As far as the people of Mandana were concerned, Sergi Tanger's funeral was a state occasion, a life to celebrate and homage to pay, but as far as 19-year-old Finn Ashton was concerned, it was a heartfelt goodbye to an adored grandfather whose absence would leave a huge hole in his life and heart.

His Grandpi had played a major part in his childhood and if it weren't for him, Finn would not have won his fight against leukemia. It was fitting that Sergi had been the only match for his life saving bone marrow transplant and this strengthened what was already a strong bond between them. As he grew up, he and his Grandpi became almost inseparable and he couldn't believe that he was now standing at the ornate grave, watching his coffin being lowered.

Finn stood to one side to allow his mother, Lilly, his auntie Cara and his Grandmi, take center stage. Finn's sisters, Connie and Polly were standing either side of their father, Ben, holding his hands as tightly as they could and Finn took his place slightly behind them, his head bowed in respect. Connie and Polly were openly sobbing but Finn stood strong, his Grandpi would not expect anything less of him. There would be time for tears when he was alone, when he was away from the eyes of the hundreds of people who had turned out to pay their respects to their much-loved principle.

Finn risked a quick glance at his Mother. She looked old all of a sudden, old and frail and that frightened him. His 'Mami' had always been so strong, so sure of herself and so confident but today she seemed to have shrunk somehow.

Saying goodbye was so hard and Finn knew his life would never be the same again. There would be no more fishing trips on the Lake, no more hikes in the hills or adventures in the caves. He knew his father would try to step in but, as much as Finn adored his 'Papi', he wasn't his Grandpi.

No one could ever take his place.

Xxx

The funeral was over. The goodbyes had been said.

The whole family had now gathered at the Tanger's farmhouse to privately remember the head of the family.

Cara and Niall's teenage twin daughters, Sophie and Rachael were helping their cousins Connie and Polly lay the table while the older women, Lilly, Cara and Hannah prepared the food. There was almost an air of relief that the serious part of the funeral was over. Now they could all relax and recall happier times spent as a family.

"Where are the men?" Lilly asked, placing a basket of bread onto the table.

Cara's plate of cold cuts joined Lilly's bread. "Niall and Ben are bringing some wood in for the fire and I think that Finn is talking to Pa's c-chickens." The last two words stuck in the Midwife's throat as she remembered how much her father doted on the birds. To him they were his escape and he would spend hours with them, conversing about life and dreams even when his health was failing.

Lilly crossed back to the window and watched her eldest child. Finn was sitting, crossed legged in front of the pen, poking bits of grass through the wire. It was a position he'd been often found in as a little boy. "He is indeed," she sighed heavily and continued to stare out of the window. Her mother joined her and placed her hand on Lilly's shoulder.

"He probably feel's closer to his Grandpi out there," Hannah stated softly. "The chickens were the first thing your father introduced Finn to when he was barely days old remember?"

"Yes, Ma," Lilly gave her mother a sad smile. "I remember." She turned her attention to her boy once more. "He's taken Pa's death so hard," she sighed.

"Has he cried at all?" Hannah asked, her gaze matching Lilly's.

"I don't know," Lilly admitted. "Not openly," she shrugged. "Ben and I have tried to speak to him but he seems closed off to us. Connie said that he was crying in his sleep the other night but he wouldn't even speak to her about it."

Sergi Tanger had been unwell for nearly eight months before his passing. Ben and Lilly, Mandana's principle platons,' Doctors', had diagnosed him as having prostate cancer and had urged him to return to Earth for specialist treatment. Sergi had refused and had argued that he was 84 years of age and it was his time. The platon's didn't push him but had made sure his final few months were as comfortable as possible. As it was, Sergi Tanger passed away peacefully in his sleep in his beloved Hannah's arms. Having known that Sergi was terminal, the whole family had tried to pack in as much as possible for the king pin of the family, taking it in turns to sit at his bedside either reading to him or just reminiscing about the past.

Finn would call in first thing in the morning on his way to the hospital where he was training to follow in his parents footsteps and on his way home in the evening, often staying until the early hours just keeping his Grandpi company. He, more so than the girls, doted on the elderly man and he, more so than the girls, now seemed very lost.

"I need to talk to my son," Lilly sighed. "I won't be long, ma."

"You do that, Lilly Lou," Hannah smiled softly. "Tell him that his Grandpi would have been so p-proud of him today."

Lilly smiled back and quickly pulled her devastated Mother into her arms. "He would have been so proud of you too. You did so well, Ma."

Hannah returned the hug. "We all did. It was the hardest days of our lives."

Lilly nodded and then pulled reluctantly out of her Mother's arms. "I won't be long," she repeated and then took a deep breath before joining her son.

Xxx

"Hey." Lilly sat crossed legged mirroring her son's position. "How are you doing?" She asked as she picked some grass.

"I'm fine," Finn shot her a smile that was far from convincing.

"Tough day, hey?" Lilly continued, poking her own blade of grass through the chicken coup wire.

"The toughest," Finn agreed softly.

"Yeah."

Mother and son sat in silence for a while, both lost in thoughts, neither knowing quite what to say. Eventually Finn cleared his throat.

"How are you doing, Ma?" He asked.

"I'm…" Lilly thought for a moment. "I'm good, Finn," she smiled softly. "Your Grandpi was ill for a long time and I must admit that I found his passing a blessing in the end. It meant that he wasn't in pain anymore. You know how proud he was, Finn. He hated us seeing him hurting. He is at peace now and I find that very comforting."

"And Grandmi?"

"Ah," Lilly chuckled. "You know your Grandmi, she'll soon loose herself in her cooking and we'll all make sure she is not on her own. Auntie Cara is going to suggest that she moves in with them for a while to help round the farm while Uncle Niall clears up Grandpi's Mandana official paperwork. I think it will do her good."

"Uh huh," Finn nodded slowly. "That's a good idea."

"And, what about you?" Lilly probed again. "When I asked how you were you used the good old Earth response of 'I'm fine' and you know that doesn't cover matters for me, young man."

"I'm fin…"

"Finn!" Lilly growled.

Finn sighed heavily. He didn't want to get into this, not now, not today. "Honestly, ma. I'm doing okay. I mean, of course I'll miss him but I'll remember him and the times we spent together with such fond memories and, like you, I'll take comfort from that." He used the answer he'd been practicing since his Grandpi passed. He just wanted to get his parents off his back until he could properly process things and deal with it in his own way. The staged answer would do for now.

"I'm glad," Lilly nodded slowly with a faint smile, unaware that Finn was hoodwinking her. "He a-adored you, you know that."

Finn reached and grasped his mother's hand. "I know," he smiled and squeezed her hand. "And, I adored him." He pulled his mother into his arms. "He was an amazing Grandpi."

"He really was," Lilly agreed, returning his hug until Connie's call broke their embrace.

"Grandmi says that the food is getting cold," the fifteen year old shouted. "And if you don't get in here quick, Polly will have eaten most of it."

Lilly and Finn giggled and pulled out of the embrace. Finn slowly stood and then offered his mother his hand.

"Come on, Ma," he smiled. "We can't let Polly demolish it all."

Lilly let him pull her to her feet. "That we can't," she smiled back and then took his arm. "Lead on Finn."

Mother and son then walked, arm in arm, back to the farmhouse, Lilly feeling slightly better for her talk with her son.

Xxx

Life went on as it always did.

Hannah moved in with Cara and Niall for a short time but being the home bird that she was, she soon returned to her farm and to her roots. The family rallied round her to make sure she knew she wasn't on her own and they all quickly found routine in their lives once more.

The girls went back to school and the adults back to work.

Time began to heal and everyday life took over once more.

Finn still seemed to be lost though. He went through the motions of life, turned up where and when he should, completed his chores round the house and pulled his weight at the hospital but he was withdrawn and seemed so sad. His parents were worried about him.

Ben knocked softly on Finn's bedroom door. It was past midnight and he could see that his son still had his light on.

"Come in." Finns muffled voice answered and Ben poked his head round the door to find the young man sitting cross-legged on his bed, scribbling away in his diary.

"It's late, Finn," he sighed.

Finn looked up and gave him a wan smile. "I'm nearly done, Pa," he assured.

"You've got an early start in the morning."

"I know."

"You need to sleep."

"I know."

"And eat." Ben and Lilly had noticed that their son barely touched his food these days. He would just push it round his plate and then throw it away when he thought they weren't looking. He was notably losing weight that his lean frame couldn't afford to lose.

"I'm just not that hungry, Pa." Finn shrugged

Ben sighed heavily. "What's going on with you? You're withdrawn, quiet, not eating – that's not like you."

"I'm fine, Pa. I've just got a lot on with my studies at the moment, that's all."

"You sure? You know you can talk to me anytime."

"I know, thanks, Pa. I'm fine."

Ben sighed again. "Okay," he shrugged, not happy about Finn's explanation but it was late and they were both tired. It was a conversation for another time. "Get some sleep."

"I will. Nite, pa."

"Nite, Finn." Ben stood in the doorway and watched his son finish what he was doing, carefully place his diary back in his bedside cabinet draw, climb into bed, extinguish his lamp, lie down and pull his covers up to his chin. "Sleep well," he told him and then slowly closed his door.

After washing up, Ben then joined Lilly in bed.

Lilly marked the page of the book she was reading and closed it. "Was that Finn?" She asked, placing her book on her table.

Ben took off his robe and climbed into bed. "Yeah," he sighed. "He was still awake."

"But, it's so late," Lilly reached and dimmed her lamp.

"I know."

"He has an early start in the morning."

Ben dimmed his lamp too. "I know and he knows."

Lilly inched down in bed. "I'm worried about him," she sighed.

"I know," Ben repeated as he lay down too. "Me too," he admitted sadly. "I'll try and talk to him." He turned and kissed his wife. "If he doesn't feel he can't open up to us though, I was thinking of asking Anton to talk to him."

Anton Beuner was a partner at the hospital and a good friend of the family. Perhaps Finn needed to confide in someone that wasn't family.

"Good idea," Lilly agreed and returned the kiss. "Nite, Ben," she sighed and snuggled down.

"Nite, Lilly." Ben turned onto his side and tried to relax which was not an easy thing to do because his worry for his son was weighing him down.

It was obvious that Finn needed to talk to somebody – anybody and soon.