Deacon watched as her eyes flickered, then closed. The alarm started to sound and he could hear the wail of the girls as they began to cry, their bodies covering Rayna. He could still hear her last words. "I love you, Deacon. Sorry."
He had loved her since the moment he first saw her and now...the cries, the alarm, she was gone. He fell down on her, not believing this could possibly be happening.
The nurses and doctors came rushing in, pulling them away, working on her, but it was over. She was gone.
He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting in the chair in the corner of her room. It felt like hours. It felt like minutes. He looked up as Scarlett walked in. She came over and knelt in front of him.
"Deacon...we need to go. They need to...they need to come take her."
He looked up, feeling like a weight of a thousand pounds was on his shoulders. "I don't know if I can."
"I'm so sorry, but, we need to let them take her," Scarlett said again. "And we need to take the girls home. Can you come with me?"
He took a deep breath. "I can't go back there," he said quietly. "I can't go back to her house, not if she ain't there."
"It's okay...we don't need to," Scarlett replied. She looked over her shoulder and nodded. Gunnar slipped into the room.
"C'mon, Deacon," Gunnar said quietly, as he helped Deacon up from the chair. Deacon leaned heavily on him as Scarlett slid under his other arm and they helped him from the room.
The girls were in the hall, sitting on a couch with Juliette between them. He wanted to go over to them, but wasn't sure he would make it.
"Why don't we go to your house," Scarlett suggested. "We can go there tonight and tomorrow, we'll figure things out."
Deacon nodded, not trusting his voice. He didn't care where they went as long as it wasn't back to Belle Meade.
Bo pulled Juliette's car up in front of Deacon's house in East Nashville. He looked out the window. The house was dark.
"Looks like no one's here," Bo commented from the driver's seat.
"What?" Deacon asked.
"The press was all over the hospital, probably your house, too," the bodyguard replied.
Deacon looked down at the girls on either side of him, collapsed with exhaustion and anguish. He hadn't even thought about the possibility of press, the circus this would all become.
"Let me get them in the house," Bo offered.
"I got it," Deacon replied, then realized he had no way to get out of the back of the car, so sat not moving until Bo came around and opened the door, easing Daphne out. She looked up at him, but made no move to stand or walk toward the house. Bo lifted her easily and started walking toward the front door where Scarlett and Gunnar waited.
"C'mon, honey," he said to Maddie as she sobbed again against his shoulder. He helped her from the car, then walked slowly toward the door with her.
He stepped into the house, immediately feeling the comfort of the familiar space.
"Let's just put them down in my room," he suggested as Scarlett showed Bo the way to Deacon's room. He followed with Maddie, helping her into the bed next to her sister.
"Just try to sleep," Scarlett said as both girls began to cry again. She sat down on the edge of the bed, smoothing their hair. Deacon stood at the door, unsure of what to do.
"Dad?" Daphne asked.
Deacon moved to the other side of the bed where Daphne lay and sat down. "Yes, sweet girl?"
"Did you call Aunt Tandy?"
Scarlett looked at him and nodded.
"She's on a plane, honey," Scarlett said. "And...and we're gonna call your dad in the morning."
Deacon looked at her and Scarlett shrugged. Of course. Teddy would need to be called.
"Please just try to sleep for a little bit," Deacon suggested. "Okay?"
He sat for a few more minutes with them, then as they slipped into a fitful sleep, he got up and headed back to the living room.
"Can I get you something?" Gunnar offered as he walked into the living room and sat down heavily on the couch.
Deacon shook his head, then cleared his throat. "Uh, maybe a glass of water."
Scarlett headed for the kitchen and came back with the glass and a small plastic bottle. "I picked up your pills when I ran over to the house earlier."
He took the water and the immunosuppressants from her, tossing them into his mouth and washing them down. "Thanks."
"You gotta take care of yourself," Scarlett admonished him.
He nodded. He would. He had promised Rayna. He looked over at the clock. It was almost 9 pm. It had been 24 hours since that call from Rayna, from the horrible sound of the truck hitting the police car, the silence on the phone other than the sound of Rayna in pain.
He shook his head, trying to make the memories go away, trying to erase all of it.
"You should get some sleep, too," Scarlett said, breaking into his thoughts.
He looked up at her. "Not sure I can," he said, honestly.
"Can you try for me?" she asked.
"What about you?" he responded. He looked over at Gunnar. "I don't know that I remember either one of you leaving the hospital yesterday...I mean, today...how long were we there?"
Gunnar shrugged.
"Tandy's coming?" he asked, remembering what Scarlett had said earlier in the bedroom.
"I'm gonna go out and pick her up in a while," Gunnar said. "Her flight gets here a little after eleven."
"I called her when they took Rayna to ICU," Scarlett explained.
Deacon nodded. "I...I can't see her tonight," he stated.
"I'll take her to my house," Gunnar offered. "I can call Will and have him make up Avery's room."
Deacon looked at him. "Thanks...I'm not sure...what would I do without y'all?"
Scarlett came over and sat down next to him, sliding her arm around him. "We're you're family. And we'll be here as long as you need us."
Deacon nodded, feeling like if he said anymore he would start to cry again and if he started now...well, he would never stop.
"You should go with Gunnar," Deacon said as the time came for Gunnar to go to the airport.
Scarlett shook her head. "I'm not goin' anywhere...I am gonna go back in my room and lay down for a while, but I'm stayin' right here with you."
"What...what's happening with Teddy?" he asked.
"Nothin'," Scarlett replied. "We can talk about it tomorrow."
Deacon nodded, realizing there were so many people they would need to call.
Scarlett reached over and put her hand on his arm. "Stop thinkin' about all the stuff you're gonna have to do."
"Rayna would be so on top of it all," Deacon said, his voice choking.
Scarlett was quiet for a moment.
"I don't think so," she finally replied. "I think she'd be here, a lot like you, devastated and not sure what to do next. I was with her, when we weren't sure what would happen with your transplant and I don't think she'd have it all together."
Deacon laughed, then started to cry again. "I just…"
Scarlett took him in her arms. "You are gonna need to be strong for those girls, but you don't need to be strong for anybody else. So, just let it...let it out."
He broke down, finally letting the sobs wrack him as he'd been trying to stop since the moment those alarms first went off. And now that he'd started, he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to stop.
Deacon woke up, unsure for a moment where he was. He sat up on the couch where he had fallen asleep. The house was quiet. Scarlett must have finally gone to her room to sleep. He rubbed his hand across his face, feeling the chapped skin where his tears had dried. His back ached from the awkward position he'd been in on the couch.
And then the wave swept over him again. She was gone. Rayna was dead. He felt the choke of sorrow come again. It was never going to go away. He was never going to stop feeling this pain.
He heard a sound and looked up to see Maddie standing in the door to the kitchen.
"C'mere," he said to her, holding out his hand in invitation.
She crossed the room and sat down next to him. "How can she be gone?" she choked out.
He shook his head. "I don't know."
Maddie leaned against him. "I don't want to be here without her."
"You want me to take you home?" he asked. Maybe it had been the wrong thing to bring the girls here. Maybe he should have taken them back to the place where Rayna was still everywhere.
"No...I don't want to be anywhere without her," Maddie replied.
He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "Me neither, sweetie...me neither."
Finally the first light of morning came. He carefully got up from the couch, trying not to disturb Maddie, who had finally fallen asleep again, and headed into the kitchen to make coffee. He filled his mug, checked on Daphne, who was still asleep in the bedroom, and then headed for the front porch.
He eased down on the wide front step and thought about their first morning in the house. They didn't have a table, so their first breakfast had been out on this porch...a cup of coffee for each and the leftover sandwiches from the night before. He felt the grief wash again as he thought about her laugh as she handed him a mug, her own coffee in a spaghetti jar.
"Don't burn yourself," he'd warned as she lifted it to her mouth. They'd had so little when they were starting out, but this house had been a tangible sign of their first real success.
He looked up as the door opened. It was Scarlett, pulling a sweater tight around her shoulders. "You need a coat?" she asked as she came and sat next to him. He shook his head.
"I'm fine."
"You sleep any?" she asked.
He took another sip of the dark, hot liquid. "Little bit. You?"
Scarlett shrugged. "Kinda hard."
"Are the girls still asleep?" he asked after a moment.
"I think so," Scarlett replied.
"How am I…"he started then stopped. "How am I gonna do this without her?"
Scarlett slid her hand into his. "I'm gonna be there and your friends...we'll help you, but you're gonna do it cause you're their daddy and you love them."
Her phone buzzed and she looked down at it. "Gunnar says Tandy wants to come over. Should I tell them to come?"
Deacon took another sip of his coffee and set the mug down on the step next to him. "Tell him we'll meet them back at the house. We gotta go back there sometime...might as well be now."
"Okay," Scarlett replied and tapped out a text back to Gunnar. "I'm gonna go wake the girls up and then we can go...okay?"
Deacon nodded. Time to face the music.