Mutts. Mutts all around me, in every line of direction.
Above me, I see dark, feral and ferocious looking wolves, all too human-like in their stance, with the eyes of fallen tributes. I see Glimmer's green eyes, long fangs and teeth bared. My heart breaks as I look over and see a tiny wolf, resembling Rue. I look down and see white lizards hissing my name, trying to reach my feet and do the one task they were designed to do- kill me. But this isn't what gets me. I look forward for all of a split second and see Peeta, in a hijacking-induced fit of rage, running towards me, ready to kill, and then the Rue wolf jumps onto him and snaps his neck in an unnatural fashion and I wake up screaming.
I don't move for a long time. I'm not sure I blink much, either. All I can think about is Peeta being killed in my nightmare and my little sister being turned into a torch. After what seems like ages, I look over to the window and see that it's almost evening, and I've spent the entire day in bed. I wake up, feeling achy, and walk into the bathroom and close the door. The girl in the mirror isn't what I expected to see looking back at me.
She looks gaunt, disturbed, thin, and patchy with new, frail skin. Her hair is quite matted. I frown a little bit at this, and turn the faucet on and then splash cold water on my face and I feel my skin tighten just a little at the temperature difference. I brush out what's left of my hair, braid it down my back, and then walk downstairs.
Greasy Sae has been in here today, I can tell from the lingering smell of cooked meat. I look into the refrigerator and find a plate of lamb chops with a sweet mint sauce, rosemary roasted potatoes and some buttered fiddlehead ferns that I found in the woods the other day. Theres a note on the plate.
Put in the oven for a few minutes and enjoy
See you tomorrow,
Sae
My heart turns a little at her thoughtfulness. She has been in my house every day, cooking and cleaning while I waste away in my sorrows. I owe her more than a simple thank you, that's for sure. I quickly turn on the oven and let it heat up before putting the plate of food in, watching it close to make sure it doesn't crack or burn. I carefully remove the plate and inhale the food, realizing exactly how hungry I've been all day. I make a mental note in my head to eat a little more. I don't enjoy having that gaunt girl in the mirror stare back at me.
After eating I look out the window from the kitchen and see that Peeta's houselights are on, and I vaguely wonder what he's up to. Probably painting, baking or decorating something. I open the window a bit, only to let the harmonizing smell of cinnamon and dill into the kitchen. I find myself being flooded with memories of better times, on the train to the Capitol for the Quarter Quell where his arms were my solace. Peeta was the glue that kept me from falling apart.
I'm lost in thought for so long that I didn't notice the knocking on the door, and when I hurry over to open it, I see Peeta walking away from my house. Even though his back is turned to me I can feel the sadness emanating from his being.
"Wait!" I yell to him.
He turns and looks at me, clearly surprised I answered the door. "I was just coming to see how you were doing. I stopped by earlier and there was no answer, so I figured you didn't want to be bothered," he says, faltering a little towards the end.
I stare at him for a moment, and then speak. "Sorry, I had some bad nightmares last night and I didn't want to talk to anyone," I say.
He looks at me again, even in the evening light I can see his blue eyes. This statement probably hurt him a little, I realize all too slowly, because before I know it, he's walking back to his house with a quicker pace.
"Peeta!" I say, following him to his house.
When he reaches the steps, he turns around to me and gives me a look that plays on the edge of sadness and anger. I run up to him and catch his arm, gripping to it like he is the only thing I have left, because if I were to be honest, he is.
"I'm sorry," I say quietly.
His muscles relax a bit and he turns around to face me, his features returning to normal.
"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't get so worked up when you want to be alone," he says sullenly.
I consider this. Peeta was my safe haven during those days on the train. I put myself in his shoes for a moment, trying to imagine if I were in his place, constantly being shot down by the one I love. I look up into his eyes, which are swimming in hurt and confusion, and in constant fear of another flashback. The horrific image of him running towards me in my dream last night floats to the top of my head, but I push it away. This can't keep going on, because it isn't fair to Peeta or I to continue on not knowing what it is that keeps us together in this way. I do get a little lonely at night in that big house by myself.
"Come over," I say.
The features on his face transform into happiness and relief, and he smiles a little and nods his head. We begin to walk back to my house, when I sense him tense up a little.
"Wait," he says.
I turn around and see him run into his house, and I hear some rummaging in the kitchen, and he walks out with a container. As he nears I can smell melted cheese and bread. Cheese buns.
"Those are my favorite," I say, feeling my mouth begin to salivate a little.
"I know," he says and smirks and we walk over to my house.
We sit down at the kitchen table with the cheese buns, I take one and begin to nibble at it, savoring every tiny bite. He added dill into them this time, which made them even more special. I avert my attention upward to see him looking directly at me, a smile tugging on his face as he watches me appreciate his creations. I begin to stare back as well, and feel a reluctant smile begin to form on my face. He looks so torn up, damaged, his skin is as blotchy and uneven as mine from the fire in front of President Snow's mansion. I don't think I realized exactly how much I have missed Peeta Mellark until this very moment, and I begin to feel that thing again.
"I missed you," I say quietly.
Peeta begins to blush brightly like a freshly picked strawberry, "I missed you too, Katniss," he says.
I stand up to walk into the living room, and motion for him to follow me, as I make my way over to the couch. The fire is bright and warm, reminding me of better times. I sit down, and he soon follows. I nuzzle myself next to him, feeling his warmth on my side, when an idea comes to mind. I start to remember the plant book, with detailed sketches or paintings made by Peeta, and as detailed of a description as I could write about it.
"Peeta, remember the plant book we made, right? I think we make something similar, but for the people we lost in the war," I say carefully.
He looks over to me in astonishment, and for a moment I begin to think my idea was crazy, when he suddenly turns, places both of his hands on either side of my face and kisses me with such an intense passion that I forgot how to breathe. He then slowly removes his lips from mine and looks me straight in the eyes.
"You are brilliant," he says with a bright smile.
I smile brightly as well, and then cuddle up against him again. The fire has begun to make me feel sleepy, and Peeta seems to be dozing off as well. Before the sleep washes over my consciousness, I utter a few words to him.
"Stay with me," I whisper.
"Always," he says.