Chibi-Chibi: (waves at camera with ⌠■ face) hiya!
Chibi-Quatre: (can▓t talk because he▓s munching on the popcorn) mmmphhmpfflphmm┘
Yeah, yeah┘just cue the theme song.
Cue Theme Song
In the not-too-distant future┘
Wrong theme song.
Chibi-Quatre: Sorry!
Cute RIGHT theme Song≈⌠Twilight Zone■ plays in background
You unlock this door with the key of non-imagination. Beyond it is yet another
dimension - a dimension of no plots, a dimension of no mercy, a dimension of no mind.
You're moving into a world of both crappy names and poor insults; of ⌠thingys■ and oxymorons.
You've just crossed over into one of Jerry Springer▓s fanfics┘
Outer Space backdrop fades out to a shot of Movie Theater entrance doors from the inside. The doors suddenly open, and in come the season 02 Digidestined, who are being led by the Authoress▓ chibi muses
Chibi-Chibi: Gooood, Digidestined.
Chibi-Quatre: Sit. MST.
Digidestined: ┘do we have a choice?
Chibi muses: no exit, locking the door behind them
BEGIN FIC
Matt/Tai: BANZAI! (1)
digimon sucks and I'm GLAD I don▓t own that nasty thing.
Mimi: well, this fic▓s off to a lovely start.
Davis: Why don▓t the Tamers have to MST this, too?
intercom crackles
Chibi-Chibi: ▒cause they▓re not in it.
Davis: damn
DIGIMON DIE
by Jerry Springer
All: chant Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Cody: I have a feeling I shouldn▓t be here.
Once upon a time┘
Tai: ┘an idiot named Jerry Springer wrote a piece of crap
Matt: Amen
there was a group of stupid digimon people.
Izzy: Their names were Tai, Daivis, and Takato.
Kari: that was mean, Izzy.
Tai/Davis: yeah!
Kari: ┘leave poor Takato out of this!
They lived in the digimon lands.
Yolei: oh, we don▓t live there; we just stop by once in a while to keep Myotismon from trying to take it over again.
One day, the stupid digimon people decided to go on a walk in the forest.
Mimi: Oh, great┘now he▓s ripping off Blair Witch Project
⌠I▓m scared of this forest,■ the tiny stupid kid said.
Cody: fanfic self a la Blair Witch I▓m┘so scared┘.
⌠Go eat your prune juice,■ the retarded Sora girl replied.
Sora: a la Cody▓s grandfather There▓s no problem too big for prune juice!
Cody: Grandpa▓s obviously never seen a Jerry Springer fic.
Suddenly, there was a rustling in the bush and a giant digimon jumped out.
Davis: If this thing says ⌠boo■ I▓m outta here.
Tai: You wish.
The digimon was real ugly, just like all the kids.
⌠Hi. My name is
TK: What?
Davis: My name is┘
TK: Who?
Davis: My name is┘
TK: tka-tka, Slim Shady!
Kari: real cute, you two.
Nastywhoremon.■ the thing said.
⌠OMG! Its my mom!■ The slutty pink-haired girl said.
Mimi: pulls out compact mirror Actually, I▓d say it▓s more of a rose/magenta-like color
Sora: sighs Whatever.
Then Nastywhoremon went and grabbed that computer freak kid▓s laptop and smashed it over his head.
Matt: Nastywhoremon a la Nelson, from The Simpsons Ha! Ha!
The computer freak kid almost dies from the impact on his delicate brain, but he didn▓t, much to the hatred of the world.
Izzy: Oh, please! pulls out pineapple laptop and starts typing With a fanclub THIS big? Only in your world, Jerry.
Matt: peeks over Izzy▓s shoulder, eyes wide Damn┘
⌠Oh no, my computer!■ the computer freak kid screamed. then he went and jumped off a cliff, committing suicide.
Joe: sarcastically And here, I was thinking Izzy was going cliff-diving. Thanks for clearing that up
When the kid landed on the bottom, he splattered all over and a bunch of dinosaurs came and devoured him messily.
Mimi: My, what horrible table manners!
⌠Oh dear, now we have no way to tell where we are, since that computer freak kid▓s computer is smashed.■ the Backstreet Boy wannabe said.
All but Matt: burst out laughing
Tai: You gotta admit┘it fits!
Matt: folds arms in protest We are not amused.
Tai: still laughing No, but we are!
⌠I wet my pants,■ the tiny stupid kid squealed
Kari: Thanks for sharing.
Ken: Cody doesn▓t squeal≈that▓s Yolei▓s shtick.
Yolei: smacks him upside the head
⌠HA HA■ Nastywhoremon said as it grabbed that Joe kid and carried him off into the woods
Tai: Nastywhoremon a la Tarzan Me, Tarzana┘him, my new≈
Joe: Don▓t go there.
where he was raped repeatedly, until he died.
Davis: What a way to go┘
TK: yeah; the way of the hoe
Mimi: Wait a second┘my mom▓s not a whore!
Sora: clocks stop-watch in her right hand hmm┘not bad, Mimi; only 20 seconds.
Then a month later, Nastywhoremon was pregnant and had a digimon/human cyborg baby a few months after that.
⌠Aww, its so cute,■ the goodie-goodie lesbian with the white cat thingy said.
Kari: Lesbian? You mean after TK, Davis, and the Poi brothers?
Davis/TK: what Poi brothers?!?
Kari: oops┘
⌠I named him Sally,■ Nastywhoremon replied.
Yolei: That sentence is wrong on so many levels┘.
Then Nastywhoremon decided to leave the retarded digimon kids alone and went back into the forest with its baby. The stupid digmon kids were still lost in the woods and it was getting dark.
Sora: you mean to tell me we▓ve been there for months, and only now it▓s getting dark? Where are we, the north pole?
Tai: Santa Claus Ho! Ho! Ho!
Matt: ┘exactly why Joe▓s getting a lump of coal in his stocking this year.
Joe: Oh, shut up. At least I▓m outta the picture for the rest of the fic
So they made a small camp for the night.
⌠AAAAAAAA!!!■
Davis: BBBBBBBB!!!
TK: CCCCCCCC!!!
Ken: DDDDDDDD!!!
that tiny stupid kid screamed.
⌠What▓s wrong?■ the goodie-goodie lesbian asked.
Izzy: More than you know, Kari; more than you know.
The tiny stupid kid just fell over, dead.
Tai/Matt: a la Kyle from South Park Oh, my god≈he killed Cody!
TK/Davis: You Bastard!
The other digimon people pulled the tiny stupid kid▓s pants down
Ken: covers Yolei▓s eyes
TK: covers Kari▓s eyes
Tai: covers Sora▓s eyes
Matt: covers Mimi▓s eyes
Joe: covers his own eyes
and discovered that the boy died from peeing in his pants. The kid peed so hard that his head popped off.
Davis: singing ⌠POP!■ goes the weasel
⌠Oh no.■
Kari/Sora: helium voices Oh, nooooo, Mr Bill!
Tai: Does anyone even remember that show anymore?
the orange dinosaur thingy said.
⌠Too bad...■ the Digimon Emperor cried
Ken: a la the Digimon Emperor I wanted to kill him first!
⌠Aww, poor digimon emperor, I feel your pain,■ that blond-haired gay kid with a helmet said.
Davis: ⌠that blond-haired gay kid■ I▓m in this fic, too, afterall
TK: Helmet? takes off hat; it falls limp in his hands Does this look like a helmet to you?
Cody: Anybody else notice that Jerry Springer spells ⌠Blond■ the same way this Authoress does? (2)
⌠I▓m so happy about that,■ the digimon emperor said. And before you were able to say ⌠gay fags■ the two nasty boys
Girls: start humming ⌠Nasty Boys■ by Janet Jackson
started to make-out, right on top of the tiny stupid kid▓s dead body.
BANG
BANG
Kari: What▓s that sound?
BANG
Yolei: Oh, Ken▓s just banging his head against the wall.
BANG
Yolei: sighs Give it up, Kenny┘there▓s no way you▓ll lose consciousness before the fic▓s over
BANG
Ken: damn
Suddenyl that retarded Sora girl▓s digimon-growing pacemaker
Sora: a la Dr. Frankenstein It▓s alive, I tell you┘Alive!
thingy started to glow and her pink bird thingy turned into that other bird thingy with big teeth and flames all over.
Tai: And let▓s not forget the thingy▓s special attack thingy, where it shoots thingys out of its thingy at other thingys
⌠I hate gay fags!■ the fire bird thing screames as it looks down upon the digimon emperor and that blond-haired gay kid with a helmet.
Yolei: Homophobic much?
⌠NO! fire eagle, spare my gay idiot brother and take me instead!■ the Backstreet Boy wannabe said.
Izzy: You know, if you think about it, TK and Matt DO kinda look like the Carter brothers┘
TK: They wish!
Matt: whips out a mirror and tube of hair gel Oh, please┘Nick Carter▓s got nothin▓ on me!
⌠No,■ the fire bird said as it breathed a bunch of fireballs onto the gay boys and incinerated tyhem
All: Who▓s ⌠tyhem■?
instantly, as well as the tiny stupid kid▓s dead body. Then the fire eagle got bored and flew off into the sky, but got tangled in electrical cables
Izzy: ┘which, of course, you can always find in the Digital World.
Joe: Right next to the Numemon vending machines, and alien telephone booths
and was zapped by a zillion and a half volts of electricity, plus a bolt of lighting zapped the stupid fire bird as well.
Yolei: Aha! I knew Pikachu would make an entrance in here sooner or later
Then the bird fell from the sky and down the side of the same cliff that the computer freak died on.
⌠Aww, my digimon died.■ the retarded Sora girl said.
⌠Oh well.■ that kid with the 10 -foot tall aphro laughed.
Izzy: Aphro? Isn▓t that from, like, the 70▓s?
Ken: So, aside from everything else, we▓re traveling through time here?
TK/Kari: singing Let▓s do the time warp again!
Then out of nowhere, a diffrent digimon thingy appeared out of another bush.
Matt: Crap. Maybe they should▓ve elected Gore instead.
Izzy: I knew the government was involved somehow! It▓s all a conspiracy, I tell you! whips out computer again, and starts furiously typing
⌠Hi! My name is Rabiesmon,■ the creature informed the retards. The digimon was covered in black, bloody fur and had huge fangs, dripping in foamy saliva.
Girls: half-heartedly how┘cute┘
Then Rabiesmon jumped on that tiny stupid kid▓s yellow, cowboy-talking, armadillo thingy and bit its head. The armadillo then got rabies and went crazy.
Davis: Oh, please┘all that work? He should▓ve just made him sit down and read this fic!
TK: Amen
Izzy: sighing in defeat, closes laptop I can▓t locate a thing. They▓re good, I tell you┘
Matt: Who?
Izzy: I▓m afraid that▓s classified information. If I told you, I▓d probably have to kill you
It ripped off that very slutty pink-haired girl▓s face, revealing her tiny brain.
TK/Davis: Oh, my god┘they killed Mimi!
Tai/Matt: You Bastards!
⌠Oh no!■ Davis cried.
He ran up into a tree to hide, but a big snake was in the tree and devoured Davis with one gulp.
TK/Davis: Oh, my god┘they ki≈
Kari: Give it up; it▓s been done to death already
The snake also ate his blue dinosaur digimon thingy
Ken: ⌠the snake■ Uuup! Tastes like chicken!
Then the snake became so heavy, that the tree tipped over and fell into some jagged spikes, and the snake was further crushed by an obese baboon who tripped on the spikes.
All: ooookay┘
Yolei: a la Madison Taylor Whatever.
Then in a chain reaction, the fat baboon
Tai: oh, great┘a self-insertion fic!
set off and earthquake! A huge bottomless pit appeared and swallowed up the stupid armadillo thingy, Rabiesmon and a bunch of the stupid kid▓s digmons. The earthquake then stopped as quickly as it began.
Cody: Now why can▓t this fic do the same thing?
⌠Yay! We▓re safe now!■ the purple-haired geek cries happily.
Joe: Don▓t be so sure of that
Mimi: yeah; not with Springer in charge
⌠I like pies,■ the kid with the huge aphro said.
Kari: Thanks for sharing.
Tai: takes the mirror from Matt Where the heck did he get ⌠aphro■ from?!?
Suddenly, pie
Davis: No relation to Tai.
flew out of the sky and hit the kid in the face. The kid then died, because he suffocated from the whip-cream. Then that range bat-eared pig thing came and licked up all the whip cream off the dead kid▓s face.
⌠Good batpig
Tai: singing to tune of ⌠Batman■ du-nun-nun-nun-nun-nun-nun-nun, Batpig!
thingy, come here and give me a hug!■ the goodie-goodie lesbian said, ⌠thanks you for killing my brother.■
⌠No problem!■ the bat pig thingy said.
Ken: ⌠the bat pig thingy■ It was nothing┘the pie did all the work, actually.
The batpig flew over to the goodie-goodie lesbian, but out of nowhere, a huge bullet impaled the batpig▓s skull. The digimon▓s head exploded form the violent force. Blood and bits of bone rained down like red snowflakes on the digimon kids.
Yolei/Kari: signing In the meadow, we can kill a snowman┘
Mimi: eww┘gross mental picture.
Then the headless body of the batpig fell into the retarded Sora girl▓s lap.
⌠AAAAA!■ the retarded Sora girl screamed.
⌠Where did that come from?■ the Backstreet Boy wannabe asked gaily.
TK: starts humming ⌠Which Backstreet Boy is gay■ by Weird Al
Kari: smacks him upside the head
Then ANOTHER stupid digimon thingy at the ultra, giga, hyper, mega, fagate, person killing, level
Izzy: Hmm┘haven▓t heard of that one before.
appeared. The digimon was unbeatable.
⌠Hi! My name is Nutsbagmon.■
Matt: ⌠Nutsbagmon■ But you can call me Jerry Springer.
Tai: Ba-da-bing!
the thing said. The creature was holding a huge machine gun and various other firearms. Its machine gun was pointed directly at the orange dinosaur thingy▓s head.
⌠NO! Don't shoot me!▓ the dinosaur thingy pleaded pathetically, just like it dead master.
Tai: How can I plead if I▓m already dead? I sure as hell wouldn▓t wanna stick around after that
⌠MWAHAHAHAHA!!!■ Nutsbagmon laughed with pure evil in its voice. He blew up the dinosaur▓s body as well as ever other digimon around the digimon kids.
Matt: Nutsbagmon a la Dr. Frankenfurtur It was a mercy killing, I swear!
When Nutsbagmon was done killing the digimon, there was a huge lake of blood around the remaining digimon people. The kids were all smothered with the guts of their pathtic digimons.
⌠I am so sad...My digimon died■ the goodie-goodie lesbian said.
⌠I HATE LESBIANS!!!!■
Kari: and I▓m sure they hate you, too.
TK: But not as much as we do.
Davis: Amen
Nutsbagmon screamed as he took out a huge grenade and stuffed it down the lezbo▓s shirt. The greanade exploded into a psycho
Tai: Ahhh! Run for your lives! The little red blur▓s come back! (3)
ball of flames and guts and blood and other nearby stuff. All the digimon people were now dead as well/ Then Nutsbagmon laughed evilly, but he stupidly walked into the bottomless pit
Joe: Where he met up with Apocolamon, who promptly blew his brains out. The End.
and kept falling for a very long time, until he landed on the bottom where there was a huge pool of digimon-eating thingys. The digimon-eating thingy ate Nutsbagmon in a most greedy and bloody fashion.
Joe: Close enough.
Mimi: ┘sadist much?
Then that short old retarded guy who never opens his eyes and soundes like Jedi from Star Wars
Davis: a la Yoda Beware of the Dark Side, you must.
Others: Too late.
came to the digimon world and let in a bunch of anti-digimon communists
Yolei: Ha! I told you Pikachu was in charge of this whole fiasco!
take over all the stuff and digimon thingys.
the end
All: Hallalujah!.
i hope you liked it
Joe: sarcastically Oh, are you kidding? That was the greatest fic ever!
Mimi: Careful, Joe┘any more sarcasm and people will thing you actually mean it..
If anyone wants to MST my masterpiece, then you are welcome. You have my permission.
Yolei: Been There.
Ken: Done That.
Cody: Scarred for life.
I hope you retarded digimon fans have a happy life. and look out for the SEQUAL!!!
All: monotonous voice Yay.
please review
Davis: I got a review for you: Kiss my a≈
Kari: smacks him upside the head
TK: You gotta admit, though┘he▓s got the right idea.
Tai: I say we get outta here before the Authoress finds the sequel to this thing.
Others: Amen.
All quietly leave the theater, closing the door as they exit≈leaving us in total darkness
(1) ⌠Banzai■ is a Japanese suicide war-cry. I dunno; it just seemed kinda appropriate at the time.
(2) This is just a cheep reference to my new aol im screenname: ⌠DragonBlond 04■
(3) ⌠the little red blur■ is what I call my best friend (and fellow chibi), Rachy-chan≈you may know her from a few of my fanfics, where she▓s often introduced by her Chibi nickname: ⌠Psycho■