Author's Note: This is written as a script for the TV show. I wrote it partly for fun and partly to practice writing in script format.
I also messed with the timeline on the show a little bit so that the story would work more smoothly. That's why Candace and Jeremy are freshmen in high school instead of Candace being a sophomore (?) and Jeremy a junior.
I hope you enjoy it!
PHINEAS AND FERB—THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL, PART 1
OPENING
STARTS OUT AS NORMAL TITLE SEQUENCE.
SONG:
There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation
And school came along just to end it
So now the new problem for our generation
Is finding a good way-
PHINEAS'S EYES POP ALL THE WAY OPEN. HE LOOKS ALARMED.
PHINEAS
Wait, wait, wait. WHAT did you just say?
SCREEN GOES BLACK. HUGE TITLE FALLS ONTO THE SCREEN. MUSIC STINGER—DUN DUN DUN DUUUNNN
SOUND OF CANDACE SCREAMING
OPENING SHOT: OUTSIDE OF THE FLYNN-FLETCHER HOUSE—PRE-DAWN
CUT TO CANDACE'S BEDROOM. SHE'S BOUNCING AROUND EXCITEDLY YELLING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS
CANDACE
IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL! I get to see JEREMY!
LINDA STICKS HER HEAD THROUGH THE DOOR. SHE LOOKS TIRED.
CANDACE
Is the bus here yet?
LINDA
Candace, it's five in the morning!
CANDACE
Arrgh! I can't wait another (CHECKS CLOCK) two hours and fifty-three minutes!
LINDA
Why don't you figure out what you want to wear today?
CANDACE OPENS HER CLOSET, REVEALING A VERY WILD OUTFIT.
CANDACE
Ta-da!
LINDA
Are you sure about that?
CAMERA PANS IN ON CANDACE'S CLOCK. SUDDENLY IT'S 7:45. CAMERA PULLS OUT.
CANDACE STANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF HER BEDROOM, STARING DESOLATELY AT THE CLOTHES SPREAD ANKLE-DEEP AROUND THE ROOM. SHE'S WEARING HER NORMAL OUTFIT.
LINDA (OFF-SCREEN)
CANDACE! The bus is here! You're going to be late!
CANDACE SCREAMS AND DASHES AROUND HER ROOM, THROWING HER THINGS INTO HER BACKPACK BEFORE ZIPPING DOWN THE STAIRS. SHE DASHES PAST LINDA IN THE KITCHEN AND PHINEAS AND FERB IN THE DRIVEWAY AND JUMPS ONTO THE HIGH SCHOOL BUS, WHICH WAS JUST ABOUT TO PULL AWAY FROM THE CURB. STACEY WAVES TO HER AND SHE JOINS HER FRIEND.
STACEY
Hey.
CANDACE
Hey!
STACEY AND CANDACE TOGETHER
First day of high school!
THEY SQUEAL AND HUG EACH OTHER. CANDACE PUTS HER HANDS BEHIND HER HEAD AND LEANS AGAINST THE SEAT WITH A BIG SMILE.
CANDACE
Finally I can leave the busting to the teachers and get back to crushing on Jeremy!
(SHE GLANCES AROUND)
I wonder where he is?
CANDACE CRAWLS OVER STACEY AND PRESSES HER NOSE TO THE WINDOW.
QUICK BUS RIDE MONTAGE. AS MORE KIDS GET ON BUT JEREMY FAILS TO APPEAR CANDACE BECOME MORE AND MORE DISMAYED. AS THEY PULL INTO THE SCHOOL PARKING LOT SHE SLUMPS AGAINST THE SEAT BACK MISERABLY.
STACEY
Maybe he has a different bus?
CANDACE
Worst. School year. Ever.
CUT TO PHINEAS AND FERB IN THE DRIVEWAY. THEY WAIT A SECOND BEFORE THEIR BUS PULLS UP AND THEY CLIMB ABOARD. BALJEET, BUFORD AND ISABELLA ARE ALREADY ABOARD.
ISABELLA
Hey, Phineas. Hey, Ferb. Whatcha doin'?
PHINEAS
Well, apparently we're going to school.
BALJEET (UNHAPPILY)
I never thought this day would come.
BUFORD
Yeah, that was one long summer vacation.
PHINEAS (LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW)
I wonder what Perry's doing?
CUT TO PERRY. HE WHIPS OUT HIS FEDORA, CLIMBS BEHIND A PICTURE ON THE WALL AND ZOOMS DOWN TO HQ, WHERE MAJOR MONOGRAM IS WAITING.
MAJOR MONOGRAM
Ah, there you are, Agent P. Doofenshmirtz has taken a position as a substitute teacher at the Danville High School. One of their teachers is out, so that's where he is right now. Go find out what he's up to!
PERRY SALUTES AND TAKES A LITTLE JETPACK TO THE HIGH SCHOOL. (CUE PERRY THE PLATYPUS THEME) HE GOES IN THROUGH AN OPEN WINDOW, DISPOSES OF THE JETPACK, AND IMMEDIATELY HAS TO GO INTO NORMAL PLATYPUS MODE AS TWO GIRLS WALK BY. THEY'RE BOTH TALKING ON CELL PHONES, APPARENTLY TO EACH OTHER.
CELL PHONE GIRL #1
OMG, so did you see that photo Ashley put up on Mugpage? Like, totally riddick!
CELL PHONE GIRL #2
Totally.
CPG #1
And that outfit that Hilary was wearing? Where'd that come from, the city dump?
CPG #2
Totally.
THEY WALK OFF WITHOUT NOTICING PERRY. PERRY GIVES THEM A STRANGE LOOK, SHAKES HIS HEAD WITH AN EYEROLL, AND CONTINUES ON UNTIL HE FINDS THE RIGHT DOOR. HE LEAPS UP AND PULLS THE HANDLE, KICKING IT OPEN.
INSIDE IS DR. DOOFENSHMIRTZ, APPARENTLY SETTING UP A MICROSCOPE.
DR. DOOFENSHMIRTZ
Ah, Perry the Platypus! How totally unanticipated!...And by "totally unanticipated" I mean COMPLETELY ANTICIPATED!
DR. DOOF PULLS OUT A SMALL, WEIRD-LOOKING GIZMO AND POINTS IT AT PERRY. IMMEDIATELY SEVERAL PIECES OF STRING SHOOT OUT AND WRAP THEMSELVES AROUND PERRY'S ANKLES, TRIPPING HIM UP. HE FALLS OVER.
DR. DOOF
How do you like my SHOELACE-TIER-TOGETHER-REVENGE-INATOR? Yes, I thought you might enjoy it. You see, when I was a boy…
CUE THE DOOFENSHMIRTZ BACKSTORY FADEOUT. YOUNG HEINZ IS STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCHOOLYARD LOOKING UNHAPPY.
DR. DOOF (VO)
Everyone's favorite prank was to tie each other's shoelaces together so that you couldn't walk without tripping. The least popular people really had it rough. I could barely get three steps!
YOUNG HEINZ STARTS WALKING. HE WALKS TWO AND A HALF STEPS AND A KID SUDDENLY SHOOTS OUT, TIES HIS SHOELACES TOGETHER AND DARTS OFF BEFORE HEINZ NOTICES. HEINZ IMMEDIATELY TRIPS AND THE KIDS IN THE BACKGROUND LAUGH.
DR. DOOF
I had to bunny hop, like this! See, Perry the Platypus?
CUT TO PRESENT DAY DOOF BUNNY-HOPPING AROUND THE CLASSROOM. PERRY LOOKS SKEPTICAL.
DR. DOOF
Anyway…
CUT BACK TO YOUNG HEINZ. THROUGH THIS WHOLE MONOLOGUE, WE SEE HIM TRIPPING, WALKING IN LATE, BUNNY HOPPING, ETC.
It just made me so mad! I was always late and everyone thought it was hilarious. I tried to do it back, but it never worked, and everyone just laughed more. It was really horrible…
CUT BACK TO PRESENT DAY. PERRY HAS A "GET ON WITH IT" LOOK ON HIS FACE.
DR. DOOF
Right. So now I've decided to get my revenge on these high school students with this! The Shoelace-Tier-Together-Revenge-Inator!
HOLDS UP THE GIZMO. PERRY HAS THAT "SERIOUSLY?" LOOK.
DR. DOOF
I already introduced this, didn't I.
PERRY NODS.
DR. DOOF
Oh. Sorry.
CUT TO THE FRONT OF THE HIGH SCHOOL. CANDACE AND STACEY WALK THROUGH THE DOORS AND INTO THE HALL. STACEY CONSULTS A PIECE OF PAPER.
STACEY
I'm locker number 182. What are you?
CANDACE (LOOKS AT HER OWN PIECE OF PAPER, DISMAYED)
111.
STACEY
That sucks.
CANDACE
Well, maybe it's near Jeremy.
STACEY
Mine's right here. See ya!
THEY SEPARATE AND WAVE. CANDACE FINDS HER OWN LOCKER, NAVIGATING THE CROWDS OF BIG, SOMETIMES SCARY HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS. SHE OPENS IT AND STICKS SOME OF HER BOOKS INSIDE, THEN TAKES THEM BACK OUT, STACKS THEM ON THE FLOOR, AND STANDS ON THEM TO LOOK FOR JEREMY.
CANDACE
Where IS he?
SUDDENLY SHE VERY NEARLY GETS KNOCKED OVER BY A PIERCED, LEATHER-JACKETED PUNK. SHE SQUEALS AND GRABS HER LOCKER DOOR FOR SUPPORT, BUT IT SWINGS OUT AND SHE FALLS AGAINST THE LOCKERS.
NEARBY HIGH SCHOOL JOCK
Watch it, dweeb!
CANDACE REGAINS HER BALANCE AND SPOTS JEREMY. SHE STARTS JUMPING UP AND OWN AND WAVING.
CANDACE
Jeremy! JEREMY!
JEREMY TURNS, BUT SOMETHING HITS CANDACE IN THE BACK AND SHE FALLS ONTO THE FLOOR. BEHIND HER ARE THE CELL PHONE GIRLS.
CANDACE
Owww!
CPG 1
Smooth moves, loser.
CPG 2
Totally not.
THE CPGS WALK AWAY LAUGHING. CUT TO JEREMY, WHO IS LOOKING AROUND. HE'S HOLDING HIS CLASS SCHEDULE IN ONE HAND.
JEREMY
Candace? Where'd she go?
SUDDENLY SOMEONE WALKS INTO HIM. HE STUMBLES FORWARD AND THEN TURNS AND SEES TIARA. SHE'S TEXTING ON HER CELL PHONE AND DIDN'T SEE HIM.
TIARA
Hey, watch it, loser!
TIARA IS THE QUEEN BEE OF THE SCHOOL AND SHE LOOKS THE PART. SHE EXPECTS TOTAL OBEDIENCE FROM EVERYONE LOWER ON THE SOCIAL SCALE.
SHE LOOKS UP AND GETS A GOOD LOOK AT JEREMY. WE SEE FROM HER EXPRESSION AND BODY LANGUAGE THAT SHE LIKES WHAT SHE SEES.
TIARA
Oh, sorry. Didn't see you there. Whoops!
SHE DROPS HER CELL PHONE. JEREMY, BEING THE GENTLEMAN THAT HE IS, LEANS DOWN TO PICK IT UP FOR HER.
JEREMY
Here you go.
TIARA
Oh, thanks, honey! It's my first day here and I am just SO LOST!
SHE LEANS OVER AND LOOKS AT JEREMY'S SCHEDULE.
TIARA (CONT)
Oh hey, we're both in 164 for homeroom. Wanna come with?
TIARA FLIPS HER HAIR FLIRTATIOUSLY, BUT JEREMY IS LOOKING AT THE ROOM NUMBERS AND DOESN'T NOTICE.
JEREMY (POINTING)
I think it should be that way.
TIARA
My hero!
SHE LOOPS HER ARM THROUGH JEREMY'S AS THEY WALK DOWN THE HALL. JEREMY, UNSURE ABOUT WHETHER HE SHOULD SAY SOMETHING, TRIES TO PULL AWAY, BUT TIARA JUST YANKS HIS ARM CLOSER.
CUT TO PHINEAS AND FERB ENTERING ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. IT'S ABOUT AS CROWDED AS CANDACE'S SCHOOL BUT WITH SMALLER KIDS. PHINEAS, FERB, BUFORD, BALJEET, ISABELLA, AND 2 FIRESIDE GIRLS (ADYSON AND GINGER) FORM A CIRCLE.
PHINEAS
I've got homeroom in room 101. Anyone with me?
FERB AND ISABELLA RAISE THEIR HANDS. PHINEAS LEANS OVER AND GLANCES AT ISABELLA'S SCHEDULE.
PHINEAS
Wow, Isabella, I think we have all the same classes.
ISABELLA (A LITTLE TOO INNOCENTLY)
Do we?
FERB
One would almost think that someone had hacked the school computer to change one's schedule.
ADYSON (TO ISABELLA)
Didn't you just get your School Computer Hacking badge?
ISABELLA GLARES AT HER. THE BELL RINGS.
PHINEAS
See you guys at lunch!
THEY DISPERSE. CUT TO DR. DOOF AND PERRY, WHERE THE BELL IS ALSO RINGING.
DR. DOOF
Well, Perry the Platypus, it looks like you're going to have to foil my scheme a little later than usual today!
HE PICKS UP PERRY AND STICKS HIM IN A VERY LARGE GLASS TANK AT THE BACK OF THE ROOM.
DR. DOOF
Enjoy your new position as class pet, Perry the Platypus!
PERRY GLARES AT DOOF, THEN WHIPS OFF HIS HAT AND GOES INTO NORMAL PLATYPUS MODE AS STUDENTS START FILING IN.
CUT TO CANDACE, DRAGGING HERSELF INTO ANOTHER CLASSROOM.
CANDACE
I can't find Jeremy ANYWHERE!
SHE FLOPS DOWN MISERABLY AT HER DESK. CUE MUSIC.
SONG: "WHERE THE HECK IS HE?"
I've been waiting for this day for what seems like forever
And it's finally time for us to be together
But now there's a big problem on a whole level
Where the heck is he?
I've waited and fantasized and hoped and dreamed
I've worked and prepared and devised and schemed
Now nothing's going as it seemed, just
Where the heck is he?
He's not in my math
He's not in my P.E.
He's not in my English
He's not in history
Now I'm so disappointed I
Wanna cry and scream,
Where the heck is he?
AS THE SONG GOES, WE SEE A MONTAGE OF CANDACE'S DAY TO THE LYRICS. AT ONE POINT SHE SEES JEREMY FROM THE BACK, RUNS UP, TAPS HIM ON THE SHOULDER—AND IT'S NOT JEREMY, IT'S JUST SOMEONE WITH BLOND HAIR AND A SIMILAR OUTFIT.
WHEN IT ENDS SHE GETS UP AND DRAGS HERSELF OUT OF THE CLASSROOM, MEETING STACEY IN THE HALLWAY.
CANDACE
Any sign?
STACEY
Well, I just saw him in my Spanish class.
CANDACE SNAPS TO ATTENTION.
CANDACE
And…?
STACEY (PUTS HER HAND ON CANDACE'S SHOULDER)
He's got a different lunch period.
CANDACE HAS A TOTAL MELTDOWN. SHE STARTS SOBBING ON STACEY'S SHOULDER. STACEY PATS HER BACK.
CUT TO PHINEAS AND FERB. THEY'RE ENTERING THEIR CAFETERIA, STANDING IN THE FOOD LINE.
PHINEAS
I hope they have meatloaf.
AS THEY GET TO THE FRONT, WE SEE THE COMPLETELY GRAY, LIFELESS AREA BEHIND THE COUNTERS, COMPLETE WITH BORED-LOOKING ELDERLY LUNCH LADIES. LUNCH LADY #1 PLOPS DOWN SOME GRAY MYSTERY MEAT ONTO PHINEAS'S TRAY.
PHINEAS
That does NOT look like meatloaf.
NOW IT'S LUNCH LADY #2'S TURN. SHE GIVES HIM SOME STINKY GREEN MUSH.
PHINEAS
What IS this?
LUNCH LADY #2 GRUNTS AND SHRUGS. LUNCH LADY #3 ADDS SOME DINGY MASHED POTATOES. WE SEE FLIES BUZZING OVER THE WHOLE THING.
PHINEAS (HOLDING HIS NOSE)
I'm not even gonna ask.
HE PAYS AND GETS A CARTON OF MILK BEFORE WALKING AWAY FROM THE LUNCH LINE.
PHINEAS
Ferb, this was not what I pictured us eating here.
THEY JOIN THEIR FRIENDS AT A TABLE.
PHINEAS
Hey, did you guys buy lunch too?
ISABELLA
Ick. Yes.
BALJEET
There's a reason I brought my own lunch.
BUFORD
Yeah, and there's a reason I stole it from him.
TAKES A HUGE BITE OUT OF BALJEET'S SANDWICH.
ISABELLA
I'm going on a diet.
SHE PUSHES HER TRAY AWAY. CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON THE TRAY. A FLY LANDS ON THE MYSTERY MEAT, MAKES A DISGUSTED FACE, AND LEAVES.
PHINEAS
Ferb and I can cook better than this! Heck, we HAVE cooked better than this! We should make our own cafeteria and—
HIS EYES POP OPEN. YOU CAN ALMOST SEE THE LIGHTBULB OVER HIS HEAD.
PHINEAS (CONT)
Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!
HE GETS UP AND MARCHES TOWARDS THE FRONT OF THE CAFETERIA. FERB FOLLOWS. A QUICK BUILDING MONTAGE ENSUES AS THEY RENOVATE THE ENTIRE PLACE, ADDING EQUIPMENT SIMILAR TO THAT USED IN CHEZ PLATYPUS TO THE KITCHEN AND KID-FRIENDLY DECORATIONS TO THE ACTUAL CAFETERIA.
CUT TO DOOFENSHMITZ. HE'S STANDING AT THE FRONT OF THE EMPTY CLASSROOM, PANTING. THE LAST STUDENT IS SEEN WALKING OUT.
DR. DOOF
Wow, who knew teaching high schoolers would be so much WORK? I didn't. Did YOU know, Perry the Platypus?
PERRY, STILL IN NORMAL PLATYPUS MODE, GROWLS AT HIM.
DR. DOOF (TURNING HIS BACK)
Thanks for staying in your cage, Perry the Platypus. Between trying to explain my High-School-Science-Homework-Inator to the students and using my Shoelace-Tier-Together-Revenge-Inator on them, I just wouldn't have had time to fight you! You make a very good class pet, Perry the—
HE TURNS AROUND AND SEES PERRY'S EMPTY CAGE.
DR. DOOF
Hey, where'd he go?
PERRY COMES UP AND KICKS HIM FROM BEHIND.
DR. DOOF
Ow! Not fair!
PERRY KEEPS KICKING HIM AND DOOFENSHMIRTZ KEEPS SAYING "OW!" UNTIL SUDDENLY THE DOOR OPENS AND JEREMY STICKS HIS HEAD IN. PERRY INSTANTLY ASSUMES NORMAL PLATYPUS MODE AND DR. DOOF DIVES FOR HIS DESK, TRYING TO LOOK LIKE HE WAS WORKING.
JEREMY
Oh, hi, Mr. D. I was just looking for Candace Flynn. Have you seen her?
DR. DOOF (HIDDEN FROM JEREMY BEHIND HIS COMPUTER)
She's not here! Go away!
JEREMY
Oh, okay. Sorry.
HE WALKS OUT INTO THE HALL, GLANCING BEHIND HIM. HE CHECKS HIS WATCH AND SIGHS.
JEREMY
Gotta get to class. I'll have to find her later.
HE STARTS TO WALK AWAY, BUT THEN DUCKS BEHIND THE DOOR AS TIARA COMES DOWN THE HALLWAY.
TIARA
Jeremy? Where'd you go?
SHE WALKS PAST HIM. JEREMY BREATHES A SIGH OF RELIEF.
CUT BACK TO DR. DOOF. HE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND HIS DESK, HOLDING THE SHOELACE-TIER-TOGETHER-REVENGE-INATOR (STTR-INATOR). PERRY SNEAKS UP ON HIM.
DR. DOOF
Well, that was awkward. Ow!
THE LAST WORD IS AS PERRY KICKS HIM. DR. DOOF STARTS TRYING TO GET PERRY WITH THE STTR-INATOR BUT KEEPS MISSING.
DR. DOOF
CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS! Stop dodging!
CUT BACK TO THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CAFETERIA. PHINEAS AND FERB ARE STANDING ON ONE OF THE TABLES IN FRONT OF THE SERVING AREA. THE WHOLE PLACE LOOKS BRIGHTER AND FRIENDLIER. A SHEET COVERS THE SERVING AREA.
PHINEAS
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we now present—
THE SHEET IS WHISKED OFF, REVEALING THE SERVING AREA, WHICH IS NOW SPOTLESS AND FILLED WITH DELICIOUS FOOD. CORN DOGS, HAMBURGERS, JELL-O, FRENCH FRIES, ICE CREAM, FRESH FRUIT, ETC.
PHINEAS (CONT)
The NEW and IMPROVED DANVILLE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CAFETERIA!
THE KIDS CHEER AND SWARM FORWARD TO GET THE FOOD. THE LUNCH LADIES, LOOKING CONSIDERABLY HAPPIER BUT A TAD CONFUSED, START SERVING THEM. LUNCH LADY #1 TURNS TO PHINEAS.
LUNCH LADY #1
Hey, aren't you a little young to be renovating the cafeteria?
PHINEAS
Yes. Yes, we are.
LUNCH LADY #1
Okay, then.
THE PLACE IS NOW IN PANDEMONIUM, BUT IN A GOOD WAY. KIDS ARE ACTUALLY ENJOYING THE FOOD AND TALKING HAPPILY. THE WHOLE SCENE LOOKS LIKE GREAT FUN, UNTIL THE DOOR TO THE CAFETERIA SUDDENLY BANGS OPEN AND REVEALS A STRICT-LOOKING OLDER MAN IN A SUIT (THE PRINCIPAL).
PRINCIPAL
What on EARTH is going on here?!
A HUSH FALLS ACROSS THE CAFETERIA. ADYSON LEANS OVER TO ISABELLA.
ADYSON (WHISPERING)
That's Principal Funkiller!
ISABELLA
Principal FUNKILLER?
ADYSON (NODDING)
It's actually his name.
ALL THE KIDS EXCEPT FOR PHINEAS AND FERB NOW LOOK TERRIFIED AND ARE KIND OF SHRINKING IN THEIR SEATS.
BALJEET (HIDING HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS)
Oh no. I am now a juvenile delinquent.
BUFORD (PATTING HIM ON THE BACK)
Welcome to the brotherhood.
PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER SURVEYS THE CAFETERIA WITH AN ICY STARE. HIS GAZE LOCKS ON PHINEAS AND FERB, THE ONLY KIDS WHO DON'T LOOK SCARED.
PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER
Who is responsible for this outrage?!
PHINEAS STEPS FORWARD. FERB FOLLOWS HIM.
PHINEAS
That would be me, sir.
FERB
And me.
PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER
I see. Well, I think you should know that this is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE! I have never seen such flouting of school rules in my entire life!
ISABELLA SUDDENLY STANDS UP. SHE POINTS AT HER ABANDONED LUNCH TRAY, WHICH STILL HAS THE MYSTERY MEAT ETC ON IT.
ISABELLA
The thing that's completely unacceptable is the food you were serving before! Even the flies wouldn't eat it!
THE FLY FROM BEFORE LANDS ON HER BOW AND NODS IN DEFINITE AGREEMENT.
PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER
Two weeks detention for you, young lady!
ISABELLA IS ABOUT TO PROTEST BUT ADYSON GRABS HER ARM AND PULLS HER DOWN.
ADYSON (IN A WHISPER)
Don't make it worse for yourself!
PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER (TURNING BACK TO PHINEAS AND FERB)
And four weeks for you, young men! You'll be the ones cleaning this whole atrocity up!
PHINEAS
But—
PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER (TO PHINEAS)
And an additional week for you! You are clearly the ringleader here!
PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER GLARES AT FERB ALONE NOW.
PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER
I would advise you to distance yourself from your delinquent companion, young man. He's clearly a bad influence on you.
PHINEAS'S FRIENDS ALL GASP IN SHOCK AND OUTRAGE.
PHINEAS
He's my—
PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER
Another week for you! And I hope this will be a lesson to you. Rules were made to be followed, and they must BE followed! What kind of school would we have if the kids ate things they liked?
PHINEAS
A happier one?
PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER
HAPPIER?! Who cares about HAPPIER?
PHINEAS
A more productive one, then? People work harder when they're well-fed.
PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER PAUSES WITH HIS FINGER IN THE AIR AND HIS MOUTH OPEN, UNABLE TO REFUTE THAT. HE GOES FOR THE OBVIOUS.
PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER
Another week of detention for you!
HE TURNS AND STARTS TO STORM OUT OF THE CAFETERIA.
CUT BACK TO DR. DOOF. HE'S STILL TRYING TO GET PERRY WITH THE STTR-INATOR. ONE OF THE BLASTS GOES OUT THE WINDOW, ACROSS THE YARD, THROUGH THE CHAIN-LINK FENCE SEPARATING THE HIGH SCHOOL FROM THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, AND THROUGH THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CAFETERIA WINDOW INTO THE CAFETERIA, WHERE IT HITS PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER. HE FALLS FLAT ON HIS FACE.
PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER (YELLING)
And another three weeks for both of you!
PRINCIPAL FUNKILLER GETS UP, FALLS OVER AGAIN, GETS UP AGAIN AND BUNNY-HOPS OUT OF THE CAFETERIA.
BALJEET
So that's ten weeks of detention for Phineas, seven for Ferb and two for Isabella. And none for me! Perhaps I am not a juvenile delinquent after all.
HE GRINS HAPPILY. BUFORD SNAPS HIS FINGERS IN DISAPPOINTMENT.
FERB TURNS TO PHINEAS, WHO STILL LOOKS TOTALLY SHELL-SHOCKED.
FERB
Well, I think that went rather well, all things considered.
END OF PART 1