This is the reality of it. They are two friends that are more boys than men and they are stuck in a little apartment in Japan, junk food wrappers and foil littering the ground around them with wires running everywhere. They don't have very long to live because Mello's crazy and Kira's crazy and okay, Matt is kind of crazy too, and he's always going to love Mello and never going to admit it, but things are pretty good right now.
(Because when you roll your eyes and I smirk back, there is nothing more right in the world)