A/N: Happy New Year!
I'm not in the habit of taking requests when writing my fics. However, if someone suggests something that pops an idea in my head that I think could work, I'll run with it.
AvngAngl didn't make a request; she issued me a challenge. My wonderful friend, who is also more than a little conniving, knew she would be pushing my buttons as a writer. Because the challenge involved the BAU character I'm least comfortable writing.
Yet the writing muses gifted me with an idea and I knew I could make it work. Take my least comfortable character and pair it with the one I'm the absolute most comfortable with. I like to think of it as wearing a new pair of shoes with my most comfortable, warm, snuggly socks. Challenge accepted my friend.
Again, as usual, this fic is completely written. You will receive a chapter a day, the New Year gremlins of this site be d*mned.
All CM characters are the rights of Mark Gordon Productions, CBS and ABC Studios. Y'all know the drill by now about my OC's.
*Knightly bow*
Chapter 1
Spencer Reid pulled his rental car he had picked up at McCarron into the parking lot at Bennington Sanitarium. His was making a pilgrimage over the holiday break to see his mother. He smiled as he pushed the button to put up the driver's side window. The previous driver had selected a station on the radio that didn't bother him, and deep in his thoughts, he didn't mind the music. Yet in the background, he had heard the DJ announce the current temp at 74°.
I lived here for how many years and now 74 feels balmy? The DC weather must be thinning my blood, he thought. He quickly ran that thought through his "big, ol' brain" as Garcia once said and wondered if that actually happened. Thinning my blood; not necessarily he deduced. But physiologically, it can just be getting acclimated to the weather.
He got out of the car, clicked the lock shut on the keypad he held in his hand and looked around the area. Normally, the sight of the well maintained building, with its beautiful grounds for their patients made his stomach do back flips. But not this time, Spencer smiled.
He remembered the reason why and let his big ol' brain he smiled to himself, drift back to a recent Thanksgiving night.
-00CM00-
After Maggie Barkley had sung the theme of Sound of Music for him, he wandered off in the Hotchner family home to collect his thoughts. He found himself in Cait and Hotch's study. He enjoyed the quiet time until he heard an obviously different person playing the piano than Cait. The rest of the group had gathered around for a sing along.
He looked up to see Cait walking into the study and shutting the door. "Everything OK Spencer," she quietly asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he smiled, which quickly faded. "Who knows you're here?"
Cait softly shook her head with a smile. "Spencer, they're all profilers." Reid's head snapped up. "And all of them understand Spencer." He eyed her. "Spencer you know, just like the rest do now that I've talked with Emily after everything with Doyle." Reid nodded his head, with a slight smile. "JJ and I are close as well."
Very good Doctor Barkley Reid thought; you haven't breached confidentiality. "And if you haven't noticed," Cait softly smiled, "I sleep with my husband; and I'm his wife. I support him." That got her another look from the young genius. Cait smiled. "Aaron knows I talk to them; and we have the don't ask because I won't tell policy in this home," she winked at him. "And Spencer, they're not the only ones who call me to talk."
She let that thought settle in. "So they'll think this is OK?"
Cait softly smiled again. "If I were to take a poll of the team, I believe that it would come back 100 percent to the question 'it's about time'." Cait looked him in the eye. "Talk to me Spencer."
He looked at his feet and then summoned the courage to look at her. "It's been a rough year for me." Cait, who had attended Maeve's funeral with Aaron and the team nodded. "And as much I love this time here, where I feel like I'm at home, there's a part of me that's missing my mom right now. And yet, in five weeks, I'll be seeing her and I don't know if I really want to."
"Why not?"
Reid eyed her back. "You are direct Doctor Barkley; I'll give you that."
"I don't like to waste my time," she softly smiled. Reid walked around the study a bit and Cait went to the front of her desk and leaned against it, giving him time to collect his thoughts. I'm not going to pull this out of him Cait strategized in her head. He talks to me.
"It starts with Maeve." Cait looked at him, knowing what was coming next. "I never told mom about that." He looked at Cait and could see she already knew. "I'm sure she read between the lines of my daily letters that something had happened. But she's making such great progress; I was afraid if I told her I was hurting; hurting so deeply and why, she might digress."
"You know your mom cares about you," Cait said. Reid nodded. "Spencer, no matter your mother's issues, it's a natural instinct to help your child when they are hurting. Your mother is no different; her psychosis and the medication be damned."
Reid smiled and leaned up against the desk next to Cait. "A mother knows," he smiled, repeating what his mother had told him a few years back. Cait rubbed the top of his thigh.
"If I go out there, it won't take her long to figure the whole thing out," he said and then paused. "With or without her meds."
"And what's wrong with that?" Reid looked at Cait.
She put her arm around his waist. "You see that as a negative; I see that as a positive. With the progress she's making, letting her in, I agree could bring up some things. And in the short term, possibly send her off on one of her conspiracy theories or spells. Yet ultimately it might make her stronger." Reid looked at her. "By letting your mom help you." Reid more closely eyed her. "Spencer, you took a helluva blow; you mourned in your own way and then slowly made your way back to the team." She bumped her shoulder against his. "Do I have to tell you you're not the Lone Ranger in that department?" Reid smiled, shaking his head.
"And a mother, your mother will read that as well." Reid looked at her again. Cait smiled. "Since you told us about your trip to the Grand Canyon, I made contact with Dr. Norman." Reid looked at her. "It took me a bit of convincing him my heart was in the right place," she smiled. "But he now keeps me in the loop so when you came to me, I'd be ready. With your mother's permission, I might add."
"Really? Mom knows?"
Cait nodded. "That was Dr. Norman's terms; I had to send her a letter explaining why and she agreed." Reid looked at Cait with a puzzled look. "I got a letter back from her; I won't break that confidentiality as well," Cait winked at him. "I write her every now," she smiled.
Reid softly settled into her shoulder; but not much Cait noted. Yet Cait took his relaxed state to lightly pounce. "But it goes a lot deeper than Maeve doesn't it Spencer?" He tensed again and moved away a bit.
"What do you mean?"
Cait burrowed her eyes into him. "Tobias Hankel; and what you admitted to his father." Reid looked at her, knowing that she was soon going to burrow into the deepest, dark depths of his soul. Before he could move more, Cait pulled him closer. Reid marveled at the strength in her arm as he tried to get away.
"Spencer, I'm going to be flat out honest with you. Like I said, I don't like to waste my time, especially when I have guests in my home. And I told you up front; my husband and I talk. As in he talks, I listen. I'll say again; what all of you talk to me about is off limits and Aaron knows that. Yet, he provides me the background to help all of you." She let that sink in.
"You admitted to Charles Hankel that your failure, your 'sin' was committing your mother. Spencer you did the right thing back then. You had to do that all on your own and as hard as it was, you knew in your heart it was the right decision for her."
Reid nodded his head. "I know," he whispered.
Cait smiled. "That's called love Spencer; even if it was a tough choice. You loved your mother enough that you got her the help she needed." Reid settled a bit.
"However, that incident raised up an old ghost in your past and you started using dilaudid to cover your perceived guilt over that." Cait immediately knew that she had hit his soft spot and wrapped him closer to her in her muscular arm. "And you got past that as well." She let the tension in the room settle for a few seconds. She bumped his shoulder again with hers. "You got your own help to deal with your addiction and I'm proud of you. So is Aaron. Here's the toughest part for you Spencer that isn't part of any program; you've got to learn to trust again."
"I trust Cait….."
"Yeah, the team, in the field, your skills, your brain; Aaron tells me you're blossoming into a helluva field agent as well as the team's resident genius," she smiled.
Reid smiled back at her, yet suspiciously. "It's time for you to trust yourself as a human being that cares. Even with as smart as you are Spencer, you are not Superman; just like the rest of us. And we all can be injured in one form or another and we all can hurt in the same ways. By letting your mom in, you can give her a chance to be your mom again." Cait nudged his shoulder. "And maybe your dad as well."
"My dad?"
Cait smiled. "Dr. Norman has told me he visits her three times a week. When she's doing really well on her meds, he takes her out to dinner every once in a while." Reid looked at her. "And she enjoys it," Cait brightly smiled.
"I didn't know that," he confused.
Cait rubbed his shoulder. "Your parents are there Spencer; and they are your parents," she smiled. "You had a helluva burden put on you when your dad left. Yet your trip to the Grand Canyon makes me feel, and Dr. Norman agrees that it may be in the past." Cait rubbed his shoulder. "You've got a chance to have a family of your own Spencer; your family." Cait smiled. "And I don't know about you; but if I had that chance, given everything that has happened, I'd take that opportunity and run like hell with it. Does it mean the journey is going to be easy? Probably not; and it doesn't guarantee a happy ending. But I think that's a chance you have to take." Reid looked at her. "Either way; in the end; you'll have some final closure." Cait pulled him a little tighter for a second and then leaned off the desk to head towards the closed door of the study.
She looked at him. "I gave you a lot to think about," she smiled. "Take all the time you need."
As Cait was reaching for the door handle, Reid stopped her. "Cait," he smiled. "Thank you."
"You want to thank me?" Reid nodded with a smile. "Then don't give JJ or anyone else for that matter on the team the lame ass guilt trip, blaming them about you using dilaudid again."
"Butt kicking accepted." He shook his head then smiled. "You don't want to know the one I got at my next meeting when I told them that. I was hurting and lashed out and said the wrong thing. If I start taking dilaudid again, I can blame a million people which is an excuse; it's really on me and me alone."
Cait softly pointed at Reid who was closing the gap to her. Cait pulled the lanky, lithe young genius into her arms. When Cait released him, she rubbed his chest over his heart.
"Spencer, here's the bottom line." He softly looked into her eyes. "You let that big ol' brain of yours rule you. Maybe," she said rubbing his chest a bit more, "you should let your heart do the talking." Cait paused for a few seconds. "Like Maeve taught you to believe." She kissed his cheek and headed out the door.
-00CM00-
Spencer Reid came back to real time, crossed the street from the parking lot to the front steps and bounded up them.
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A/N: McCarron is the name of the international airport in Las Vegas. The temperatures, as always, are the Fahrenheit scale. 74F is 23C.