A/N: I wrote this as an attempt to demystify Natalie Prior's character for myself, and also to help myself with writing Allegiant 2.0's last chapter. I am still in a writing rut, mostly I'm just uninspired. Anyway, I hope you guys like this. I appreciate every view and review I get so, yeah, don't be a stranger.
I'm also on Tumblr: herbrightoceaneyes. You can always drop by to say hi, chat or ask me anything. Happy reading!
Strands of blond hair are already on the floor and more of it falls forming a semi-circle as Natalie trims her daughter's hair. She does this once every third month, it's almost a ritual.
This time, however, feels different and she is still figuring out how and why that is.
Natalie works quietly savoring her time with her daughter. She brushes Beatrice's hair with gentle strokes before expertly twisting it into a neat knot behind her head. She sees her sneak a look at the image in the mirror - their image, mother and daughter - and she wishes she could capture that moment, photograph it so she'll always have something to remember it by. Natalie knows this may very well be the last time she could do this. Beatrice's Choosing Ceremony will be in two days. Today, though, she'll be tested for her aptitude, tested to see where she belongs - Abnegation, Candor, Amity, Erudite or Dauntless - and suddenly Natalie realizes why this particular task feels different.
It's a last rite, like she is letting go of the daughter she loves so much with every strand of her hair she cuts.
Natalie doesn't agree with it completely, the whole faction system, because she knows the lies behind everything everyone in this city hold as absolute truths. But she also knows what other life is out there beyond the safety Chicago offers. She had lived through it, after all, and it is not a life she would want for both her children. Still, whatever peace they are living is temporary and it may break sooner rather than later and she will take it on herself to do something, to protect her family no matter how steep the price.
"There," Natalie says as she pins Beatrice's hair into place and she catch her still staring at her own reflection like she is looking for differences in her appearance. Of course she will, Natalie tells herself; Beatrice only gets to see herself in the mirror just as often as she cuts her hair and there are almost a hundred days in between those so it's just natural for her, for any other person actually, to want to see how she looks, if she'd changed, and she had.
Beatrice turned sixteen two months ago and she had grown an inch taller, her body showing slight curves and swells, and her movements becoming a little less child-like. She has a mind of her own, too - curious and opinionated, stubborn and independent. It's hard to think that just years ago, she held her tiny body for the first time, tears clouding both hers and Andrew's eyes. Their child is growing into a young woman, and she knows that the time when she'll have to leave them will eventually come.
Natalie smiles at their reflection but it makes Beatrice look away like she's expecting to be scolded for what she'd done.
"So, today is the day," she says.
"Yes," her daughter replies.
"Are you nervous?"
As she asks her, Natalie watches Beatrice's expression on the mirror. She takes a while before she answers and even as she says that the tests don't have to change their choices she sounds unsure.
When she came to the city, she thought that the Abnegation's way of life was beautiful, and she still thinks sees it that way, but their demand for selflessness is stifling, suffocating even, and she knows her daughter wouldn't fit in that kind of life. Not that Beatrice is selfish, she's not, but she won't be boxed in and that's the hard part of being in Abnegation.
She wants to tell her that she would understand if she transfers to a different faction but all that comes out of her mouth is a flimsy, meaningless word, "right" and it isn't right at all.
"I love you, no matter what," Natalie had told her daughter before the ceremony began and, now that she had chosen, that remains true. Probably even more.
She'd know this may happen. When she was told that something went wrong with one of the tests yesterday, she immediately suspected that it was Beatrice's. Her evasive behavior last night only made those suspicions stronger and now her decision to transfer to another faction confirms it.
Beatrice is Divergent.
She looks back at them and Natalie smiles at her daughter in the hopes that she'll remember what she told her but her eyes cloud like she's about to cry. She follows her little girl's gaze and realizes that Beatrice isn't looking at her anymore; she's looking at Andrew and he's staring at her with all the accusations he cannot voice out at that moment. Their daughter looks down, guilt written all over her face as she wordlessly follow her fellow initiates on their way down and out of the building.
Natalie had hoped her husband, of all people, would understand their children's choices. They were both transfers themselves after all: her from Dauntless and him from Erudite. It makes her husband's reaction all the more hypocritical.
But she can't really blame Andrew for expecting Caleb and Beatrice to stay in Abnegation with them; he only wants his family to stay together. If she'd be honest with herself, she hoped for the same thing though for a different set of reasons. Abnegation would have been safer choice for her children, especially for Beatrice. But it was never Andrew's decision to make, neither was it hers, and that's what her husband needs to realize - realize and understand. Still, she can't help thinking how ironic it is that the factions they've both left are now the destination of their daughter and son.
Natalie puts a hand on Andrew's shoulder, a gentle come on escaping her lips. He does not respond, does not even look at her, instead he goes to the other side of the room and starts stacking chairs one after the other, row after row.
"Today's Visiting Day," Natalie tells Andrew hoping he'd finally say something about their children. For the past two weeks since Caleb and Beatrice's Choosing Ceremony, Natalie had tried to coax him to talk, for him to tell her how he feels about their children's decisions. Maybe then she could help him understand; make him feel better even. She knows he more than feels disappointed, he feels betrayed.
Natalie patiently waited for him thinking he may not just be ready to discuss the topic with her. But even the most patient of people also run out of patience, and right now he's being really unreasonable and narrow-minded. Selfish. Being angry is one thing, acting like their children, their own flesh and blood, are dead just because he did not approve of their choices is another, and she won't let it go on like this.
Andrew continues eating his breakfast of oatmeal topped with brown sugar. "Is there still some coffee left in that pot?" he asks her and Natalie can't help but stare at her husband in disbelief. She passes him the pot then rises from her chair. Finally, Andrew looks up at her. "Where are you going?" he asks with one hand on her arm trying to hold her back and for the first time his touch feels restrictive, unwelcome, and it takes all of Natalie's self-control to stop herself from screaming at him. But, oh, how she wants to!
She pries his fingers off of her arm and without looking at him says, "I'm going to see Beatrice at Dauntless. The Erudite prohibits Abnegation members from entering their compound so I'm only going to be able to see one of our children." She stresses the word "our" to remind Andrew that even if they left Abnegation, even if they chose differently, Caleb and Beatrice will always be theirs and nothing would ever change that. "If you aren't feeling too self-centered," her voice is shaky now with anger and she knows her next words may be taking it too far but she needs to get them out, "if you aren't feeling selfish anymore, you are free to do the same."
She leaves him then, walking out of their house with a mind full of thoughts competing against each other. She pushes the rest away - that of Andrew, the Erudite and the city, that of the people who sent her to this city - and instead focuses on the things she needs to tell her daughter. Natalie isn't sure if Beatrice knows how to hide what she is, she could only hope, and even then there are other people who are going to be watching her, more so now than before with Jeanine Matthews taking over her predecessor's work hunting down the Divergents.
It was her mission to stop them, still is as far as she is concerned. It was the exact reason why she was put inside this city. Now that one of her children is a target of these people, that same mission only became more personal.
Andrew could sleep through anything, Natalie thinks to herself as she watches over her husband. He drifted off a couple of hours ago and by now he's far enough in his dreams that she can easily disentangle herself from his embrace without waking him. But she doesn't want to, she's not yet ready to give this up, only wants more- the feel of his arms around her, the warmth from his body, his breath gently ruffling her hair - and so she decides to stay where she is, in their bed, for a few more minutes.
He looks so peaceful with his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open. He only looks like this when he's asleep and she's the only one who gets to see it. The thought makes something warm unfurl from Natalie's chest. She remembers meeting him the first time. He's smart and opinionated, and he stands up for himself. It got him into trouble with their psychology teacher when he talked back to him but if it weren't for that, they wouldn't have gotten close.
Or maybe they still would, she isn't sure.
Their teacher singled him out and she thought it was unfair so she offered him her help. They met every afternoon after school is done to study their lessons together then eventually, when feelings started developing between them, sneaking out at night to meet at the Buckingham fountain, and it was during one of those nights when they both decided they'd transfer to Abnegation.
He told her he'd leave Erudite no matter what his aptitude is for. Andrew did not ask her to join him but the question was there in his eyes and his bowed head. She would have followed him anyway so she told him "I'll go with you," and the smile he repaid her with is almost incomparable. He looked so happy and thankful at the same time.
These days she sees him worried and stressed more times than he is happy. The tension between Abnegation and Erudite has been escalating and war is looming above all of them. She has been trying to get in touch with David and the Bureau but they are not responding to her messages. Natalie knows she would have to think of something else, a backup plan, and right now all she could think is to let the Council push through with theirs - show everyone in the city Ritter's video - then she could step in and provide them with the rest of the story, correct the lies in the video about what's out there beyond the fence. But will they believe her? She wants to be optimistic but she knows there's a higher chance they won't. She needs proof.
Then there's their children's departure from their faction. Andrew apologized that same night of Visiting Day and he'd been coming around trying to, at least, respect Caleb and Beatrice's decisions. Soon, she hopes, he'll understand. He ranted at length about Erudite's new rule, which made her laugh not because she's not taking him seriously but because of the way he went on talking like he's in some kind of debate. Andrew even asked her about Beatrice: how she's doing, what she looked like now, if she's making friends, eating right, sleeping in a comfortable place. She answered every question providing as much detail as she can. He's still a father who loves and worries for his kids even if they aren't with them anymore.
Beatrice. She looked well when Natalie saw her. She actually looked better - healthier and stronger. She'd made new friends and even got a nickname. She seems to be fitting in just fine, and, like what she expected, she figured out a way to hide what she is.
She's a smart girl just like her father, Natalie had always known that, and it's serving her well. It also doesn't hurt that she has people who are helping her hide her divergence. Tori, the woman who administered her daughter's aptitude test, deleted her actual results and reported a fake one verbally. Until now, she's keeping quiet about Beatrice. Then, there's Marcus' son.
She recognized him immediately when her daughter pointed him out. How can she not? Tobias is a mix of both of his parents, but more so he shares his father's eyes: a peculiar shade of blue, sleepy and deep.
From the way he talked about her down to the way he looked at her daughter, she could tell he cares for Beatrice, and not just because he is her instructor, there's something else, more. He likes her and Natalie thinks the feeling is mutual though they're both hiding it - him probably because of his position and Beatrice because she isn't sure if she's reading him correctly.
Growing up Abnegation, Beatrice doesn't – would not - know what to do, how to deal with boys. She agreed with her immediately when Natalie told her that she thinks her instructor is handsome, which she truly means, but when he approached them, her little girl can't even look at him because she was too nervous. It made her smile. Andrew will go crazy if he finds out there's a boy going after their daughter especially once he learns who it is exactly but that's something she can take care of for Beatrice.
Natalie would appreciate it though if Tobias would let her daughter know who he really is. When she asked him his real name, he immediately became defensive so she did not push the matter. He must not be ready yet, and she understands that. There is some truth to those Erudite articles after all. Marcus's violence towards his wife and son, she found out about it but not soon enough.
A vision of a sixteen-year old Tobias comes back to Natalie. She'd been assisting with the aptitude tests then, and she escorted him to his test room. It could have been easily missed but she saw it, a lash wound across the back of the boy's hand. He tried to hide it, insisted he got it from an accident when she inspected it but he winced when he put her hand on his shoulder and she saw the same wound at the back of his neck. Though only a small part of it was visible, there were more on his back, both fresh and old, when he peaked inside his shirt. Natalie remembers the look on his face afterwards, both scared that someone had found out and pleading for her to not tell anyone – for her to keep his secret and, in some way, Marcus'.
She wonders if Tobias knows about his mother, Evelyn. Both mother and son only kept to themselves when they were in Abnegation so she doesn't know her that much. But Evelyn used to help her group every now and then whenever they give out clothes and foods to the factionless living near their sector, and that's where she found her three years ago. Natalie tried to find her again but after that one incident, she never saw her again.
Thinking about it now, she can't fathom why and how Evelyn left her son with Marcus. She must have known about him, most probably she had experienced his violence firsthand. I would have taken my Caleb and Beatrice with me, Natalie thought though she knows Andrew would never hit her or their children. But that's her and Evelyn's different. She must have her own reasons and it's not Natalie's place to judge her.
Andrew shifts and for a while Natalie thought she woke him up but he goes back to his original position. Still, she waits five more minutes before gently lifting his arm off of her from where it is wrapped around her waist, then walks quietly to her husband's small office. Natalie does not turn the lights on, the computer's muted glow will have to suffice, almost two decades inside this city and she's still hiding her own secret. But it won't be long now, with the way things are going in this little experiment, Natalie would have to reveal herself along with all the information she holds.
She types in a series of commands that will temporarily disconnect Andrew's computer from Chicago's intra-city connection. Then she keys in another set of numbers, letters and symbols before finally connecting to the Bureau's servers. For the past couple of months, Natalie had been desperately trying to reach David but to no avail. All she gets is total radio silence, she could almost hear the crackling in between, and Natalie can't help but feel like she's fighting alone.
The Council plans to release the video two weeks from now. They are just waiting for this year's batch of initiates to finish their training for their chosen factions, let them chose jobs they want to perform and give them a few days to adjust and settle into their new lives. Jeanine Matthews and her group seems to be moving fast though, and Natalie doesn't think they'll slow down any time soon that's why she warned Beatrice, or should she start calling her Tris now, about hiding her identity. It's also why she told her to visit Caleb and ask him to research about the simulation serum. Natalie wishes she could also see her son but it would have to do. Times are becoming too dire, and she needs to act faster than everyone else to save the people she loves.
She writes another message to her supervisor. Natalie includes a few updates but mostly her letter is almost a plea for help, and she accompanies it with a prayer as she hits the "send" button. This isn't right anymore. The Bureau must stop treating the members of this city like lab rats they could easily disposed of once they've served their purpose. They are people too and they must be treated fairly regardless of their genetic makeup.
Unfortunately, that's something the people at the Bureau just can't seem to grasp. They're too hell-bent on their life work; they can't see the things outside of it. In her opinion, the people in the experiments are more human than the people watching over them. Natalie can't even count herself with her old colleagues, her old friends; can't even call the Bureau compound her home. It used to be but now so much has changed in her. She belongs to her family and wherever they are, that is where her home is.
She knows this may be the last time she could do this so Natalie opens the hidden file she had been keeping since the day she came to the city. War is unpredictable and she isn't sure what will happen to herself. There's a high chance she may not survive. It's the same thing for her family but she must leave something for them, just in case. Just in case.
Natalie changes the password and adds another set of encryption to protect the files she meant for her family. They will survive whatever will happen to this city; they will find it and only they can open this, the last pieces of her.