A/N: Welcome. So this story is basically just the dragons being weird. Like we tried to say in the summary, it's a crack fic and takes place in an alternate universe. It is utter trash. We apologize if we ruin any image you have painted of these dragons. They're in human form. You'll figure that out pretty fast if you read. Everyone is pretty out of character, but whatever. Also, we made Skiadrum a girl. I acknowledge the fact that it is most likely a male. The two of us decided a female Skiadrum would be better suited for this story. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: We own nothing!

Somewhere in the town of Magnolia, five figures walked into a building. This building would become their new store. But not just any store, a pickle shop. Yes, they sold pickles.

-O-

"Why the heck are we opening a pickle shop?" Skiadrum swore she might be the only one in this group with some semblance of normalcy. She was the only one who questioned the store;s choice of product. Why pickles?

"It's obvious Dragon 101." Igneel would never cease to have an answer, granted, sometimes these answers were kind of stupid. But they were answers nonetheless.

"Explain." Skiadrum still seemed to be the only confused one.

"Dragons love pickles." Grandina had spoken at this point. It seemed that the others all really did know what was going on.

"It's a fact of life." Metalicana chimed in now.

"Then how did I not know that? I'm a dragon!" Skiadrum was pretty confused. She was just as much a dragon as the others. What was going on?

"You must've never eaten a pickle before." Weisslogia spoke up this time. So Skiadrum really was the only one who couldn't understand the significance of pickles. That much was certain by this point.

"Oh. I guess I haven't." As she thought for a moment, the woman realized that this was true.

"How old are you?" Igneel had snorted upon asking this question. He found it absolutely hilarious that a few centuries old dragon had never eaten a pickle.

"It's so rude to ask a lady that!" Skiadrum exclaimed as Grandina nodded furiously in agreement. It didn't matter that they were dragons. Age was still a sensitive topic.

"You're definitely not a lady." Igneel snorted once again. Weisslogia was laughing quietly as well. Metalicana just looked bored.

"I will cut you." The female dragon glared at the guilty party. The fire dragon really needed to learn how to shut his mouth.

"With metal!?" Metalicana sounded excited at the prospect. He could just picture it now.

"No. You're the only one that can do that. I'm obviously going to use his shadow." Skiadrum was giving him a very frustrated expression. She had come to acknowledge the fact that everyone in the room was ridiculous, but still!

"Riiight."

"Ugh. Being human sucks. Why are we doing this again?" Metalicana walked into the shop with an angry expression. He looked as though he had been run over by a car. Or you know, whatever this world's equivalent of it was.

"We wanted to see the kids." Skiadrum continued to stock the shelves as she answered his question.

"How does that explain the human thing? I mean I'm all for the pickle shop but why are we human?" Weisslogia chimed in with his own question. He was creating a display.

"How is a group of dragons owning a pickle shop not suspicious?" Grandina was in the corner making sure none of the jars were going to fall from the higher shelves.

"Oh. Right." The white dragon nodded to himself as he continued working on his display.

"I still don't understand about the pickle thing." Skiadrum had stopped her work and turned to face the others. Nothing about this store would ever make sense to her.

"Dragons like pickles!" Igneel was defensive. The whole thing had been his idea after all. Well, the pickle shop. Not the whole 'let's visit our kids' thing.

"And?" Skiadrum continued to wait for a more in depth answer.

"They're dragon slayers." Metalicana had finally gotten over his apparent hatred of cars.

"How does that relate to pickles?" She was still not too sure. Who in their right mind would stop by a store that's only merchandise was pickles?

"Ugh. They have dragon characteristics. They'll stop by sometime to get some pickles." Igneel answered the question as the others nodded approvingly. They just knew the kids would come by.

"Why of all things, pickles?" The question wasn't directed at anyone in particular. Skiadrum was honestly just talking to herself at this point.

"They're really good!" Cue four vigorously nodding figures.

"You know what, give me a pickle." Skiadrum was done with being the confused one. She needed to know just what exactly was so great about these things.

"Yay! You're finally eating one!" Igneel almost knocked over Weisslogia's display in his excitement. Luckily, it was an almost. Anything else and the building would be in pieces.

"I just want to know what all the hype is about." She looked slightly embarrassed. It was almost as though she was crumbling under peer pressure. There was nothing to be proud of about that.

"So?" Four dragons awaited a response. Watching someone eat their first pickle was something none of them had had the opportunity of doing before.

"Oh my God. That is one of the best things I've ever eaten." Skiadrum's eyes widened at the taste. It was like nothing she had ever eaten before.

"One of?" Igneel looked put off by her answer. If this really was her first pickle, then it really should have been the greatest.

"You got me. It's the best thing I've ever eaten!" She continued to stare in awe. Now everything had started to make sense.

"We told you!" Grandina laughed as she said so. She could tell that her friend's questions about the shop were going to come to a standstill.

"Okay, opening a pickle shop was a great idea!"

"Guys, I put some potato seeds under the front desk." Metalicana casually entered the room. He had been out exploring the town for a short while.

"Why?" Grandina looked up from her work. She was currently pricing their merchandise.

"Gildarts has been in seven times today asking if we sell them. We literally opened a few hours ago." Igneel answered her question. He completely understood where Metalicana was coming from.

"So you got potato seeds for him?" Skiadrum came out of one of the store rooms.

"Yeah." Metalicana responded with a sense of defiance. He would not allow anyone to question his decisions.

"How do you even know his name?" Weisslogia entered the conversation, utterly bamboozled. Was Metalicana a stalker? Or was there some other more logical answer?

"He gave a really outrageous introduction when he came in the first time." The dragon in question responded casually. He honestly couldn't see how this answer could lead to another line of questioning.

"Then where was I?" Weisslogia looked concerned. He really should have heard the man enter.

"You were in the back singing about white." Skiadrum looked up from her meal to answer. Yes, she was in fact eating pickles for lunch.

"Tis' a beautiful element!" He was defensive. So what if white was sort of a weird thing to be the dragon of?

"It's not even an element." Grandina finished her work and went on to get her own lunch. Of course she had to respond to Weisslogia first though.

"It must be! I am the White Dragon!" There was no way it couldn't be. If it wasn't, then Weisslogia's whole life was a lie. Hundreds of years down the drain….

"Doesn't mean it's an element." This was Igneel. He was currently shuffling through the cash register. They had already made quite the profit.

"You're mean!" So what if he sounded like a twelve year old? Weisslogia was perfectly secure with himself.

Suddenly the door were thrown open as the bell rung, signalling a customer. In the room was none other than Gildarts. He was obviously back to ask for potato seeds once again. knowing this, Igneel held up the bag.

"You have potato seeds! Yes! If anyone comes in with a Fairy Tail guild mark, put their expenses on my tab! And I'll pay for those Sabertooth dragon slayers as well! Oh, and that illegal guild made out of reformed criminals!" The man seemed to be listing everyone he could think of in his excitement.

"Uh, okay?" Grandina took note of this, Was everyone in her daughter's guild this easy to please?

"Yes! I'll come in every Friday and pay for everything!" Gildarts continued to twirl around with the potato seeds.

"Thank you, sir." Skiadrum added from her corner. It paid off to be polite to customers you know.

"So are you rich or something?" Igneel let it out from his place behind the counter. He didn't even look embarrassed by what he had just asked.

"Jeez Igneel! You can't just ask people if they're rich!" Metalicana roared. He knew Igneel was ridiculous, but really? Did he just have to ask that?

"Oh, sorry Gildarts!" The fire dragon blushed. Thank goodness he had finally realized just how rude he had been!

"No problem! What did you say your name was again?" The Fairy Tail wizard stopped twirling. He just had to know who the man who had handed him the potato seeds was!

"Uh… He said Iggy. Yeah, my name is Iggy." The dragon quickly tried to cover up what Metalicana had called him. The last thing they needed was for Gildarts to go blabbing about someone named Igneel.

"Such a lovely name!"

And then the man was gone. He was happily skipping down the road as everyone let out a sigh of relief.

"Oooh! That was a close one!" Weisslogia couldn't have been righter.

"Yeah it was! We all need to get some fake names figured out!" Skiadrum was once again being sensible. If they had fake names, then nothing like this would happen.

"Why do it now? It's too early to think about that." Igneel laughed. Yes, laughed. His mood had done a 180 since Gildarts left a few moments ago.

"Fine. We'll just figure it out when we need to." Skiadrum would allow them to mess everything up if that's what they really wanted.

"Sounds like a great idea!" Weisslogia was happy with the idea. It delayed his thinking. And anything that did that must be good.

"Wait. So he just offered to pay for an illegal guild." Grandina still couldn't get over this fact. What kind of guild was her daughter in?

"Eh. From what I gather they're actually pretty cool." Metalicana smiled as he said this.

"What do you mean?" Grandina was once again concerned, Where had Metalicana gotten that idea?

"They take out dark guilds." The iron dragon declared as though it was common knowledge.

"Ah. So how do you know this?" Now Skiadrum was involved. Where was Metalicana getting this information from?

"I'm good at gathering gossip!"

"We have been in town for a total of two days!" Grandina announced.

"So? We have enhanced hearing! It's actually pretty easy to overhear gossip, you know." Metalicana affirmed that he hadn't gone out searching for gossip. There was no way he would ever live it down if he had.

"Sorry. I forgot about that." The sky dragon really did look apologetic. She truly had started to think Metalicana was some sort of creep.

"I do not accept your apology on the grounds that you think I'm stupid." The iron dragon countered.

"No I don't." Grandina had no idea where he got that idea from. She didn't recall ever doing anything to make him think that way.

"Then why do you keep calling me an idiot under your breath?" The man sounded outraged.

"I call everyone an idiot. Even myself. Don't worry about it too much." The woman blushed as she explained. She truly did call everyone an idiot.

"Hey Lucy! Look, it's a pickle shop!" Natsu was looking directly at the newly renovated building. He obviously wanted to venture inside.

"I am not going into a pickle store right now." The blonde woman gazed at the building, disapprovingly. They had much more important things to do than buy pickles. Her rent money was due, and no jobs involved pickle shopping.

"Fine then. I'll just go tomorrow!" He was already trying to figure out who to bring with him. There was no way he could go into a pickle shop and not share such a great thing with someone else.

"What is with you and pickles, anyway?" She was confused. He always got like this when someone mentioned the food.

"Pickles are the food of the dragons!" Yeah, that explained a lot.

A/N: So? Please review and tell us what you think! By the way, if you haven't figured it out yet, this account is run by two people. We get together and write. This is why it may seem as though two different writing styles are used. We just pass the computer back and forth and formulate these lovely stories. We apologize for everything though. We really can't write normal stories. Last time we tried something serious, someone ended up jumping off a building because someone stole their zucchini. Yeah… We have issues.

And I mean, as for this story, why not have something humorous in such a tragic time?