A/N: Special thanks to Alaster Boneman for pointing out a major problem in the formatting. The problem has been corrected. Thanks Alaster!
I don't own "Star Trek: Voyager."
The last few weeks aboard Voyager had been mercifully quiet. The most recent incidents of note were an away mission to a Malon freighter, where B'Elanna overcame her own temper, and a visit from an alien ambassador that just barely dodged ending in catastrophe. Chakotay found himself searching frantically for something to discuss over dinner with Kathryn, on his way to her quarters. Granted, awkward silences weren't a major problem for them anymore; Starfleet/Maquis tensions between them had died years ago, and any romantic ones had faded as well. He was as comfortable dining with Kathryn as he was with his sister Sekaya back home. Still, no one liked an awkward, silent meal.
He caught the whiff as soon as the captain opened the door.
"Do I smell German food?"
Kathryn stepped aside to grant him entry.
"Hausmannskost. Or some attempt at it." Taking her seat she added, "I finally realized I'd been neglecting certain parts of my heritage and decided to give it a shot."
"Certain parts," Chakotay joked, "as in everything besides the Irish?"
Kathryn had such a fetish for her Irish heritage that for a while, Chakotay had assumed her family had only recently relocated to the United States. When she'd told him that they'd been living there as far back as the Twentieth Century, he'd asked her if every Janeway had only married Irish-Americans for all that time, and she'd been forced to admit her bias.
"I know, I should be more like you." Janeway unfolded her napkin. "Get in better touch with every branch of my family tree."
"Don't worry, I've got enough tribes in me for the two of us," the first officer admitted. "Two continents worth." He tried the meat. "Kathryn this is delicious! What took you so long to start connecting with your German side?"
"A few Nazi ancestors." Janeway said bluntly, making him look up at her. "Not a part of my family history I care to think too deeply about."
Chakotay's eyes shifted, in that expression that often replaced a shrug. "I've got Conquistadors in mine. I'd say we're even."
Kathryn chewed her food silently. By now, Chakotay knew this to be the kind of silence that usually preceded a shift to a more serious subject.
"On the subject of dark pasts," the captain said, "I was thinking about Seven of Nine."
Aren't you always?
"What about her?" Chakotay reached for his glass.
"That incident a few months ago, with the Borg Queen. When Seven was captured. I didn't exactly have time to notice the parallels when it was happening. But when I was making my log entry after the fact, I began to get a distinct sense of déjà vu." Her tone had a ring of amused accusation.
Obviously she was trying to imply something, but for the life of him Chakotay had no idea what.
"You know," he said. "by definition, 'déjà vu' involves not knowing where you've felt something before."
"Really? Sorry, I must have my terminology wrong." She was leaning back in her chair, with her fingers resting on her cheek. "My point is, I was reminded of a time when another close friend of mine got himself captured, by a woman who'd had an invested interest in Voyager."
Chakotay's chewing slowed. After swallowing and wiping his face, he asked, "Do we have to talk about this Kathryn?"
"No. We don't." She shifted position. "I'm sorry Chakotay. I shouldn't have brought that up."
But now that the idea had been planted in his head, it was snowballing.
"It's alright," Chakotay decided. "There are some uncanny parallels. Seska, like the Borg Queen, wanted Voyager. And she was… obsessed with me. Like the Queen is with Seven."
Janeway was looking at him like a teacher urging a student to figure out an equation.
"We were both lured into a trap. If I'd just," Chakotay closed his eyes. "told someone what was going through my head, you or B'Elanna could probably have talked me out of trying to take Seska on alone. And the same can be said for Seven."
"Chakotay," Janeway said evenly. "You and Seven don't socialize much outside of work, do you."
Chakotay laughed. "I wasn't aware she socialized with anyone."
"Chakotay, you know she's good friends with the Doctor. She plays kadis-kot with Naomi, and she gets along well with Neelix. The Doctor even tried coaching her on dating a couple weeks ago."
It was like Chakotay had been splashed with cold water. "Seven? Dating?"
"Well I didn't say the attempts were successful. Just that she's tried it."
Almost nervously, Chakotay asked, "Why're you bringing this up? Are you trying to marry off your pupil to me?"
"No!" Janeway laughed. "My god, you and Seven! Don't scare me like that Chakotay." Her voice suddenly calmed, and she muttered, "Not that the two of you don't have a bit in common." She seemed to be talking more to herself at the moment. "Both good at bottling turbulent emotions, an affinity for breaking the rules, natural scientific curiosity—"
"Kathryn, do you mind if we change the subject?"
She was finding this conversation entirely too amusing. "I'm sorry Chakotay. It's late, I'm liable to think anything at this hour."
"It's only 0900 hours."
Janeway shook her head. "I keep getting off the subject. I'll cut right to it before I distract myself again. I think you should talk to Seven, next chance you get. About your experience. Give her some insight into what she did wrong." When his lips parted for an objection, she added, "Seven has to start getting to know people besides me and the Doctor. Part of being my first officer means taking my place if the worst should happen, which would include mentoring Seven."
Taking Kathryn's place as the first person in Seven's life, what a loaded thought. Chakotay had many times entertained what arrangements he'd make for the former drone, if Janeway died or somehow fell out of commission for a long period of time. But he hadn't considered actually stepping in as a secondary mentor…
There were a lot of things that bothered him about getting to know Seven of Nine. Things he'd been determined not to tell Kathryn, but that his best friend could probably read like a book.
"I'll see what I can do." he said diplomatically, then changed the subject. "Got anymore of that sauerkraut?"
Chakotay procrastinated on the captain's request for a couple of days. But when he finally ran into Seven of Nine in the Mess Hall, he decided it would be best to get it over with. She was at a back table with a PADD, in her solid-blue biosuit. Blue was really the best color for her. It brought out her eyes, hair and implants to their fullest. It wasn't good news for him, that she was looking so attractive at the moment.
Both good at bottling turbulent emotions
God he really didn't want to do this.
She looked up when he came over her with his tray. "Anyone sitting here?"
Seven somehow smiled with every part of her face except her mouth. "I do not have a co-pilot for this meal." It must've shown on his face, and she added, "An attempt at humor. Forgive me. I'm new to the concept."
Chakotay was surprised to find a genuine smile spreading on his face as he sat down. "Not bad for a beginner. I had a teacher in grade school—Mr. Kotter—who started off every class with jokes about his relatives that were just painful. At least you've got an excuse!"
"Perhaps the worst crime of the Borg's crimes," Seven poked her salad with her fork. "Leaving me with a sense of humor comparable to Mr. Kotter's."
Chakotay was actually laughing a little. "Now that was funny, Seven!"
Seven worked that eyebrow of hers. "Thank you Commander."
A volcano of feelings was rising, but Chakotay shot them down. This was not going to happen. Not now at least.
Chakotay began sifting through is food. "The captain made an interesting point to me the other day."
"About?"
"The Borg. Something that happened to you recently, and something that happened to me, a few years back."
Seven looked at him inquisitively. "I've assimilated Voyager's database. You've been through a number of interesting experiences, it seems."
He felt his face grow warm, and prayed that Seven didn't know what blushing meant. She probably did. Of course she did, she'd caught Harry Kim on his crush only days after she'd been freed from the Collective. Shit.
"The incident with Seska," Chakotay said. "She lured me into a trap. I was captured by the Kazon."
Seven apparently knew the story well. "They attempted to extract Voyager's command codes from you, and naturally failed." Her blue eyes were darting around his face, probably seeing it turn red as a tomato. They wandered back down to their food. She quickly changed the meaning of her last statement. "The Kazon are an inferior race. The Borg didn't even consider them worthy of assimilation."
Chakotay wasn't sure if her backtracking the compliment to his bravery made him feel better or worse.
"Seven," he said. "I think you made the same mistake I did. When Seska taunted me in front of the bridge staff, reminding me of our relationship, she was essentially telling me that it was my fault she'd gotten aboard. I let her onto the Val Jean, and in turn onto Voyager. She made me think I'd put the entire ship in danger, and it was my responsibility to take her on alone."
Seven's face changed, and she refused to look back up at him.
"Seska was obsessed with me. She tried impregnating herself with my—DNA, to force a connection between us."
He stopped talking, and giving Seven the chance to think it over.
"The Borg Queen," her voice was strained. "Contacted me while I was regenerating. And when I was aboard her ship she," Seven gapped, as if trying to describe something truly traumatic.
"Seven?" he suddenly regretted this conversation, considering what he was forcing her to relive.
Seven swallowed. "My...father…was aboard the cube. A drone."
Chakotay felt like he'd been punched into the gut.
"Your father?"
She was staring at her salad, refusing to meet his eye.
"Does the captain know?"
Seven swallowed again. "No." She blinked hard, and Chakotay was horrified to realize that she might be holding back tears. "It was a miracle the captain and I escaped. I feared if she knew my father was aboard, she would attempt…something disastrous."
Before he knew he was doing it, Chakotay had his hand on her wrist. "Seven,"
Her eyes met his. They were like the blue stones he sometimes found as a child, in the stream by his house. And they were wet.
Chakotay pushed his seat backwards, as if to leave. "I'm sorry. I—"
Something caught in her throat. Though she wasn't speaking, her eyes were pleading him to stay.
Chakotay stole a glance at the rest of the Mess Hall. It was fairly crowded, and most people hadn't taken any note of them. But he saw Golwat (Voyager's sole female Bolian) and her partner Nadia Zukov staring at them. The Russian ensign quickly looked away, and tapped her girlfriend's blue hand, reminding her to do the same. A couple tables away, Crewman Marina Jor had her eyes on her food, but Chakotay was certain the half-Betazoid was eavesdropping.
"I don't understand the reasoning," Seven's voice suddenly brought Chakotay back to the table.
He turned back to her and saw that she'd calmed a bit. But she was breathing noticeably harder than usual. His hand was still on her arm. He left it there.
"What don't you understand, Seven?"
"Why one individual would obsess over another. Particularly an enemy. In a Collective of millions of drones…Commander, did it ever puzzle you, why Seska chose to terrorize you, out of everyone aboard the ship? Why she would jeopardize her already delicate situation by impregnating herself with your spawn?"
"I've stayed up nights trying to figure it out. I can only guess that Seska was lonely—a lone Cardassian spy, out there aboard some primitive species' ship—and I was the last intimate relationship she'd…" he breathed out, and locked eyes with Seven again. "I don't know. I wish I had something to tell you Seven but I don't. I don't understand it. I understand hate, and I understand love, but the two of them comb—"
The words caught in his throat, as the horrifying realization swarmed up.
He loved and hated Seven of Nine.
He loved her for all the reasons the captain had listed back at their last dinner together. And because those things they had in common were wrapped up in a package of intelligence, beauty and strength, worthy of a character from one of those ancient myths he was always reading.
And he despised her because she was Seska. And Riley. In his own mind, anyway. He'd fallen in love with two women of beauty, strength and intelligence, and both of them had used those assets to manipulate and torture him. Naturally, when a Borg drone joined the crew wearing the mask of a breathtaking blonde, Chakotay's first response had been animosity.
And now he felt guilty, horrendously guilty, for thinking such things, when Seven clearly didn't have the ability to plot or scheme like Seska and Riley. More than ever, she resembled Annika, the little girl he'd seen in the neural link, when he'd severed her from the Collective. Why the hell had he just abandoned her, after that? Because he didn't want the burden of taming her? Because he was afraid to get close to her, and relive Seska and Riley?
"Seven," Chakotay said quietly, "If it's any consolation, obsession clouds people's judgment. Seska slipped up, she didn't get my DNA. And the Borg Queen must've made a few blunders, to let you and the captain get away. It's not every day that a Cardassian agent or the Borg Queen let something like that slip through their fingers."
"Are you certain it was carelessness?" Seven asked. "The Queen claimed she'd let me escape the Collective once, on purpose."
What? So all that hell he and Janeway had gone through to liberate Seven's link to the Hive Mind, the queen had just been letting them…?
"Do you believe her?"
"I'm not certain. She was desperate for my cooperation in assimilating Earth, and the Borg are well versed in the art of deception, though they rarely apply it. She might have said anything to convince me…she might even have crafted a drone to resemble Papa."
That last bit stung Chakotay's heart.
He fought the urge to size her in a protective embrace. "You know if the Queen ever tries to come back for you, she'll have to get through the entire crew first."
Seven's face softened. No doubt he'd just reminded her of what the Captain had told her (Kathryn had mentioned it to Chakotay later on). That she and the entire ship would have Seven's back, no matter the cost.
Seven attempted something close to a smile. "And if Seska shows up in any more holo-recreations, or time-paradoxes, her Cardassian strength will be no match for that of a Borg drone."
Chakotay smiled at the image.
He liked the idea of him and Seven protecting each other from the Borg Queen and Seska. It would almost be worth being attacked by one or both of them again, just to do it. For the first time since Seven had stepped aboard, he was seeing himself in her, rather than Seska or Riley.
A/N: I like to think I've given new meaning to the scene in "Shattered," when Seven of Nine knocks Seska to the ground—even though that Seven obviously would have no recollection of this conversation.
Update to "The Silver Bird" will hopefully happen within the week. In the meantime, I highly recommend "Les Exiles" by Cojack and "In Thy Name" by Scifiromance, to anyone looking for more exploration into Chakotay and Seven's relationship. And to anyone who wants a good, quick read, I recommend the one-shots of Laura Schiller, who does amazing characterization for "Voyager's" main characters, and breathes new life into its minor ones.
Also, I've got a one-shot called "Hybrid" that's never gotten a single review, probably due to it being a crossover and no one noticing it. It's about the untold friendship of B'Elanna Torres and K'Ehleyr, another human/Klingon hybrid from TNG. Other Klingon characters make cameos, and there's a bit of the Pairs/Torres family. If you're into B'Elanna Torres, K'Ehleyr, P/T, or just Klingons, do check it out. I don't promise anything great, but anyway.