Disclaimer: I don't own Cao Cao and Dyansty Warriors.
A/N: You know, I'm starting to have a lot of Wei backlashes, so this one shot is a sequel to Zilong's Stubborn Interview. Zhao Yun and Cao Cao are my favorites, however Cao Cao is the perfect definition of what governments of our time before and after Han China have became. Cruel and selfish kinds of rulers are the most popular and very interesting to humiliate.
Mengde's Misfortunate Interview
Cao Cao been sitting in his chair for the whole hour after the death of Guan Yu and all he can think about is living to regret his influence upon the land, Chi Bi and Guan Yu's debt repaid. Should he not have let Sun Quan take all of Jing Nan for some petty jealousy of Liu Bei's victorious expeditions in Han Zhong? Anyway, what's done is done and he can not change what is now the past.
"Damn it…" Cao Cao rubbed his forehead. He is not feeling well as the headache worsens his meditation. He can concentrate, nor think about what he done.
"My lord, a man requested to meet your presence. He's an interviewer," the guardsman said.
"Oooh, when I'm trying to restrain my headache. It's like the heavens is torturing me on something I shouldn't have made it happen. Bring this interviewer here," Cao Cao said.
The guardsman return to the interviewer and lead him into the audience where Cao Cao is sitting on his throne with two guards on his left and right wing. Cao Cao is pleased to have an interview after so much crap happened in the aftermath of Chi Bi.
"Cao Cao, King of Wei…" the Interviewer gave a gloomy look at Mengde.
"Just call me, Cao Cao…."Cao Cao sighed.
"What's wrong with being called King?" the Interviewer questioned with an eyebrow raise.
"Liu Xie gave me that title because of my frustration of Liu Bei's promotion as King of Han Zhong. You see, I have no intention of taking the throne from the Emperor," Cao Cao glared at the interviewed as he explained.
"I thought he gave you the title King, because you want full authority of the court as a sign of Han decline and it happened before Liu Bei became King," the Interviewer scoffed.
"That's what the people think! You want my point of view? That fool doesn't even accommodate my respect!" Cao Cao urged.
"Then why is he afraid of you when you phrased the word 'respect'?" the Interviewer asked.
"Ugh, lets just get on with this interview. Now what kind of questions you want to know about me?" Cao Cao crossed one leg on his other and waits to be interviewed.
The Interviewer: What's the greatest thing that happened to you?
Cao Cao: Executing Lu Bu the stupid beast.(A/N: Lu Bu really did piss Cao Cao off historically….)
The Interviewer: Oh come on, Lu Bu is the epitome of badass….
Cao Cao: No one is more badass than me. He dares to take away my revenge for my father by stealing Pu Yang! A mindless traitor like him don't deserve to be in my army, though, I regret executing Chen Gong, heavens forgive me…
The Interviewer: Poor Lu Bu…
Cao Cao: I see nothing to pity him except his own men and Zhang Liao. Next Question…
The Interviewer: The least thing that happened to you?
Cao Cao: Chi Bi. Why are people still talking about that damn fluke? I was really going to let the officials of Wu keep their positions if they surrendered to me!
The Interviewer: Well, it's supposed to be as famous as The Alamo.
Cao Cao: ……
The Interviewer: Well, the future generations surely don't give your battles enough credit compare to Liu Bei/Sun Quan independent war….
Cao Cao: A mere fluke becoming famous for future generations, what the hell is wrong with this world!?
The Interview: Ok, skip Chi Bi. Wu?
Cao Cao: The Qiaos….everything else about Wu is boring.
The Interview: Shu
Cao Cao: Zhao Yun, he's the only thing about that kingdom. Who cares if Zhuge Liang is the smartest when I got Jia Xu, Cheng Yu, Xou Yu, Xou You, and Guo Jia.
The Interview: Wei
Cao Cao: How about Han…I don't want to hear the word Wei again…I'm loyal to the Han, honest and can I ever be forgiven to the Imperial highness…
The Interview: But, your son dethroned him and made you the imperial ancestor of Wei.
Cao Cao: I haven't even officially declared him my successor, so stop calling it Wei. It's Han, HAN! Argh….
The guardsman: My lord, are you alright?!
Cao Cao: I'm fine go get me some water…
The guard bowed and went to get his lord a cup of water.
The Interview: You have to restrain your anger; it's making the headache worst. Do you want me to bring Lady Bian here to take part in this interview?
Cao Cao: No, please continue.
The Interviewer: Best scenario?
Cao Cao: 189
The Interviewer: Oh your ascend…
Cao Cao: precisely…
The Interviewer: Favorite Battle?
Cao Cao: Every battle I had won.
The Interviewer: Favorite Weapon?
Cao Cao: Sword of Heaven, it's the source of my true power.
The Interviewer: Favorite Ruler?
Cao Cao: Me….
The Interviewer: Favorite character?
Cao Cao: Dian Wei. I miss him so much. He once told me that he could beat Lu Bu.
The Interviewer: Favorite Son?
Cao Cao; Cao Chong, he's dead too…almost 16. He measured the weight of an elephant in front of my men. Truly the smartest kid here…
The Interview: Least favorite Son?
Cao Cao; I couldn't choose, Pi, Zhang, and Zhi are fighting over succession despite their reputations, and Xiong is weak… Cao Ang was long dead before this happened.
The Interviewer: Why don't you just choose who will succeed? Doesn't matter if Cao Pi is the favorite because of his elder status
Cao Cao: That is the problem…
The Interview: Then give the power back to Emperor Xian?
Cao Cao: Hmph…
The Interview: You love the Han Dynasty and want to restore it at your own right, now is the time to show your forgiveness to the Imperial Highness. Let bygones be bygones and give the power back to Liu Xie.
Cao Cao: Hmmm. Next Question.
The Interviewer: Liu Bei?
Cao Cao: Run away coward
The Interviewer: Sun Quan?
Cao Cao: Stubborn fool who can't make up his mind.
The Interviewer: Yuan Shao?
Cao Cao: Numbskull who thinks his family are gods!
The Interviewer: Well, look what has become of your family now…
Cao Cao; We're not perfect, trust me, even if I did made Cao Pi successor, we're not a perfect family, no one's family is.
The Interview: Lu Bu?
Cao Cao: Stupid beast who relates too much on his damn might and not his officers, a bigger numbskull compare to Yuan Shao.
The Interviewer: Sun Ce?
Cao Cao: The fool who bothered to conquer Jiang Dong just to make the chaos worst. His only reason to fame is his rivalry to Liu Biao's army. Doesn't know Yuan Shu still owns him.
The Interviewer: So that means the Little Conqueror was an nuisance.
Cao Cao: And he dares to take Quan Xuan's daughter along with Zhou Yu who is another fool who brought Chi Bi and cost his own life. Both men are a waste of marriage to the Qiaos. You understand me?!
The Interviewer nodded slowly.
Cao Cao: Next question
The Interviewer: Zhuge Liang?
Cao Cao: His intelligence is the land's personal chaos. Dividing the land into thirds has to be the worst plan ever. Why is he even praised by the people more than Liu Bei? What do you call that plan again…?
The Interviewer: The Long Zhong plan…
Cao Cao: Ah yes, the Long Zhong stupid plan. What kind of plan dividing the land to thirds can save the Han Dynasty?! Why don't they just surrender to me, both Liu Bei and Sun Quan? That's the only way to save the Han.
The Interviewer: What remedies make the Han prosper?
Cao Cao: dealing with monopolies of salt and iron, secure income, farms, and my writings. On the contrary, to serve the Han is to serve me.
The Interviewer: But that sounds really selfish, shouldn't this be Emperor Xian's responsibility?
Cao Cao: You think he's worth the chance of dealing with these important matters?
The Interviewer: He's the Emperor. It's common sense.
Cao Cao: ……
The Interview: Ok, next question. Guan Yu?
Cao Cao: A friend I could ever have and now I'm responsible for bring him to his grave…
The Interview: So, the secret alliance with Wu was a mistake.
Cao Cao: yes, Wu wants to make me look very bad to the Jing zhou crisis. It is time I've thought about allying with Liu Bei. He'll be turning to avenge his brother like I've did with my father before…
The Interview: Speak for yourself.
Cao Cao's headache once again strains him from relaxing. His guard arrived with some water and Cao Cao drink the cup.
Cao Cao: Ah…I heard about some new kind of medicine call Aspirin.
The Interview: Bad news, that's 2000 years from now, the doctors will invent the medicine.
Cao Cao: Damn it…I'm really screwed from all my life fighting to save the Han and myself…
The Interview: Then make an announcement to the people and say that you forgive them. You'll die as a peaceful happily forgiven hero.
Cao Cao: Hmph….
The Interview: Want to end this interview now? You should get some 7 hours of sleep.
Cao Cao: No, please continue the next question.
The Interview: Sima Yi?
Cao Cao: No comment…
The Interview: Dong Zhou?
Cao Cao: I have to admit; Dong Zhou put a number on my plan of the coalition. But, he's a pigheaded greedy idiot whom the stupid beast killed.
The Interview: Li Jue and Guo Si?
Cao Cao: Trash, using ghetto antics that cause a lot of problems in the government. It's the smart thing the Emperor when to me instead of staying with those two trashes.
The Interviewer: Ma Chao?
Cao Cao: Xi Liang Trash, brought ruin to the Qiang rebellion and his justifiable means cause the deaths of his wife and kids.
The Interviewer: He took Chang An from you…
Cao Cao: Because Zhong Yao is an incompetent prefect. It's all luck that Asian cowboy wannabe had to impress me little.
The Interviewer: Sigh…and Zhang Jiao?
Cao Cao: Attention whore.
The Interviewer: So much for his disliking of Emperor Ling's imprudent that cause the Yellow Turban Rebellion…
Cao Cao: Big deal, he's a loser as are all the Yellow Turban losers.
The Interviewer: Fine, but all these guys are famous for what made the Three Kingdoms such a masterpiece.
Cao Cao: How about calling it, "Legend of Cao Cao"?
The Interviewer: How the legend begins?
Cao Cao: Even better.
The Interviewer: Last, but not least, Zhao Yun?
Cao Cao: I don't know what to say about him. I barely have enough information on Zhao Yun. The man is a huge mystery unlike Zhuge Liang. I've already known all about Zhuge Liang and his father.
The Interviewer: Well, that's it. Hope you'll get well so you can consider your resolve.
Cao Cao: My resolve? You assume I'll take your advice to beg forgiveness to the people for the responsibility of my actions and losses?!
The Interviewer: It's heaven's will…
Cao Cao: I am the will of the heavens!!
The Interviewer: Then why are you continuing to lose and had some officers rebelling you like Wei Fang, Geng Ji, and Jin Yi?
Cao Cao: I will never bend over to the people by forgiving what I've done! What's done is done my authority and enforcement!
The Interviewer: Come again? WHOSE authority Mengde?
Cao Cao: Get out…..
The Interviewer: Hey, no offense, but you really are a selfish political leader. Heroic you are, but selfish in the dark.
Cao Cao: Get the hell out of my castle!!
The Interviewer: This castle is the house of Liu. Yet, you don't' want forgiveness, then let your death reap what you sow, Hero of Chaos.
The interviewer left the audience.
Cao Cao: Argh…
Cao Cao isn't going to have a good day as this headache keeps. He got off his throne and one of the guards help him escort to his bedchamber to take some rest. He stopped to see the jaded item Imperial Seal on a hereditary table. He who holds the imperial seal holds all authority to the land.
"My lord, with the imperial seal and controlling half of the land, only you deserve to be Emperor," the guardsman said.
"Emperor of what dynasty? Wei? Do I really want to be a usurper?" Cao Cao glared at his guard.
"T..that is not for me to answer. Forgive me, my lord," tne guardsman bowed.
"Hmmm, I have to give it to the interviewer, he has the guts to patronize me. Anyway, you are dismissed. Take a rest or have fun with some ladies, I'll escort to the room myself," Cao Cao said.
After the guard was relieved from his duties, Cao Cao entered to his room and took a long nap hopefully the headache won't bother him.
The End.