Resident Evil 4 PARODY: Leon V.S. Krauser
Okay..I've been strugglign with the decision to make a Resident Evil 4 PARODy since my R.E.5 has been forced onto hold due to not being able to play the game for a reference… But as for those of you who have or most likely HAVEN'T been wondering where I have been, I got accepted to Job Corps (Pronounced Core) and well to put it plainly… The internet security is soooo tight that the government actually monitors what I'm doing or looking at or even typing from a main computer somewhere. Job corps is a government owned college facility and well….It kinda sucks cause I'm stuck at the "Center for excellence… which is like the one that is trying too hard to be the BEST of them all… Anyway…Youtube is blocked so I can't look up the Krauser fight for a reference so try to bear with me on my lack of memory for the lay out of the game… And thank you for everyone who has reviewed so far on my PARODY stories, I really do apreciate the reviews and I ALWAYS find time to read them. They honestly do inspire me to update as soon as I can, even if it is just 1.
Take note that this is a Beta version of one of my PARODY series, so naturally the stupidity levels are OVER 9,000!
Leon VS Krauser part 2: Saves 12, Deaths 9,001 (HAHA fail!)
Cheesy Author voice: Last time...On Resident Evil 4! Leon Scott Kennedy made his way to the Island in order to save Ashley after a heated battle with Salazar the napolean wannabe mutant dinasaur slash plant THING man! After the battle Some other wierd shit happened that is all a lie because this is the first paragraph so far. Will Leon save Ashley? Does he even care? Where Will this one shot beta version go from here? FIND OUT...Or dont...I really don't care LOL!
Leon walked down a hallway holding his hand gun in hand.."Wait!" exclaimed Leon "Why do I get the crappy hand gun! This is like...Chapter 5 in the game isn't it?" he complained
Author: "Sorry Leon...This is the Beta version of a much larger story to tell...Like a Demo...But if you insist please submit all complaints in the form of an application and I will consider looking at it in the future...
Leon growled "You bitch!" he yelled before blinking "Wait whats going on? Oh yea, Dont worry Ashley I'm coming for ya!" he announced before rushing off into the building
into a narrow hallway, a closed door was at the end of it. "Hmm...Something tells me that this is a bad idea..." he said. Unfortunately Leon saw a shiney penny on the ground and walked over bending over to pick it up as a laser beam passed over him. "Wow! It must be my lucky day!" he exclaimed when suddenly a series of brightly colored laser beams ignited randomly causing him to get fried. "JESUS CHRIST I CANT PUSH THE A BUTTON FAST ENOUGH!" he screamed like an angry school girl. "Sorry bro.." said Jesus as he revived Leon with another continue. "Thanks Jesus.." Leon said before running into the next Time lapse to my next Idea since I've come up with nothing in between…. XXXXLeon walked out into what looked like it was a temple at one time, now just a desolate waste of ruins. "Hm…Its quiet….Too Quiet…" Leon mumbled. Krauser walked out from behind a wall looking down upon him "So Leon….You've finally come.." he said as he turned to face him from the far away cliff of cowardice. "You know…I would have been here a lot sooner if I hadn't died so many times in this game…" he said defensively
Krauser chuckled "Theres a gate on the other side of these ruins…But you'll need 3 keys to open it… Theres one to the East…And another to the West…"
Leon sighed "AAGH! Why are there so many keys! So many puzzles! I mean my god! If you were in the castle and you had to pee you'd be screwed!" he exclaimed
Enough talk Leon! Time to die!" he said as he pulled out a TMP
"WOA! Its so Shiney!" Leon exclaimed as Krauser began firing, his bullets tearing through the rocks. "AND DEADLY!" exclaimed Leon as he took shelter."You can't hide forever Leon!" said Krauser as he pulled a bow out of no where and shot an arrow with a stick of dynamite.
Leon heard the beeping and turned around to look "AH!" he exclaimed as he hit the action button to roll safely through the middle of the explosion.
Krauser blinked "That…That makes no sense!" he exclaimed
Leon laughed "Welcome to my world!" he sang as he ran like a hamster out of hell and jumped in an open window and climbed the ladder but turned as he heard the door below kicked in.
Krauser came jumping up the ladder in a flip with his knife in hand. "AARRG!"
Leon gasped "I didn't know you were a pirate!.."Krauser's eye twitched "I'm not!" he growled as he attacked Leon with his knife
Leon who decided to save a lot of un necessary button mashing, drop kicked Krauser sending him toppling back in a cheesy summersault. "Score one for the boys back home!" he exclaimed as he raised his hands over his head with 2 number 1 fingers pointing.
Krauser scoffed as he threw a flash bomb down blinding Leon who in turn realized that shiny things arent always a good thing.
Leon jumped down from the tower as he was too cool to climb down. He made his way across a stone pathway and into another stone structure where he kicked in the door with a brute force of manliness. (It makes him feel special I guess..) Leon quickly climbed the ladder and looked around gasping as he found what looked like a blue emblem fragment. "What the hell is this! I needed a Key not a…..Shiny…" he whispered as he put it in his key item pocket.
Krauser walked up behind Leon out of no where twirling his knife, pacing like he was deciding how he should cut the carrots "So comrade… You'r doing better then I expected…"
Leon smiled cluelessly "Uh…My names Leon..And thanks.."
Krauser turned to Leon and swung his knife which in turn Leon dodged, drawing his own knife as he took a sweep at Krauser who in turn dodged as Jesus appeared behind Krauser with a flying demolitions kick sending Krauser spinning out mid air over the ledge
"Thanks again Jesus!" exclaimed Leon
"No prob bro.." Jesus said in a calm reefer like tone before disappearing.
Leon jumped down the Ladder as he landed and struck a pose. "I am….Leon Scott Kennedy…Destroyer of common sense.." he whispered before continuing his way out the door and running around the corner "….Hm…My blonde senses are telling me to go that way.." he stated as he ran back the way he came and then came around the stone structure to see Krauser pressed to the wall waiting for him on the other side. "Hehe…He thinks he's a ninja.." Leon giggled
Krauser upon hearing Leon turned and drew his knife and began sprinting towards him
Leon drew his handgun and started firing like a mad man as Krauser swiftly dodged like a prequal version of Wesker yet to come. "AAH! He's unstoppable!" screamed Leon in fear and threw his handgun at him.
Krauser cried out in surprise as he was decked between the eyes by a handgun
Leon chuckled and shrugged as a 1950's television applause began and a voice announced "Thaaaats our Leon!"
Krauser stood up and threw a flash grenade down quickly andt at all in a predictable fashion.
Leon covered his eyes "AAH! I see the light!" he exclaimed
Jesus walked up with his hands in his robe pockets "Dude…That's so prejudice…" he said before walking off screen
Leon picked up his gun and reloaded "Okay! Time to blow this popsicle stand!" he exclaimed
Author: "haha…You have no Idea…"
Leon rushed across the rooftop pathway of the ruins before jumping down the ladder onto a dirt pathway.
Several tiny robots walked towards Leon
Leon gasped "AWW!…They are sooooo cute!…THEY MUST PERISH!" he exclaimed as he shot them, watching them explode in a fiery explosion of explosiveness.
Leon laughed "Silly robots…Exploding bugs are for cartoons.." he said before rushing off towards the objective, he climbed a ladder and was then atop a very large tower with a boardwalk. He walked around aimlessly for a while enjoying the view before he finally found the second shiny blue stone fragment.
Krauser stood atop a pillar with his arms crossed. "So…I didn't think you would make it this far.." he said quietly
Leon smiled and waved his hand dismissively "Pfft…Piece of cake!"
Krauser clenched his fist "Now Leon….Behold the power of the virus!" he exclaimed as his arm began mutating, the skin ripping and stretching as his arm transformed into a bladed wing
Leon covered his eyes "Ewwww….The whole wing thing makes you look like a flamingo…"
Krauser scoffed "Now Comrade!…I've set C4 all over this tower…it's going to blow in only 4 minutes… Now my rival…Draw your gun and duel me!" he exclaimed as he took a ready stance
Leon crossed his arms stubbornly "NO…"
Krauser blinked "W-what..? But..Why not?"
Leon pouted "I don't feel like it.."
Krauser looked at him "But…But we have to fight!"
Leon sighed "Alright…But I'm not using the gun!" he added quickly
Krauser growled "Oh yes you do! You draw that gun and you LIKE it!"
Leon crossed his arms "NO!"
Krauser huffed "Alright then…I wait.." he said and leaned on his wing.
Several minutes passed until there was only 1 left.
Krauser growled "Alright! that's enough waiting! Prepare to die!" he shouted as he lunged down at Leon
Leon gasped as he hit the action command and rolled to safety right over the edge of the boardwalk where he grabbed onto the ledge.
Krauser walked over and stepped on Leons hand laughing
Leon cried out "AAH! It hurts so good!" he half laughed half screamed before drawing his knife and stabbing Krauser in the foot
"AAH! Dick move Leon! Dick move!" complained Krauser as her was suddenly better the next moment and flipped backwards
Leon drew his hand gun and started shooting only to find he had no more ammo and that the demo version only allowed him 1 box of ammo. "DAMN YOU!" he cried out as he drew his knife "If you think you can stand up to the rippling power of my awesome body tone then have at me!" he shouted as he charged.
After only 40 seconds Krauser was defeated by the awesome power of Leons knife (The only boss where the knife is stronger then any other weapon)
Leon smiled as he did a victory dance, however Leon only had 50 seconds to get to the door at the bottom of the tower. Can he make it? Is this the only chapter that anyone will ever see of this PARODY? Only you can decide…Well you AND alooooot of spare time on my part :D
END OF RESIDENT EVIL 4 PARODY: Krauser vs. Leon