Because of You:
A Jacobs Family Fic
I knelt by my mother's grave. She'd passed a week before. I'd stood there in my black mourning clothes, my eyes downcast and slightly wet as was expected of me. It was nice, as far as funerals go; it was simple and small, just like she would've wanted.
I laid a flower I'd bought off one of the girls on the street on the headstone; I could hear her tsk-tsking about wasting my hard-earned money. There were some things that I hadn't been able to say before she died. I know what you're thinking, and no, I do not mean anything along the lines of "I miss you; I love you. I wish we could've been closer." I did not think any of those things about her. That woman had been the devil in a skirt. I calmly expressed what I wished to express.
"Mother, I know I was a disappointment to you. I was nothing like you, and that upset you tremendously. I wanted, I want, more out of life than marrying a nice Jewish man who owns a prosperous Jewish business to support our Jewish babies. You chose that life, and look where it got you! I refuse to let myself cause my heart such misery as you caused yours. You and Papa were never in love. That's why he had an affair with that little doe-eyed harlot. You tried to be the perfect Jewish wife and mother, and look where it got you! You really want that for me? I'd tell you my dreams when I was young, and you'd shake your head and say 'Oh, Sarah, a nice Jewish girl only dreams of making a family with a nice Jewish boy.' You wouldn't even let me dream! You wouldn't even let me imagine life outside of the Jewish section of Manhattan! I learned from you to not let my dreams get as far as my heart. Now, because of you, I keep my head down and I keep away from the curb when I deliver my lace. I learned to dream only where no one else could see me so I wouldn't have them crushed. Now, I find myself suspicious of everyone and uncertain of myself," I said, anger boiling in my heart. "BECAUSE OF YOU!" I yelled, startling myself with my own voice. I heard someone sobbing loudly. It took me a moment to realize who was crying: Me.