I screamed at my TV last night after watching "Sound and Vision". Spoilers ahead. Might not make sense; it's 12 midnight right now and I'm starving.
Somewhere along the way, this turned into a character study-esque thing..
Disclaimer: Please don't send Joan and Arthur after me, I'll tell you the truth: I don't own anything.
concrete v. abstract
Their job is a difficult one, based on a blend of "what ifs" and facts.
Annie begins with the facts, the established schedule when she's on the ground running an op; when things go wrong (and they inevitably do because hello she is a spy and things going wrong is a staple of what she does) that's when Auggie steps in. The "what ifs" come later. What if I had been five minutes late? Would I have been shot to death? No, Auggie takes care of the "what ifs". There are no "what ifs", no "should have"s when it comes to his job and Annie's life.
That's why they're such a great team on undercover ops. They don't dwell on the "what if"s, the "should have"s, the "could be"s.
…
Barcelona is different right from the get-go because both of them have this niggling feeling that the mission extends beyond their immediate handler. This mission is bigger than them, extends to the echelons of the command chain. It's between Joan, Arthur and Lena and as always, the both of them are caught in the crossfire and somehow they have to pull this massive rabbit out of a hat and chalk up a win.
But, they put that aside because they're agents, really, and instability is part of their job.
They take their facts, they take the info and intel and run with it. Getting the package is easy, Annie thinks, but then Auggie's hand is in hers even though they're in no danger and they're just standing by the side of the road in a beautiful country. "So…" he drawls. "What now, honey?"
She smirks and draws her hand back. "We go to the hotel and wait… honey."
Later, she'll wonder, What if I had held his hand on the way home?
…
Things don't change when they get to the hotel room; they are married and this is a cover and it's false. That's a fact.
Auggie dives into the code, marveling and twisting and almost in tears at how brilliantly the virus is coded; he reminds an amused Annie of a child being fascinated at his first fireworks display. She almost wants to give him a kiss on his cheek, but she holds back from kissing her best friend because that might be a little bit strange.
So she staves off the sudden welling of fondness and makes a little quip about how she wouldn't have married him if she had known he was such a dork. (The back of her mind wonders why they're putting on the façade even in their secure hotel room, but she pushes it away.) Later, Annie will go over this and wonder if she should have noticed the change in his expression. Would it have stopped him from blurting out that he was going to marry Parker?
She wonders later if she should have said something, if she should have stepped up to the plate to tell Auggie that he's making a mistake, a terrible terrible mistake. Or if she should have stepped up to say that he's marrying the wrong girl, that there's someone right in front of him that he just can't see (pun not intended).
At any rate, the next thing she knows is that they're on the run from assassins (things go wrong, things always go wrong) and she's promising herself that she will talk to Auggie later because he is her best friend and he deserves every right to know what he's getting himself into. That's a fact.
…
Annie is torn now, stuck on a fire escape in Barcelona. Her mission is in front of her, but she can hear grunts of pain coming from above her. She knows Auggie well enough to know what he sounds like, and those grunts are definitely his.
Fact: The mission is jeopardized.
Fact: Her best friend, her partner, the man she might-possibly-potentially-okay-more-than-maybe love is getting beaten two stories above her.
She hesitates.
Auggie cries out in pain.
Fact: Annie Walker isn't the sort of agent to leave anyone behind.
She goes with the facts, but she loses the virus. That, unfortunately, is also fact. But the only fact that Annie cares about at the moment is that Auggie is safe and his breathing is labored and his eyes are screwed shut in pain but he's leaning his forehead against hers and their noses are touching and Auggie is safesafesafe. She's incredibly grateful for all those little facts.
…
But as with everything, saving Auggie comes with a price, and Annie is stuck helplessly at the top of Gaudi Park as he tries to reason with Joan.
We can find Red Rover, he insists to Joan, and Annie is shaking her head because that's impossible. I can turn them. That's impossible, too, because first of all, Red Rover's been anonymous for ages, and secondly, Auggie is blind and in no real position to be an agent.
They argue. He is angry (fact) and she is frustrated to tears (fact) because she only wants to protect him and why can't he see that?
You should have gotten the virus, he argues.
But you were getting hurt-
Somewhere along the line, the argument turns from you should have stuck with the mission into what if you stopped trying to protect me all the time? Annie tries to reason with Auggie, tries to give him the facts (you are blind, Auggie, you cannot do this alone, Auggie, turning people into assets requires you to know who they are, Auggie) but Auggie won't have any of it. He lives in a world of what ifs (what if I managed to find Red Rover? What if I managed to turn them? What if I managed to do the impossible? What if you believed in me?).
And underneath it all, Annie has this feeling that she can't say all she'd like to say- later on she will wonder if she should have. If maybe the mission would have succeeded anyway. If maybe she should have taken Auggie's hand when they were arguing. If it would have calmed him down.
…
Annie Walker deals with facts, and so she tries getting used to the fact that Auggie's going to propose to Parker (his girlfriend for all of four months, that relationship is going to crash and burn and isn't that a fact). The fact is also that Annie tries to be the best friend she could possibly be.
He shows her the ring and everything she wants to say catches in her throat. (They include the phrases No, you're doing something stupid and I love you and you're making a mistake and I almost died too and you don't see me doing anything drastic.) Instead, she smiles faintly and says, "It's beautiful." Because it really is. (Fact.)
She's standing there inches away from Auggie as he smiles in her general direction and tucks the ring back into his jacket pocket and she should have said something, should have stopped him from getting on that flight. But she does not, because she's pretty sure that there aren't any more facts for her to know and acknowledge. Instead, she dazedly points him in the direction of the ticket counter (should have convinced him to wait a little longer, should have tried holding him back from the worst decision of his life) and watches him bounce off, enthusiasm boiling over.
Fact: Annie Walker is watching the man she quite possibly loves walk away and
Fact: Annie Walker will learn to deal with it and
Fact: No matter what happens, Annie Walker will be there for him.
She does wonder, later that night, if she should have run after him.
He wonders himself, as he gets on a plane, What if I turned back?.
And they both wonder briefly what could have been.
…
I'm hungry. Feed me please. Or leave a comment. Either way..
Much love,
ohlookrandom