We were living in Rochester when I failed again. I killed four men in a bathroom. Just like the rest of my new family, Rose—I still thought of her as the angel who saved me and took me to God—knew that I was trying hard. Edward had told them so. But I failed them. Again.
Rose went with me everywhere. I didn't blame her. I wouldn't trust me either. But I'd been doing good resisting the blood bags they put out around the house to tempt me, and had even managed to go shopping with Rose a few times without killing anyone. Rose had begun to congratulate me. Everyone thought I was making great progress. Which is why my failure was all the worse.
Rose knew how much I liked to dance, so she took me to a danceclub to celebrate my sixth month 'sober'. Everything was going great. We'd just got done having a quick fuck in the alley behind the building and had slipped back inside when some drunk jackass decided to flirt with my wife. In front of me.
Rose, being her snappy and confident self, quickly tried to shut the man down but the guy was persistent. I wound up making the guy spill his too-manyieth drink on me after jacking him up a wall by his shirt and threatening to kick his ass into next week. Couldn't he see that the woman was taken, that she didn't want to be bothered with him?
"Em? Baby?" Rose rubbed my thick bicep. I had the man easily shoved into the wall and lifted off the floor, as if he were a doll. He stared down at me, as if seeing my size for the first time. I must've looked like an enraged bear in his eyes.
"Put me down! Put me down!" He dangled his legs in the air.
"Baby?" Rose said desperately, her voice so small that none of the humans could hear her, but even over the thumping jazz band, I could. "Let him go. Okay? He's not worth it. Go to the bathroom, clean yourself up, and we'll try to make the best of the rest of the night."
I let her velvety voice seep into my ear and sooth me. "I love you, baby. Let him go." The place was pretty packed and people had started to watch the altercation, probably hoping a fight would break out.
I growled at the man and dropped him. Literally. I opened my fist and let him fall in a crumpled mess. He scrambled to his feet and dash away into the dense crowd on the dance floor.
"It's okay. I'm okay. You're okay." She cradled my face and kissed me a few times. "Go clean up."
Separating from her was my mistake. Going to that danceclub altogether was a mistake. I was uselessly dabbing at the alcohol with a wet paper towel when it happened. There was a guy washing his hands and two others at the urinal when the fourth came bursting in with a bloody nose.
The blood bags they put around the house weren't like this. The blood was contained and cold. This was first time I'd ever encountered an injured person, openly bleeding warm blood.
I was on the man and had killed him in seconds, my teeth sinking into his face, snapping his neck with the force, and sucking at the bloody nose. The three other men screamed and tried to run. But they were witnesses; I couldn't let them leave. I panicked and moved in a blur, snapping the man washing his hands's neck first, and then, before they could even get their pants zipped, the two guys at the urinals.
My mind locked back onto the bloody faced body that had collapsed in front of the sink. I blurred back over to him and started sucking him dry through his nose. The entire encounter, from the man coming in the bathroom, to now, had lasted maybe two seconds.
I was almost done draining the man when Rose burst in. She must've smelled him coming this way and rushed here as fast as she could with the humans watching. I looked up at her and could see her hurt expression, could see the mortification, the disdain, but the perfect taste on my tongue, the necter flowing down my throat, the bloodlust wouldn't let me stop sucking. She locked the door and had to restrain me against the wall.
"Em! Get a hold of yourself!" Her eyes flicked down to my bloody mouth. And though she held her breath, I could see that she wanted to kiss me, to taste it.
After the urgency of the situation creeped in, and I realized the shame of what I'd done, the damage I had caused, I held my breath too. I wiped the sleeve of my shirt across my mouth, as if that wipe would take away all the evidence as well.
"What did I do?" My voice came out in strangled tight mass. If I could cry, I'd probably be bawling. This was a disaster! "What did I do?"
"It's okay, baby!" Rose said, frantically, releasing me when she saw I was in control of myself. "It's okay." I could tell that she was trying to convince herself with those words as well.
"No it's not! I killed them! We should've stayed at home! I'm never gonna be able to do this!"
Though I saw her every movement, she still had me in her arms in a split second, running her hand down my back, consoling me like a frightened child. "Calm down, Em. We can fix this. Just let me think."
She took an unnecessary deep breath, running pale fingers through her voluminous hair. Seconds later, she dashed over and pulled the fire alarm. The piercing sound filled the bathroom. Rose unlocked the door and slowly watched everyone rush, scramble, and stumble out of the building confused. Where was the smoke? When the club owner came over to the bathroom to check on things, Rose put him a sleeper hold and had him unconscious before he could even see anything. She gently lowered the body too the floor.
"You carry those two," Rose said, gesturing to the lifeless bodies next to the urinals, "and I'll carry these two." She easily threw the half drained man over her shoulder, and then tossed the other guy by the sinks on top of him. I silently obeyed her and threw the other two bodies over my shoulder. "We'll just leave that one here. He'll wake up sooner or later."
Rose didn't even bother to clean up the bits of blood I'd spilled. We just crept out of the club, lucky that I was night. She stuff three of the bodies, in the truck and laid one across the backseat. She was extra careful about driving the speed limit.
We let the entire car sink to bottom of Lake Ontario.
§
The five of us had to move because of me. Again. We settled in a Canadian village this time. No one had found the bodies yet but Carlisle didn't want to wait around for someone to ask questions.
According to Edward, no one blamed me. They all knew how hard these first few years were. But I still felt like a failure. I grew despondent. I wouldn't leave the house for anything but hunting, no matter how hard Rose tried to pull me back into civilization.
"You can't give up. You have to keep trying." But I wouldn't go. I didn't trust myself anymore. Before long, her understanding patience turned into anger.
"Get up, Em," she'd said furiously. I'd been sitting on the same cot in our room for days. "You have to snap out of it. We're going out. You're going to try again."
"No. I'm just gonna fuck up again; I'm a hopeless cause. I'm ruining your lives." I stared down at the floor dependently. "Carlisle should just kill me already and fix his mistake."
Rose gasped. Before I knew what was happening, I felt a hand across my cheek. It was sharp and loud, cracking like thunder. I stared up in awe at the furious angel standing over me. She had just hit me. Rose had never hit me before. That must have really struck a nerve.
"Don't you ever say that again," she growled, pointing an index finger at me. "I love you so much. Don't even think it." And though she couldn't cry, I could hear the sobs in her voice. She dashed away from the room then, leaving my face tingling.
§
She stopped trying to get me to go out after that. She wouldn't even talk to me. I'd pissed her off before, but never like this, never to the point of silence.
But I was convinced about the truth of my words and wouldn't apologize for them. I was a failure. I was a mistake. I should've died in those mountains or Carlisle should've refused to turn me. Then this good family wouldn't have to struggle with my incorrigible bloodlust.
Maybe I should just kill myself. Just start a bonfire, soak myself in gasoline, and hop in.
Suddenly, Edward was standing in Rose's and my doorway.
"As you already know, I usually don't comment on anyone's thoughts because thoughts are meant to be private." He invited himself into the room and sat down next to me on the sofa. "But I cannot let that one pass by me." Edward stared at me in concern.
There was a small silence before I realized he was waiting for me to speak. "I won't really do it," I said, trying to placate him. "It was just a silly thought." It didn't work. Of course it didn't; I should've known better.
"I know you're lying to me, Emmett." His brows were bunched so closely together they almost looked like one long line. "If you could find a way to restrain yourself in the flames you would do it." He looked almost as angry as Rose. "I'll keep this between us for now, because like I said, thoughts are meant to be private. But if I ever hear that you're actually about to make an attempt, I won't hesitate with going to Carlisle and he'll put a stop to this nonsense.
"You don't seem to understand how much we care for you. None of us find you a burden, Emmett. And you can take my word on that." He tapped his temple. "You just need a little guidance. Stop fighting Rose and let her help you."
§
It took a few more years, but I eventually got a grip on things. Edward was the only one who knew how good I felt to not be the weakest link anymore when Jasper and Alice came around.
She was definitely an odd specimen. They had simply shown up on our doorstep one gloomy evening with gold eyes like ours, and she'd treated us all like we were distant relatives she'd been trying to see but hadn't managed to do so in a few years. Like we weren't complete and total strangers. Like she'd known us her entire life.
She was such a strong force to get used to. A lot of things changed drastically and quickly. The decorations around the house, everyone's wardrobe. And surprisingly, everyone's mood. Edward had ensured us that it wasn't Jasper keeping us happy. Alice's spirit was just contagious.
It didn't take long to warm up to her. Jasper, however, had a much more intimidating look about him. He was filled with scars and he was silent behind his mate, not speaking unless spoken to. But after a few days, I realized that he, like his counterpart, meant my family no harm. Besides. Rose was ecstatic to have a sister.
Jasper fell off much more frequently than I did, but because of his background, and his talent, his mistakes weren't as messy as mine and were therefore easier to clean up. His mistakes weren't snap decisions. They were more like snap premmeditations. He would be doing fine, until he ran across a particularly intoxicating scent, then he would put thought into it after he'd tried and failed and fighting his bloodlust. He coaxed his victims into going off with him alone.
But some spills are huge spills and we relocated several times because of him. It wasn't long before he grew just as despondent as I had been. I got a thorough understanding of what it was like to be on the outside looking in. According to Alice, she was the only reason he was still with us. Because she refused to leave with him.
Alice eventually grew angry with his hopelessness, just as Rose had with mine.
"We went through this with Emmett," I'd overheard the two girls talking. "Give him some time. He'll come around."
"I know. I've seen. He's just… ugh."
While the girls were away on one of their pick-me-up shopping trips, and Carlisle and Edward at work, I slipped into Jasper's room to speak with him, deciding that it was time for his brotherly talk. But it didn't go as I'd planned.
"Jasper? Can we talk?" I peeped my head through the door. He looked up and nodded solemnly.
I slipped into to room and joined him on the fluffy sofa Alice had picked out. For a moment we simply sat side by side in silence. I wasn't sure how to start my little speech.
I'm not precisely sure how it happened, but things drastically went left sometime shortly after I entered the room. I tried to tell him that he wasn't a burden, that he was a part of this family. Jasper spoke about how Alice was upset with him and wouldn't talk to him and somehow—I think he used that mood trick of his—I wound up with his dick inside me.
He was sitting on the cot with his pants around his ankles, my pants were inexplicably in a corner somewhere and I was straddling his waist with his long, thick, hard cock up my ass. My cheeks touched Jasper's thighs and he penetrated me deep.
I was still trying to remember how we'd got in this position, when he ran his scarred hands down my muscled body until they found a resting point on each of my ass cheeks, then he easily lifted my heavy weight up until nothing but his plump head was left, and he gently let me back down. His cock brushed against a sweet spot inside of me and I came undone.
"Oh fuck, Jazz. Mngh…". He gripped my round globes and I wrapped my thick arms around his slender frame, letting the huge appendage stretch me open. With that firm grip of his, he rocked me back and forward in his lap, making me fuck him. It felt amazing. Did I want this? Or was he making me want this?
"I'm not doing anything. This is all you. You like my thick dick up your ass."
Without ever unsheathing himself, he smoothly shifted us into a different position on the couch, putting me on my back and wrapping my strong legs around his waist. He took complete control and for some unknown reason, I let him. Perhaps I wanted to be used for a change. He set a swift and smooth pace inside me, sliding his long member in between my plump cheeks and up my tight ass.
I could feel it inside me, sliding along my walls. I could feel it stretching me open, stuffing me, filling me up.
I let him moan in my ear and I moaned back in his. I let him wrap his arms around my neck and I wrapped mine around his, running my fingers through his curly ash blonde locks. Then I let him shove his long dick so deep inside me it made my legs tremble around him.
"Em, you feel incredible. Mnugh… You're so tight. I could fuck your ass all day."
My eyes rolled back in ecstasy. At the rate he was going, I would let him. Alice got to have this every night. The lucky bitch. I was rock hard and my cock hadn't even been touched.
Alice. Alice! Rose!
"Oh my God, Jasper!" I said with wide eyes, when my mind caught up with the present. My brother-in-law was on top of me, inside of me. "What are we doing?! Edward's going to find out! And Alice probably already saw this happening." I tried to push him off me, but he wrapped his arms around me tighter, resisting, still giving me long, deep, inexplicably amazing strokes.
"Shh, shh, calm down," he whispered in my ear while he dicked me deep. I tried and failed not to moan in response. "We both know that Alice doesn't always see everything. And she can't see the past or the present." He never slowed his strokes. "Had she known this was going to happen, she would've never left us alone. And let Edward find out. I'll deliberately think about it when he gets back. Then we'll fuck him too."
He gently pressed his lips against mine, effectively silencing me while he continued to thrust his long rod into me and the fight left me just as quickly as it had come.
I could feel my release coming and I reached between our bodies and stroked myself. "Fuck, Jazz, keep that up and I'm gonna come. Mngh, fuck."
"Yeah? My long dick's gonna make you come?" He flicked my hand out of the way and started stroking me himself.
"Yes, Jazz! Right there! Fuck! I'm gonna… ungh…" I sure was glad we were alone. I let out roar so loud it indubitably scared all the surrounding animals away. My release shot out in thick ropes, into Jasper's hand and onto my shirt while I roared.
"Yeah that's it. Come for me." Jasper kept right on fucking. He evidently wasn't done. "I'm gonna make you come again." And sure enough, he continued thrusting into that tender spot inside my ass until my dick got hard again and minutes later, I was moaning his name once more, while warm liquid—much thinner this time—spilled from the tip of my cock.
This time Jasper fell over the edge with me. He clutched onto me, pounding into my ass brutally, causing the sound of repeatedly smacking marble to fill the room. Then his hot load filled my insides.