Only an hour earlier Clint had picked up Loki from a local sandwich shop, dismayed to find the god back on earth. He drove him back to his apartment, unsure of what to do next. It would be logical to hand him over to SHIELD, but something stopped him. Some deep instinct left over from the tesseract. He looked up at Loki now, waiting for the god to make his move. Loki looked at Clint with eyes filled with HUNGER. He approached the archer slowly, humming the tune from the exorcist quietly.
"So what happens now?" Clint asked, taking a step back when he noticed the predatory look in Loki's eyes. It frightened him, yet turned him on.
Loki straddled Clint, his eyes burning with a deep THIRST FOR SEMEN. He leaned in close, licking the side of Clint's jaw. "We...the...people," he whispered, sensually. "In order to form a more perfect union..." He trickster purred happily.
"Ooohhh." Clint let out a long moan, startled by the sudden MOUNTING. His head lulled back in ecstasy. However, his eyes fluttered open at the odd attempt at 'Dirty Talk'. "What?" He asked, trying to wrap his bird brain (as Tony liked to put it) around Loki's somewhat familiar words.
"You know, the preamble...to the constitution," Loki murmured. The god suddenly SPRUNG UP LIKE A TRAPEZE ARTIST! He did a backflip in mid air before crashing like a giant lead brick on the ground. Loki stood up again, and rIPPED HIS FACE OFF.
Clint let out a GIRLISH SCREAM at the GROTESQUE REVELATION. "L-Loki! Your face! Don't you need that?" He asked, shielding his eyes with his arms. What an unfortunate turn of events!
It was never Loki. Loki truly had died in Asgard in some freak meat grinding accident. Instead, the one and only STEVE ROGERS stood before Clint, wearing nothing but his blue mask and a pair of sexy XXsmall speedo with the american flag printed across it.
Clint slowly lowered his hands, a horrified look scrawled across his face. "S-STEVE? What are you doing here?" He screamed in horror, the man suddenly feeling rather faint.
"Happy fourth of July, Clinty," Steve winked, putting his hands on his hips. The American Superhero proceeded to give Clint an unruly lap-dance that lasted for at least 15 minutes, if not longer. It involved a lot of grinding. "I love you Clint-Sann," Steve growled like a MIGHTY BEAR.
Clint sobbed through the entire thing. First that horrible fiasco in Asgard a few months earlier, now this? Why was the man SO SUBJECT to impromptu, forced, horrifying lap dances? Next he was going to be blown by THE HULK IF HE WASN'T CAREFUL. Clint sobbed harder at the thought.
Steve bent over and licked the length of Clint's MANLY FACE with his SUPER TONGUE which was surprisingly long. "We hold these truths to be self evident," he grumbled like a car being revved. "that all MEN are created EQUAL!" Steve did another backflip, and then jumped up Clint's chimney.
Clint was left, curled in a ball on his apartment floor, sobbing ferociously. He wasn't entirely surprised by now, weird, strange, disturbing things had been happening to the Avengers lately. Perhaps some suspicious character was behind these events. Clint had no time to think about them now though, as he downed half a bottle of rum and promptly passed out on the bathroom floor.
Steve returned to Clint's house every night until the archer had virtually memorized the American Constitution. Steve demanded multiple blow jobs while he recited the Declaration of Independence. Very soon, Clint's shabby apartment looked like the fourth of July had thrown up everywhere.
"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve..." Clint muttered the words to himself day and night, in his sleep, especially when Steve was POUNDING HIS BUTTHOLE MERCILESSLY. He bled patriotism. He breathed freedom. He came liberty and justice for all.
God Bless America.