A Glimpse beyond the Illusion

By Marie Elisabeth

Chapter One: Don't Fear

"Love of two is one
Here but now they're gone
Came the last night of sadness
And it was clear that she couldn't go on
Then the door was opened and the wind appeared
The candles blew and then disappeared
The curtains flew and then he appeared (saying don't be afraid)
Come on baby (and she had no fear)
And she ran to him (then they started to fly)
They looked backward and said goodbye (she had become like they are)
SHe had taken his hand (she had become like they are)
Come on baby (don't fear the reaper)"

"Don't Fear (the Reaper)" Blue Oyster Cult.

Dead.

That's what Dean is right now. No, not literally, he has the demon and his dad to thank for that.

But he wishes he was.

He wishes so desperately to be back in that hospital with the pretty little reaper, about to accept his fate. He looks down at the small, fragile thing in his arms. For a second, when he sees the tear tracks on Sam's face all he can think is 'Once again, I've failed him.'

He knows it's not true, but it feels like it is. He couldn't help what his dad did, just like he couldn't keep his mom from dying. Yet still… the guilt is like a noxious plague cloud: smothering, suffocating, drowning. His father's last words make his ears ring as if someone just screamed as loud as they could a few inches away from him. "Take care of Sam. I'm not sorry. Live, Dean."

He's not sure which he notices first, his own tears or Sammy's movement. He quickly stifles his quaking breath and puts on a small smile just in time for Sam to look up at him.

"Dean?" He asks, bleary eyed, "What time is it?" Dean smiles for real this time. Sometimes the stupidest things can make everything okay again.

"About 3 am dude. You slept like a rock. I think my arm's gonna fall off, man." He whispers jokingly, not moving Sam or his arm an inch. He quickly presses his lips against Sam's. Nothing sexual, no. It'll be a long time before he'll be able to get 'The Berserker' (As Sam oh-so affectionately named it) to work again. With an internal weary chuckle he wonders if anything about him will ever work again.

"We're gonna be okay, right?" Sam asks, his voice muffled because his face is once again in Dean's armpit for some damn reason. "I mean… we're not… I still have you, don't I?" Sam's small voice stabs Dean in the chest like a wooden stake. Mentally, he pleads for him to stop, but Sam continues. "I love you, Dean. Please don't let this change us. I need you. All we've got is each other now." All Dean can do is hold Sam tighter in his arms. He knows that if he tries to speak all that would come out is a sob, so he doesn't. That's not what Sam needs right now. He's not sure who's comforting who at this point, and he doesn't care. All that matters is that they have each other. 'You'll never lose me, Sam.'

He wasn't sure exactly how long it'd been since Sam last spoke, but he could now see the sun pouring through the small window into the dingy hospital room. Sammy was asleep once again, this time using his stomach as a pillow. It must smell a bit nicer, Dean thought with a stupid grin. After all, wasn't like you could really shower when you were in a coma and you were hooked up to more computers than NORAD. He briefly wondered when the hospital was going to release him, but he decided he didn't care. After all, where would they go? A random Motel 6? Maybe they could go back to Bobby's. He could get back to the Impala that way. Get back to something familiar. But wait, no, it was little more than scrap metal now.

Dean leaned his head back and looked at the paneled ceiling, pretending to find pictures in the worrying dark spots. 'Pea soup, anyone?' he thought with a mental eye roll. Every little thought somehow always connected back to the hunt. Just they way dad raised them, eh?

He flexed his arm painfully, slightly sick at the sight of the gross looking tube poking out of it. He remembered a pretty nurse named Marie saying something about monitoring his conditions. He didn't think they believed that he was fine, but he knew he was.

Sam's leg twitched; he was about to wake up. He always went through the cutest ('Dude, did I really just use the word cute? Ugh.') little stages of sleep, and Dean knew that right before he woke up he's start mumbling and twitching oddly. It was just one more thing Dean knew and loved about Sam. No one else knew it, and that's what made it so special. He jumped when his brother let out an ungraceful snort and jumped up quickly, having forgotten where they were.

"Hey." Dean said as he fingered the itchy scab on his forehead. He was lost for a moment, and he didn't know what to say. Should he comfort his brother? Sam was, after all, fighting with their dad to the very end. Should he be bitter, angry, hurt? No. He came back to himself with a blink. 'Sammy's hurting too.' He thought as Sam settled back down next to his older brother, this time with only his head resting on Dean's shoulder. He was finding the dark spots on the ceiling just as entertaining as Dean was right then.

"Hey." Sam whispered, and it broke Dean's heart. His small voice was pitiful and wrecked. Dean couldn't take it; he leaned over and kissed Sam passionately, trying to forget. Forget that they were now orphans; forget that he was madly I'd-marry-you-in-a-minute, corner-of-bumfuck-and-you-got-a-purtty-mouth in love with his baby brother; forget that they had no home to go to. He was glad when Sam truly kissed him back, with the same painful passion. When they broke apart he didn't move his head, but instead simply let it rest against Sam's.

"I wanna get out of here." Dean almost couldn't believe that those words came out the way they did. Whatever happened to being the strong, protective older brother? No, he'd never be able to truly protect Sam from the pains and hardships of the world. But he could try. He cleared his throat and said again, "I wanna get out of here, get back to the Impala. I'm fine; think they'll let me check myself out?" Deans added an overly happy smile at the end, just for good measure.

Sam nodded, "I bet Bobby would let us stay with him… that's where the car is. Or maybe we could go to Missouri's. She'll want to know about dad." With a small grimace he muttered something about her probably already knowing. 'That's right,' Dean thought. 'She probably knew months before what would happen. Did Sammy? His visions…' When he looked down at his brother's worn out, miserable face he knew that if Sam had seen all of this in his dreams he would have told Dean.

"Dean… about the car, I didn't tell you, but… it took a hell of a beating. I mean, an 18-wheeler ran headlong into us… I don't know if everything can be fixed. I mean, I'm SURE we can do it, but…" Sam said, tailing off as if ashamed for not taking better care of the Impala. He was driving, after all.

"Its okay, Sammy. We'll go and see it when I get out of here. Anyways, what do you mean 'we'? You think I'm gonna let you under the hood of my baby, dude? Hah!" Dean said. He tried to sound happy and normal, but he knew his smiles didn't reach his eyes, just like Sam's didn't reach his when he said, "I bet Bobby has all the parts you'd need. I mean, really. I was offering to help, but if you don't want it… you're such a stuck up kid." He snorted, once again curling an arm around Dean's waist.

"You boys doing alright?" Both Sam and Dean jumped when the nurse stuck her head in the door. Dean briefly noted that it was still Marie, the girl from last night. He also noted that Sam didn't move away from him.

"We're good, thanks. Hey, when can I talk to the doctor about checking myself outta here?" Dean said, placing a charming smile on his face and adding a wink at the end of the sentence, just for good measure. It obviously worked, judging by the faint coloring on Marie's face.

"Well…Dr. Frepno said he'd like to keep you a few extra days, but that's just because he thinks he can get a few thousand more out of your insurance. I can getcha outta here, if you want. I mean, you're perfectly fine, aside from a couple'a bruises." She said, blushing the entire time. Dean could feel Sammy stiffen, obviously jealous. "That'd be fine, thank you. Please do. We're fine, and we'd like it if you could get Dean out of here as soon as possible." Sam said, and if Marie noticed the threatening tone in his voice she didn't show it. She simply blushed more and closed the door behind her as she left.

"You are okay, right?" He asked Dean as he turned to look at him. Dean could see a flicker of worry cross Sammy's eyes as he raked them down his body, studying every bruise, scab and cut critically. Dean allowed himself a small, peaceful moment before wrapping the arm that had the least amount of tubes around Sammy's neck forcefully and giving him a rough noogie.

"Of course I'm okay!" Dean said in an annoying voice that made Sam roll his eyes and pull his head from Dean's armpit. The odd angle of it all ended up putting Sam on the linoleum floor, his bottom smarting.

"Okay, okay, enough. I'm going to get food, want anything?" Sam whined, reminding Dean of when they were little. Sam paused at the single dingy chair in the corner of the room and picked through his coat for his wallet before straightening and looking at Dean.

"Coffee?" Dean asked, and Sam scowled.

"Fine, but only if you eat whatever else I bring you. I know you think you're fine, but c'mon, you just work up from a coma, I think you need something more than coffee with enough sugar to stand the spoon up in it." Sam said with a smile as he walked out of the room. Dean let his head drop back to the pillow. Truth be told, he was hungry. And tired. Lord, was he tired…

The next time Dean woke it was almost nightfall. The sky was a fiery red, all the clouds a pinkish orange. Dean groaned as he turned from the uncomfortable position he was in and looked away from the small window, towards his brother. Sam was sitting in the small lumpy chair staring intently at his laptop. Dean's grumbling stomach alerted Sam of his wakefulness.

"Hey," Sam said, as he pushed his laptop to a table that was clearly meant for no more than maybe a drink or two to sit on it. "How ya feeling?"

"Better," Dean said, flexing both arms with a grimace. He hated IVs and the stiff feeling they left in your arms. "I'm hungry. Has the Doc or nurse been back in for the discharge papers yet?"

Sam nodded and pulled some papers out from under his laptop that Dean hadn't seen before. "I've filled it out an' all. You just need to sign them and we can go. Called Bobby, he said we could stay with him as long as we wanted. I couldn't get a hold of Missouri." Dean nodded, reaching for the papers and pen Sam had handed him. He went though and, mostly without reading, signed where Sam had marked with big X's. He put them back in Sam's outstretched hand when he was done. "Right then, I'll go find that nurse." Dean's stomach gave another low growl as he got out of bed, rubbing his back and butt firmly, trying to wake them up too. He saw Sam had also been able to find some of his clothes that had survived the crash and had laid them neatly on the tray next to his bed, along with an apple and some dry cereal.

He was mostly dressed and finished with the apple by the time Sam returned with Marie. She blushed when she saw he wasn't wearing a shirt and Sam scowled. He rolled his eyes and said, "Can you get these damn things out of me?" motioning to his arms he sat on the bed. She squeaked and practically ran to do his bidding. Once he was no longer connected he quickly put the black Styx tee-shirt Sam had brought him on, flowed by his jacket.

Once Marie had left Sam crossed the room and wrapped his arms around Dean. He let out a heavy sign and lay his head on Dean's shoulder. "So, where to?" He asked, not moving his head from its resting place. "Regardless, the car and parts are at Bobby's, so we at least need to stop there for a while. Then what? I supposed you want to get right back to the hunt, eh?"

To be truthful, Dean wasn't sure he ever even wanted to touch another gun again. He knew they had their duties, their job. However, looking down at Sam, seeing how frail and broken he looked…

"I think a break would do us good." He found himself saying. "Bobby's for now. It'll probably take a while to fix the Impala up anyway. We can rest for a bit. Hey, we should stop at a burger joint or something on the way there, I'm starving. I'll call Bobby; I bet ya he can come pick us up."

Sam smiled into Dean's shoulder. He knew, even though dad was dead, he was fucking his older brother, and the demon was still lose in the world, that for right now, maybe only this moment, everything was alright. He held Dean tighter in his arms, breathed in his scent, and gave a contented sigh. He pulled back, just enough to stand straighter and give Dean a chaste kiss on the lips before dropping his arms, leaving the protective, forbidden embrace of his brother.